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ellie krug
writer, lawyer, human
Human Inspiration Works, LLC
The Ripple
Vol 5 No. 10 November 2020
Inspired by the words and actions of Robert F. Kennedy
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Dear Friends:
How the world has changed since you last heard from me! Could you hear my massive sigh of relief at about noon a week ago Saturday, November 7th?
While I’m thrilled with the election results, the aftermath further reminds us that there’s a great divide in America fueled by two completely different narratives.
One narrative is about preserving the status quo where significant societal change is seen as too disruptive and risky. Anyone who is “Other” is viewed with suspicion and fear. Some want to entirely rid our country of anyone who is “Other.”
The counter narrative is that change is inevitable and much-needed. In fact, without that change—on broad fronts around civil rights where no one is marginalized, where climate change is finally addressed, and where financial inequality and structural racism are dismantled—there’s a grave risk that our country will implode.
Most of all, it’s clear that we have only a limited amount of time to fix things. We cannot bridge the divide between the two Americas without tackling our fears head-on. And too, we must use our imaginations in ways like never before; simply throwing money at problems—the same old, same old—won’t work.
Still, I remain optimistic. Some of you have heard me speak about poet Tony Hoagland’s wonderful September 2018 essay in The Sun online magazine titled “The Cure for Racism is Cancer.” In that essay, Hoagland writes about being diagnosed with cancer and finding that when humans are sick, all fear of “Other” fades away—we don’t care about the skin color or country of birth of those who care for us. We simply want their help.
Hoagland writes, Yet I believe, more than ever, that at the bottom of each human being there is a reset button. Undeniably it is difficult to get to. To reach it seems to require that the ego be demolished by circumstance. But reach that button and press it, and the world might reshape itself.
Like Hoagland, I also believe in the existence of a human reset button. I am convinced that nearly everyone has an empathetic heart which, if touched in the right way, will melt the cold walls that separate us. I have faith in this with all of my idealistic heart!
From here on out, my work will be geared toward getting people from the two Americas to talk to each other. Unless we communicate, we’ll never be able to create a single, unified country. That would be horrible for our children and grandchildren.
I can’t fathom such a result.
Stay tuned for more as we go forward. In the meantime, please know that I care about you—regardless of what side of the divide you find yourself.
ellie
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From Foster Child to Adoptive Dad x 5
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A couple years ago, I spoke at a conference for foster care providers and youth who had recently aged out of foster care. The experience taught me several lessons, including the value of ensuring that siblings in foster care (who are usually placed in with separate foster families) be allowed to communicate and see each other regularly. One would think that’s a no-brainer within the foster care system, but it’s not.
Thus, it was with great interest that I read about twenty-nine-year old Robert Carter, who had entered the foster care system in Hamilton County, OH near Cincinnati as a pre-teen. While his foster family treated him well, Robert was separated from his eight siblings, some of whom he didn’t see for years. Eventually, Robert aged out of foster care and became the guardian of two younger siblings.
Fast forward to more recently. Robert and his then partner, Kiontae Gillan (they have since separated) had become foster parents to three brothers, who had originally been placed in three separate foster homes. Robert then learned that the boys had two sisters who were living with separate foster families. As a result, Robert reached out to the girls’ foster mothers and arranged for a meeting of all the siblings, where everyone (children and foster parents) ended up crying over their joy of being briefly reunited.
It was at that meeting that Robert’s heart—already enlarged with enormous compassion—grew even more. “I understand how they feel,” he said. “I understand what they went through, so it really touched me. I was already thinking about adopting all of the kids, but when I saw them crying, I was like, ‘Ok, I’m going to take all five to keep them together.’”
And that’s exactly what he did in early November at a court adoption ceremony. The five children, ranging in ages four to ten, suddenly had a parent who would provide a safe space for them all to grow up together.
Robert, a cosmetologist, wig shop owner and tutor/volunteer at a local elementary school, summed up his hopes for his new family: “Making memories to replace a lot of the bad ones. Every night I talk to them and let them know, ‘I’m your dad forever. I know what it’s like and I’m always here for you.’”
Imagine the degree of love, persistence, and grit that Robert has had his entire life to do this now. We need far more Robert Carters in the world! Click here and here to read the story.
