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ellie krug
writer, lawyer, human
Human Inspiration Works, LLC
The Ripple
November 2018 Vol 3 No. 11
Inspired by the words and actions of Robert F. Kennedy
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Talking to an Uber Driver
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Dear Friends:
A recent rain-tinged Uber ride to the Richmond, VA airport reminded me about curiosity, gratitude and our human commonalities.
My driver was Abraham, a 51-year-old immigrant from Liberia, who’s lived in Richmond since immigrating nineteen years ago. Being curious, I asked if he had escaped that country’s civil war; he answered, “No, I had guns pointed at me twice before we got out.” One of those times involved two boys, no older than twelve years, who held AK-47s and demanded the half bag of rice he was carrying to feed his three children. “A half bag of rice!” Abraham said. “But God looked out for me,” he quickly added. “God was good to me on that day.”
Suddenly and very unexpectedly, my heart began to hurt. It was hard to imagine surviving in a place where children could dictate whether you lived or died. Certainly, I didn’t expect to feel such emotions on an Uber ride in Richmond.
When he arrived in the country, Abraham got a job running a forklift in a warehouse—the 9 p.m.-6 a.m. shift. “I did that for fifteen years,” he said. He would come home and then his wife, who worked for Walmart, would leave for her job. “It was tough,” he said. “But we did it.”
Abraham proudly shared about his three children—two sons are in the military, including one that is Special Forces. His third, a daughter, is a lawyer in New York. Thankfully, everyone in his family is now a U.S. citizen; his daughter had even made it a point to call everyone to remind that they vote in the midterm elections.
“It sounds like your children are succeeding,” I said, remembering one of the core commonalities I speak about in my trainings. “All we want is for the kids in our life to succeed. If they do better than us, well, then that’s the American dream,” I added.
“I agree,” Abraham responded, as he glanced to the back seat with a smile. “It’s all that I want, for my children to do better than me.”
Hearing just this bit of Abraham’s story made me grateful that I had decided to engage with him (often, my introvert nature takes over and I’m quiet on Uber rides). Most of all, I felt incredibly lucky to have never needed to worry about guns being pointed at me.
As we head toward a national day of giving thanks, please remember Abraham’s story and all that America has to offer for those who seek to escape oppression and want better lives for their children. We Americans are a good people and America is a good country. We just need to remember to not take any of that for granted—we must collectively work to keep our country good and welcoming to all.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, everyone. I care about you!
ellie
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SNL Reminds about Apology and Forgiveness
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apologized to Dan Crenshaw for mocking Crenshaw in an earlier show for wearing a black eye patch. Crenshaw, a highly decorated former Navy Seal, lost his right eye in an IED explosion while on his third tour of duty in Afghanistan in 2012. (Crenshaw got on Davidson’s radar because he was running as a Republican for a House of Representatives seat for a district in Texas; Crenshaw later won that election in the midterms.) The November 10 SNL piece had both Davidson apologizing to Crenshaw, which Crenshaw graciously accepted, and Crenshaw then ribbing Davidson about his appearance and his break-up from singer Ariana Grande.
It’s well worth your time to watch the entire segment, in part because it reminds us that apology and forgiveness are so powerful, especially in this time of division. Rather than engage in a Twitter or social media war, Davidson/SNL quickly realized their mistake and worked to correct it by having Crenshaw on the show where Davidson could give a truly genuine apology. Even more important was Crenshaw’s forgiveness (as I teach in Allyship 101—forgiveness is much more difficult to arrive at) and his words about the lessons of the whole episode: “That Americans can forgive one another. We can remember what brings us together as a country and still see the good in each other.”
It’s so true: almost everyone has good intent and is of good character and spirit. We often lose sight of this.
Two other things: on that Veteran’s Day weekend, Crenshaw asked that we not only thank our vets for their service, but that we also, “Tell a vet, ‘Never forget.’” That we not forget the sacrifices they made and continue to make for our country. I agree with that—from a selfish standpoint, our active duty service members and vets protect my right to be
me
, Ellie Krug. In many countries of the world, I could be jailed or executed simply for being transgender.
