News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™      


Joy, Love, and Peace for 2018

Attitiude Reconstruction  


July 2018


Jude Bijou 
Jude Bijou MA MFT is a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, and workshop leader. Her multi award- winning book is a practical and spiritual handbook to help you create the life you desire.  

Kind words about this newsletter... 
So much good sense and helpful ideas, plus delightful cartoons and other odds and ends."  
Great newsletter, Jude....and such a great subject choice...kudos!
Thank you again for such an accessible and beneficial newsletter.  I always appreciate your kind and wise reminders.  Not to mention the essential cartoons!
     Like us on Facebook     Follow us on TwitterFind us on Pinterest

Visit the website
and take the free survey to identify what's standing between you and more joy, love, and peace.

  Visit my blog


book cover
Attitude Reconstruction

Join Our Mailing List

Check out the helpful content on the Attitude Reconstruction Website


Consider purchasing
Keys to a Good Life, a book that includes a collection of articles, including one by yours truly on how to deal with anxiety!

It is now available for purchase through Amazon, Barnes and Noble, etc. and is the perfect way to find wisdom to unlock your power within.

Last month I asked folks to send me what they hoped their last words would be. I got a fun response.

In thinking about last words, I remembered Douglas Adams fictional dolphins who left before the galaxy faced destruction. Their last words: "So long, and thanks for all the fish."

"So long, and thanks for all the Cherry Garcia."


"Please Lord, enough already."











Greetings dear ones,  
Please keep cool among all the "heat" we are currently experiencing. This too shall pass! 

A Few Articles and Facts of Interest 
Over 500,000 million straws are used (and discarded) every day in the USA. Many big companies have banned single-use plastic straws outright: Starbucks, Ikea, Hyatt Hotels, American Airlines, Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines, Hilton, and other hotel chains. How about your favorite restaurant? If they aren't maybe drop a strong hint.  
 Have you heard the news? Coffee is good for you.
Ever wonder about how trees are cut to produce different appearances and uses? Read all about it.
Hooray! Men are crying on television as never before. 

Videos Guaranteed to Bring a Smile!   
A Spanish police dog shows off his CPR skills.
James Cordon riding in his car in England and the USA with Paul McCartney.
Here are some bloopers and funny moments with the cast from an Ocean's 8 interview. It's a lighthearted movie I'd recommend. No blood. No violence.
A Monty Python classic. Remember him? 
All cartoons "borrowed" from the Cartoonbank.  

"Stress is killing you--you need an easier job, a smaller house, and a different family."

What is Stress?
According to Attitude Reconstruction stress means we've lost our healthy perspective about time and are governed by our suppressed fear. We're gripped by the future and what needs to be done and worry about our worst case scenarios.  We've become so focused on how we'll maneuver to fit it all in that we no longer stop to smell the roses or breathe in the fresh air. Desperately we strive to gain control over the unknown. And as a result, we call ourselves "stressed" out. Does this apply to you or someone you know?

"I can't sleep. I think I'll get up and solve all my problems."
AR Survey Confirms:  We're Stressed!
             One of my projects is to periodically look at the data from all the folks who complete the Attitude Reconstruction "quick questionnaire" on my website. To date over 8000 folks have taken the survey. The results show the magnitude of fear, aka, stress (such as too much to do, not enough time, and feeling pressure) in our lives today. (Click here if you want to take the free AR survey.)
There are twelve universal attitudes that happen to be associated with the three emotions -- sadness, anger, and fear -- four with each emotion. The strongest two as reported by survey participants are associated with the emotion of fear. 70.7% of people surveyed said they were in the future or past "half the time," "often," or "most of the time." That could mean that less than three out of ten of the people you are interacting with are actually present!  
57.5% said they were attempting to control "half of the time" or more. Controlling other people and things or themselves is an indicator of unexpressed fear. Yikes. We're preoccupied and trying to hold it together, and it's pissing us off and negatively impacting our quality of life. 
Another thing that substantiates the dominance of stress in our lives is that 55.26% of people surveyed said that "half the time," "often," or "most of the time" they are making negative judgments about themselves. (This core attitude is associated with sadness rather than fear.) Just imagine, over half the people that you pass on the street are probably telling themselves they are somehow not okay! 
         The survey results illustrate the degree of stress many of us experience everyday.  We're living in the future with too much to do and not enough time, trying to control people and things to keep it all together, and getting down on ourselves for our inability to get it all done perfectly.
Stress Busters

Here's the short list of things you can do to dissolve "stress."

