Have a new husband by Friday? Is that even possible? Dr. Kevin Leman says it is. The New York Times best-selling author and self-help guru shows even the most frustrated wife how she can have a new husband by Friday. Leman reminds any wife that if what she's doing to get better behavior out of her husband isn't working now, it never will. So it's time for a change. That means it's time to change her own patterns of behavior.
Here's how Leman suggests she handle it day to day:
- Monday: Secrets Revealed: Cracking the Male Code? Yes, you're different species, but you can work together in harmony.
- Tuesday: Creatures from Another Planet...or Creatures of Habit? To understand men, you have to track 'em to their den.
- Wednesday: Think About What You Want to Say, Then Divide It by Ten - how to talk so your guy will really listen...and listen so your guy will really talk.
- Thursday: Think of Him as a Seal Waiting for a Three-Pound Fish - why making love to your man is a key to who he is and how satisfied he'll be, and what's in it for you.
- Friday: It Takes a Real Woman to Make a Man Feel like a Real Man - how to open your man's heart, revolutionize your love life, and turn him into the knight you've always dreamed of.
©2015 eChristian (P)2015 eChristian
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Anyone who has dealt with a strong-willed child knows that it is no easy task to turn bad behavior around. But the popularity of TV programs like Supernanny and Nanny 911 shows that parents have had it up to here and are ready to try anything to get their children to behave. Bestselling author and psychologist Dr. Kevin Leman is here to help.
Have a New Kid by Friday shows parents how to reverse negative behavior in their children--fast! With his signature wit and encouragement, Dr. Leman offers hope and real, practical, doable strategies for regaining control and becoming the parents they always wanted to be. Focusing on changing a child's attitude, behavior, and character, it contains chapters for each day of the week and a special section with advice on everything from rolling eyes to sibling rivalry to talking back to punching walls and much, much more. This large section of more than 100 specific topics is indexed, allowing parents to flip immediately to any areas of concern for witty, straightforward, and gutsy plans of action.
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TO MY KNOWLEDGE HE HAS NEVER WRITTEN A BOOK,
"Have a New Wife by Friday: How to Change His Attitude, Behavior & Communication in 5 Days"
to go along with,
"Have a New Husband by Friday: How to Change His Attitude, Behavior & Communication in 5 Days"
I HAVE WONDERED ABOUT THAT FOR 22 YEARS. I HAVE SEVERAL BOOKS OF HIS AND FIND THEM VERY INTERESTING!
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The Christian Abuser is a book that represents Pastor Goodell's sixty-five years of counseling with the wives of leaders in the Independent Baptist Community.
In over 3,000 counseling sessions, he has sought to help wives of Baptist leaders deal with the abusiveness of their husbands, justifying the abuse by taking out of context Paul's teaching about "the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church."
Read about the following:
* The missionary who abused his wife.
* The miraculous recovery of a biblical marriage.
* The pastor who became a supporter of dealing with abuse in his church.
* The process of how abuse starts and how God gives power for recovery.
* Read about the pastor who was so arrogant that he refused to deal with his abuse, lost his wife, children, and ministry.
The Christian Abuser can also be ordered on the websites of Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Christian Book Distributors.
Saved in 1955 at age fourteen, Guy Goodell has been preaching consistently from that time until now, almost sixty years. Upon graduation from high school, he served in the United States Air Force, working with the Chaplains in providing voluntary Bible studies in the barracks. While in Colorado, he earned the A.A. equivalent from the College of the Air Force, majoring in radar technology.
In 1960, he enrolled at Tennessee Temple University to prepare for expanded ministry, finishing his tour of military duty in the Air Force Reserve in Chattanooga, Tennessee. After completing the B.A. degree, Guy and his family moved to Texas where he attended Dallas Theological Seminary in the fall and spring, studying at North Texas State University in the summers. Guy completed the M.A. in English at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville and the Ph.D. in Christian Counseling at Landmark Baptist College. He did additional post-graduate studies at the University of Kentucky, Kentucky State University, Carson-Newman University, and the State University of New York.
As a pastor, Guy established The Strength for Living Counseling Center fifty years ago and integrated counseling into his pastoral ministry. He has served as a counselor and as the trainer of counselors for fifty years, working with judges, police, emergency medical personnel, pastors, evangelists, missionaries, and their respective families. Under the Reagan Administration, Guy was one of three hundred pastors who met with the President and accepted the responsibility of smuggling millions of Bibles into the Soviet Union. Guy worked with Dr. Bob Billings, a staff member of President Reagan, and incorporated “Bibles for Russia” for purposes of raising funds for printing the Bible in the Russian language. Guy still operates Bibles for Russia, helping develop ministries, serve pastors, and promote youth camps in Russia and former Soviet states. He helped establish Bible Schools in Russia, the Ukraine, and Romania. He was co-founder of The Seminary of the Yurals, where he also taught counseling for younger Russian pastors.
He presently serves as pastor of Greater Glens Falls Bible Baptist Church and president of the Baptist Academy and College program, which reaches out to local pastors and offers training in Biblical counseling.
American families are the backbone of this nation. The American family is the fundamental institution that provided the Founding Fathers with the emotional support and driving courage to face the tyrannical government that threatened their very existence. The American family used to be the fundamental institution of our stable, liberty-loving, and very successful society. It is the essential building block of a free society with limited government. In the last hundred years, the American family has been attacked, debased, maligned, slandered, and vilified by every facet of society. No family is safe from the official busybodies. At issue is a rebellion against any sort of moral code. Who Killed the American Family reveals the concerted assault on the American nuclear family by many forces - feminists, judges, lawmakers, psychologists, school districts, college professors, politicians offering incentives and seeking votes, and more - opposed to the traditional American nuclear family, each with its own raison d'etre for wanting to abolish it. The wreckage of the American family leaves us with the inability to have limited government because government steps in to perform tasks formerly done by the nuclear family. Veteran conservative activist and thought leader who lead the charge to successfully defeat the Equal Rights Amendment in the 1970s Phyllis Schlafly explains how changes in the law, in court decisions, in the culture, in education, and in entertainment have eroded the once-precious institution. Any one of these factors would not have been enough to impact our families, but together they added up to a mighty force. Schlafly not only exposes the tactical charge the Left has implemented, but she offers hope and a plan for stopping anti-marriage incentives and how to restore in our culture the sacred nature of the family unit.
Forty years have passed since the so-called women's movement claimed to liberate women from preconceived notions of what it means to be female - and the results are in. The latest statistics show that as women have gained more freedom, more education, and more power, they have become less happy. In The Flipside of Feminism, Suzanne Venker and Phyllis Schlafly provide readers with a new view of women in America - casting off the ideology that preaches faux empowerment and liberation from men and marriage. Their book demonstrates that conservative women are, in fact, the most liberated women in America and the folks to whom young people should be turning for advice. Their confident and rational approach to the battle of the sexes is precisely what America needs.
Essays written during the 1980s and 1990s argue that most women have no need or desire to work outside the home, and to do so damages the security of both the economy and family life.