Finally, not many know that Pete Davidson’s father was a
New York City firefighter who died
when one of the towers collapsed on 9/11. Pete was just seven years old at the time. His emotional scars are in part our collective emotional scars.
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Fast Food Workers with Empathetic Hearts Deliver
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Two stories remind us that when our empathetic hearts are given a pathway, we show up for others in incredible ways.
We all remember that wonderful cheap burger, ice cream or pizza joint that was our “night out” back when we were struggling to make it. Steve’s Pizza in Battle Creek, MI was one such place for Julie and Rich Morgan twenty-five years ago. Fast forward to last month when Rich was diagnosed with terminal cancer and under hospice care living with Julie in Indianapolis. On a whim, Julie’s father called Steve’s to inquire about the logistics of getting a pizza to Indianapolis, explaining the sad circumstances about Rich’s health. On the phone at Steve’s was 18-year-old Dalton Shaffer, the nephew of Steve’s owner. Dalton asked about the couple’s favorite pizza and threw it and another in the oven.
Then, without telling anyone, Dalton got in his car and drove 225 miles through the night to Indianapolis, where he arrived with his delivery at 4:00 a.m. After refusing an offer for a hotel or even payment for the pizzas, Dalton drove back to Battle Creek, getting there at 8 a.m. Said Dalton, “I really didn’t want the story to get this big. It’s too late now, but a lot of people have told me how inspiring the story is and that makes it all worth it.” (Click
here
for the link to this story.)
Separately, an errant phone call to a Jimmy John’s sub shop when the intended recipient was a social worker led frantic Lisa Nagengast to ask for help in getting her ailing military-veteran brother a ride to the hospital. Nagengast had just returned to Tampa from Columbus visiting her brother when she had a voicemail waiting for her as the plane taxied to the jetway—it was her brother saying he couldn’t walk and his leg was numb. Because medical insurance might not cover the cost of an ambulance, Nagengast tried to call her brother’s social worker; that’s when the mix-up occurred with Jimmy John’s. Not realizing that it was a sub shop, Nagengast pleaded with the “manager” (thinking is was a social worker manager) to arrange for transport for her brother. The “manager” advised they had “drivers” and would get back to her.
A couple minutes later, a Jimmy John’s worker, Zach Hillmer, called Nagengast back to advise that he would take Nagengast’s brother to the hospital. It was then that Nagengast realized she’d reached a sub shop rather than a social services agency. Zach, also a veteran, told Nagengast that he was more than happy to help out her brother. “Till the day I die, if another service member needs help, I’m gonna do it.” As a result of Zach’s help, Nangengast’s brother was stabilized and put on the road to recovery. (Click
here
for this story.)
In our world of several billion people, there are millions of these inspiring acts of compassion every day.
Humans do care about each other
. Please remember that—doing so will make it easier to push away the messaging about division and intolerance which sadly predominate.
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Inclusivity Tip of the Month
Sponsorship--An Example
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In several of my trainings I talk about the value of sponsorship—taking affirmative steps to promote another person within a business or organization so that they are enriched, which in turn enriches the organization itself. Examples of sponsorship include recommending a team member for a leadership position on a committee or suggesting that they speak at a conference on behalf of the organization. Most of all, sponsorship requires using one’s imagination in ways that help another person feel that they matter to you and other team members. Very often, sponsorship also necessitates using one’s personal capital within the organization—the sponsor effectively vouches for another team member and sometimes this requires calling in chits or favors to make things happen.
I was recently the beneficiary of sponsorship by someone who started out as an acquaintance. This summer, by mere happenstance I briefly met Tonen O’Connor, a Milwaukee-based Buddhist teacher. Afterward, she recommended me as a speaker/trainer to several entities in Milwaukee. Those recommendations came to fruition for several days the week before last when I trained the Milwaukee Repertory Theater, Rockwell Automation and the Milwaukee Zen Center. None of that would have happened without Tonen staking a bit of her reputation on me and my work. Her effort to bring me to Milwaukee was quite remarkable and certainly made me feel as if my work (and I) mattered.
