His Holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama, came to speak with Dr. Aaron Beck at his home on October 27, 2014, over lunch. They greeted each other warmly, as they had met previously for a one-on-one conversation and a public conversation (for 1400 people) at a cognitive therapy conference in Sweden in 2005. What follows is a brief account of the exchange.

 

The Dalai Lama opened up their discussion by talking about the necessity for people to show concern and compassion for others, not only to those in their community but also to humanity in general. In that way, they improve their own well-being and the well-being of humanity.

 

Dr. Beck related this concept to his work with people who have severe mental illness. In Recovery-Oriented Cognitive Therapy, the first objective is to help people connect with the therapist. They learn that they can trust and are respected by the therapist, which helps decrease their fear of other people. The therapist then helps them connect with others, especially in the context of arranging situations in which the patient can help others.

 

Another topic they discussed was anger. Dr. Beck talked about the distorted thinking that underlies anger. An individual may perceive another person as threatening and then try to protect himself through an attack. However, sometimes this perception is inaccurate; the individual may misinterpret the words or actions of the other person.

 

The Dalai Lama described an incident that illustrated this point. He was visiting a friend. The woman friend (of his friend) was generally quite suspicious of other people, mistrusting their concern and caring. When His Holiness spoke to her, she misperceived his motives, too, not believing that he truly wanted to talk to her.

 

Dr. Beck talked about the importance of questioning one's thoughts when angry, to evaluate one's assumptions about the motives of the other person. They agreed that it is a sign of strength to forgive when one is angry, not a sign of weakness. People can keep an inner peace when they forgive. Dr. Beck presented the Dalai Lama with a copy of his book, "Prisoners of Hate," in which he described how conflict between tribes and nations is exacerbated by misinterpretations.

 

Next the Dalai Lama asked Dr. Beck about his views on attachment. Dr. Beck discussed how important attachment is to survival and reproduction. He agreed with the Dalai Lama's assessment that too much attachment, however, can be a problem, especially when people go from idealizing others to demonizing them. People may also become too attached to money, status, and material objects. Dr. Beck said that some people never feel fulfilled because of excessive attachment. People make themselves unhappy by demanding too much and never being satisfied with what they have. The Dalai Lama noted that we still have much to do to help people in poverty. But people who aren't impoverished often experience anxiety and stress due to too much attachment over money and material goods.

 

The Dalai Lama talked about Buddhist psychology in which the object is deconstructed. Normally we take objects as solid. We also see others as solid entities. When we view them in a negative way, we may then view them as wholly negative, instead of thinking in relative terms. He said there is a saying: "If someone criticizes me, he isn't beating me. If he's beating me, he's not killing me." It's all in how you see the event. If you get fixated, you will react negatively. If you see the situation from another angle, the intensity of emotion is lessened.

 

The Dalai Lama believes that one problem with religious fanatics is that they have little contact with other religions and other communities. He and Dr. Beck agreed that religion isn't the problem, but the belief, "You must believe the way I do," that is sometimes connected to religion.

 

At the end of the visit, the Dalai Lama presented Dr. Beck with a special ornament. A "wish-granting" vase is depicted on it. The vase provides sustenance for body and mind and has infinite resources. His Holiness said that Dr. Beck has been a resource for insight and wisdom and that he's grateful to Dr. Beck for his 60 years of work in the field.

 

Celebrating 20 years of CBT at Beck Institute: 1994 - 2014 www.beckinstitute.org