1.  Make it physical.
Shiver for as long as you can. It works! While shivering only think and repeat out loud:
       "It's okay."  or   "Everything will be all right."
Instead of feeling tense and tightening up your muscles, release the fear using your body. When you feel stressed, let your body do what's natural: wiggle, jiggle, shudder, tremble, and quiver - like a dog at the vet. It may sound strange at first, but if you physically express the emotional energy with vigor - up the spine, out the arms, hands, legs, and in the neck and jaw - it will move out of your body and you'll quickly feel more calm, centered, and focused. While shivering, don't fuel your doom-and-gloom thoughts, just remind yourself: "It's okay to feel scared. It's okay. I just need to shiver."

2.  Stay specific.
Don't allow yourself to entertain thoughts about everything at once.
       " One step at a time." or "One thing at a time."
It's common when we're feeling panicked to fuel our fear with words like "always" and "never," as in "I'm always failing," or "I'll never get this done." Interrupt such thoughts about the future and past, and other over-generalizations that distort and magnify the problem. Instead, stay present and be specific.  
3. Break it into parts.
Break big projects into a series of simple little pieces, and attend to one thing at a time. The key to managing fear and life's tasks is to take the time to get organized everyday. For each task you take on, start by articulating your goal. With that in mind, break the desired goal into a series of little doable steps. Each step must be made small enough so you know you can finish it. If you keep an ongoing list of exactly what needs to be done by when, you can evaluate what's most important and essential for today. Put your list in an obvious place so you can see it. Then just do what's next, offering yourself copious praise along the way.    
3. Say "no" more often.
Delegate when possible. Say "no" more often to invitations of responsibility. Folks who are over-committed have a tendency to believe that if they don't do it, it won't get done. This stems from their need to be in control in order to feel safe. The problem is that needing to be in charge keeps you overstimulated and overwhelmed. The world won't collapse if someone else does it his or her way. People won't abandon you, and you'll still be a good person. Practice letting others pick up the slack.   
4. Stop letting your mind run wild.
The constant thoughts and chatter running through your head exacerbate your feelings of anxiety and pressure. Interrupt those thoughts and replace them with a reassuring and calming statement. Some examples: "Everything is all right. One thing at a time. I'll handle the future in the future. Be here now."
5. Breathe.
Take a few minutes here and there to step back and
refresh yourself. Take a leisurely walk. Take a snooze.

6. Be easy on yourself.

Keep interrupting the inner critic and instead offer yourself appreciations and praise.   "I'm doing the best I can. "  "I did good."

7. Adopt a relaxed, more conscious routine.
Make lifestyle choices that help you achieve a regular, more relaxing life. To feel calmer, you must reduce the amount of stimulation you expose yourself to. That means spending more time with less frightening or less anxiety-producing activities, situations, people, movies, games and other stimuli. Get more sleep. Meditate. Do gentle yoga, tai chi, or qigong. Don't miss meals. Cut down on coffee, energy drinks and cold foods and drinks. Stay out of cool, damp, and drafty places.

By following these seven simple suggestions, you'll be able to reduce your stress level. Take a couple of baby steps daily. Break things into doable steps, and shiver when you stall. You'll find that you enjoy whatever your day brings and can willingly participate with humor and equanimity.

Hey Jude!
My partner gets so jealous when I spend time with other people that she insists I talk with her before I make any plans. I'm starting to get resentful. 


It sounds as if it's time to discuss this sensitive issue. At some point, all couples need to determine what issues are a "me" and what are a "we" -- that is, what's okay to decide unilaterally and what's not. Follow the resolving-differences format by just talking and listening to each other for preset amounts of time. When it's your time to talk, talk about yourself. When it's your time to listen, just listen. No interrupting or arguing. Just try to understand where each of you are coming from.  
When both of you feel heard and understood, together come up with a specific agreement you can both live with. It won't be exactly what one or the other wants, but a compromise that honors both of you. Stay specific to clarify what is and isn't appropriate. Relationships are not about giving in or doing solely what you want, but about honoring and accommodating each other.  

        I'm sending you best wishes for a smooth summer.  
Thanks for reading this newsletter. If you have any feedback, suggestions about a newsletter theme, or general comments, I enjoy hearing from you, so feel free to write me at:
                           With love,