One last point: several states either have or are seeking to prevent LGBTQ people from being foster or adoptive parents. If that had been the case in Ohio, five children would still be living in separate foster homes. Think about that.
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Ripple Reader James Demgen sent along an October 21 Star Tribune story about a rural Minnesota good Samaritan who defied one woman’s expectations and set aside her fears.
The story, by reported by Paul Walsh, involved sixty-five-year-old Arvis Stubbs who was traveling from St. Cloud MN to Sioux Falls to sell goods at a flea market. Arvis, who sells medicinal hot and cold packs, was hauling a trailer filled with her inventory when a wheel of the trailer blew out near Raymond, MN.
As Arvis examined the shredded tire at the side of the road—and realized that she might not make it to the flea market for the sales she needed—she heard a man yell, “Don’t touch that! That tire’s hot. You’re going to burn your hand.” In response, Arvis looked up and saw seventy-five-year-old Will Ammermann approaching.
As Will later recounted, “I drove over to where Arvis was squatting over the tire. It was chewed to nothing, and…I could see the panic on her face like, ‘What do I do now?’ I said, ‘It appears you need a hug,’ and she burst into tears.”
Soon, Will was on the ground examining damage to the wheel and determining what was needed for a fix. Minutes later, Will threw the shredded tire into his pickup and he and Arvis drove 20 miles into Willmar MN to obtain a new tire and parts needed to make the repair. Along the way, they stopped for lunch at a McDonald’s; Aris said she wanted to pay for the lunch, but Will picked up that check, and as well, he paid for the new trailer tire and parts.
On the way back to the trailer, Will stopped at his house for tools. Arvis met Will’s wife, Jolene. Soon, Arvis and Jolene were sharing photos of grandchildren and exchanging stories.
Eventually, Will replaced the trailer tire and sent Arvis on her way.
It’s a wonderful story of human kindness, yes, but what makes it far more significant in the year 2020 is the back story: Arvis is black and Will is white. Years before, in Raymond, the very town where Arvis’ tire blew out, Arvis had been at another flea market where she had experienced marginalization because of her skin color. She feared that would happen again as Will initially approached right after the tire blowout.
As Will later related, “We need to help people in need, no matter what color they are and no matter what creed they are. She told me her whole life story in the course of the whole experience…It felt good afterwards. She’s a neat gal.”
It’s the same lesson that America keeps learning over and over: human familiarity—getting to know someone who is “Other”—breaks down the barriers and fears that separate us. Thank you, James, for sending along this very touching story!
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Inclusivity Tip of the Month
Accountability as a Core DEI Value
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When we talk about building more diverse, equitable and inclusive spaces—whether it’s a workplace, a religious or spiritual setting, or a volunteer organization—we often hear about values like trust-building, allyship, creating a sense of belonging, and recognizing one’s uniqueness. Often missing from the list is something incredibly important: accountability.
In the context of DEI, I define “accountability” as a deliberate, systemic process that makes people responsible for creating and sustaining a space that values all humans and their contributions. It requires incentivizing team members from top to bottom to work toward fulfilling identifiable DEI goals.
Sometimes, the incentivizing is direct and unmistakable, such as by making one’s salary increase or year-end bonus dependent on whether the team member has met clearly established goals/requirements, like attending a certain number of trainings on how to foster and maintain an inclusive workplace.
But accountability must also be viewed broader; organizations should hold themselves accountable, too. One way of doing that is through transparency via dashboards where it’s easy to view progress (or the absence thereof) on reaching DEI goals. An example of one such dashboard is on the website of a past client, Bay Path University, in western Massachusetts. The dashboard is accessible to both current and prospective students and faculty; by doing this, the institution invites others to hold it accountable.
It’s also important that a written DEI plan (I recommend that every organization have one) incorporate accountability as a core value. One way of accomplishing that is to make the plan a “living” document where automatic reviews of the plan occur every six or twelve months. That way, team members are forced to review benchmarks to determine progress (or a lack thereof) in reaching DEI goals.
Even with DEI training—the stuff that I do—we can make team members accountable. For example, some organizations that offer continuing education credit have required that I create test questions to determine whether attendees understand core concepts of my training. While this is added work for me, I appreciate that the underlying reason is to ensure that the training is more than simply a “one-off” or check-the-box event.
Have you talked about accountability as a core value in your internal DEI work? If not, I highly recommend that you do so. Feel free to reach out to me with any questions or ideas around accountability.