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ADDITIONAL LEARNING/TEACHING RESOURCES
WILL BE ADDED AS WE MOVE FORWARD
A WARNING - WOLF WATCH MINISTRY
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CHANGING MARRIAGES ONE AT A TIME...
CHANGING LIVES ONE AT A TIME...
"50 years trying to explain what God had in mind..."
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Proverbs 21:19 – It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.
Understanding the Bible (Sorenson)
Proverbs 21:9 "It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house."
Houses in ancient Israel often had flat roofs with a parapet wall around the edge. Solomon’s point is that it was better to camp out on the roof of one’s house than live in a mansion with an arguing, nagging, and contentious wife. Solomon no doubt wrote from experience. With all the wives which he had, he certainly had some who were difficult with which to live. An unsubmissive and contentious wife has driven more than one man to desperate measures.
Understanding the Bible (Sorenson)
Proverbs 21:19 "It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman."
The thought parallels that of . A man very well may find living in a tent better than living with an angry and a fighting wife. Sadly, many a divorce has been the result thereof. No husband is perfect, but God has called the wife to be in submission to her husband. That certainly includes her spirit and attitude.
Understanding the Bible (Sorenson)
Proverbs 25:24 "It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house."
The thought is similar to that of, which see. The idea is that it is better to live on the corner of the roof than in a mansion with a contentious woman. Houses in ancient Israel often had flat roofs with a parapet wall around the edge. Solomon’s point is that it was better to camp out on the roof of his house than live in a mansion with an arguing, nagging, and contentious wife. Solomon no doubt wrote from experience. With all the wives which he had, he certainly had some who were difficult with which to live. An unsubmissive and contentious wife has driven more than one man to desperate measures.
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AT ONE TIME IN MY LIFE AT WORK, AT A DESK JOB...
I had the opportunity to listen to the radio for
several hours a day, (in the background),
while doing my regular paperwork job which was very routine!
I listened to Dr. Laura, Rush Limbaugh, and then
Sean Hannity on the 30-minute drive home!
WHAT AN EDUCATION...This was about 23 years ago.
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The #1 National Bestseller
In her most provocative book yet, America's top radio talk show host, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, urgently reminds women that to take proper care of their husbands is to ensure themselves the happiness and satisfaction they deserve in marriage.
Women want to be in love, get married and live happily ever after, yet countless women call Dr. Laura, unhappy in their marriages and seemingly at a loss to understand the incredible power they have over their men to create the kind of home life they yearn for. In the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Dr. Laura provides real-life examples and real-life solutions on how to wield that power to attain all the sexual pleasure, intimacy, love, joy, and peace desired in life.
Dr. Laura's simple principles have changed the lives of millions. Now they can change yours.
CHAPTER THREE IS TITLED, "You're a Nag!" page 37
I always wondered why she never wrote the book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Wives". ... Letters From Listeners, How to Care for Your Wife 06/17/2013 I heard you say you never wrote the book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Wives" because it would be only one two-word chapter simply saying, "Yes Ma'am".
While this is largely true, I would like to write the second chapter. "Sex and Foreplay" is also a very short chapter and would simply say, "In marriage there is sex and foreplay. Sex is sex; everything else is foreplay.
Your friend forever, Steve
The follow-up to her million-copy bestseller The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Dr. Laura focuses on both partners in the relationship and reveals how to bring marriage back from the brink of disaster.
Jumping off her million-copy bestseller The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Dr. Laura now exposes the sensitive and loving truth in appreciating the polarity between masculine and feminine in order to produce and sustain a wonderfully satisfying marriage. Both husband and wife have power in the relationship, and each needs to realize this in order to ensure personal satisfaction. Using real-life examples and solutions from her call-in radio show, Dr. Laura focuses on the typical mistakes made by men and women in their relationships, and shows how marriages can come back from the brink of disaster and divorce.
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The perfect companion book for the woman who wants to ensure herself—and her man—that the marital happiness and satisfaction she dreams of is possible.
With The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands Dr. Laura helped hundreds of thousands of readers make good marriages even better and saved many from the brink of divorce. Now, she expands on that bestseller with more insight into the special power women have to transform their husbands, their marriages, and their lives.
Through a series of provocative chapters and Q&As, Dr. Laura guides women on how to assess what is valuable and what is vulnerable in their marriages, and encourages them to think about what is really important about being a woman, a wife, and a mother. In addition, readers will find inspirational stories and tips, thought-provoking essays, and space for entries and journals. Dr. Laura sums it up best: “Woman Power is part standard book, part journal, part workbook, and all a positive way to take the basic concepts from The Proper Care and expand and reinforce those ideas to help you transform your life, and that of your family, into the spiritually sound and satisfying experience it can be.”
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The follow-up to her million-copy bestseller The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Dr. Laura focuses on both partners in the relationship and reveals how to bring marriage back from the brink of disaster.
Jumping off her million-copy bestseller The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Dr. Laura now exposes the sensitive and loving truth in appreciating the polarity between masculine and feminine in order to produce and sustain a wonderfully satisfying marriage. Both husband and wife have power in the relationship, and each needs to realize this in order to ensure personal satisfaction. Using real-life examples and solutions from her call-in radio show, Dr. Laura focuses on the typical mistakes made by men and women in their relationships, and shows how marriages can come back from the brink of disaster and divorce.
AND YES I HAVE MANY OF HER BOOKS
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THESE ARE EVEN BETTER RESOURCES... (BELOW)
BECAUSE THEY ARE LOADED WITH SCRIPTURES!
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CHANGING MARRIAGES
ONE AT A TIME...
CHANGING LIVES
ONE AT A TIME...
"50 years trying to explain what God had in mind..."
The Church Abandoned Holy Matrimony - The Church Led the Collapse of our Justice System - We ask you to labor with us
so that we can labor together with God
(I Corinthians 3:9). - CHANGING MARRIAGES ONE AT A TIME...
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God chose to give His people responsibility for telling lost people how to be saved:
Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: 20Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen. Matthew 28:19-20
And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature. 16He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned. Mark 16:15-16
This message gives some common objections lost people use to try to justify not hearing God’s message from you when you try to plant and water so He can give the increase. These hints may help you get further when you find someone whom God has drawn.
https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com/2018/12/jesus-expects-us-to-teach-everything-he.html has a list of His commands. There are more than 650 with duplications.
It’s futile to pray that God will fix our government. If enough people accept Christ, THEY can turn our nation around.
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"50 years trying to explain what God had in mind..."
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Why God Made Men and Women Think So Differently - Bill Taylor
God made males and females different to help us be fruitful and multiply. Instead of trusting that a good God knew what He was doing when He created us, many men and women complain that God made their spouses wrong. Women complain that men are too possessive, too controlling, and can’t find anything in a refrigerator. Men complain that women are too emotional and talk too much.
