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ellie krug
writer, lawyer, human
Human Inspiration Works, LLC
The Ripple
February 2018 Vol 3
No. 2
Inspired by the words and actions of Robert F. Kennedy
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A Report on Speaking and Listening in the South
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Dear Friends:
I
took that speaking and listening road trip across the South--all 10 days, nearly 3300 miles of it—that I spoke of in the last issue of
The Ripple.
My itinerary consisted of speaking at two PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) events in Tallahassee, along with a local ABC-TV interview; civil rights sightseeing in Montgomery, Alabama; meeting with the Birmingham (Alabama) Bar Association Diversity and Inclusion Committee; a radio interview in Mississippi (more on that below); and speaking at Ole Miss Law School in Oxford, MS, Vanderbilt Law School in Nashville and McKinney Law School at Indiana University in Indianapolis.
I blogged about the trip every day; you can access the blogs here via my
website.
And how was I, a white transgender woman with a masculine voice received? My interview on an hour-long legal topic show on Mississippi Public Broadcasting best answers that question.
While the idea was for me to speak about various LGBTQ legal issues, most of the MPB radio show consisted of taking calls. One call came from “Ron from Tupelo,” who opined that notwithstanding my self-identity as female, I was still a man because, “You’re basically saying that God made a mistake. No, God made you a man and that’s what you are.” He added that I should get used to being marginalized because it was the religious right of others to discriminate since I “chose” to be me.
I was ready for Ron’s point of view and while it hurt, it didn’t trip me up. What I didn’t expect at all was how other listeners reacted to Ron’s intolerant words.
Thus, “Dean” called to say it wasn’t about God making mistakes. Instead, God presents “challenges,” like children born with cleft palates or heart conditions—which everyone accepts need to be fixed. He then said that one’s sexuality or gender identity were no different and that people should be able to “fix” themselves to live as who they truly are.
That was followed by “Nick” who grew up with a birth mom and a step-mother and who shared about the discrimination his family faced. He said that today, “things in Mississippi are changing very slowly” and hoped eventually people would accept that everyone should be allowed to love who they want to love.
Nick’s story caused me to tear-up. That continued with the next caller, “Gary,” who related that he was a sixty-four-year-old “compassionate conservative.” He complimented me for wanting to “listen” on my trip and for not “thrusting” my opinions on others. He appreciated my “gentler approach” to interacting with humans through compassion.
Gary’s words really melted my heart—because he “got” exactly who I am and what I am trying to do by connecting all humans through our empathetic hearts. That someone from Mississippi would “see” me for who I am (and then take the time to call in to say it) really blindsided me. I just didn’t expect the degree of reciprocal empathy and humanity. In Mississippi. Wow.
(You can listen to the podcast of my interview/caller reactions
here
. The show is 49 minutes long; to get to the heart of it when “Ron from Tupelo” calls and then how other listeners react, scroll to minute 28:30.)
One last word about my trip: gratitude. I am so incredibly thankful for the many people who helped make my speaking events/interviews happen. Further, I’m grateful because the trip reinforced for me that yes, spreading a message of compassion for others and for one’s self is my remaining life’s work.
Thanks for reading this very long report. I appreciate it!
Remember, I care about you!
ellie
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The Girl Scouts Take on Racism
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The Girl Scouts of America are making a determined effort to change the name of a bridge in Savannah, Georgia. The bridge was named for Georgia governor Eugene Talmadge who served in the 1930’s and 40’s. Talmadge espoused racism; as Wikipedia documents, “He was (a) racial
demagogue
who presided over a
Klan
-ridden regime.” (Citation omitted.)
The bridge, located on U.S Highway 17 at the Georgia-South Carolina state line, was originally built in the 1950s. A very modern-looking replacement was erected in 1991. While there have long been efforts to rename the bridge because of Talmadge’s horrible race record, those attempts have gone nowhere.
Enter the Girl Scouts, whose founder, Juliette Gordon Low, was born in Savannah. As a
Jalopnik blog post
by Erik Shilling reports, Low had some issues about race as well but historically, the Girl Scouts as an organization worked to desegregate in the South long before other organizations; in fact, Dr. King called the Girl Scouts “a force for desegregation.”
Earlier this month, the Girl Scouts
lobbied legislators
at the Georgia statehouse with cookies (it’s that time of year for wonderful their wonderful cookies) in their renaming effort. As it turns out, the current bridge was never officially commemorated with Talmadge’s name, which may be an important technicality in favor of the Girl Scouts. So far, more than 50 Georgia legislators are on board to rename the bridge for Low; more are needed for this to happen.
