There I am – perched and posing playfully for my dad. Looking back at this photo from March 2011, I speculate whether I was aware of the symbolism created in this snapshot. At the time I was precariously attempting to balance my marriage, my life, my heart. I was teetering on the brink of simultaneously losing and finding myself.

Today is April 1, 2021. For many today is merely April Fool’s Day. For me, today marks the 10-year anniversary of my filing for divorce. Unfortunately, April 1, 2011 wasn’t a joke for me. Looking at it now, it seems so clear how impaired I was to have actually filed on April Fool’s Day. I guarantee you it was not intentional and not even noticed by me at the time.

I had just returned from a retreat to Oregon to scrub my mind and heart clear with fresh air and nature. I was with my law partner, Susan, on this trip – she, facing the imminent transition to in-home hospice for her husband John. We were both grieving hard. We were both gearing up our grit to face the rest of what we knew would collectively be one of the hardest years we would live through.