MEDIATION MUSINGS 

Sara Barnes, Executive Director



The air was arctic cold, and the wind was whipping. I smiled and offered the flyer, saying, “We’re the mediation program. It’s International Conflict Resolution Day.” He refused to take the flier, walking past me quickly.

“Keep it,” he growled. Looking back over his shoulder having walked on few steps, he stopped, seeming to think he owed me an explanation. “I’m too conservative politically for mediation or conflict resolution.” He continued walking.

The scene still bothers me. During the intervening five years I have thought off and on about the man who called himself too conservative for the work that we do. What did he mean? Is our work inherently anti-conservative? Should conflict resolution be assigned to a political camp? What caused him to be so sure that we were on opposite political sides?

In looking at the definition for “conservative,” I considered “traditional” as a synonym. Since where humans go, conflict will surely follow, if anything is traditional it is human conflict. Conflict resolution is neither traditional nor modern, I think. The practice of mediation, in modern society, is a young profession; it comes, though, from traditional and ancient human activities. The clan coming together to collaborate and work things out together. The wise elder helping feuding community members to talk and consider each other’s perspective. The teacher, healer, or religious leader carefully asking questions to help quell hostilities and stitch rifts together.

In thinking of the man from five years ago, I wish I could have had a longer conversation. I thank him for the interaction, short though it was. He could have walked right on without considering my presence, leaving me with nothing to ponder. Instead, he turned back to tell me about how he saw his identity and his analysis of his beliefs. In doing so he offered me a gift, a gift of fairness and acknowledgement, however fleeting.

When he filled in the blanks, telling me what he thought I needed to know, he extended his circle of concern to include me. For just that moment, Mr. Conservative cast his gaze on someone he didn’t know and immediately saw as other. His daily routine being disturbed, he, instead of ignoring me, offered an explanation. When he turned back to explain himself, he seemed to be displaying the universal human instinct for fairness toward others, considering my feelings and need for explanation. Not too conservative for what we do at all, I think.

 See a longer version of these Mediation Musings here.

LEARN ABOUT ALL THE SERVICES WE PROVIDE

• Youth Mediation
• Family and Divorce Mediation Program––PMP
• Housing Mediation
• Civil Court / Small Claims
• Re-Entry Program
• Workplace Conflict Mediation and Management
• Facilitation Services
• Agricultural Mediation
• Conflict Coaching
• Financial Conflict Coaching
• Elderly and Aging Mediation
• Classes, Workshops, Seminars, and Training Programs

Check out our WEBSITE for details.

Community Programs

info@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2999



Housing Program

admin@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2199

Toni Kauffman, a member of the Board of Directors, has recently taken on the role of President of the Martha’s Vineyard Chapter of the NAACP.

BLACK HISTORY MONTH

Toni M. Kauffman

I struggled with the beginning of this composition. At first, I thought to herald dates and names and significant occurrences explaining Black History Month. As an educator and someone who values history, initially I felt a need to share such historical facts. I reconsidered, though, knowing that richer benefits would come to those who pursued their own individual research.

No study of history would convey what Black History Month means to me. It is ironic that, because of one’s race or culture, one is expected to be able to speak on behalf of everyone in the group. I cannot. I can only speak for myself, with empathy and compassion for those who have experienced or are experiencing what I have not. 

It never ceases to amaze me that we are having the same conversations in the 21st century that so many generations before us had. The struggle for civil rights in America has always been––and remains––a slow, painful, and often violent process. A week does not pass in our country without a disturbing, high-profile racial incident that causes us to search our souls for answers. Often sensationally newsworthy, these events raise our consciousness and awareness of inequality––for a moment in time. Incidents of racial bigotry, in the workplace or public arena, enrage us and become fodder for the comment section of the newspaper or social media. Most often as time passes there are only whispers of resistance and then––silence––and life goes on until the next deplorable, highly publicized occurrence.

In my first month as the newly elected President of the NAACP Martha’s Vineyard Branch, several island residents struggling with employment racism have reached out in hopes of advocacy. Yes, here, on Martha’s Vineyard! Surprised? You shouldn’t be. The Vineyard is not exempt from the harsh realities of racism. There is much work to be done in our community. I am honored and humbled to be among the leaders of this Branch, advocating for those desperate for fair and equal treatment in all aspects of their lives.

