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ellie krug
writer, lawyer, human
Human Inspiration Works, LLC
The Ripple
March 2018 Vol 3
No. 3
Inspired by the words and actions of Robert F. Kennedy
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Inspiring Women to Mentor to Girls
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Dear Friends:
Within the last two weeks, I’ve twice presented on what it’s like to navigate the world as a woman after formerly presenting as a man for nearly 52 years. One talk, “Ellie Krug: Changed Genders, Changed Perspectives,” was in Ottawa, Canada at Borden Ladner Gervais, LLP (BLG), that country’s largest law firm. The second talk, “#MeToo: A Transwoman’s Perspective,” was at Shook Hardy Bacon (Shook) in Kansas City.
In both talks I spoke of first-hand encountering way higher degrees of personal and professional fear (and doubt) than I ever felt as a man. Some of this has to do with being personally vulnerable (I’m weaker and smaller than most men) but it’s also due to how I might be judged in certain situations now that I present as female. I know that my experience is shared by almost all other women and my challenge to the women in the audience was to first label the fear and then engage in self-honesty on whether what we fear is real or imagined.
I also reminded of the need to avoid classism and our obligation to speak up for women (particularly those who are low-wage earners or from marginalized communities) who lack voices of their own. Further, on the topic of protecting young women and girls, I asked who in the audience was a mentor or a Big Sister through the Big Brothers/Sisters program. At both locations of my talks, a single woman raised her hand—at BLG, the woman had been a “Big” for four years and at Shook, the responsive woman had been a Big for ten years.
At both talks, I urged women in the audience to volunteer to be a Big Sister and shared that I’ve been a Big for five-plus years to my now twelve-year-old Little Sister.
Incredibly, following my talks, I was approached by women (one at BLG and one at Shook) who told me that because I had raised the challenge of mentoring to young girls, they now planned to volunteer to be a Big. Hearing that so warmed my heart since it was direct proof of how one’s words and example can ripple to others for the better good (and for me, mentoring a youth—who often has no good role models in their life—is close to the highest “good” anyone can do).
This also reinforces my training point that almost all of us have empathetic hearts and want to do the right thing but because of fear or uncertainty, we often don’t engage. I’m learning that simply asking people to engage via a very specific ask (e.g. volunteer to be a Big) works. Wow.
Thank you, soon-to-be Big Sisters for your commitment to young girls and women who desperately need role models! I am so incredibly grateful!
Remember everyone: I care about you!
ellie
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A Waffle House Server Helps a Customer
and Garners a College Scholarship
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A story about a Waffle House server who engaged in “routine” kindness reminds us how an act of stopping for another human represents compassion—and in this case, it can have a financial payoff.
As
reported by CNN
, eighteen-year-old Evoni Williams worked at a Waffle House in La Marque, Texas just outside Houston to earn college money. During a hectic morning shift, an elderly customer, Adrien Charpentier, asked Evoni if she would cut the ham on his plate; due to a muscular condition, Adrien lacked strength to do that task for himself. Even though there were other orders to fill, Evoni stopped to do as Adrien requested.
Another customer spotted Evoni cutting Adrien’s meal and snapped this picture, which she put on Facebook with the caption, “I don’t know her name but I heard this elderly man tell her his hands don’t work too good…Without hesitation, she took his plate and began cutting up his ham. This may seem small but to him, I'm sure it was huge. I'm thankful to have seen this act of kindness and caring at the start of my day while everything in this world seems so negative. If we could all be like this waitress & take time to offer a helping hand.... 🤝 #wafflehouse #kindness #givingback #offerlove #bekind #goodnews.”
The Facebook post garnered 86,000 Likes and 73,000 Shares. One person who saw the posting was the mayor of La Marque, Bobby Hocking, who said, “Somebody tagged me and…it just touched my heart.” This spurred Hocking to declare March 8 Evoni ‘Nini’ Williams Day.
Another person also saw the post—Austin A. Lane, the president of Texas Southern University, which is located close to La Marque. Through social media and other means, Lane and university alumni coordinated a scholarship fundraising campaign for Evoni that netted $16,000. If you go to the story, you will see a picture of a TSU administrator giving Evoni an oversized check for $16,000 in the middle of the Waffle House restaurant.
“We wanted to reward Evoni’s act of kindness and let her know that good deeds do not go unnoticed,” said TSU’s Melinda Spaulding. “She has the character of the type of students we want at Texas Southern University.”
“It is awesome…I feel excited and happy,” Evoni reported.
This story offers two lessons—first, that we are hungry for positive stories about humans caring for other humans, and second, that through social media, a single act of compassion can ripple to thousands of others as an example for how all of us should treat each other.
Way to go, Evoni! That’s quite a tip from helping a customer!
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National Geographic
Acknowledges Racist Past
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In an extraordinary step, the April 2018 issue of
National Geographic
acknowledges the magazine’s racist past of emphasizing differences between whites and people of color and fostering negative stereotypes.
