September 2022
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It's officially fall! The season of letting go. The season of change and transition. Unlike spring, which has big energy of hope and opportunity, fall has the energy of slowing down and preparing for the stillness of winter. In fall, I like to go for long walks in nature reflecting on what I want to let go of and create more space for gatherings with friends and family. I like to seek out what' s nourishing - a good book, a warm beverage, and a hot soak.

This month, I'm excited to share a new podcast interview with The Brave Enough Show, a book review on The Enneagram for Black Liberation, as well as 5 ways you can use your knowledge of the Enneagram to reduce suffering. And, have you heard of Quiet Quitting? Read my thoughts on the trend in my note below.

And remember, let your light shine!
Love,
Dr. Joy
"The Enneagram is an astounding way to grow into living your best life by being authentically you." - Ashton Whitmoyer-Ober
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"Joy facilitated such an excellent team building experience. I feel we grew as a team and better understand one another." - Enneagram workshop attendee

I provide customized Enneagram workshops to help your team members gain self-awareness, grow their emotional intelligence, and understand conflict styles.

When teams have shared vocabulary and recognize the unique differences of individuals, they improve communication and effectiveness.

This leads to increased creativity, work satisfaction, and retention!
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I know my Enneagram type....now what?
Knowing your Enneagram type can help you feel seen and validate, but what's next? The Enneagram shows us patterns of behavior and thinking, but it is not who we are. The types on the Enneagram are connected to remind us that we can move around the Enneagram and access the strengths of all Nine Types.

Here are 5 tips for expanding your thinking and behavioral patterns to reduce your suffering and increase your capacity to live your best life.

  1. Identify where your intentions and impact are not aligned. If there is an area in your life where you are suffering, where you wish a relationship was stronger, or where you find yourself spinning your wheels or lacking efficiency, you may be out of alignment. Ask yourself if you could be getting in the way of your own success.
  2. Develop the ability to observe yourself. Notice your negative type patterns without judgement or shame. Notice how your body responds to stimulus (i.e. stress, conflict, uncertainty). Our body responds immediately when we perceive a threat, which kicks us into our negative type patterns without the space to make a choice that might align more with our intentions.
  3. Offer yourself self-compassion. Self-criticism and shame can distract us from making the changes that will lead to more joy and fulfillment. Cultivate the pause and give yourself space to have a different response by honoring your immediate reaction and recognizing how it's trying to protect you.
  4. Get curious. Imagine how a different response might yield a different outcome. Investigate where your response may be coming from. Ask yourself why you might be having the response. Like a detective or scientist, seek to discover the truth without judgement.
  5. Practice. Like any skill, these skills require practice. It's not enough to have knowledge about self-awareness and personal growth without implementing it. Try practicing these strategies and take note of the results. We cannot control how others respond, but may notice that you start to feel transformed.

In this series of interviews, Dr. Shillcutt interviewed each of the nine Enneagram types. Dr. Shillcut specializes in helping professional women overcome burnout. It was fun to represent Type Five - the Observer. Check out my interview!
Recommended Reading:
The Enneagram for Black Liberation
The Enneagram for Black Liberation by Chichi Agorom provides a much needed perspective on personal growth that is grounded in power and vulnerability. By linking power and vulnerability, Agorom explains that while many Enneagram teachers encourage their students to move towards greater vulnerability, this is a dangerous message if it doesn't account for the systemic inequities that have made armor necessary for groups of people who hold less power in the system. For those who need armor to protect themselves from real (not perceived) threats, building awareness of self separate from amor allows for a choice as to when to pick up the armor and when to lower it in safe spaces. Agorom extends the metaphor of armor to describe the armor used by each Enneagram type.

Follow her on Instagram @theenneagramforblackliberation
The Enneagram for Black Liberation: Return to Who You...

The Enneagram for Black Liberation: Return to Who You Are Beneath the Armor You Carry [Agorom, Chichi] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. The Enneagram for Black Liberation: Return to Who You Are Beneath the Armor You Carry

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A Note from Dr. Joy
Ten years ago, I was in an extremely unhealthy marriage. And whenever I tried to leave the relationship, my husband would call me a quitter. He would say, "You're just going to give up? You're quitting? You aren't going to try anymore?" Despite being in individual and marriage counseling, despite buying every self-help book I could find, and despite the hours spent fighting and making up, he only had to call me a quitter to get me to stay.

Being a quitter goes against every bone in my body. I was raised to work hard, stick with it, and finish what I started. So when Quiet Quitting became a popular term, I was determined to ensure that I wasn't one of the "quitters." But then I remembered the time in my life when "quitting" was the best decision I ever made. When walking away from a relationship that was unhealthy, toxic, and even dangerous was the right decision. When I knew in my body that there was something in my life making me sick - physically and mentally. When I knew I needed boundaries and self-care.

I learned years ago that negative and derogatory terms are used to keep people in boxes, to perpetuate the status quo, to prevent change, and to keep people from being their full and authentic selves. Think of any painful word that has been used to bully or make fun of someone with differences - a marginalized identity, a different politic view, or a physical difference. These epithets are used to signal to individuals and communities what it means to be "American," "a man," or a "good girl" rather than expanding our definitions to be more inclusive, affirming, and validating.

Quiet Quitting is a misnomer used to describe individuals who are rejecting the hustle-culture, who are setting firmer boundaries, and who are focusing on their life outside work when they aren't on the clock. Rather than calling these people quitters, we should be evaluating the conditions under which these healthy behaviors are taking place. As a leader, I am reflecting on the role I play in creating working conditions that support my team to be their full and authentic selves. I'm also reflecting on how my leadership models authenticity and wholeness.

Like the Enneagram, we need to look at the Why. Why are we engrained in hustle culture? Who does it benefit? Our Enneagram type is not fully who we are, but it is the armor, shades, security blanket (pick your metaphor) that we put on to avoid the disappointment, pain, and sadness that we experienced when we didn't fit into the boxes, conform, or meet the expectations of our mainstream supremacy culture - a culture that uses anger, shame, and fear to keep us in boxes. By examining your motivation, needs, and the strategies you use to meet your needs, you can move beyond your negative type patterns to be your full and authentic self.

If any of what I have said resonates with you, let's connect.

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