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ellie krug
writer, lawyer, human
Human Inspiration Works, LLC
The Ripple
Vol 6 No. 2 February 2021
Inspired by the words and actions of Robert F. Kennedy
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Offering Empathy in the Chips-and-Soda Aisle |
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Dear Friends:
Last week, as I reached the sidewalk of a strip mall parking lot, I encountered a woman in her mid-sixties wearing a soft knee-high walking cast on her left leg; she was holding a box of items just purchased from a liquor store. It appeared that she was trying to figure out how to navigate to her car parked in a handicapped spot/how to get the car door open without spilling the box.
I asked if she needed help, and when she answered, “Yes,” I took the box and placed it in her car. I watched as she slowly walked to the driver’s side and she thanked me. I thought, No big deal, my good deed for the day, and went on with my business.
Twenty minutes later, I once more encountered the woman in the chips-and-soda isle of a grocery store in the same strip mall. I smiled and said, “There you are again.” She gave a half smile in return, to which I responded, “How’s your day going?”
She answered, “No too good; my mother died yesterday. She was ninety-nine years old.” It certainly wasn’t what I expected to hear.
I told her I was sorry for her loss and offered that my name was “Ellie.” The woman (who never shared her name) said that she was shopping to feed several friends whom she would soon meet at her mother’s house; the friends planned to start going through her mother’s effects. The woman then confessed, “I just don’t care about anything right now. I don’t know how I’m going to do it.”
I asked if there was anything that I could do for her, and she answered, “No.” At that point, I touched her wrist and told her that it was okay to feel as she did and that she needed to take care of herself. I added, “I wish you good memories of your mother.”
The woman touched my hand in return, and as she fought back tears, she said, “Yes, there are so many wonderful memories.” Obviously, even that little bit by me made some kind of difference. I then moved on to finish my shopping.
I don’t share this story to make you think that I’m someone great; I’m certainly not. I simply want to reinforce the idea that you just never know what someone else is experiencing or going through as you encounter them. We are all attempting to survive the Human Condition, and that includes dealing with the deaths of people important to us.
Remember also that we all have good empathetic hearts; it’s just that many of us (including me) are so busy or not paying attention, and we miss opportunities to share our hearts. To heal our hurting world, we all must show that we care about each other, time and again, however risky that might be.
Be well my friends. I care about you.
ellie
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A Former Enslaved Man Fights Back
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In honor of Black History Month, I want to share the story of George Dinning, a former enslaved human, whose southern Kentucky home was attacked by a group of white-color men on January 21, 1897. The men wrongly accused Dinning of stealing livestock; they fired upon Dinning’s home, wounding him in the arm and forehead. (His wife and ten children were also in the home at the time.) With that, Dinning grabbed his rifle and fired back, killing one of the attackers.
Dinning was arrested. Before the incident was over, the mob had burned down his home.
Dinning was later tried for manslaughter in a case that divided Kentucky so much that the governor, William Bradley, had to send troops to prevent mobs from lynching Dinning. A jury of twelve white-color men convicted Dinning, who was sentenced to seven years in prison.
At this point, the story takes a twist. Governor Bradley decided to grant Dinning a pardon; however, he kept the pardon secret for a day to give Dinning and his family a chance to leave the state. The Dinning family ultimately relocated 150 miles away in Indiana, where they also changed their last name to Denning.
A second story twist then occurred: Denning decided to fight back. He found Bennett Young, a Kentucky lawyer, what had formerly served in the Confederate Army. Young took on Denning’s case pro bono and sued the men who had attacked Denning’s home and wounded him. The lawsuit was successful; Denning was awarded $50,000 (which in 2021 dollars would be $1.5 million)(!!). Unfortunately, Denning was able to recover only a small amount of the judgment, and as a consequence, his descendants believe that justice was not truly achieved.
This incredible story is the subject of a new book, A Shot in the Moonlight: How a Freed Slave and a Confederate Soldier Fought for Justice in the Jim Crow South. The book’s author, Ben Montgomery, shared that he wanted to tell the story of a black man that didn’t end in tragedy. Certainly, he seems to have found that with George Denning!
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The $12 Impact: Kindness Repaid Hundredfold
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From my beloved hometown of Cedar Rapids is the story of Sam Hammes, a customer at a HyVee grocery store, who came up short $12 (and change) when his items were totaled. Sam, who certainly had the means to pay, had simply forgotten his wallet at home that day. Money that he had borrowed from a coworker ($100) was not enough to pay for the food and alcohol that he had stopped for on his way home from work; the items were for a gathering with friends that evening.
