Cori Salchert fosters and adopts terminally ill children. Last fall, TODAY introduced the world to Samuel, the foster child who the Salcherts officially adopted weeks before his death after caring for him for almost 2 years. Cori told reporters, "This child, who hadn't spoken a word in more than two years, bought a community of people together and initiated perseverance, kindness and love." Children with life-limiting prognoses may not be able to help with chores or verbally express gratitude, but Cori says, “It is a great opportunity to love unconditionally.”

Consistency of caregivers is important for all children, but especially for seriously ill foster children and foster children in hospice. Cori believes that there is an “intangible quality of having a consistent loving caregiver” because she has seen how terminally ill children show fewer signs of distress when at home rather than in the hospital.

With each foster child Cori and her family have taken in, they’ve learned tremendously: “There’s more resilience going into it the next time because the fear of the unknown lessens.”

People might assume taking care of terminally ill foster children just means making sure they are comfortable at home, but the reality is that this high level of care requires running back and forth between home and hospitals. The level of care required cannot always be met at her local hospital, so Cori spends a lot of time between Children’s Hospital in Milwaukee and her home in Sheboygan. “No one should wade into this thinking it’s going to be sweetness and light,” says Cori. Once legal guardianship for Samuel was granted and they were able to have him in hospice, he did not need any more trips to the hospital.

There are also unexpected challenges. Foster parents are legally responsible to uphold the biological parents’ medical wishes, but biological parents may not be in a place to really see or understand their child’s needs. Medical treatment foster families also take on liability for taking care of terminally ill children, because biological parents who do not accept diagnoses might blame the foster family for a child’s death. Despite this, Cori’s sense of purpose comes from an unwavering belief that no child should die alone or unloved. Her calling is to “draw close in situations where others would want to run.”

One of Cori’s gifts is the ability to move with love through fight or flight situations, and through pain, which can ease others’ hardships. Throughout the Salchert’s care for Samuel, there were periods of both gratitude and friction with Samuel’s biological family. Despite the prior tension, the connection over a common love for him and the funeral in which both families participated helped everyone find valuable closure.

Cori and her family have a nickname for Samuel: T Bear. So they decided to ask for teddy bears in lieu of flowers which would go to local emergency responders as comforting ‘trauma bears’ for children in crisis. They received several hundred bears at his funeral, and the bears kept on coming afterwards as the news articles spread around the world. So far, 700 teddy bears have been donated in honor of T Bear. Through his story, T Bear passes forward a piece of comfort to hundreds of children in need.

Cori says she and her family are ready to do this again. “I’m not standing in line saying I want the perfect child to adopt—I’m here for the children no one else is waiting to take home.”

You can read more about Cori and her mission at http://www.safehaven4babies.org/ . If you’d like to donate new teddy bears in Samuel’s honor, let us know .

When Kids Matter CASA volunteer Kristie first met 8 month-old Evan*, he was watching, listening and could grasp her hand. He had lived in the NICU his entire life.**

Evan was born premature and had severe medical needs. His mother’s whereabouts were unknown and his father was incarcerated. His grandparents visited regularly but Evan's suffering was extremely painful for them.

During the course of Evan's 10 months in the NICU, nurses raised the issue of Evan's medical status as it became clear that Evan might never leave the NICU. Nurses knew CASA volunteer Kristie was always visiting Evan, so they asked her: Who could make medical decisions for Evan? Who could help him?

Kristie was able to identify the parties that needed to come together to make decisions for the little boy. By coordinating with everyone in the child’s life--the courts, Evan’s grandparents, the father, the nurses who had been caring for him, and the hospital social worker—Kristie was able to help bring people together as Evan's little body shut down. Evan was being resuscitated with increasing frequency -- each time leaving him weaker.

It was important to figure out who had the authority to make medical decisions and end of life decisions for Evan. As a volunteer, Kristie was able to get input from everyone and work with the child protection system to honor the father’s and grandparents' wishes.

Facing end of life decisions is not easy. “It was important to the family that everybody recognize that this little guy’s life has value,” said Kristie. Evan’s father was allowed to leave prison only once so he could meet him. The hospital chaplain baptized Evan with his father present. Everyone from his grandparents to the NICU nurses who had grown so attached had a chance to have special time with Evan and say goodbye.

Most of Evan’s organs were too damaged to donate, but the family asked for anything that could be saved to be donated. It was tough, but the grandparents and the father also agreed to an autopsy so that the hospital could better understand whether Evan’s condition was due to genetics, drug exposure, or other factors.

Many CASA volunteers are involved in a child’s life for years, but Kristie’s involvement was intense and short because that’s what Evan needed. Kristie visited for a couple hours every day: “I felt it was really important at that point that if he did have pain or was going to pass away that he wasn’t alone and that there was human contact and so I spent quite a bit of time there.”

Kristie says CASA volunteers for babies in NICU should be prepared to be present and listen a lot. “There are a lot of emotions involved that people need to have the opportunity to express that may not be pretty or easy to stomach, but you have to be willing to listen without expressing an opinion.”