God doesn’t expect a man to understand his wife, He expects him to know her (1 Pe. 3:7). Very few women or men can explain their thought processes. This chapter discusses the way male and female brains work to give couples a basis for sharing the way they think. Understanding draws them closer.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. 28And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, Genesis 1:27-28a
In the sweat of thy face shalt thou [Adam] eat bread, Genesis 3:19a
And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, Genesis 24:67a
I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, I Timothy 5:14a
God told Adam to live by the sweat of his face without mentioning Eve. Isaac supplied the tent where his wife would live. A husband provides food, clothing and shelter for his wife who guides their house. God created women to help their husbands (Gen. 2:18, 20), and the Bible values multiple sources of advice:
Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety. Proverbs 11:14
Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established. Proverbs 15:22
A wife often knows things her husband doesn’t, particularly about children. It’s foolish for a man to ignore his wife’s knowledge and counsel when making decisions. Even if her ideas aren’t always practical, her ideas may stimulate his thoughts and help make better decisions. In our decades of deciding, it’s been rare that the first idea from either of us stands the test of the other’s knowledge. It can take hours of discussion to get all the facts, but the decision is usually obvious once everyone’s concerns are understood.
The benefits of knowledge sharing are great. That’s one of the ways God wants us to edify one another (1 Thess. 5:11) and provoke one another to good works (Heb. 10:24).
God designed men and women to think differently. I saw my mother’s mind work when a baby cried in the next apartment. The hormones of pregnancy make a mother sensitive to a baby's cry[15]. My mother couldn’t stand the baby’s distress. She knocked, said, “Can I help you,” and picked up the baby.
Hormones on a woman's skin affect a baby's brain[16]. The mother's hormones of fear made her baby afraid. My mother’s calmer hormones made the baby stop crying from fear and start crying about what was wrong. Mom showed the mother how to fix it. God designed women’s hearing to be sensitive to baby noises but it takes teaching and experience for a mother to learn to deal with the sounds of her baby.
HOW WOMEN THINK
When men complain that women think emotionally, women feel that men believe that women don’t think at all. This makes them unhappy and unwilling to try to explain how they think, which lowers decision quality.
Dismissing women’s thoughts goes back to the Greek philosophers who gave us forward and backward chaining which doctors use. The doctor collects facts – blood pressure, temperature, weight, height, and your history. You describe your symptoms. The doctor “forward chains” from the facts and guesses what’s wrong.
Suppose the doctor thinks you have pellagra. If that’s true, you’ll have other symptoms. The doctor “backward chains” from the guess and orders tests to see if you have the expected symptoms. “We need more tests” means that the guess was wrong, backward chaining failed, but they now have more facts. They’ve forward chained to another guess for which backward chaining needs more facts. It is easy to explain conclusions found through forward and backward chaining.
Greeks also gave us Aristotelian logic - if A is true, not A is false. When Rome conquered Greece, they learned geometry and logic. They couldn’t have built roads or bridges without these intellectual tools.
These ways of thinking are so useful that men tend to believe that their way is the only way to think. When the Greek philosophers came down from their lofty discussions of logic, they found that the women whom they’d left guiding the house didn’t think that way. Instead of seeing that there was another way to think, they assumed that women didn’t think at all. Modern men are no better at valuing women’s thoughts.
Women think holistically, which means “involving or emphasizing the whole.” Everything in the house and everyone she knows is connected to everything else like a multidimensional picture in her mind. This helps a woman find things and makes it easier for her to fit each new baby into the family.
My wife once saw a group of kids running. That child’s hurt!” she exclaimed even though we were too far away to identify any. One child had a sprained ankle and been given crutches but didn’t want to use them. The way that child ran disturbed my wife. Being able to see or hear one wrong note in a complex situation helps raise children – a choking baby needs help now no matter what else the mother is doing.
This Smithsonian article[17] describes motherhood “as an unseen and poorly understood cellular-level revolution that rebuilds the female brain.” A high-level executive was amazed to find herself watching her newborn wave and kick for hours on end. Her brain was learning normal movement so that if her child was hurt, she would immediately see that something was wrong and take care of it.
A holistic situational sense can protect women from bigger, stronger men. Gavin de Becker’s “The Gift of Fear” urges us to pay attention to our feelings. Many women who’d been robbed or raped reported feeling uneasy, but told themselves not to be silly and kept walking. His book said we should pay attention when we feel something’s wrong. Judges 16:18 teaches that a woman can see into a man’s heart if she looks.
My wife’s father respected her thoughts as given of God to fulfill God’s instructions to marry and have children, but he insisted that she try as hard as she could to explain her feelings. That helped me as I learned how to care for her. She told me many things about herself and her thoughts which were so helpful that we wrote them down for our granddaughter[18].
Even with decades of practice, it can be hard for her to explain. A friend was in the hospital for heart surgery. His washing machine failed. My wife offered to do his wife’s laundry and bought 2 laundry carriers. When I asked why she hadn’t put the clothes in a trash bag, she said she hadn’t thought of it. I knew that wasn’t the reason but she couldn’t explain. The next day she told me her friend folded dirty laundry in the pile waiting to be washed! Her friend would be unhappy if clean clothes came back jumbled in a bag. With her husband in the hospital, my wife didn’t want to add to her stress. She knew this without knowing how she knew until she figured it out the next day. As Prof. Chomsky said, “Experts don’t think – they know!”
When researchers used computers for Artificial Intelligence (AI), they began with forward and backward chaining. This gave us “expert systems” whose conclusions could be explained. As AI advanced to “deep learning,” computers reach conclusions we can’t understand. “Can we let algorithm take decisions we cannot explain?[19]” points out that unexplained decisions make people nervous, just as men get nervous when a woman reaches a strongly-held conclusion she can’t explain and which makes no sense to them.
Research shows that men and women have different verbal[20] and spatial reasoning[21] skills. God gave male and female brains the same basic structure and the same brain cells but the connections are different.
“Men's and Women's Brains Are Wired Differently, but What Does It Mean?[22]”
The brain is split into two halves, called hemispheres. Verma’s study found that men have more connections within each hemisphere of the cerebrum, linking the regions for planning and decision-making with the regions for sight and speech.
Women, on the other hand, have more connections between each hemisphere, allowing the two halves of the brain to share information more easily. In the cerebellum, the brain’s physics and motion calculator, the opposite was true—men had more connections between the two hemispheres, and women had more connections within each hemisphere.
The study found minimal gender differences in children under the age of 13, but the differences were much more distinct by age 17. Many brain wiring changes occur during puberty, and men and women seem to develop differently. [emphasis added]
“Brain Facts To Know And Share: Men Have A Lower Percentage Of Gray Matter Than Women[23]”
Did you know women have a higher percentage of gray matter than men? And, not only do men have more white matter, percentage-wise, they also have more cerebrospinal fluid.
According to the researchers, the “results suggest that male brains are structured to facilitate connectivity between perception and coordinated action, whereas female brains are designed to facilitate communication between analytical and intuitive processing modes.” [emphasis added]
“Intuitive processing modes” may be what helps women find things in the refrigerator better than men can. A woman married without seeing her husband’s house. “The living room was full of tires,” she said. A man keeps tires in the living room so he can find them. “It took a month to get the tires out on the front porch,” she said, “and two months to get them around back, but I got them out of the living room.”
She went slowly and carefully instead of just taking over his house. As he learned to trust her to find socks, underwear, and other unimportant things, he trusted her to find important things like his tires.
