Another day of social distancing, another newsletter. Keep on sending me those emails, links and memes. If you missed a prior newsletter, you can find it  here . And continuous thanks for staying home, staying safe, washing hands and masking up!
 
Some thoughts this time around, and then the links.
 
I have been asked many times each day for tips on parenting through COVID, mostly meaning tips on parenting in a time of social distancing. (Questions about parenting when there’s someone in the house sick with coronavirus is a different story altogether… I can get to that in another newsletter if you are interested.) People seem to want help with some basic logistics, and so I am passing along here a few pieces of information that really seem to resonate.
 
The first is the concept of the  germ family , a term that means the group of people who live under your roof with whom you are regularly swapping germs. In an effort to slow the spread of coronavirus, what we all really need to do is limit our germ families, which keeps the virus (if we get it) inside our clan and away from another’s. This is easier said than done, though. What about kids who go between two homes because their parents have split? How about teenagers (not to mention 20-somethings) in relationships who want (they would say  need  and that’s not entirely unreasonable) to see their significant other? What about babysitters who may come in and out of the house? Before you get too judgy, how about babysitters who come into the house because the parents are working essential jobs? The very best way for everyone to minimize the spread of coronavirus is to limit our germ family. Choose the people with whom you are going to swap germs, at least in theory, and limit your contacts to that small list. Ideally, it’s just the people who live under your roof. But if you must, strategically choose with whom you will share physical space over the next few weeks. This doesn’t mean that your daughter can have one germ family and your son another – everyone has to do their best to keep the group insular, at least physically. You can socialize on screens, though, with just about anyone you like.
 
The second big question I keep getting over and over is how to explain coronavirus to kids of various ages. My approach is to  talk about the virus the same way you would talk about sex .
  • For really young kids, the explanation should be factual but simple – something like: in the same way that when you catch a cold from a friend at school, you stay home to get better, right now there is a virus not so different from the viruses that cause colds and it’s going around the whole world and, basically, everyone is staying home to try to get better and not pass it to someone else. Preschoolers generally don’t need much more than that, just in the same way that they don’t need an in-depth biology lesson in response to the question: Where did I come from?
  • For tweens and teens, the story is quite the opposite. Middle and high schoolers crave information so that they can act upon it. Share articles explaining how coronavirus works, how it is spread, and what people can do to protect one another. Have regular conversations about the social responsibility of all people, including young people who may not get very sick with this particular infection, to prevent the spread to others. Talk about this stuff often, because kids often need repeated conversations over time before facts settle into their brains and become actionable. See? It’s just like The Talk, which is really dozens and dozens of conversations about sex over a long period of time covering physical, emotional, and social pieces of that puzzle.
  • It’s the middle group that presents the greyest zone – what to share regarding coronavirus and how to share it really depends upon so many factors from personality to knowledge base to communication style to what they are hearing from others in the house to begin with. My best advice is to meet these kids where they are. If they ask questions about the virus, answer with a question of your own: What made you think of that? Or What do you think the answer might be? Or That’s so interesting – I am wondering why you are asking?  These are ways to gauge where a child is at when asking the question. Because, exactly like conversations about sex, you want to answer the question being asked. A whole lot more and you will likely lose your audience. Or freak them out.
 
And finally, a philosophical moment. Coronavirus is increasingly feeling like a  tale of two  families. On the one hand, there are many families across the country who are finding an enormous silver lining in the stay-at-home mandate. Parents and kids are bonding through board game marathons, movie nights, and endless baking adventures. For these families, this found time is a priceless gift. But there is another group of families, an increasingly large group, who are struggling in the face of the COVID epidemic. These families include ones where jobs have been lost and there exist new, deepening economic stressors; others managing illness within their homes, often attempting to quarantine a sick adult, maybe even the primary caretaker of everyone else; and many who send adults out into the world on a daily basis to work the front lines in healthcare or grocery stores or any of the other essential service jobs that continue to pay the bills, yes, but also put these workers at risk all day, every day. There are families with single parents trying to work from home while simultaneously supervising home school and divided families trying to figure out how to toggle kids between households. After hearing from so many people about the stark contrasts in experiences, I just want to ask everyone who is reading this to balance celebrating the bright moments with empathy for those who face a steeper uphill climb. And more than that, figure out how you can help them neighbor to neighbor, friend to friend, human to human.
 
Now for today’s links…  I find myself telling people to share valid information with their kids, but I haven’t sent out a list of my favorite sources recently. So to that end, here you go!
  • Love the Wall Street Journal dedicated coronavirus newsletter (which is, incidentally, free).
  • Also love the New York Times coronavirus coverage, as well as its podcast The Daily.
  • Axios is my favorite first read of the day for all news – they have a particularly strong coronavirus section.
  • STAT news is the best resource when it comes to medically focused information for people who aren’t necessarily trained in medicine.
  • If you are on Instagram, follow my life-long friend and former CNN White House correspondent Jessica Yellin, who has a phenomenal show called News Not Noise.
  • If you are looking to be part of the solution, consider joining the National Daily Health Survey through Stanford Medicine – the site is collecting data on Americans across the country to try to build better models for disease incidence and treatment.
  • Because everyone needs to laugh, subscribe to The Borowitz Report or The Onion. Given my most recent book, I particularly love this piece about moms not paying attention to their sons.
  • Finally, for some good news, this John Krasinski delivers what we all need a hefty dose of right now: Some Good News!