When Sam said that he’d put some items back, the person behind the cash register, Peter Mbonabucha, replied that he’d take care of the difference. At that point, Peter went around to the pay station and inserted his card, paying for the entire purchase. (Sam then gave Peter the $100 he had on him.)
When Sam got home to his wife and friends, he shared what had just happened and marveled at the kindness of a total stranger. The more he thought about it, the more he felt that he should do something good for Peter. Simply writing a card of thanks or giving a gift certificate didn’t seem to be enough.
Instead, Sam decided to launch a GoFundMe—the “$12 Impact”—to let the world know how small acts of kindness can mean so much. After an initial goal of $1000 was achieved in less than a day’s time, Sam upped the fundraising goal to $3000; that too, was surpassed. By the time that Sam ended donations recently, $5695 had been raised from 265 donors. (You can read Sam’s account of Peter’s goodness here on the GoFundMe page.)
I picked up this story not only because it occurred in Cedar Rapids, but because of how Peter’s goodness had impacted Sam. (Side note: in a time when some find it acceptable to bash those who are born outside the U.S., Peter was born in Tanzania.) As Sam related in this KCRG-TV story, he found the interaction life-changing; he said, “The biggest thing is we live in a world now, where there’s a lot of divisiveness, and if a complete stranger can pay for my groceries and complete strangers can donate back to a cause they feel strongly about, I think people can put aside their differences…I hope it inspires people to do good things for people they don’t know.”
Earlier this month, I had Sam on my radio show to talk about how Peter’s kindness affected him. You can listen to that interview by clicking here to my February 7th show and forwarding to the 14:15 minute mark.
There is a lot to unpack in this simple story; for me, the biggest takeaway is that Sam is right—we can get past what divides us simply via acts of human kindness. Those acts happen millions of times a day; it’s just that we don’t hear about them because kindness usually isn’t “sexy” for news outlets.
Still, we can share about those acts of kindness. When you see kindness and compassion happening in the world, tell others about it! They’ll be inspired to do the same!
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Inclusivity Tip of the Month
Remembering that D&I Momentum
Can be Fleeting
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I’m often one of the first speakers or trainers hired when an organization decides to make its space more diverse and inclusive. In fact, many times my training is the kickoff event for the organization’s D&I plans. That’s all well and good, but I’ve also often seen many organizations falter in executing on their D&I initiatives. One reason for the faltering: they fail to recognize the power of momentum, and that if not seized upon, how momentum can be extremely fleeting.
In this realm, I define “momentum” as executing on ideas and concepts while people are still inspired. As we all know, humans have short attention spans and waiting two or three months (or more) to carry forward ideas that I or other trainers share is exceedingly counterproductive. By then, many team members will have forgotten what the training was about. In other words, the value of any training greatly dissipates over time if there’s no immediate and repeated reinforcement of the training’s principles or teachings.
Responsibility for failing to capitalize on momentum falls squarely on the shoulders of an organization’s culture leaders. They’re the ones charged with ensuring that shifts in culture actually happen. It’s never the responsibility of middle or lower-level team members (although they are the ones who most often desire culture change).
How to make sure that D&I momentum isn’t lost?
Have an advance plan—a roadmap—and follow it. The plan should include a projected timeline of key events (trainings, creating a D&I committee, launching employee resource groups [ERGs], website overhaul, and other things) and then, going forward, culture leaders must ensure that the timeline is adhered to. For sure, there will be detours, but the goal is to keep moving, building on one thing after another. This keeps people excited and motivated to effect change.
The biggest negative from lost momentum is that team members may become frustrated and start to doubt that the advertised D&I culture shift is real. Once doubt sets in, culture change becomes even more difficult to achieve; suddenly, the boulder you’re pushing uphill has doubled in size.
The bottom line: don’t underestimate the power of harnessing momentum and don’t forget how easy it is for momentum to slip away. As they say, keep your eye on the ball!
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Odds & Ends
This month’s O&E has stories about injustice—fighting it, enduring it, or outsmarting it. First, however, we start off with easier stuff.
Darn Wonderful: Watch this video of skating on frozen sand along Lake Superior in MN. Here’s another video of an ice skater with less good luck but even more tenacity.
Second Darn Wonderful: Check out this video of how a flying car/transport system might work.
Third Darn Wonderful: Watch as robot dogs jump rope, pick up laundry and do other cool things.