Kristie has many hopes for babies in the NICU. First, she wants everyone involved to look at the child as a human being whose life has value. She believes human contact for babies in the NICU is extremely important. In addition, she hopes that as babies grow strong enough to leave the NICU, they are placed with families who can fully support the child’s unique needs--physically, emotionally, and financially--and that those families also have support for their journey. Finally, Kristie hopes that we do a better job at educating parents in advance on the effect of drug use on pregnancy so that other kids do not experience the same physical suffering as Evan.

* Evan is a substitute name to protect the privacy of the child and family.

**Note: Why did it take so long to make plans for Evan? All infants in the NICU are considered safe in their hospital placements. Because of this, plans for the future child welfare placement of the infant and many other decisions are put on hold until the infant is ready to be released from the NICU. Kids Matter supports earlier identification of placements and support for children in the NICU to give substitute caregivers time to learn the care needed (if the family is unavailable) and so that infants have someone who is there just for them while they are in the NICU.

We are so fortunate to have young leaders in our community! Each year, Claire organizes a Valentine’s Day project to benefit our youth. These Valentine boxes are filled with treats and items like nail polish, fuzzy socks, stationery, and action figures with a hand-crafted note. The project started when she was in 5 ^th grade. Claire's girl scout troop was disbanding as they were headed into middle school, so the troop gave each scout $20 to pursue a random act of kindness of their choice. Claire and a friend chose to make Valentine boxes for Kids Matter. Since then, Claire has convinced more friends and classmates to join. She collaborated with her school for the project to count towards “merit hours” so even more students participate—this year 30 other students helped!

Claire says the project is a lot of fun, helps kids in need, and she’s observed the impact it’s made on her classmates. The project increases awareness and exposure--for example a friend chose to research the foster care system after participating. Even though her role involves a ton of coordinating, Claire still hand-makes two boxes. Claire is a senior in high school and hopes to pursue dance and business/marketing at college next year. She’s finding someone at her school to carry the project on when she leaves. We wish her all the best as she finishes high school. Thanks for inspiring us on your journey to college!

Unique Challenges of Hospice for Children

Hospice for adults is better understood and appreciated than hospice for children. Often, when adults die, we can celebrate a life well-lived and appreciate last moments and transitions together. How does one handle the death of a child? When a child dies, we may see it as unjust. People also have questions about foster care. That means that people may have inaccurate assumptions about the motives of people who assist terminally ill children. Cori Salchert, especially, contends with some of these questions. Here, we set the record straight on a few common questions that people ask families who assist terminally ill children.

Aren't you just doing this for the money? Can't you collect life insurance? No, foster parents cannot collect life insurance on foster children. People who adopt children with terminal illnesses cannot collect life insurance. Once a child is diagnosed with a life-limiting prognosis, one cannot purchase life insurance on their behalf. This is a journey of love for families like Cori's.

Who arranges the funeral? Who pays for it? When a family becomes the legal guardians of or adopts a child, they also agree to take full financial responsibility for the child. Funeral arrangements and the cost of a funeral are up to the legal guardians. If a child dies in foster care, the child's funeral may be paid for by the county and the child protection system may also help, or the child's family may make their own arrangements. The answer may depend on who is the legal guardian of the child -- sometimes the director of the child protection system is the legal guardian. Sometimes parents also want to hold a funeral or service for the child, and they can also arrange a service. Most often, it is healing for the families who love and care for a child to come together in a single shared funeral for the child.

Can the community help? Often, people who have been involved in the life of a child provide support at the funeral. They may provide flowers or teddy bears or other items that have meaning to the family. Kids Matter assists with funerals of children who do not have a parent or legal guardian or have a guardian who is struggling. Several local funeral homes have provided extra services for children. Many communities have charities that assist families. Locally, Guardians of the Children helps families when a child is lost to homicide or abuse. Many families now host pages on websites that identify specific needs or permit the public to contribute to funeral costs.

Did we miss your question? Just let us know and we will do our best to follow-up.

Would you like to make a difference in the life of a child? Become A Court Appointed Special Advocate!

Spring Training for CASA volunteers   – 5 required sessions

Our next CASA volunteer training cycle will begin on March 27, 2019. This 5 week training will be on four Wednesday evenings from 6 PM to 9 PM, one Saturday from 9 AM to 3 PM, and a weekday morning courtroom observation. The training is comprised of at-home online session (16 hrs) and classroom sessions (18 hrs). All classes are held at the Kids Matter office near downtown Milwaukee; the courtroom observation is held at the Vel R Phillips Juvenile Justice Center in Wauwatosa.

Wednesday, March 27, 6 PM to 9 PM

Wednesday, April 3, 6 PM to 9 PM

Saturday, April 6, 9 AM to 3 PM

Wednesday, April 10, 6 PM to 9 PM

Wednesday, April 17, 6 PM to 9 PM

We are accepting applications now! Background and reference checks and a personal interview are required for all volunteer applicants. Please call Nidhi Khare at 414-344-1220 or  email us  to sign up or if you have questions about future Kids Matter CASA training opportunities.

Opportunities For Youth