Our brain cells connect into “neural clusters” which store memories, hear sounds, process images the eyes see, and do many other things to keep us alive. The way brain cells connect determines how the brain operates. Hormones carried in the blood to the brain also affect thinking. The adrenalin rush to the brain in times of fear can bring tunnel vision to focus on the threat and help you see more clearly[24]. A woman’s hormones change during pregnancy and during her monthly cycle; this also affects her brain.
“Hormonal Influences on Cognitive Function[25]”
Hormones are the chemical regulators of the human body and function critically to maintain various processes, such as growth, emotions and even cognition. Numerous studies have examined the relationship between hormonal effects and cognitive function; these studies have investigated different factors, such as aging, pregnancy, post-natal states, emotions and stress. Different types of hormones produce different outcomes for the human body and mind.
… sexual hormones … are commonly associated with cognitive function …
“Menstruation And The Female Brain: How Fluctuating Hormone Levels Impact Cognitive Function”[26]
Days before your period you may feel as if you’re walking around in a mental fog. During premenstrual syndrome (PMS), hormones begin to fluctuate and alter the levels of brain chemicals that keep you balanced and alert, but what exactly happens to the brain during your period?
Usually, after the first few days, there will be a surge of estrogen levels that will stimulate the release of endorphins that eliminate the mental change or hormonal cloud present during PMS.
“Estrogen levels are closely linked with women’s emotional well-being as estrogen affects parts of the brain that control emotions,” Dr. Ben Michaelis, a clinical psychologist in New York City and author of “Your Next Big Thing,” told Medical Daily. He believes the first few days of menstruation usually mark the “happy time” of the month, as some women report feeling more energetic, happy, and even inspired. This is why the rise in estrogen levels helps suppress stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol.
The rise in estrogen levels during the menstrual cycle deters women from impulsive decision-making. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Neuroscience found greater increases in estrogen levels across the menstrual cycle compared to impulsive behavior during the beginning of menstruation when estrogen levels are low.
However, low estrogen levels during the beginning of the menstrual cycle can provide benefits. Women tend to display greater brain activity when thinking about positive experience such as winning money at the start of their cycle than women who are in the other stages of the cycle.
When God made us male and female, He structured our brains as differently as our muscles.[27] These differences help husbands and wives fulfill the different roles God gave us in forming families. A woman’s holistic thinking treats the family, house, and children as one complicated picture where she can quickly see anything that’s going wrong and helps her find items in the refrigerator. This helps her keep her babies alive, but makes her easy to interrupt. A man is harder to interrupt. He focuses strongly as he must get his seeds planted at the right time, he must complete the harvest at the right time, or he must focus on a game trail to make sure he can shoot any edible animal that comes along.
God gets servants when the servants He has bear children and raise them to serve Him. The differences in the way we think makes women better mothers than men are and helps improve decision quality in the home if husbands take advantage of the diverse thought processes God built into wives.
Psalm 68:6 explains that God loved us enough to put solitary people in families. If you don’t see how something about your spouse’s basic nature blesses you and your family, that’s your problem, not God’s.
God made both salvation and marriage. If you try to get to Heaven your own way instead of God’s way, you go to Hell when you die. If you try your own way of marriage instead of God’s way, you can make life Hell on earth. Our culture has become so confused about marriage that we must review God’s definition:
And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Matthew 19:4-6
In God’s eyes, marriage is one man and one woman serving each other until one of them dies (Ro. 7:1-3).
Titus 2:4-5 teaches older women to teach younger women about husbands and children. The Book of Ruth shows how Naomi helped Ruth get married; the wife’s mother in the Song of Solomon advised her daughter how to stay married. A woman should seek to learn from a godly grandmother who hasn’t been divorced.
Song 2:16 says, “My beloved is mine, and I am his,” Song 6:3 says “I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine.” God expects men and women to die to themselves, to give up their independence, belong to each other, and be no more twain, but one flesh (Mt. 19:6, Mk. 10:8). It’s hard to give up your wants in favor of someone else and belong to your spouse, but that’s what God teaches (Song 2:16, 6:3, 7:10).
A man expects that marriage means he can have his wife whenever he’s able to take her, a woman expects that marriage means that he’ll open his heart to her whenever she’s able to talk. God created women because it’s not good for men to be alone (Gen. 2:18). God had many reasons for giving women a drive to talk, but one reason was that a woman will keep her man from being alone by talking to him.
It’s hard for a woman to please her husband unless he talks to her enough for her to know what he wants. A woman feels defrauded if her husband won’t open his heart to her – it slices her heart like a knife. She feels as defrauded as her husband feels if she won’t open herself to him whenever he needs it (I Cor. 7:3-5). A woman can’t decide when her husband needs her and he can’t decide when she needs him. Both parties must sacrifice to serve the other. Did you marry to get, or did you marry to give?
It’s simple to walk from Maine to California – put one foot in front of the other, repeat until you get there. It’s equally simple to have a good marriage – die to yourself one day at a time, repeat until you die.
A man may talk during courtship, but once he’s married, he believes it’s a done deal and he doesn’t have to talk any more. The Bible says 4 times that giving herself to a man humbles a woman (Deu. 21:14, 22:29, Eze. 22:10-11). The emotional cost of opening herself is so high that she finds it hard to give herself as often as he wants unless she’s convinced that he belongs to her.
THE SACRIFICIAL COST OF A HUSBAND
Ladies, having a man in your life is a lot of work and sacrifice. Many marriages break down when the woman finds out how much her husband costs after they’re married, decides he isn’t worth that, and walks out.
You won’t find rest in marriage to a man who won’t let himself belong to you. This makes your burden harder to bear. A good husband belongs to you. If a man belongs to you, if he nourishes and values you as God’s gift to him, you’ll find rest in belonging to him and you won’t mind the cost of belonging to him.
I Corinthians 7:28 says, “if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh:” The Bible warns that having a man in your life with all that involves brings trouble. Marriage is so much trouble that the Bible says not to marry unless you must:
I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. I Corinthians 7:8-9
The Bible says it’s good for women not to marry and that it’s not good for men to be alone. Is marriage harder on women than on men? God meant marriage to bless men and women, but we must do it His way.
God Teaches Women How To Marry
Ruth was a widow and knew what a husband would cost; she knew she wanted to marry. A woman should marry only if she wants to belong to one specific man badly enough to cover his costs. If he isn’t worth it, don’t marry. Ruth’s story shows salvation, but it’s also a handbook how to get married, if you want to.
There’s no book telling men how to get married, in fact, I Corinthians 7:27 tells men not to look for wives. Proverbs 14:1 warns, “a wise woman buildeth her house.” The Bible says nothing about men building houses; older women will tell you that men simply can’t build houses. It’s the woman’s job to build her house because her husband can’t; and she lays the foundation before marriage.
There are many different marriages, but successful marriages follow the same rules given in the book of Ruth. It shows how Ruth set a firm foundation for her house before Boaz took her to wife. Maybe 80% of success or failure in marriage is determined by what goes before, and 90% of that is how the woman conducts herself. Proverbs 31 teaches that a virtuous woman is beyond price. A woman sets her price by what she does. If a man can have her for the price of a few dinners, she isn’t worth much.