As many before me have said, Black history is the story of our nation. The African American story is very rich on the Vineyard. The African American Heritage Trail has a large representation of historical sites honoring many individuals who come from a variety of stages of Black History, from slavery to activism and diverse cultural pursuits. That history includes many who have been publicly recognized and even more who have not. During February, we honor those who have contributed to, or were sacrificed for, that history. 

We honor them all.

IN-COURT AND COURT-REFERRED MEDIATION SERVICES

MV Mediation provides free mediation services for eviction cases in Barnstable, Bristol, and Dukes Counties. We are present at District Courts in Attleboro, Fall River, Taunton, and Edgartown for summary process cases. MV Mediation also offers free services for civil cases and small claims in advance of the court date. We are qualified to provide in-court and court-referred services for Dukes County District, Superior, and Probate, and Family Courts. We also can provide mediation for pre-criminal and 286 E harassment cases. 

MV Mediation waives the fees for cases referred by court or with an active docket number. 

FEATURED SERVICE:



Family and Divorce Mediation

Nancy Grundman

We tried to do it ourselves, but it was too overwhelming!

Why is it so easy to get married and so difficult to get divorced?

I hear statements like these from individuals reaching out to MV Mediation, in my role as the Family and Divorce Program Coordinator. I speak to each person individually to explain what mediation all is about. We work with unmarried as well as married couples who want to separate or divorce, and also those who want to work out conflicts using reconciliation, new parenting plans, and communication improvement.

Family and Divorce mediation is a voluntary, confidential, and flexible process in which a neutral mediator assists disputing partners to come to mutually acceptable solutions. It provides a structured approach to minimize the friction that may be present during spousal/partner conversations. Mediation creates a non-confrontational atmosphere that encourages participants to put their best foot forward when presenting their thoughts and concerns to each other. Many of our family/divorce cases begin with sessions to negotiate various immediate matters or concerns. Often participants are not completely sure where they want to start. The mediators can help them to make a plan together.

Mediation employs the use of a neutral and impartial third party—a mediator—to help the parties reach an acceptable agreement. Mediators do not act as attorneys—they guide the parties through conflict and negotiations. Our mediators are Massachusetts qualified and have specialized training to help with the journey through divorce in Massachusetts. They are trained to be neutral and impartial and to work to create an unbiased atmosphere for productive conflict resolution and agreement.

MV Mediation is part of the Massachusetts Office of Public Collaboration’s Parent Mediation Program. This is a program for parents who are no longer cohabitating. Parents discuss how to best arrange their ongoing co-parenting agreements. Through grant funding, there is no cost for up to four hours of mediation when discussing parenting plans, child access, and visitation issues. We have an extremely high success rates in our Family and Divorce Program. After they complete the mediation process with MV Mediation, it warms our hearts when participants reach out to let us know, We could not have done it without you.

UPCOMING COURSES

People who take our courses say that their professional and personal lives improve. We offer a variety of themes:

––Workplace Conflict Cohort

––Introduction to Mediation

––Conflict Management Essentials

They are designed to help you understand how conflict can be better managed in your personal life, workplace, and community. The cost for each course is $150–$350 based on your ability to pay. All of our courses are on Zoom and accessible to all. Take a look at our upcoming spring schedule. You can register by clicking on one of the links below:

Workplace Conflict Confidential Cohort

March 1-May 3, 2023––Wednesdays 9am–10:30am

Conflict Essentials Course

March 9-May 4, 2023 ––Thursdays 4pm–5:30 pm

Introduction to Mediation Basics

March 22-May 3, 2023––Wednesdays 5:30pm–8pm

“MV Mediation has great courses! You should learn with them. Great people, and I had fun.”  ––One of our participants, after taking two courses

AGRICULTURAL MEDIATION

MV Mediation is providing workshops for farmers and members of the Agricultural Society on February 7, 14, and 21 from 10 to 12 via Zoom. Register here. Topics include, conflict analysis, communication, and workplace dispute management. On Sunday February 26, MV Mediation will be contributing to the Southeastern Massachusetts Agricultural Partnership’s conference via Zoom.