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Odds & Ends
This month’s O&E begins with a father’s surprise, followed by sound, rockin’ and nature. Plus, readers have sent me things—how nice! Read on.
Darn Wonderful: Watch as a soldier back from Afghanistan (who was also a deputy sheriff before deployment) surprises his six-year-old son at a fake traffic stop. Note: you will need tissues.
Second Darn Wonderful: Here’s an incredible video about the power of sound waves to create order out of chaos. Cool!
Third Darn Wonderful: Ripple Reader Janet Thomas alerted me to this video of an Omaha priest rockin’ out to “Oh Happy Day” last Easter. It will make you smile.
Nature in Real Time: Watch as this chameleon literally changes colors before your eyes as it climbs different colored straws. I just had to share this!
Late Halloween Delight: There’s no way I’d remember to save this for next year, so you’re getting it now even though Halloween is several weeks past. I’m in awe of how much time someone spent on creating the coolest synchronized Halloween display I’ve ever seen…
Important Healthcare Worker Acknowledgement: Before anything else, let me acknowledge and thank our healthcare workers who are right now risking their lives to care for humans in the midst of a horrific resurgence of the virus. Thank you for caring for us! Also, every morning I check this Johns Hopkins website to see how many more Americans have died. I’m appalled by the government’s negligence that got us here.
Breaking One Barrier: Read here about Chris Nikic, the first person with Down Syndrome to complete an Ironman triathlon. Way to be a role model Chris!
Breaking a Second Barrier: My thanks to Ripple Reader Deborah Dille for sharing this story about Titus Underwood, the first black principal oboist of a national symphony (the Nashville Symphony). A story of grit and class.
A Wisconsin Fourth Grade Teacher’s Lesson Plan Divides a Town: Here’s a story about Melissa Statz of Burlington WI whose lesson plan on Black Lives Matter divided her small town. Talk about being an idealist!
BrainPOP Video re: Anti-Racism: One of the things Melissa Statz used with her students is this really great elementary school-aged video by BrainPOP. Share with the younger humans in your life, please!
Two Blind Brothers: Have you heard of Bradford and Bryon Manning, bothers who both have blindness due to a genetic condition, who started a clothing brand selling mystery boxes of shirts, socks, beanies and sunglasses as a way to raise money to fight retinal eye ailments? My thanks to Ripple Reader Dennis Tharp—“Thap” to me, my best friend, and a hero of my first memoir. Read here.
Native3: In my effort to support local BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People of Color) businesses, here’s the link for Native3, a digital marketing and web design firm, which is self-described as being founded by “Indigenous people of the digital world” with a founder of United Houma Nation heritage. I welcome leads on other Twin Cities-based BIPOC businesses to support.
Making a Fashion Statement: Married father of three Mark Bryon, an American living in Germany, wears skirts and heels to work as his personal statement about breaking gender barriers. Love it! See here
Good for Transgender Humans: Norway recently banned hate speech directed at transgender and bisexual people; see here. This adds to prior protections of gay and lesbian persons. While I believe in the First Amendment here in the U.S., clearly violence follows hate speech—that’s a reason why many transgender Americans have been murdered this year. (See next item.)
Transgender Day of Remembrance: November 20th is the day that trans folks and their allies remember the many transgender persons killed or injured due to violence every year. Read more here. (The number of trans people killed in the U.S. in the past 12 mos.: 47 humans lost.)
Fired Lesbian Deputy Defeats Sheriff: 63-year-old Charmaine McGuffey, a Hamilton County, OH deputy sheriff fired three years ago after speaking out against mistreatment of jailed humans, won 70% of the vote in early November to defeat her old boss. Read here about that poetic justice.
CNN Reporter Encounters Racism: CNN reporter Amora Walker details how in the span of an hour, she endured three acts of racism at an airport. Note, however, that in one of those instances, strangers stepped in to protect her.
Jake Tapper Demonstrates Allyship: Watch as Jake Tapper makes a special effort to thank CNN political reporter Arlette Saenz for two years of on-the-road reporting. This is what it takes to elevate women. My thanks to Jennifer Klapak for this tip!
Land Doesn’t Vote: Here’s a great graphic to better demonstrate how the election went.
