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Hello Carole Ann,
You know a problem shared is a problem halved? And that misery loves company? So why does it feel so isolating?
Sure it feels good to cry on someone’s shoulder but what if said shoulder was unsafe and dislocated from real comfort?
There is a real art to “holding a space” for someone which is coach speak for saying just be kind, be there, be quiet and let them download. As coaches we are masters of being calm, sitting with silence, offering insightful questions, showing empathy and just simply “allowing”.
Without going through our dark times, voicing them, looking at them and, giving yourself permission to commune with pain, you are storing up unhappiness, depression and ill health later. We have all been through it and we will all go through it. Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional - as the Zen masters say, but it shouldn’t be embarrassing too.
Sometimes I have suppressed my own hurt, even when sharing with others, in order to make them feel better; even making people laugh to ease their discomfort while I wailed inside. My pain was too much for them to deal with. Have you been there?
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