Have you noticed that we all do a lot of waiting? Have you also noticed that some of the waiting is enjoyable, some is frustrating, some is useless and some is valuable. I am not an outdoorsman, but the first time I took my son fishing, when he was four years old, I wanted to be clear about expectations. I coined a phrase we still use, even though it has been decades since I baited a hook.

Fishing is important to a lot of people for a lot of reasons. For some it is a primary hobby or job. For others, it is a chance to relax. 

I have been fortunate enough to live in various parts of the country, including the Northeast, the West Coast, the South, and the Midwest, and each has their favorite type of fish and type of fishing.

For our ten plus years living in Memphis, less than a mile from the Mississippi line, catfish was the fish of choice. We learned that early on during our experience there.

For several years we were volunteers for LeBonheur Children’s Hospital, when they had a family who delivered a baby with spina bifida. Our son was born with that serious birth defect, and the doctors would refer new parents to us, so that they would experience our attitude and approach, since our son was then several years old, and we had exhibited a positive approach to life.

One of the families we met had a young daughter with spina bifida and we connected with them several times. Being older parents, I think they appreciated the mentoring and perspective we brought to what is a life-altering, usually devasting birth defect. One spring, early in our Memphis years, they invited us to come to their house for Easter.

We were excited to do so. Southern hospitality and so forth. We arrived to see a deep fryer plugged in and standing in their back yard. My wife and I looked quizzically at each until we realized that Easter Dinner was going to be…catfish. I’m sure the dad, Terry, caught the fish himself. Why would you buy catfish in Memphis?

Dinner was great, and they were great friends during our entire time in the South, although we never did have catfish again for Easter, switching back to the Northern tradition of baked ham, and staying at home.

However, it wasn’t the end of our catfish experience.

We lived on a small lake, Lake Bennington, and our back deck was maybe 15 yards from the water. It was natural to me to build a small bench so that my son and I could fish. I was always looking for father-son activities that didn’t require a lot of walking, and fishing seemed perfect.

I had only fished for sunfish a couple of times in a lake near my childhood home. So I knew, roughly, how to put a worm on a hook, and it didn’t freak me out. That was pretty much all I knew. I wasn’t sure how to take a fish off a hook, if caught.

Ignorance has never stopped me before, so I went to Walmart and bought two tiny fishing poles with reels, and somehow found some worms. Not sure if I dug them up or bought them at a convenience store, but I had them.

My son and I sat down to fish and christen the bench and the first thing I said to him was something I said every single time we fished: “Fishin’ is mostly waiting.”

I wanted to be sure he wasn’t expecting an action-packed experience.

We’d sit there and cast into the water five or ten feet from shore. Occasionally we’d see a catfish swim by, probably taunting us. Occasionally we had a bite, or a sneaky fish would steal a worm without hooking themselves. Once in a great while we’d catch a fish, and then the pressure began.

I could take it off the hook. But then what? I had a bucket of water to put it in, but it wasn’t going to be a pet. Eventually, we ended up freezing some of the catfish we caught, and one of the neighbor kids was a real fisherman and cleaned them for us from time to time. But we never fancied ourselves as catfish connoisseurs (try spelling that word without spell-check).

‘Fishin’ is mostly waiting’ became a Doherty family catch phrase whenever patience wore thin. There are lots of life experiences like fishing, though.

Baseball is mostly waiting. Waiting for the pitcher. Waiting for the batter to step in. Waiting for the teams to change sides. Waiting for the relief pitcher to arrive on the mound. Waiting in the beer line.

Doctor appointments are mostly waiting. Waiting to check in. Waiting to be called in. Waiting to have blood pressure or temperature checked. Waiting for the doctor to bump fists when s/he arrives.

Car Servicing is mostly waiting. (I am writing this at a dealership while my car is being serviced). Waiting for the service rep to complete the paperwork. Waiting for him or her to connect with you in the waiting room to tell you that the original estimate was hundreds of dollars lower than what they have found.

Air travel is mostly waiting. Waiting to go through security. Waiting at the gate. Waiting to have your zone called. Waiting in the bridgeway. Waiting to taxi. Waiting to take off. Waiting to arrive. Waiting for the baggage.

Eating in a restaurant is mostly waiting. Waiting to be seated. Waiting for the server to arrive. Waiting for the beverages. Waiting to order. Waiting for the food to arrive. Waiting for the mustard she forgot. Waiting for the check.

Driving to Boston is mostly waiting. Waiting for the Mass Pike to clear out. Waiting for the Big Dig tunnel to start moving. Waiting for the logjam on the Zakim Bridge to break up.

Shopping is mostly waiting. Waiting for the mall to open. Waiting to find something you like. Waiting for the credit card to go through. Waiting for the fancy bag that adds a couple of bucks to the pricing to be pulled out from under the counter.

Fishin’ is mostly waiting is a warning that the experience, like all the above examples, is an opportunity to think and reflect. In today’s fast-paced, go-go world, there is probably not enough time for any of us to think and reflect. But that might be because we don’t take advantage of waiting time or because we fill the waiting time with scrolling or listening with headphones or escaping another way.

When a wait is coming, and they very rarely surprise, I think a great way to use waiting is to think and reflect and if you are with someone, to connect.

Some examples?

Don’t listen to the music when driving. Use the time to think and reflect. On a regular basis, when I have a particularly tricky situation I am trying to come up with an answer for or a solution, I set a goal to simply think about that one issue on one of my hour plus rides and come up with a solution or an answer before my trip is over. Does it work all the time? No. Does it work enough that I keep doing it? Absolutely.

Turn off the Television. Imagine how much more peaceful life would be if you just thought and reflected, instead of watching The Price is Right, or Sportscenter, or reruns of The Office, or the Stetson Vs Albuquerque college basketball game.

Bring your own reading material to appointments. Why rely on the two-year old issue of People Magazine, or the fresh Field and Stream (if you don’t fish). Instead, bring something to do, something to accomplish, something that will relax you.

Talk between pitches. When my dad and I watched a game, any game, we pretty much talked non-stop during stops in the action. We analyzed, argued, projected, cheered, and swore. We critiqued the strike zone, the slap shot, the dribbling and the offsides penalty. Nothing escaped us, so watching with my dad in the day, and my brother today, eliminated all waiting.

I guess the point is that waiting is a fact of life, and a big part of life. It can be a wasted part of life, or it can be a fun part of life, the decision is within our control.

Fishin was mostly waiting when my son and I sat on that homemade bench 30 years ago, but fishin was an experience where the waiting was better than the fishing because I connected with someone I love.

Zakim Bridge Photo by Eric Vance, US EPA