I know that we can’t sponsor every team member, but certainly we can engage in far more sponsorship than we’ve been doing. The key is using one’s imagination to demonstrate how a team member matters to the organization—it might be even as simple as thinking of a particular team member as you read an article or book and then going to the trouble of printing the article (or buying another copy of the book) and giving it to the team member with a note, “This made me think of you; I appreciate what you do for us!” (And yes, give the hard copy rather than a link; the added work will prove your commitment to the team member.)
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Odds & Ends
This month’s Odds & Ends includes the announcement of a new Minneapolis nonprofit that’s all about human commonalities. I also highlight some transgender-related pieces; it’s quite difficult to be trans in America at the moment, but as you will read, many are stepping in to protect my “tribe.”
Darn Wonderful:
This
stunning 7-minute film
, “The Real Thing,” by Brandon Kelly sums up everything one needs to know about rejection and acceptance as a transgender adolescent. If you click on nothing else in this newsletter, please click on this film.
Second Darn Wonderful:
Here’s a
great story
about how two strangers at a Nobleville, Indiana McDonald’s became friends; it all began when one stranger (a white senior woman) asked another stranger (a black man half her age) if she could join him as he sat alone in the restaurant. Amazing good things can happen when we get past our fear of “Other!”
Darn Interesting:
Watch
this video
of a bear who nonchalantly opens the front and back doors of a snow-covered car in the middle of the night. Freaky. Cool. Maybe even freaky cool.
November 5 Gray Area Thinking® Public Event:
On November 5
th
, I held my very first Human Inspiration Works, LLC/Ellie Krug-sponsored public event where I presented Gray Area Thinking® human inclusivity training to 50+ folks at Open Book in downtown Minneapolis. The crowd was undaunted by a steady rain and traffic tie-ups and all appeared ready and eager to learn how to be more welcoming to people who are “Other.” I think most found the training of value and it’s spurred me to plan for future public events. As they say, stay tuned! To those who came on November 5, thank you! I am very grateful that you participated and happy that we could meet! It meant a great deal to me.
A Marvelous Brand-New Nonprofit:
My dear friend Stephanie Glaros recently launched Humans of Minneapolis, a nonprofit that brings humans together through the power of personal storytelling. Several years ago, Steph began a personal project of photographing strangers on the street and then asking about their story. When she posted those stories on Facebook, she found that strangers often wanted to reach out to the people Steph had interviewed, reminding us how our common desire to survive the Human Condition often brings us together. Now, she’s formed a nonprofit to take that work to a much higher level. Please check out the
Humans of Minneapolis website
and consider making a donation in this time of giving. (Note: I am a member of the HOM board of directors, proof of how much I believe in Steph’s work!)
Correction—The True Story about that Philadelphia Homeless Person:
In the December 2017
Ripple
I featured a story about how Mark D’Amico and Kate McClure had befriended a homeless man, Johnny Bobbitt, Jr., after Bobbitt purportedly used his last $20 to buy gas to help McClure after she ran out of gas on a highway late at night. From there, a GoFundMe page was set up and more than $400,000 was raised for Bobbitt. It now turns out this was
all a fraud and the three have been charged criminally
. Drat. This kind of story does so much damage to our empathetic hearts and makes it far more difficult for others who genuinely need help. I apologize if my reporting of the story last year led anyone to contribute to GoFundMe. Darn. Still, this won’t deter me from believing in the goodness of humans.
Transgender Day of Awareness:
Tomorrow, November 20, is Transgender Day of Awareness where the trans community and allies honor transgender people around the world who’ve been murdered or physically harmed simply for living authentically. This year in the U.S., 22 transgender persons (the majority are women of color) have been murdered
(see here
). Against this grim statistic is the federal government recently publicly declaring that it is
legal to discriminate
against transgender persons in the workplace and of course, the Dept. of Human Services is considering a proposal to redefine gender to
erase the whole concept of one identifying as trans.
As a result of all of this, calls to suicide prevention hotlines by trans or gender nonconforming persons
have doubled
.