Martha’s Vineyard Mediation is part of a national network of USDA-supported farm, agriculture, and aquaculture mediation programs. If you know of any farms, farm stands, CSAs, or agricultural/aqua-cultural businesses, MV Mediation can help. Most services are free or low cost through USDA funding. We work with farms in Dukes, Barnstable, Bristol, and Plymouth Counties. Our brochure is here; please pass it on to those who may need these services.

This month’s links for your reading and viewing pleasure:

Impact of Kindness on Conflict

• in the workplace,
• in middle school,
• in our daily lives



African American Contributions to the History of Martha’s Vineyard

• Oak Bluffs community
• additional sites
• Heritage Trail sites

MEDIATORS’ CHECK-IN

• February 1––Mediation Tips: Individual initial meeting uses and possibilities
• February 8––DEIJ+B (Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, Justice + Belonging): Handling sexism and gender stereotyping
• February 15––Meet our mediator: Kiki Homer
• February 22––Role play: TBD
• March 1––Mediation Tips: Working with co-mediators
• March 8––DEIJ+B: LGBT families and conflicts
• March 15––Meet our mediator: Nancy Grundman
• March 22––Role play: TBD
• March 29––Case list: Review anonymized case lists to learn what kinds of mediations we do and chat about our effectiveness with our services

Zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86378014243

BOARD OF DIRECTORS CORNER

This month the Board of Directors focused on our communication approach. By communication we mean our advertising, publicity, literature, website, newsletter, social media, and other get-the-word-out methods. Kiki Homer, our Communications Coordinator, provided data and stats to show how our message gets out. The Board also discussed gendered language and reviewed upcoming initiatives.

Congratulations to Board member Toni Kauffman, newly elected President of the Martha’s Vineyard Branch of the NAACP, an organization whose mission is to ensure the political, educational, social, and economic equality and rights of all persons and to eliminate racial hatred and racial discrimination.

Congratulations to Executive Director Sara Barnes, who is now on the Board of Directors of Juris Mediation International. As Education Director at Juris she will be teaching a 6-day course, “Mediation for All,” to an international cohort. Juris Mediation is an international network of experienced mediators and facilitators, dedicated to assisting companies and individuals in developing effective agreements.

Our fabulous 2022 Annual Report is out; you can access it here. Send us an email if you would like us to send you a printed copy.

YOUTH MEDIATION PROGRAM

Elementary Students––Conflict Resolution Program

We are working with 3rd graders at the Edgartown School and will begin working with the Oak Bluffs School this month. 

Elementary Teachers––Peace Curriculum

In January, we met with elementary teachers via Zoom to workshop the Introductory Conflict Resolution curriculum to be presented to Island students in grades 2–5. These sessions will continue every 2nd and 4th Tuesday at 4 p.m. Come to one session or all sessions based on your availability. Email to mvyouthmediation@gmail.com or register here if you would like to participate.

FAMILY MEDIATION PROGRAM

Divorce, Family & Conflict Resolution

We offer help talking with your spouse or partner about divorce, parenting issues, custody schedules, financial decisions, and communication itself, and can help you to renegotiate existing plans. We also work with reconciling couples and those who have conflicts they need help to resolve. (See Nancy Grundman’s “Featured Service” article above for details.)

Divórcio, Disputas em Família e Resolução de Conflitos

Conflitos entre marido e mulher, pais e filhos, problemas conjugais, com parceiros ou entre familiares, divórcio, custódia e visitação de menores, pensão alimentícia, divisão de bens e possível reconciliação. Nós podemos te ajudar.

HOUSING MEDIATION PROGRAM

Conflict with a Tenant or Landlord?

We offer FREE MEDIATION for housing cases in Dukes, Barnstable, and Bristol Counties.  

MEDIAÇÃO EM CASOS DE MORADIA

Conflitos entre o proprietário e inquilinos?

Mediação GRÁTIS para qualquer tipo de conflito relativo a sua moradia nos Condados de Dukes, Barnstable e Bristol.

Email admin@mvmediation.org 

or call 508-693-2199

RE-ENTRY PROGRAM

Easier Transition from Incarceration to Community

Re-entry Mediation is FREE to incarcerated individuals (pre-release) and recently released individuals (post-release). For more information, check out our flyers for pre-released and post-released individuals.

