Many years ago, there was a study detailing the differences between those who overcome obstacles or failures and those who do not. It was an attitudinal survey that studied what happened when people failed: how they failed, what their reaction was to failure, and how they behaved after they failed.
I’m sure the nitty gritty data was boring, and this is not intended to be scientific review of the paper. I don’t remember the source of the study or all the details, but I do remember that two simple conclusions were startling to me at the time (because I had never realized them before):
- Achievers don’t dwell on their failures: they acknowledge they didn’t hit the target, consider or determine reasons, realize that things could have been better, promise themselves to avoid the failure again, through better planning or adapting, and move on. Persistence.
- Others ran their failures through their minds over and over, dwelled on them, and in many cases beat themselves up for a prolonged period. They made their failures worse instead of pushing forward.
The first key time as an ‘adult’ where I think I came through with ‘persistence and determination’ was when I was a student at the University of Massachusetts in Amherst. I had joined Phi Sigma Kappa fraternity and developed a vision to become an officer. I’m sure I was inspired by the leaders of the Chapter, because through my early fraternity experience, I had already learned some valuable lessons about getting along with others, working as a team in areas that weren’t sports, and about myself.
I also learned some unsharable things as well.
I wasn’t sure but suspected that I had some leadership potential, although I had no idea how much I had or if it would ever be activated. I know that sounds strange to have a college age kid with self-doubt, but it used to happen.
So I did what every self-doubting kid would do: I ran for Chapter President and received a single vote (out of 55 and it was my vote). One vote, my own. Humbling. Did not help my self-esteem. So much for leadership. I remember wishing I had done better, but moved on quickly after the election. I did win a subsequent position as the new member trainer, so I was still in the mix for something more.
I ran for President a second time, (persistence or stupidity?) and received several more votes, but the election was a landslide for my opponent, (still a good friend who I was with this week for a day). I remember thinking that I might never be an officer, I would have to just be a gentleman, and I concentrated on other things until the next election and kept my goal on life support, but secretly. Not dwelling on it but recognizing the reality that I hadn’t done enough for the fraternity to warrant success at the ballot box for my aspirations.
The third time I ran for the highest office in the fraternity was different, and it was after everyone realized that the fraternity was at high risk for folding because we had a group of seniors graduating, another group that had discovered marijuana and wasn’t interested in brotherhood anymore, and a third group that got tired of being around the group that discovered dope. It looked like we would not have enough Brothers to fill the house the next Fall.
We knew we needed to add a minimum of 15 new members (to pay the rent), so we mobilized. Every night after dinner for a month I led a group of members fanning out on campus to different dorms to talk to freshmen and sophomores about joining the fraternity. This was something that wasn’t typically done then, and I’m not sure it is done now.
Yes, we had people give us some static, some were rude, some kicked us out, and some jerks were interested for the wrong reasons. Not sure you are aware but some fraternities on some campuses did not, and do not, have the best reputation?
Over the course of the recruitment period, our determination paid off and more than 20 new men pledged Phi Sig, were initiated as Brothers at the end of the semester, and the house was filled (and saved) for the next year. Our persistence and determination paid off with some great future leaders who turned out to be some of my best friends.
At the end of the semester with elections for the fall coming up, of course I ran again. I was (finally) elected President at last, (with all the votes but one and it was my vote). It turned out to be one of the most beneficial learning experiences of my life, leading a group to accomplish objectives with some validation that I had the leadership gene. That’s when I personally learned that nothing in the world can take the place of persistence.
To this day when I fail, and I fail regularly just like you, whether it is something big like missing out on a major opportunity, or something small, like forgetting to complete some paperwork, I sometimes think back to the time I got one vote in that first election. I didn’t let it ruin my perspective. Learning from that failure and taking action instead of wallowing helped me accomplish my objective.
Remember, Thomas Edison failed hundreds of times before he patented the light bulb. Not everyone hits a home run on the first pitch.
News flash: you are going to fail at something this year. Bank on it. It isn’t the failing that will sink you; it is what you do after you fail. Failure happens; the impact of failure depends on how you react to it.
I hope that your failures are at a minimum this year, but I really hope that when you do fail, you bounce back quickly, get over it, and move on, because persistence and determination are omnipotent, nothing can take their place.