Before dating, ask him to agree that the purpose of being together is to determine whether he and she will marry, his life for her life. “A wise woman buildeth her house,” starting before marriage. Today’s women won’t do exactly as Ruth did because cultures are different, but God’s principles don’t change. Few young people are taught how to get married; you can save people a lot of grief by helping them avoid divorce.
The first step in building a successful marriage is knowing what marriage is. The Bible explains:
And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death. Genesis 24:67
The man pays the bills and takes the woman to wife, he loves her and she comforts him. A husband houses and supports his wife and their children. Comforting a husband takes a lot of emotional energy; a husband must convince his wife daily that he loves her to give her enough emotional energy to comfort him.
Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God. I Corinthians 10:31
Doing all to the Glory of God builds a successful marriage. You were created for the glory of God and your spouse was created for the glory of God. You’ll have to ask yourself, “Will doing this help us glorify God, or will it hinder?” Can you ask yourself that? Can you do all things to help your spouse glorify God?
That’s the main cost of marriage—becoming one with your spouse as God expects means that you give up your desires, wants, and needs in favor of your new family. It’s humbling to belong to your husband. You have to humble yourself to accept salvation; you must humble yourself in marriage. Can you die to your wants and do all things to help your husband glorify God? Do you want one particular man that badly?
BACKGROUND OF THE BOOK OF RUTH
Many sermons call Boaz the “kinsman redeemer.” Some describe him as a type of Christ who redeemed Ruth, who was not of God’s people, into the body of believers. Boaz had nothing to do with Ruth joining God’s people. Ruth chose to follow God when Naomi told her to return to her family to find a husband:
And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Ruth 1:16
For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. Romans 10:10
This wasn’t “easy believism.” Ruth didn’t just talk the talk of belonging to God; she walked the walk from Moab to Israel. Boaz wasn’t involved in her salvation or redemption; she chose to follow God.
Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. Proverbs 31:23
Boaz is in the family line that led to Christ (1 Chr. 2:11-12), but we know little about most of them. God put details of Boaz’s life into the Bible because he married a woman virtuous enough not only to choose to belong to God but also to be drawn into the family line that led to Jesus Christ.
Casting Boaz as Ruth’s redeemer makes him the main character, but it’s the Book of Ruth, not the Book of Boaz. With Ruth as main character, it reads as a romance novel - poverty stricken widow goes to a strange land to draw nigh to God (Jam. 4:8), works hard, doesn’t date around, marries a rich guy, becomes the great-grandmother of King David, and is in the genealogy of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (Mt. 1:5).
Boaz’s mother Rahab (Mt. 1:5) was another foreign woman who believed in God (Jos. 2:8-13) and married into the line of Christ (Mt. 1:5). God accepts all who call on Him, but they must call for themselves:
But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. Hebrews 11:6
Naomi’s advice to Ruth how to get married takes up a major part of the book whereas the mother’s advice to her daughter how to stay married takes only one verse (Song 8:3).
Naomi gave the woman’s view of marriage as she told her daughters to go back to their families:
The LORD grant you that ye may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband. Ruth 1:9a
Women aren’t strong enough to hunt or farm without machinery. Wives depend on husbands for food in a muscle-powered society with no “safety net.” Naomi wanted her daughters to have food, clothing, and shelter, but she also wanted them to find comfort, rest, contentment, and security in knowing that their husbands valued and appreciated them as taught in the Song. Many women experience this instead:
For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee. Proverbs 23:7
A man can pay a woman’s expenses without giving his heart to her. God isn’t the only one who appreciates a cheerful giver (2 Cor. 9:7) - Naomi wanted her daughters to find appreciative husbands who liked nourishing and cherishing them.
Experience shows that 80-90% of how a marriage works depends on how a man treats his wife, but 80% of that depends on how she sets her value by her conduct before marriage (Pr. 31:10). A man who thinks he might want to marry a good woman should learn how Boaz honored Ruth so that she wanted to marry him. A woman who wants to marry should consider Ruth’s Rules for marriage:
RULE # 1 – PREPARE TO GLORIFY GOD WITH YOUR HUSBAND
Ladies, the main question in deciding whether to let a man take you to wife is does he help you glorify God? The foundation for glorifying God with your husband is glorifying God yourself before you meet him.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33
Did Ruth seek first the kingdom of God? Naomi moved to Moab with her husband and sons, the sons married, the men died leaving three widows. As Naomi started back to Palestine, she tried to send her daughters back to their families where they’d find husbands, but Ruth wanted Naomi’s God:
And Ruth said, Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me. Ruth 1:16-17
Ruth’s parents would find her a husband, but nobody in her hometown believed in God. Ruth had been told she wouldn’t find a husband if she stayed with Naomi, but Ruth knew it was better to have God without a husband than to have a husband without God. Young ladies, do you believe that? Ruth could have said, “I prayed the prayer, I’m saved, I’ll let my parents find me a husband.” She said, “thy God my God” instead.
Ruth swore allegiance to Naomi’s country, to Naomi’s home, to Naomi’s people, and to Naomi’s God. Ruth summed up what marriage vows mean to your husband as she sought the kingdom of God. In this day of women’s liberation and political correctness, you may not realize what your man believes you’re promising him. It doesn’t matter what marriage vows you write. You need to know what he thinks you’re promising him.
Let’s take it one promise at a time. Ruth said, “whither thou goest, I will go,” your husband expects that you’ll go wherever he goes. How many women wanted to spend six dusty months in a bumpy covered wagon getting to Oregon? Very few, read their diaries. They didn’t want to go, but they went with their men. Ruth said, “where thou lodgest, I will lodge,” your husband expects that you’ll live wherever he puts you.
Call Him Lord
In addition to going wherever he goes and living where he puts you, your husband expects you to call him “sir” as Sarah called Abraham “lord” (I Peter 3:6). You’ll know your husband’s faults. The only way you can call him “lord” from your heart and reverence him the way the Bible commands (Ephesians 5:33) is to treat him as if he were perfect, as God treats you as perfect once you accept His offer of salvation (Heb. 10:17).
If a man belongs to you lovingly and cheerfully, his love and grace bless you. If you submit to your husband lovingly and belong to him cheerfully, your love and grace bless him. This helps you bless others.
As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. I Peter 4:10
God gave us His grace. If we’re good stewards of His grace, we’ll share His grace and pass it on! This is powerful testimony. As lost people see you offer your husband the same grace God gave you, as they see him nourish and cherish you by offering you the grace God gave him, they’ll want God’s grace for themselves.
On a day-to-day basis, reverencing your husband means you’re the tail on his kite, you hold steady as he soars. Look at couples in cars. Who’s driving? It’s almost always the man. He goes where he wants, the woman’s along for the ride, even if it’s her car. If he wants to stop and do something, he stops and does it. If she wants to stop, she has to ask permission and doesn’t always get it. You can also read stories that men read such as anything by Louis L’Amour. Have you read “Flint,” or “Warrior’s Path?”
