Quote of the Week:
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition, is not only a waste of energy, but the worst habit you could possibly have.--Dale Carnegie
Leading Off: More Coffee Talk
Asked the cashier at my Dunkin Donuts how often people pay it forward to the car behind them. Her response: "It happens a lot, especially on Friday." Hmmm.

As luck would have it, as a token for volunteering at a national fraternity leadership conference last month, I received a thank you note with, you guessed it, a Starbucks gift card I have to give away.

The honor roll remains at 22 states, 1 Territory, and 1 European country: Delaware, Virginia, Washington, Vermont, Maine, California, Pennsylvania, Indiana, Texas, New Hampshire, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Florida, Colorado, Tennessee, New York, Ohio, Arizona, Connecticut, Rhode Island and Massachusetts, plus Spain and Puerto Rico.
F.S.F.Y.
Several years ago, I was sitting in my car by the side of the road, watching the busy State Route 9 traffic whiz by me as I waited for the police officer to finish writing the speeding citation I had earned for going 50 in a 35, the day I misplaced my wallet.

That’s right I was enjoying THIS adventure without a license. Many of you would never guess that there is any stretch of Massachusetts Route 9 with a 35 mile speed limit, but I found it and one of Brookline’s finest found me coming over the hill as a certified danger to society and waved me over.

I was contemplating the lesson I was learning and also thinking it was going to be an expensive one. It was about to be the perfect end to a high stress week where not too much went right. I had neighbor problems, I had phone problems, I had computer problems, I had knee problems, I had car problems, and I learned that I had problems with my problems. We all have those kinds of weeks from time to time.

As I sat there I was painfully aware that I was about to slip into the land of feeling-sorry-for-myself. I was teetering on the edge of ‘why me?’

However, with one swoop of the pen, the officer who when faced with four choices on the citation of "ALL CIVIIL INFRACTIONS" “CRIMINAL APPLICATION” “ARREST’ or “WARNING” checked the last box, told me to be more careful and wished me luck in finding my wallet! As I drove off, I nearly cried. I’m sure you know the pressure of sitting and waiting for the ticket to arrive, how the time moves ever so slow and you are wondering how much it is going to be.

I had my first warning! I had been bagged and escaped with only a 3X5 souvenir and a financial surprise from my car insurance company on future bills. In that instant, it didn’t matter, my day was looking up.

I thought back to high school when the guys I mostly hung with had an expression if one of us slipped into a certain mood. “FSFY” Jackie, Bill or Joe would call out , with the accompanying allegation that you were “Feeling Sorry for Yourself.” Wouldn't it be great to have a FSFY app on your smart phone that buzzed every time you felt sorry for yourself?

I noticed years ago that nothing good happened to me when I was FSFM (feeling sorry for myself), and I wondered if it was a coincidence, and concluded it is not. My theory is that when you are FSFY, you most likely set up a force field around yourself that prevents good things from happening to you, and makes bad things more likely, because you are using too much of your energy internally for no good purpose.

Anyone remember the phrase ‘bad things happen in threes?” Guess why? It starts with a (small?) thing that doesn't go the way you hoped and you FSFY. And then it snowballs from there. But why? Why did I not recognize that speed zone in Brookline? Probably lamenting my forgotten wallet. If the citation had been a ticket instead of a warning, who knows how the rest of the day might have gone because I would have been firmly in a FSFM seat.

This week, if something not in your plans happens to you, before you hop on that FSFY train and start building that force field that will prevent anything good from coming your way, here, for your evaluation are the three things I do before I put the FSFY cologne on:

  • Look in the Mirror. When you are drifting into FSFY you spend an inordinate amount of time looking around with your finger pointing to try to figure out the cause of your ‘poor me’ situation. My advice? Try a freakin mirror when that happens, it will save you a lot of time, I know it works very well for me.

  • Act Unpredictably Positive: Subconsciously, in my opinion, we all crave empathy and/or sympathy when things don't go our way. When you act in a non-predictable positive manner, you generally impress yourself, and others, and the feeling is better than any empathy or sympathy could be. It is also hard to FSFY when you are externally positive.

  • Pay More Attention: When things are going wrong, it is likely that you've missed some signs or clues that could have prevented your slide. Francis of Assisi was famous for advising you should seek first to understand, then to be understood. Make sure you are paying attention and outwardly focused so that you can see good things before bad things find you. Remember your wallet. Observe the speed limit. Give away your Starbucks Gift Card.
Don't Take My Word for It
  • Whenever I feel bad, I use that feeling to motivate me to work harder. I only allow myself one day to feel sorry for myself. When I’m not feeling my best I ask myself, ‘What are you gonna do about it?’ I use the negativity to fuel the transformation into a better me. --Beyonce

  • Don’t feel sorry for yourself. If you have chosen the wrong road, turn around. --Edgar Cayce

  • Stop feeling sorry for yourself and you will be happy. --Stephen Fry

  • There’s no room in my life for feeling sorry for myself. --Wayne Newton

  • One of the worst things you can do to lose perspective is to start feeling sorry for yourself. Okay, if you have a bad experience, you can feel sorry for yourself for twenty-four hours, but then after that, pick yourself up and get moving again. --John C. Maxwell

  • Maybe sometimes you have to stop waiting for sometime to come along and fix what’s wrong. Maybe you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and realize that no one else has the right answer. Maybe sometimes you have to be your own hero. --www.positiveoutlooksblog.com

  • Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world. --Helen Keller

  • I’m a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself. --Drew Carey

  • With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose. --Wayne Dyer

  • Now, you get to feel sorry for yourself cause I do not associate with people that blame the world for their problems cause you are your problem and, you’re also your solution. --Bridesmaids, the Movie

  • I still spend my time feeling sorry for myself and making serious mistakes. --Joe Thomas

  • Last time I checked, feeling sorry for yourself wasn’t part of the game plan. --Joe Duncan

  • He did not know long it took, but later he looked back on this time of crying in the corner of the dark cave and thought of it as when he learned the most important rule of his survival, which was that feeling sorry for yourself didn’t work. It wasn’t just that it was wrong to do, or that it was considered incorrect. It was more than that-it didn’t work. --Gary Paulson

  • With everything that has happened to you, you can either for sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep from growing. You get to choose. --unknown

  • Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that. --Haruki Murakami
Surprise Photo at the End
Wash your hands, please, and don't confuse a force field with a halo.

Ed Doherty
Ambrose Boston
774-479-8831
ed-doherty@outlook.com

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