LOVE AND LOGIC
Empathy is the heart of Love and Logic and we need to show it to our kids or students even more now during the current pandemic. If we consistently fail to communicate a sincere desire to understand what kids are going through now, we aren’t using Love and Logic.
There are times when I blow it. Does this happen to you? If so, remember that none of us are perfect. We all fall short of this unrealistic standard. The clues that I might not be showing empathy can be subtle, such as:
• I find myself in more arguments.
• The people around me seem to find all sorts of creative ways of not doing what I want. Sometimes they forget. Sometimes they comply but do a sloppier job. Sometimes they do exactly the opposite of what I ask.
• I’m frustrated and exhausted.
Love and Logic people make it a point to continue learning. Take this quick quiz to gauge your understanding and application of empathy. For each of the following scenarios involving your child or your student, choose the most empathetic response.
1. A child is upset about moving to another community.
a. Don’t worry. You’ll make new friends.
b. I know how you feel.
c. Why are you being so negative?
d. It looks like you are really hurting over having to leave.
2. The child played poorly during the soccer game.
a. Nobody is perfect.
b. You just need more practice. When we get home, I’ll give you some tips.
c. It seems like you are feeling really disappointed.
d. The center ref was terrible. I can see why you are upset.
3. The child is crying and says, “Nobody likes me.”
a. That’s not true.
b. You sound a bit lonely.
c. You have lots of friends.
d. Go ask Ava. She’ll be your friend.
4. The child broke a window, and they have to pay for it.
a. Oh, I can’t imagine how upsetting this must be.
b. It’s okay. It could have hit a bigger window.
c. This is so sad, but you should have been more careful.
d. Did I ever tell you about when I broke the window in Grandpa’s car?
5. The child is upset about being teased by a sibling.
a. Someday it will get easier.
b. What a bummer. I hope for your sake that you guys work this out.
c. It seems as if you are feeling really hurt by what she said.
d. Just stand up to her.
6. The child says, “I can’t do this homework.”
a. Yes, you can. Just try.
b. Neither can anyone else.
c. You always say that.
d. You sound frustrated.
7. The child misbehaved in the store.
a. This is so embarrassing for me.
b. After all I do for you, this is the way you treat me?
c. I’m sorry you had to go to the store. I know it’s boring.
d. That’s an Energy Drain. You owe me extra chores.
Keep in mind that how we say our empathy is far more important than what we say—and especially never use a sarcastic tone! Here are your answers: 1-d, 2-c, 3-b, 4-a, 5-c, 6-d, and none for 7.
Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible.
Dr. Charles Fay