Stay tuned for more on this story. Regardless of outcome, this is proof that our kids think way differently than “seniors” on how our country needs to be. This gives me such hope!
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Compassion, Inclusivity and Empathetic Hearts Gift a Car
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A February 13 CNN
story
by Lauren Lee reminds about the strength of the human spirit and the power of human empathy and compassion.
Last year, twenty-one-year-old Trenton Lewis was hired to work at a United Parcel Service facility in Little Rock, Ark. The only hitch: he didn’t have a car. In fact, Lewis had never owned a vehicle. Despite this, in seven months of employment at UPS, Lewis was never late or missed a day of work.
How did he do that? He walked eleven miles to work each morning and then back home at the end of the day.
A husband and wife, Kenneth and Patricia Bryant, who both also work at UPS, paid attention to this. As Kenneth Bryant said, “For a young person to decide in their mind ‘if I don’t have a ride, if I can’t get a ride then I’ll walk…’ If a guy can do that, we can pitch in to help.”
The Bryants hatched a bold idea: they would approach Trenton’s team members to buy him a car. The push to raise $2000 for a car was done in secret; Trenton had no idea of what was happening. Many of the UPS employees the Bryants tapped didn’t even know Trenton; however, they agreed to contribute because it was the right thing to do. Once the Bryants got their co-workers’ commitments, Kenneth found a car and negotiated with the seller: “I told the seller what I was doing and who it was for and he said he was willing to work with me on a price.”
Using the excuse of a sudden union meeting to be held outdoors, the Bryants and other UPS employees along with Trenton gathered in a company parking lot where Trenton was presented with the keys to a white 2006 Saturn Ion.
Trenton was moved by the gift. “God always has something for you,” he said. “I’m never going to forget this ever.” (Click
here
for an interview of Trenton.)
There’s so much about this story—how paying attention to others is critical; proof again of our empathic hearts and desire to do good; how inclusivity is all about making people feel as if they matter; compassion as the action form of empathy; and the power of gratitude. As I often say, someone simply needs to lead the way and most of us will follow. Thank you, Mrs. and Mr. Bryant for leading the way
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Inclusivity Tip of the Month
Dealing with "Idealism Fatigue"
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At a meeting with the Birmingham (Alabama) Bar Association Diversity and Inclusion Committee during my speaking and listening road trip through the South, I was reminded of what I call “Idealism Fatigue”—where champions of positive human change tire and wear down from encountering systemic (or personal) hurdles, pushback or challenges. Often, it’s the same people (idealists) who are the “pushers” for change; these folks get worn down by people/systems who resist change.
There are various forms of related fatigue: “
diversity fatigue
” (where organizations tire of trying new approaches to diversify their workplaces),"
racial battle fatigue"
(where persons of color tire—and even develop mental health issues—from constantly encountering microaggressions), and “
resistance fatigue
” (tiring from protesting/being vigilant about oppressive political and social policies). Idealism Fatigue may encompass all or some of these other kinds of fatigue.
How does one avoid or come back from Idealism Fatigue? Here are some tips:
1. Remember that all positive change is incremental. Review exactly what progress you have made (and the odds are that there has been
some
change) and take pride in having brought that about.
2. Adjust your mindset and reframe to the long game approach. Understand that you are in for a long slog. Steel yourself.
3. Keep your eye out for new allies who can take on some of the load. They’re out there if you look closely or if you use imagination to find them. And, don’t be afraid to ask; don’t expect people to simply understand your fatigue or the need to step up.
4. Take a vacation from your idealism. Give yourself a rest, recharge your batteries, and then go back to it. (Because you’re an idealist, you can never really leave “the work.”)
5. Journal. I’m a huge proponent of journaling with pen and journal—it’s a great relief valve and it helps create a record of your progress. It also allows your brain to slow down and process your emotions.
6. Find a good therapist. I recommend that everyone have a therapist, not just those who are experiencing fatigue. Therapists provide a safe space to vent (journals do that too, but they can’t offer perspective).
7. Call me. I’m serious; I have a “standing offer” that I will talk to any human for up to an hour about anything related to surviving the Human Condition. Further, whether you use me or someone else, finding a trainer who inspires may be a way to invigorate the troops or recruit new troops for the positive change battle.
Idealism Fatigue doesn’t have to be the end. It’s just a stop along the continuum of working to make the world better. Hang in there—you will get through it!
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Odds and Ends
This Month’s O&Es starts with a new Human Inspiration Works, LLC team member announcement. I also include some troubling stories which I only mention briefly because my message is so much more about hope:
A Big Welcome to Renee Grassi, HIW Social Media and Marketing Director!