A Reminder About the Healing Power of Written Words: Longtime Ripple Reader Michelle Cohen sent along this delightful NYT piece about a NYU professor’s project of setting up a desk and table on a Brooklyn Street to compose notes for passersby. They’d then mail the notes in a nearby mailbox. I LOVE this idea! (As some of you know, I’m a notecard writer…)
Kate’s Pick: My 30-year-old daughter Kate, a writer like me, is a freelancer for Book Riot where she reviews books. Check out her website, It’s All Booked. Kate’s book recommendation for this month is Take This Man: A Memoir by Brando Skyhorse. Kate’s summary: “Skyhorse's memoir is a narrative of his turbulent childhood and his eventual journey searching for his biological father via the internet. You can just tell that every word in this memoir is dripping with feeling, and his story is absolutely fascinating. At the age of three, his Mexican father left the family, and Brando’s mother decides to "rebrand" themselves as American Indians. Growing up, Brando had five different stepfathers and his mother attempted to keep his birth father and his Mexican heritage a secret. It took over thirty years before Brando started learning the truth about his past.”
Stuff That I’m Reading: Here’s a great blog piece by journalist/blogger Lyz Lenz re: living in a Red state—my beloved Iowa. I highly recommend following Lyz—she’s a wonderful writer with great wit.
“Ellie 2.0 Radio” Podcasts/Shows: My podcast/show, “Ellie 2.0 Radio,” airs on Twin Cities-based AM950 on Mondays from 2 to 3 p.m. with re-airings on Sundays from 1 to 2 p.m. The show can be live-streamed by clicking here. Ellie 2.0 Radio highlights various historical and contemporary idealists and my work as a “practical idealist” trying to change the world for the better. I recently had two great shows: one, my November 2nd show, featured Dr. Kurt Nelson, a behavioral psychologist, who talked about pre-election anxiety (and which certainly now translates to pre-Inauguration anxiety). I also recommend my November 9th show where I interviewed Rachel Pilgrim, whose work on identifying five black women who founded a Mt. Vernon N.Y. church in 1888 merited a New York Times article. (You’ll also love hearing Rachel’s idealistic spirit come through the airwaves…) Click here to access those shows and other podcasts.
Writings by Me: My October 22nd Skirting the Issues” column in Lavender Magazine titled “Subversive” concerns how the Trump Administration has attempted to shut down anti-racist training in America. With the Biden-Harris Administration, this will no longer be an issue.
Book Clubs Take Note: With the holidays coming up, how about ordering and reading my book, Getting to Ellen? It would make a wonderful holiday gift; the book’s available on Amazon, Kindle, Nook and Apple iBook: if you’d like an inscribed copy, email me. Note: if your book club reads my memoir, I’m willing to meet with the club online to talk about the book. (I had one such online book club discussion just last night, the 19th)
Status Report on my Second Book, Being Ellen: October and the first half of November have been busy with trainings and talks, so nope, there’s been no progress on my second book, Being Ellen: A Newly Minted Woman Engages with the World. I have some big blocks of time in late November and much of December and getting back to the book is on the top of the list. Stay tuned!
Online Following: Please follow me on LinkedIn, where you can find me at Ellen (Ellie) Krug; my Twitter handle is @elliekrug; and on Instagram, you can follow me @elliejkrug.
Past and Upcoming Talks/Trainings and General Stuff: In early December, I’ll train St. Croix County WI team members and then folks at 3Bridge, a global consulting firm. After that, it will be a law firm in LA and then things go slow until January. The break will give me time to work on my second memoir—see above. If you’re interested in my schedule or Upcoming Online Engagements, click here.
Want to Support My Work toward Fostering Greater Compassion and Human Inclusivity? Some of you have recently given to Human Ripple Works, Inc., a nonprofit that I and others have set up to train nonprofits and other organizations on human inclusivity. Thank you for that!! If you’d like to support this work, please click here on the HRW website. Thanks for considering this!
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Finally....
The Ripple is a work in progress, so please, I welcome your suggestions and comments! Please share this newsletter with others, too!
Thank you for helping to make the world a better place! I'm at your side, cheering you on, I promise! Please have compassion for yourself and for others.
ellie
Encouraging Open Hearts and Thriving Human Spirits
Human Inspiration Works, LLC: We make "inclusion" an action word
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Ellen (Ellie) Krug
319-360-1692
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