Beauty Despite Adversity: Here’s a Tweet with a violinist experiencing homelessness; note the way to help through Venmo…
Thinking of My Texas Readers: My heart goes out to you! I’m so sorry you’ve been going through an ordeal that has people freezing to death in their homes. I wish you normalcy as soon as possible!
Texas Hospitality and Compassion: Here’s a wonderful story about an Austin couple that took in a grocery delivery driver for five days after the driver’s car became stuck in snow and ice.
A Stranger’s Kindness: Read here about Devin Hinkston buying an 8-year-old boy a basketball hoop/pole set after Devin just happened to be driving by the boy’s house and saw him using a trash can as a hoop.
University of Minnesota to Subsidize Tuition for Students of Families Earning $50K or Less: As this recent Star Tribune story relates, the U of M Board of Regents voted to create a tuition-free program for students from lower-income Minnesota families. This action will work to deconstruct structural racism/eliminate barriers for many, including students of color. Why can’t we do this across the country?
A Community Finds a Missing Golden: Here’s a heartwarming story about how a community in Washington state came together to find 14-year-old Sage, a golden retriever who had been missing for 5 days.
Outsmarting Racism: A black couple living in Marin County, CA believed that a white-color home appraiser lowballed her appraisal of their home because the family was black. After the couple convinced their lender to do a second appraisal, a white friend offered to pretend that the home was hers, and wow, what do ya know? The second appraisal came in $500K higher than the first appraisal. Racism is real folks; read here.
Another Reminder of the Human Spirit: Read about Martin Bird, who suffered a spinal injury in a swimming accident at age 17. He had been told that he’d never walk again, but over the course of 20 years, persistence and grit paid off so that he now can walk for 10-11 minutes at a time. Wonderful!
Landmark Child Slavery Case Targets Hershey, Mars, Cargill and Others: Read about this lawsuit, filed in federal court in Washington D.C. by the International Rights Advocates, which seeks to hold chocolate manufacturers/retailers liable for child slavery used to grow and cultivate cocoa. Such important advocacy!
Major Newsflash for the Legal Community: One of my law firm clients shared this letter from Bradley M. Gayton, Senior VP and General Counsel for Coca Cola, which details that company’s new plan for holding outside law firms accountable for hiring black associates and partners. The plan dramatically ups the stakes for law firms that aren’t diverse or inclusive—way beyond what had been already pressed by other companies. Stay tuned to watch other major companies follow suit.
COVID-Related Discrimination Against Asian Americans: Here is an essay by Bee Vang, an American of Hmong descent, who co-starred in Gran Torino with Clint Eastwood. He writes about the level of marginalization directed at Asian Americans, particularly since the pandemic started. As the parent of two daughters of Korean heritage, I am vey vocal about this subject.
American Life Expectancy Drops, Particularly for Black and Brown Americans: The effects of a health care and economic system rife with racism are showing up with decreased life expectancies due to COVID. Whereas the virus has reduced the life expectancy of all Americans by a full year (from 78.8 years to 77.8), the drop for black people was a whopping 2.7 years and 1.9 years for Latinx folks. Overall, for white-color people the drop was .08 years. What glaring disparities; read here.
A Dad Who Gets It: Here is the story of a Toronto, Canada father to Ruby, his pre-teen transgender daughter. When Ruby couldn’t find suitable swimwear given her body dynamics, Dad came up with his own design and launched a brand for other trans females, “Rubies.” Quite wonderful!
Intolerance in Utah: After a Murray, Utah elementary school teacher read Kyle Lukoff’s book, Call Me Max, the story of a transgender boy, to her class, parents complained. Schools officials responded by pulling the book from an approved list and by sending parents a letter of apology. This kind of marginalization further stigmatizes trans people and harms those in the community struggling with their gender identity. If any reader is in Utah, please invite me to come speak! Read all about it here.
Not at All Good for Transgender Humans: Did you know that 24 states (!!) have introduced legislation to ban transgender students from high school and/or college sports? Or that another dozen states want to put doctors, nurses and therapists who treat trans kids or youth younger than 18 in jail? I. Am. So. Angry. See here.
Kate’s Pick: My 30-year-old daughter Kate, a writer like me, is a freelancer for Book Riot where she reviews books. Check out her website, It’s All Booked. Kate’s book recommendation for February is The Ballard of Black Tom by Victor LaValle. Kate’s summary: “LaValle's novella is dark fantasy, almost bordering on horror, and a retelling of H.P. Lovecraft's The Horror at Red Hook. I take great pleasure in knowing that LaValle (a biracial man) has taken the arguably most racist book of Lovecraft's and turned it on his head. In his story, we're in 1920s Harlem, where rumors of the presence of magic in New York has swarms of people moving there in search for it. But those who are able to perform said magic consider it more of a curse than a gift. Enter Charles Thomas Tester, who has become a street hustler for the holders of magic in order to keep himself and his father afloat. But then he is promised endless riches and power in return for completing a task - and it might cost him more than he thinks.”