I’m so pleased to announce that Renee Grassi, social media maven extraordinaire, has joined the HIW team on a part-time basis. Renee’s insight and hard work were critical as I traveled on my speaking and listening road trip through the South. Welcome Renee!
Darn Wonderful in this Month of Love:
John Banvard, 100, and Jerry Nadea, 72, tied the knot five years ago. Here is a
Minnesota Public Radio piece
about their love; it contains a link to the men’s Story Corps podcast—please take the time to listen the podcast since it will tug at your heart and make you laugh!
Best Quote:
This month’s quote comes from
Beneath the Sugar Sky
by Seanan McGuire, which reminds about infinite possibilities if only humans would be willing to open their collective empathetic hearts: “There is kindness in the world, if we know how to look for it, if we never start denying it at the door.”
Political Ad Targets Women, Illegal Immigrant and Transgender Humans:
An
appalling television ad
by Illinois gubernatorial candidate Jeanne Ives has sparked outrage in Illinois, as it should. My fear as a transgender woman: the actor used in the ad is feminine looking but has a masculine voice—like so many “real” trans women, me included. Don’t politicians understand this kind of stuff inspires others to marginalization and even to commit violence?
Injustice:
We’re reminded by this
story
from Miami that marriage equality won’t prevent a well-liked lesbian Catholic school teacher from being fired for marrying the love of her life. Some day we will look back on this incident and others like it and wonder how could we have ever allowed them to happen.
Kate’s Picks:
My 27-year-old daughter Kate, a writer like me, is a freelancer for
Book Riot
where she reviews books. She also has an entertainment-review website that’s fun and smart,
Snarky Yet Satisfying.
She regularly reviews books on her blog; check it out!
Two Stories that Made My Heart Hurt:
Could this
story
about government-mandated marginalization of transgender women in Indonesia play out in the US? You may think not but consider that last month the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services established a
“Conscience and Religious Freedom Division.”
If I think about this too much as an American and trans woman, I become afraid.
“Hidden Edges Radio” and “Ellie 2.0” Shows:
I now have two AM950 radio shows: “Hidden Edges Radio” (where I talk about surviving the Human Condition) every Sunday from 1 to 2 p.m. and “Ellie 2.0” on Monday mornings from 7:30-8 a.m. (where I talk about idealism—mine and that of others). Recent Ellie 2.0 shows have included pieces about Court Square in Montgomery, Alabama (Feb. 5) and Harvey Milk (Feb. 12). My Feb. 19 show will feature Morris Dees of the Southern Poverty Law Center; Feb. 26 will be about Ophelia Dahl, the daughter of children’s writer Roald Dahl, who is actively working to bring quality health care to Third World countries. You can access Ellie 2.0 podcasts
here
.
My Writing:
My February
Lavender Magazine piece
, written before I took my road trip, poses the question of whether I’m just hopelessly naïve rather than hopelessly idealistic. Stay tuned for the answer in Part II, out in March.
Continuing Shout-out for Interesting Guest Leads:
Hidden Edges Radio focuses on how we’re all trying to survive the Human Condition. I like to bring in guests who have shown personal grit and resiliency. If you know of people with stories along these lines, please tell me about them (they can be anywhere in the U.S.—we can air telephone interviews) at
[email protected]
. Thanks!
Past and Upcoming Talks/Trainings and General Stuff:
Next week I’ll be in New York City to speak to the NYC Chapter of the Association of Legal Administrators (ALA) and at Epstein Becker & Green. In early March, I’ll travel to Ottawa Canada to speak at Borden Ladner Gervais, LLP. After that, I’ll be back in San Francisco to present at “K2L” (Knowledge 2 Learn), the annual conference hosted by the Golden Gate Chapter of the ALA. On the horizon are several days in New Jersey with law firms and the NJ ALA Chapter. I’ve also started long term inclusivity consulting contracts with a suburban Twin Cities county and a large mental health organization in St. Paul. I’m very grateful that my work is well received! You can check out my updated calendar of upcoming engagements
here
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Finally....
The Ripple
is a work in progress, so please, I welcome your suggestions and comments! Please share this newsletter with others, too!
Thank you for helping to make the world a better place! I'm at your side, cheering you on, I promise! Please have compassion for yourself and for others.
ellie
Encouraging Open Hearts and Thriving Human Spirits
Human Inspiration Works, LLC: We make "inclusion" an action word
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Ellen (Ellie) Krug
319-360-1692
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