Ever see a John Wayne movie? He’s the hero. A crisis comes, his woman views with alarm, the hero says, “A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.” He runs off and does it while she worries.
Some sayings have a secret half. Everybody knows, “If you can walk away, it’s a good landing,” from the early days when crashes were common. Few know, “And if you can re-use the plane, it’s a great landing.” There’s another part to “A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do” which is so obvious that men don’t tell you. The complete phrase is, “I gotta do what a man’s gotta do, and you’re gonna clean up the mess.” It’s worse than that, when your man’s done doing what a man’s gotta do, he’s tired, so he takes a nap. You gotta clean up the mess, and do it quietly so you don’t wake him. Does this sound familiar?
Make Your Home His Home
You also have to make your home his home. I’ve a friend who married just after graduation from college; she’d never seen her husband’s house. “He carried me over the threshold,” she told me, “and the living room was full of tires.” He had 8 tires, 4 for each vehicle. Any grandmother can tell you a man keeps tires in the living room so he can find them when he needs them. “It took me a month to get the tires out on the front porch,” she said, “and another two months to get them around back, but I got them out of the living room.”
She went carefully and slowly instead of just taking over his house. As he came to trust that she could find his socks, his underwear, and other unimportant things, he trusted her to find important things like his tires.
Picture this - you’ve been married a month and you’ve got your apartment looking just right. After supper, your husband tells you he’s going to drive his motorcycle up 3 flights into your living room so he can rebuild the transmission. You now do either the right thing or the wrong thing. You can say, “Over my dead body,” but if you say that, what do you say when he drives his motorcycle into your living room and starts working on the transmission? It’s hard to get men to talk at all, its bad tactics to say anything that shuts off discussion. At least he warned you, that’s better than average.
There’s only one right answer. You say, “Lets get a tarp and roll up the edges so your parts won’t get lost.” You needn’t mention that the tarp makes it easier for you to clean up the mess. At the store, you ask, “Are you going to clean your parts? Let’s get some disposable roasting pans.” That way you’re helping, you’re on his side, you’re part of the solution, and over time, he’ll learn to trust you.
This is more important than you know. Women build relationships through talk, men build relationships through shared experiences. Men tell stories to teach, that’s not how they relate. Men who were shot at 70 years ago get together to talk about it. They tell the stories over and over, but no matter how often a young man listens, he can’t join the group because he wasn’t there, it didn’t happen to him. If you want to relate to your man, you’ll have to share experiences with him. This gives you something to talk about. Fixing his motorcycle together in your living room is a shared experience that builds your relationship with him.
The Bible says of a virtuous woman, “She will do him good and not evil” (Pro 31:12).
Ladies, there’re two ways to get a man to do what you want. You can be “a continual dripping,” you can nag or rain on his parade enough, and you’ll get what you want. Samson told Delilah the secret of his strength because, “She pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death.” (Judges 16:16). That’s a way to deal with a man, or you can be like the virtuous woman,
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. Proverbs 31:26
Why shouldn’t he fill the house with motorcycles, you want to fill the house with diapers and baby toys, what’s the difference? A man thinks of home as a place to keep a woman. If you don’t convince him it’s his home, if you don’t make it the place he wants to be, he’ll find reasons to go other places. A man can work harder or go out with the boys instead of hanging around you, and you don’t want to be left all alone.
The voice of my beloved! behold, he cometh leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills. Song of Solomon 2:8
This man is so eager to be home that he’s skipping! Is he rushing home to admire the curtains or to see neat stacks of towels in the linen closet? That’s not it. Ask an older woman why he comes home!
Belong to Him
Think about it. If he must work on his cycle, wouldn’t you rather he did it where you could help him and bond with him? Even with disposable roasting pans, it’s easier for you to wash the grease off his parts for him than for you to clean the bathtub or sink after he washes the parts. If you wash his parts, you not only help him, he will be known in the gates (Pr. 31:23). His friends say, “Your bike’s back on the road,” and he says, “My wife cleaned the chain!” That’s so unusual he’ll have to talk about it and amaze his friends.
There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health. Proverbs 12:18
Using a sword on a man drives him away. If you’re health to him it won’t take him long to see that you’re lots better than riding a motorcycle and he’ll choose to stay with you. Win him with words of health.
Be realistic. If a young wife eagerly helps her husband fix his motorbike in a crowded living room, washes his parts, hands him tools, looks over his shoulder, and really cares what he’s doing, how long will he work on the bike? How long before he gets distracted and finds something better to do? Fifteen minutes? Five?
Ladies, cleaning up after a man does what a man’s gotta do and being the tail on his kite are maybe 1/5 of the burden of having a husband. Older women should teach younger women how to love their husbands, love their children, and to guide their houses, that’s the rest of the yoke of being married. You must know what a man costs so you can decide whether belonging to a particular man will be worth what he costs. It’s difficult to glorify God with your husband and about your husband if he costs you more than he’s worth to you.
If you really want to marry, rule #1 is “seek ye first the kingdom of God” to get yourself ready to glorify God with your husband all your days. Rule #2 is what Ruth told Naomi:
RULE # 2 – GO WHEREVER HE GOES
whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me. Ruth 1:16-17
Look in a mirror and watch yourself say that verse several times while thinking about him. If you can’t promise him Ruth’s vow from the bottom of your heart, if you aren’t eager to be the tail on his kite, if his kite has no string, or if you aren’t eager to follow him wherever he goes all your days, don’t marry him.
Women wonder if it has to be this way, “Why am I the tail,” they ask. The Bible tells you. Many men say that this passage means that a husband can lord it over his wife, but other verses say the opposite:
For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. I Corinthians 11:8-9
You’re the tail on his kite because God made you as God’s gift to your husband; he’s not made for you. He takes you to wife, you don’t take him to husband. The bride is given away; she’s the gift, not the groom.
And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from the man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Genesis 2:22-24
The first words Eve heard from her husband-to-be were a bit possessive. Adam said that Eve was part of him, she belonged to him, he could have her whenever he wanted her, that’s what “bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” means to a man. Men haven’t changed one jot since God brought Eve to Adam - men are still a bit possessive of their wives. God made women for men so very well that they’re worth wanting.
Adam called Eve “woman.” Did he ask her what she wanted to be called? He later named her Eve without asking her. Do men put labels on women? Who takes whose name? Have men changed?
Adam started out saying, “Want that! Gimmie!” Eve knew Adam appreciated her and that events would take their course as defined in Ruth 3:18. How many of you know Ruth 3:18? If you’re thinking of marriage, you’d better understand that verse:
Then said she, Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day. Ruth 3:18
What’s this, “will not be in rest”? Married women know why Boas wouldn’t be in rest until he’d finished the thing that very day. Have men changed? Have men changed at all? Here’s what Ruth said to Boaz:
I am Ruth thine handmaid: spread therefore thy skirt over thine handmaid; for thou art a near kinsman. Ruth 3:9
Is the Bible clear about the basics of marriage, or what? Isaac brought Rebecca into his mother’s tent, he gave her a home, he took her, she became his, he loved her, and she comforted him. Ruth wanted Boaz to spread his coat over her and keep her warm, what does a woman want today? She wants her man to put his arm around her and keep her warm and safe.