However, some are willing to Stand Up for Transgender Humans:
176 companies
employing 7 million team members and representing $3.2 trillion in revenue have now signed a letter calling on the Trump Administration to end its efforts to erase legal employment protections for transgender humans. This is an excellent example of allyship, and given how the Administration often engages in retribution against companies that stand their ground, signing the letter is not without risk. As a transgender person, I say, “Thank you for having my back!”
Kate’s Picks
:
My 28-year-old daughter Kate, a writer like me, is a freelancer for
Book Riot
where she reviews books. She also has an entertainment-book review website that’s fun and smart,
Snarky Yet Satisfying
.
She regularly reviews books on her blog; check it out! Kate's reasoning for this month's book pick:
With everything surrounding the confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh, I read a few books recently that focused on women’s right to choose.
Aftercare Instructions
by Bonnie Pipkin follows Genesis, a seventeen-year-old student who makes the decision to terminate her unwanted pregnancy. When she leaves the operating room she discovers that her loving boyfriend, Peter, has abandoned her at the Planned Parenthood. Not only does Genesis have to move on from their relationship, but she must also deal with her feelings surrounding her abortion and the pursuit of her dreams in the aftermath
.
“Ellie 2.0 Radio” Shows:
My show, “Ellie 2.0 Radio,” airs on Twin Cities-based AM950 on Mondays from 7 to 8 a.m. CST and can be live-streamed by clicking
here
; podcasts can be found
here
. Ellie 2.0 Radio highlights various idealists and my work as a “practical idealist” trying to change the world for the better. Recent shows include November 12, where I highlighted Dr. Jerry Rabinowitz, one of the victims of the tragic Tree of Life Synagogue shooting in Pittsburgh who ran toward the sound of gunfire to help the wounded. In that same show, I interview Daryl Davis, a black musician-turned-humanist who has befriended more than 200 Klu Klux Klan members with the hope of convincing them to renounce the Klan; so far, he’s succeeded with nearly 50 Klan members!
Stuff Worth Reading (assuming you think like Ellie…):
I just finished reading
Dear America, Notes of an Undocumented Citizen
, by Jose Antonio Vargas, about living openly as an undocumented human in America. It’s a powerful account of what it means to have a “home” (or not) and how being “Other” can shape one’s entire existence. Vargas is a journalist; here’s a wonderful excerpt from the book: “In the beginning, writing was only a way of passing as an American. I never expected it to be an identity. Above all else, I write to exist, to make myself visible.” I think those same words would apply to me, Ellie Krug.
My Writings:
Excuse me for temporarily standing on a soapbox with my most recent
Lavender Magazine column, “Erasure,
” which is about the many efforts by government and religious leaders to marginalize transgender persons. One Minnesota religious organization is even touting a 74-page
Parent Resource Guide
that warns about the “transgender trend” that might just make cisgender (non-transgender) teens want to become trans. Really? I can handle this stuff but I worry greatly about the 14-year-old transgender girl who lacks the perspective and resiliency to withstand the barrage of marginalizing messages. Please, if you know a younger trans person, tell them that they matter and affirm their right to live authentically as their true self. Hugging them would also be of great help.
Past and Upcoming Talks/Trainings and General Stuff:
I’ve been traveling pretty much nonstop since the first of October; most recently, I spoke to team members at the Milwaukee Repertory Theater and then to members of the Richmond VA Association of Legal Administrators and Society of Human Resource Managers. Next month, I’ll be training the Guthrie Theater Board of Directors and City of St. Paul team members. To see my Upcoming Engagements page, click
here
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Finally....
The Ripple
is a work in progress, so please, I welcome your suggestions and comments! Please share this newsletter with others, too!
Thank you for helping to make the world a better place! I'm at your side, cheering you on, I promise! Please have compassion for yourself and for others.
ellie
Encouraging Open Hearts and Thriving Human Spirits
Human Inspiration Works, LLC: We make "inclusion" an action word
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Ellen (Ellie) Krug
319-360-1692
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