Given that the April issue was to cover race,
National Geographic’s
editor Susan Goldberg asked John Edwin Mason, a University of Virginia African history and photography professor, to review the magazine’s 130-year-old catalog and report back about how the magazine handled the subject of race.
As
National Public Radio reported
, Mason’s findings were that until the early 1970s,
National Geographic
“(A)ll but ignored people of color who lived in the United States, rarely acknowledging them beyond laborers or domestic workers…(m)eanwhile it pictured ‘natives’ elsewhere as exotics, famously and frequently unclothed, happy hunters, noble savages—every type of cliché.”
Mason found that the magazine’s articles put human color differences into a hierarchy. “And that hierarchy was very clear: that the West, and especially the English-speaking world, was at the top of the hierarchy. And black and brown people were somewhere underneath.”
Additionally,
National Geographic
long had a policy of “nothing unpleasant” in its issues, so readers weren’t made aware of causes of human suffering like war or famine or civil strife. For example, the magazine barely mentioned the March 1960 Sharpeville Massacre in South Africa where police killed 69 black South Africans. “It’s bizarre, actually, to consider what the editors, writers, and photographers had to consciously not see,” Mason said.
Further racism existed with photographs of topless women of color—which the magazine used as an implicit marketing tool while never considering to ever show a topless white woman.
Going forward, one suggestion was for
National Geographic
to have more diverse contributors from across the world. “There are astonishing photographers from all over the world who have unique visions—not just of their own country, but who could bring a unique vision to photographing Cincinnati, Ohio, if it came to that,” said Mason.
This story highlights how institutional self-honesty is critical to changing America’s equity landscape. Perhaps this is the first of many businesses and organizations to take the critical step of atonement; recall how banks, mortgage companies and real estate enterprises created and promoted a system of red-lining that effectively kept people of color and other marginalized groups out of white-only neighborhoods until the early 1970s.
We can’t move forward as a country without first acknowledging our past. The goal isn’t to shame but rather, to educate and avoid the past from repeating yet again. It’s also not to create guilt; instead, it is about how we choose to do things going forward with knowledge of past wrongs.
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Inclusivity Tip of the Month
"Reverse Mentoring"
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We all know the words “mentor” or “mentoring”—where a person with great perspective, wisdom or experience agrees to help or bring along a person who lacks such attributes.
The concept of “reverse mentoring” flips this: the person who lacks experience in one area but is wise in other areas becomes the mentor to someone who traditionally would be thought of as a mentor. With equity and diversity, the goal is to enlighten majority race or ethnicity or religion leaders about what it means to live in the shoes of someone from a marginalized group.
Reverse mentoring is intended to increase decision-maker or culture leader understanding of key equity issues, such as institutional racism, gender disparity or challenges for those with a disability. Since this often involves younger people leading an older person, the mentor may invite the mentee to the mentor’s home, religious institution, or community or social gatherings. The goal is to shift the mentee/culture leader’s perspective; hopefully, the process makes them more aware of the hurdles faced by a person who has a marginalized background. It may also make the mentee more compassionate and empathetic.
As the
Society for Human Resource Management
(SHRM) suggests, some of the benefits to the older mentee could include a better understanding of gender, race and generational differences in culture, values, motivation and skills. The older mentee will also get a feel for what works or doesn’t within the organization.
For a reverse mentoring program to work, it must be highly intentional, and I would offer, radical—the mentor and mentee should get out of the office and spend time together to establish a relationship. Reverse mentoring also requires significant amounts of time, and thus the organization must be willing to sacrifice some forms of productivity (e.g. billing time if you are in a law firm) for the larger payoff of shaping culture leader understanding.
From an inclusivity standpoint, nothing works better than attempting to walk (or at least stand) in the shoes of someone else. Reverse mentoring does just that. I often hear that the “people at the top” are not engaged in equity-building to the degree that’s needed for real organizational change; reverse mentoring is one tool for increasing culture leader engagement. If done right, reverse mentoring has the potential to significantly increase organizational inclusivity like nothing else.
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Odds and Ends
I’m all over the place with this month’s O&Es—there’s just so much happening in the world, some good –even inspiring—and some not.
Darn Wonderful:
The compilation of best puppy videos of 2017 is now out; get your fix
here
.
Remember the Warning Against Driving in Water that Covers a Roadway?
This driver
apparently slept through that day of driver’s education class….
Worst Parenting of the Year Award:
Here’s a
story
about two mothers in Tempe, Arizona who took their 5 and 6-year-old children on a “racist field trip” to a local mosque where they repeatedly pushed the kids to use racial/religious slurs and where the group vandalized a Muslim community bulletin board. I. Am. Appalled. The moms are now criminally charged.
But Then There Are the Parkland Students:
Inspiring—that’s the only word that captures how the shooting survivors have grabbed America. If you’ve not seen
this video
of survivor Emma Gonzalez speaking just three days after the shooting, it is well worth 11:40 of your time to view. Emma and hundreds of thousands of other students will transform this country, I am absolutely positive. And grateful.