You see a young man with a young woman, she’s often wearing his jacket or shirt, she’s testing to see if he’ll keep her warm. What could be more basic? Adam said “Mine! Want! Gimmie!” Just like Adam, Boaz couldn’t be in rest. He took Ruth to wife that day, what’s simpler than that?
The idea of a woman wanting a man to keep her warm and a man not being in rest are the foundation of marriage, but that’s not enough. In 90% of the failed marriages today, it’s the woman who walks out; she’s not starving and she’s not cold. Why does she leave? It’s usually because she doesn’t find rest in her husband.
RULE # 3 – BE SURE HE GIVES YOU REST
Naomi told Ruth what’s more important than food or shelter. As Naomi started back to Palestine, she told her daughters not to come because they couldn’t find husbands. What did Naomi wish for them? She said,
The LORD grant you that ye may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband. Ruth 1:9
Naomi wanted each daughter to find rest in her husband. She didn’t wish food, or shelter, or warmth, she didn’t wish romantic love, she wished rest. A woman needs food, shelter, warmth, love, praise, and conversation, but she also needs rest. Rule #2 is go where he goes, rule # 3 is be sure he gives you rest.
Women, given that you’re the tail on his kite, you better make sure this man will give you rest. If he gives you rest, you won’t mind motorcycles in the living room, a woman can handle anything a man does if he convinces her that he loves her as Christ loves the church. A good husband and a bad husband cost you about the same. The difference is that a good husband gives you rest so you don’t mind what he costs. A bad husband doesn’t give you rest so he isn’t worth what he costs. Note, giving you rest is not physical love. This is a supportive, serving, caring, sacrificial love that a man decides to give her, it’s not emotional or physical.
Before marrying him, you must know: does he give you rest, that is, does he love you and serve you as Christ loves the church? Do you want him hanging around the house? Can you rest while he’s in your house?
Strong defines the Hebrew word used in Ruth as “comfortable, ease, quiet, resting place, abode,” and states that the word applies particularly to marriage. Does “rest” mean that she doesn’t have to work? No, Ruth worked hard. This isn’t physical rest, its emotional rest, and a man owes it to his wife. Jesus said,
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30
“Rest” in the phrase “the man will not be in rest” is a Hebrew word which means, “repose, idleness, quietness,” which Boaz couldn’t have until the thing was done, he couldn’t rest until he’d taken Ruth to wife.
How does a wife find rest? A man can’t give his wife spiritual rest, that comes from her belonging to Christ, but Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church…” The rest Christ gives His people is like the rest men should give their wives. As men find rest in Christ, wives should find rest in husbands. Accepting salvation means taking Christ’s yoke upon you and trying to please Him.
Men, when a woman marries, she takes your yoke upon her. The married woman cares how she may please her husband (1 Cor. 7:34). Men, your wife put on the yoke of pleasing you, a woman can’t rest unless her man shows her over and over that he’s happy with her and resting in her. Women, be careful about rest. Some men don’t find rest in Christ, they think God has a checklist and waits to whack them if they step out of line or miss a box. Men who believe God’s a bully usually bully their wives and children, you don’t need that.
Husbands, is your yoke easy, is your burden light? Are you meek and lowly in heart toward your wives? Do you make it easy for your wife to learn of you? She can’t know she’s pleasing you unless she knows you well. As the years go by, do you spend hours and hours explaining the cares of your heart as you spend hours and hours in Bible reading to learn of Christ? Does your wife find rest unto her soul in your house? We’re to love our wives as Christ loves us, a husband’s obligations are plain, if difficult.
If she runs out of diapers, toys, or food, buying anything in a picnic spot is expensive and she’ll be criticized for poor provision. She can’t rest unless she knows the plan in detail.
Rest from Criticism
About a year before I found her, my wife thought she’d marry a man she’d known for several years. He looked good. He was a youth group leader and served in the church, but there was a problem – he could be very negative. Some weekends were wonderful because she liked spending time at church with the man she loved. Other weekends were awful because he tore her down. She never knew how their “dates” would go. She became timid and introverted, not wanting to say anything for fear of being criticized or corrected.
Her parents had always loved and encouraged her and she had been an outgoing person before she met him. They were quite worried at seeing her become so withdrawn and so uncertain from being around him.
Finally, she asked God if she ought to marry him. To her shock and dismay, God plainly said, “No.”
Knowing her distress, the Holy Spirit brought a missionary who knew his family. He confirmed that her friend had a critical spirit and there was no way that she would ever be able to make him happy. The missionary pointed out that it would be a bad idea to marry him. When she asked her boyfriend about the matter, he huffed, “That’s the way I am. If you don’t like it, good bye!” and broke up with her.
What was her mistake? She had failed to guard her heart:
Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23
She let herself fall in love with a man without asking God! Our heartfelt emotions drive what we do:
For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: Proverbs 32:7a
But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man. Matthew 15:18
Your heart defines your life, but you’re supposed to rule your emotions:
He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. Proverbs 25:28
Keep your heart by giving it to God. Her boyfriend’s heart was not right toward her; criticism and ingratitude flowed from his mouth to her hurt. She didn’t want to go through that again. From the first, she tested me to see if I’d criticize her and I didn’t. When we visited her parents after our 3rd date, they knew immediately that she’d changed. Her mother thought, “She feels safe with him. I hope they get married before something happens.” What was she worried about?
She did her very best not to love me while we were dating. I didn’t know she wasn’t in love when she agreed to marry me. I was interesting, I had a job, I was smitten, I gave her rest, I ruled her gently, I protected her, and she was convinced that I was the man God wanted her to marry. That was enough for her.
The idea of marrying for love is maybe a century old. Before that, people married for duty. A farmer couldn’t eat unless a woman turned his crops into something edible, and a woman couldn’t farm. They needed each other. Love might or might not come. Love has strong days and weak days, but duty goes on.
God expects you to marry for duty and keep your heart until he’s committed himself to you.
Based on her experience with her boyfriend, she knew that she would come to love me. She asked that I never fuss at her. “I want to love you very much,” she said. “The more I love you, the more disapproval hurts me. I won’t be able to love you as much as I want to love you if you hurt me.”
That made sense – the Bible speaks of women as “tender and delicate.” I don’t want to keep her from loving me, so I watch what I say. We didn’t know it then, but God said the same thing:
There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health. Proverbs 12:18
I need this too. A man can be hurt as badly by a woman he loves as a woman can be hurt by a man she loves. We’ve tried always to be sure our tongues are health to each other. She tries to speak so that the 10-foot area near her is the best place in all the world for me to be, that’s why hang around her.
Women are unbelievably sensitive. Many of my wife’s friends say they get no praise at all from their husbands. “He’ll say he liked the dinner and he appreciated my taking care of his friends, but….” There’s always a “but.” Her friend is in such fear of the coming “but” that she can’t hear the praise. The world’s way of ending with the negative destroys. The Bible says “the fool … but the wise…” or “the wages of sin is death, but…” The negative comes first, then the positive. Nowhere in the Bible does a man criticize his wife! As salvation is “Only believe,” marriage is “only praise!”