Stuff That I’m Reading: Heather McGhee, author of the new book, The Sum of Us: What Racism Costs Everyone and How We Can Prosper Together,” penned this great New York Times piece the weekend before last. She’s got an incredibly insightful take on how America’s failure to invest in infrastructure, schools and health care is all related to skin color. She also offers a solution in the form of “Solidarity Dividends.”
My Standing Offer for Younger Transgender/Nonbinary Humans: If you’re associated with an organization (shelter, church, school, etc.) that has transgender/nonbinary youth or younger humans among its clients or members, I am willing to help by speaking with/listening to those humans. See my formal Standing Offer here; feel free to share.
Shoutout to Schools and Churches: I’m also extremely interested in speaking to more schools (including to GSA [Gay-Straight Alliances]) and churches in greater MN, Iowa, Wisconsin and South Dakota. Please reach out to me about this; I’m a bit frustrated over my inability to do more of this outreach to humans who’ve probably never met a transgender person/who might have very wrong impressions of my community.
“Ellie 2.0 Radio” Podcasts/Shows: My podcast/show, “Ellie 2.0 Radio,” airs on Twin Cities-based AM950 on Saturdays from 10 to 11 a.m. and re-airs on Sundays from 1 to 2 p.m. The show can be live-streamed by clicking here. Ellie 2.0 Radio highlights various historical and contemporary idealists and my work as a “practical idealist” trying to change the world for the better. I recommend my January 30th show where I highlight Amanda Gorman, the 22-year-old poet who burst onto the scene at the Inaugural. In that show, I also interview Renee Grassi, an advocate for library access for all humans and an idealist with a huge heart. (She also happened to be my colleague at one time.) Click here to listen to that and other podcasts.
Writings by Me: I’ve been a bit busy writing beyond just this newsletter--here’s my most recent Lavender Magazine column, “The Common Good,” where I share about encountering LGBTQ high school students in Red Wing MN; they had never been told that they mattered. Additionally, in this February Minnesota Women’s Press piece, “Making America Believe Again,” I write about how a MAGA-hat-wearing-man and his wife rescued me (and my daughter) in Times Square several years back. Again, we all have good empathetic hearts; the key is using them…
Finally, here is my article in the just-released issue of Juriste International, the publication of the International Association of Lawyers; the piece (on page 30) is titled, “Transgender Persons: Understanding Human Authenticity.” I know that I’m incredibly lucky to be able to see my words in print, something that I try not to take for granted.
Book Clubs Take Note: If your book club reads my memoir, Getting to Ellen, I’m willing to meet with the club online to talk about the book and the life lessons I learned in transitioning from male to female. The book is available on Amazon, Kindle, Nook and Apple iBook. Even better, why not order the book via your local privately-owned bookstore?
Status Report on my Second Book, Being Ellen: Too many moving parts in my life to do any memoir writing. That’s all I’ll say about Book 2 this month…Ugh.
Online Following: Please follow me on LinkedIn, where you can find me at Ellen (Ellie) Krug; my Twitter handle is @elliekrug; and on Instagram, you can follow me @elliejkrug.
Past and Upcoming Talks/Trainings and General Stuff: Later this week, I’ll speak at an online event for the Town of Suffield, CT. In March, I speak to a hospitality company in Eau Claire, WI, a law firm in New York, and a world-wide transportation company based out of Hopkins, MN. If you’re interested in my schedule for upcoming engagements, click here.
Want to Support My Work toward Fostering Greater Compassion and Human Inclusivity? Some of you have recently given to Human Ripple Works, Inc., a nonprofit that I and others have set up to train nonprofits and other organizations on human inclusivity. Thank you for that!! If you’d like to support this work, please click here on the HRW website. Thanks for considering this!
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Finally....
The Ripple is a work in progress, so please, I welcome your suggestions and comments! Please share this newsletter with others, too!
Thank you for helping to make the world a better place! I'm at your side, cheering you on, I promise! Please have compassion for yourself and for others.
ellie
Encouraging Open Hearts and Thriving Human Spirits
Human Inspiration Works, LLC: We make "inclusion" an action word
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Ellen (Ellie) Krug
319-360-1692
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