Idiocy:
Notwithstanding all “our” best that Emma Gonzalez represents, it wasn’t not enough to keep a
candidate for the Maine legislature
from calling her a “skinhead lesbian.” There are no words. (A more recent report advises the candidate has now dropped out of the race.)
Yet, Maine also Shows Us What Real Allyship Looks Like:
Avery Gagne and his mother and father
spoke out in favor of a group of black teenagers
who were asked to prepay for their meal at an Auburn, Maine IHOP restaurant—no white persons in the restaurant were asked to do the same. In response, IHOP shut down the restaurant for a day to retrain its staff. When you consider this was rural Maine, you will truly understand how this country is changing—for the better. Most aren’t standing for the division and marginalization that some are attempting to sell. Nada.
A 6-year-old Shows Compassion in the Face of Tragedy:
Here is a
story
of six-year-old Malachi Fronczak who raised $7,000 for the family of Deputy Sheriff Jacob Pickett, who was killed in the line of duty.
More Compassion after Tragedy:
Please take a moment to view
this compelling photo
of 100+ pilots who lined up at the funeral of Gina Rose Montalto, one of the 17 slain at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland; her father, Tony Montalto, is a United Airlines captain. Heart-grabbing.
Kate’s Picks
:
My 27-year-old daughter Kate, a writer like me, is a freelancer for
Book Riot
where she reviews books. She also has an entertainment-review website that’s fun and smart,
Snarky Yet Satisfying.
She regularly reviews books on her blog; check it out! Her book pick for this month is
Everyone's a Aliebn When Ur a Aliebn Too
by Jomny Sun.
“The illustrated story of a lonely alien sent to observe Earth, where he meets all sorts of creatures with all sorts of perspectives on life, love, and happiness, while learning to feel a little better about himself."
Relevant to Transgender Humans:
There are more transgender men and women showing up in the classroom—something that’s incredibly wonderful if you ask me. Here is a
nice piece
about the challenges and rewards they’ve encountered.
An Incredible Transgender-focused Opera in English:
I just saw
As One
, a 75-minute opera about Luke as he transitions to Hannah. I HIGHLY recommend seeing this performance, now playing through March 25 in St. Paul at the North Garden Theater via
Skylark Opera Theater
. For those outside the Twin Cities, check to see if the opera is coming to/happening in your locales—it is one of the most-licensed operatic performances in the U.S. at the moment.
“Hidden Edges Radio” and “Ellie 2.0” Shows:
I now have two AM950 radio shows: “Hidden Edges Radio” (where I talk about surviving the Human Condition) every Sunday from 1-2 p.m. and “Ellie 2.0” on Monday mornings from 7:30-8 a.m. (where I talk about idealism—mine and that of others). Recent Ellie 2.0 shows have included pieces about actor Sidney Poitier and “the slap heard round the world” along with me sharing some stories of how people have taken me up on my “standing offer” to meet with any human in a public place to talk about surviving the Human Condition (March 12) and Ami Dar, the founder of Idealist (March 19). You can access the Ellie 2.0 podcasts
here.
My Writing:
My
March Lavender Magazine
piece, “Idealism Buoyed Hundredfold: Part II” covers my recent road trip to the South and the ways that I learned we all want the same things. To put it mildly, the trip affirmed that everything I’m doing to make this world better is absolutely what I should be doing. In fact, I’ll do it for the rest of my time here on Earth. Relentlessly.
Continuing Shout-out for Interesting Guest Leads:
Hidden Edges Radio focuses on how we’re all trying to survive the Human Condition. I like to bring in guests who have shown personal grit and resiliency. If you know of people with stories along these lines, please tell me about them (they can be anywhere in the U.S.—we can air telephone interviews) at
[email protected]
. Thanks!
Past and Upcoming Talks/Trainings and General Stuff:
This week I’ll be in San Francisco to present at “K2L” (Knowledge 2 Learn), the annual conference hosted by the Golden Gate Chapter of the Association of Legal Administrators. In the last week of March, I’ll do an abbreviated “Transgender 101” talk to 350+ U.S. Bank employees. In early April, I’ll be in New Jersey, my roots (I was born in Newark) to speak at the ALA NJ Chapter (thank you Michelle Cohen!) and two law firms. After that, it will be back to Silicon Valley two more times for law firm trainings. On the horizon are several trainings in Denver for court and judicial system team members. Whew! I’m very grateful that my work is well received! You can check out my updated calendar of upcoming engagements
here
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Finally....
The Ripple
is a work in progress, so please, I welcome your suggestions and comments! Please share this newsletter with others, too!
Thank you for helping to make the world a better place! I'm at your side, cheering you on, I promise! Please have compassion for yourself and for others.
ellie
Encouraging Open Hearts and Thriving Human Spirits
Human Inspiration Works, LLC: We make "inclusion" an action word
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Ellen (Ellie) Krug
319-360-1692
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