WORKPLACE CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

MV Mediation provides support to resolve conflicts in the workplace. We provide workshops and develop conflict resolution projects with workplaces, nonprofit organizations, and municipal and trades workplaces. Our confidential Workplace Management Cohort for supervisors and managers is a popular offering. If you would like to be part of our next course, sign up here. We have 5 more spots available as of this writing. Spring 2023 Workplace Cohort

FACILITATION SERVICES

MV Mediation provides facilitation services for groups, boards of directors, organizations, companies, and families. Neutral and confidential facilitation allows those who are attending the meeting to fully participate. If you need facilitation services, please reach out to discuss your needs. Read this article that describes how a facilitator can help you or your organization.

“We are in a much better place since we had a facilitator help us to pull things together. Thanks to the mediation program for all your help.” ––A recent facilitation client

CONFLICT COACHING SERVICES

It can help you.

Not therapy. Not advice. 

So, what is Conflict Coaching?

Conflict Coaching is a one-on-one process, with the client and a coach working collaboratively to develop a new approach to conflict. It usually takes place over two one-hour sessions.

Make your appointment today!

FINANCIAL PROBLEMS AND FINANCIAL CONFLICT COACHING

Conflicts are often driven by financial matters. Learn skills and tips for budgeting, the best practices for achieving your savings goals, and ways to avoid credit pitfalls in this free upcoming Financial Literacy Class sponsored by MVCET, or sign up for MV Mediation’s Financial Conflict Coaching.

Here are some other tools and strategies to get a better handle on your finances: Self-help financial tools from the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. Also, “Hidden Brain” is one of our favorite podcasts here at MV Mediation, and they are providing insight into financial management issues. Check this out: Hidden Brain

UPCOMING EVENTS

Feb 1––9 am to 5 pm: Housing Mediation Training

Feb 1, 8, 15 & 22––4 pm: Mediators’ Check-in

Feb 2––2–3:30 pm: DEI Community Learning

Feb 2, 7, 9, 14, 16, 21 & 23––6–7 pm: Financial Literacy Class

Feb 7, 14, 21 & 28––9 am to 12 pm: Agricultural Society Mediation Workshop

DEIJ+B: DIVERSITY, EQUITY, INCLUSION, JUSTICE + BELONGING

Here are some articles to expand your DEI knowledge:

The Role of DEI and Mental Health in the Workplace

Mental Health Affects Us All Differently

Mental Health and Mediation

Creating a Nourishing Mediation Environment

SOCIAL MEDIA

Following us on social media is a great way to support MV Mediation! Connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. This month, we celebrate the contributions of African Americans to the Island’s history. We also focus on the impact of random acts of kindness in our workplaces, schools, and community. As always, don’t miss out on helpful tips about managing conflicts in our daily lives. You will also get the latest information about community events, workshops, and courses.

We hope these articles and videos are helpful. Reach out if you have found a resource to share.

Connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn

THANK YOU, DONORS!

Thanks to all our donors who participated in MV Mediation’s Annual Appeal. We will make use of your contributions wisely. We really appreciate your generosity.

It’s never too late to donate!

DONATE HERE

Our Mission

To serve our community by providing education, outreach,

mediation, conflict coaching, facilitation,

and related services to help prevent and resolve conflicts.

Our Vision



To create an island of competent, capable, and

effective conflict resolvers.

Why I Mediate

I am a big fan of Family and Divorce Mediation. When the love dissipates, lack of trust and effective communication tend to follow. Divorce mediators provide a neutral, nonjudgmental opportunity for couples to talk, to listen, and to be heard.

––Susan Pratt, Mediator

Thank you, Martha’s Vineyard Bank Charitable Foundation,

for our Portuguese Translation, Interpretation, and Services Grant.

Thank you, Martha's Vineyard Community Foundation and Martha’s Vineyard Community Services Foundation,

for support for our Youth programs, including providing professional development for teachers and school personnel as we seek to make our vision a reality: 

An Island of capable, competent conflict resolvers.

Thank you, Massachusetts Office of Public Collaboration, for advocacy in the State Legislature for mediation and conflict resolution programs.

Thank you for our donors and sponsors for your continued support!

MV Regional Schools

MV Charter Schools

Healthy Aging Martha's Vineyard

Mediate.com

At MVMP our slogan is We Can Work It Out. Would you like to borrow this slogan?

Feel free. You Can Work It Out! We are here if you need our help.

MV Mediation Program mvmediation.org

508 693-2999 Community & Court

508 693-2199 Housing