If you’ve given your wife rest, you can say, “That last plan didn’t work out as well as we expected…” Note the “we.” You are the leader and she probably did it to please you. If you take responsibility for what happened, the fact that it didn’t work well won’t hurt her as much.
Let me give you an example. We were having lunch at church and my wife was cooking green beans. It’s a lot of work to prepare beans. You break off one end, pull off the strings, and break them just so.
Then she tried to help a friend in distress. This takes attention and focus. She helped her friend but the beans burned. I ate them and appreciated them. Regardless of how the beans worked out, I appreciated her work. What’s more important to God, helping heal her friend’s distress or a few beans? She must exercise her gifts of helping as we glorify God together. Some of her fruit will rebound to my account.
Rest from Worry
A wife’s rest isn’t only physical, it’s emotional and spiritual, and the book shows how. Ruth and Naomi got to Palestine at the beginning of barley harvest (Ruth 1:22). They had no money, no job, and no food. Ruth went out to glean, that is, pick up what’s left by the harvesters. Boaz gave Ruth a taste of rest that day.
Have you watched farmers harvest crops by hand? I grew up in Japan in the 50’s. Japan was bombed flat during WW II, there was no farm machinery, men and women harvested grain by hand. It’s grinding, killing work. You cut the stalks at ground level because you need the straw. You bend over, cut a bunch, tie it into a sheaf, and put it in your bag. Then you do another one and another, all day every day until it’s done.
Gleaning is worse. Harvesters get grain in bunches, gleaners find one stalk at a time. There’s spaghetti all over the yard. You see a stick, you bend over, pick it up, straighten up, you walk a bit and see another and grab it – how long before you get enough for dinner, one stick at a time? Next time you buy groceries, thank God Almighty you don’t have to do as Ruth did. We know she did it well. Boaz asked about her:
And the servant that was set over the reapers answered and said, It is the Moabitish damsel that came back with Naomi out of the country of Moab: and she said, I pray you, let me glean and gather after the reapers among the sheaves: so she came, and hath continued even from the morning until now, that she tarried a little in the house. Ruth 2:6-7
Ruth “continued even from the morning until now,” Boaz knew Ruth worked hard.
Then said Boaz unto Ruth, Hearest thou not, my daughter? Go not to glean in another field, neither go from hence, but abide here fast by my maidens: let thine eyes be on the field that they do reap, and go thou after them: have I not charged the young men that they shall not touch thee? and when thou art athirst, go unto the vessels, and drink of that which the young men have drawn. Then she fell on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, and said unto him, Why have I found grace in thine eyes, that thou shouldest take knowledge of me, seeing I am a stranger? Ruth 2:8-10
Boaz was kind to Ruth, he offered her water, he told the young men to leave her alone, and she asked why. Smart woman, Ruth, when a man’s nice to a woman, it’s a good idea to find out why, particularly when he tells other men to leave her alone. Ruth needed to know what Boaz had in mind, so she asked why. Instead of ignoring her as men often do when women ask “Why?” he opened his heart to her, he told her why:
And Boaz answered and said unto her, It hath fully been shewed me, all that thou hast done unto thy mother in law since the death of thine husband: and how thou hast left thy father and thy mother, and the land of thy nativity, and art come unto a people which thou knewest not heretofore. The LORD recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust. Ruth 2:11-12
Boaz cared for Ruth because she showed salvation by trusting God enough to travel to a strange land where she had no hope of marrying. He respected her character; he valued her trust in God. That’s Biblical:
Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31:30
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33
Why did Ruth go with Naomi? Naomi told her she wouldn’t find a husband because she was a foreigner and not having a husband would risk starvation that winter. Ruth sought the kingdom of God first; it’s no surprise that all these things were added unto her.
So if you must marry, we have three rules of getting married: 1) seek ye first the kingdom of God, 2) understand that you’re made for him so you’re the tail on his kite, and 3) make sure he values and respects you so that you can find rest in his house.
Marriage happens because women want a man’s appreciation and men can’t be in rest, but women need rest in marriage. When Boaz told the reapers to drop a few bundles of grain for her so she wouldn’t have to work as hard, Ruth knew that Boaz appreciated her and valued her enough to help her rest a bit.
The book of Genesis tells us a lot about how men and women get along. Consider Adam’s punishment:
In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return. Genesis 3:19
Adam was to eat by the sweat of his face. Not just his brow, his entire face.
Women are too weak to farm and can’t hunt while carrying a nursing baby. How was Eve going to eat? By the sweat of Adam’s face. Until recently, a woman had to persuade a man to feed her and her children or she’d starve. That’s why relationships are so important to a woman – her relationship to her man was life or death. That’s why it meant so much to Ruth when Boaz praised her walk with God. When Boaz not only fed her but had the reapers drop bundles for her, she rested in the knowledge that he was inclined to feed her. That’s why she was glad to obey Naomi when Naomi told her to ask Boaz to marry her.
Starvation is rare now, but there’s another fear. A few months after we married, a colleague and I left work and realized we’d forgotten to discuss a problem. Instead of going back in, we talked in my car for several hours. When I got home, my wife was in tears. I didn't arrive when she expected, she called the office and was told I’d left. She thought something had happened to me. I was stunned, awed, and humbled to see how important I had become to her. I try to let her know where I am so she knows I'm okay.
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. I John 4:18
A woman wants her love for her husband to be perfect. A man should never let her be tormented by fear.
Rest from Praise and Appreciation
Which single Bible passage says the most about how to have a happy marriage?
Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. [saying] Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Proverbs 31:28-29
Praise is important to women, read Solomon’s Song to learn how. Proverbs 31 describes a virtuous woman. Preachers say that there are few “Proverbs 31 women,” but forget how Proverbs 31 commands men.
Praise from her husband and children is part of being a virtuous wife, it’s part of the package, it’s her due. Her works praise her in the gates (Pr. 31:31). A woman can’t be a “Proverbs 31 wife” without praise from a “Proverbs 31 husband.” A man may work from sun to sun; a woman’s work is never done. How can she keep on keeping on? Praise is the gasoline that helps a woman go, and even a poor man can do this.
The unsaved know this. How many of you remember the song, “Take good care of my baby”? One of the verses goes, “once upon a time, that little girl was mine, if I’d been true, I know she’d never be with you.” The singer lost the girl, but he still cared about her and wanted her new guy to make her happy. He said,
“Just let your love surround her, make a rainbow all around her.” That’s a good start, women expect to be surrounded by love, but there’s more, “Just let her know you love her, be sure you’re thinking of her, in everything you say and do…” What’s the basis of giving a wife rest? Convincing her she’s loved by thinking of her, by being considerate of her, by operating according to her needs in everything he says and does.
If, for example, a husband puts the toilet seat down or takes a quick swipe to clean a sink before the goo hardens, his wife appreciates his thinking of her as much as she appreciates not having to do it herself.
Ruth 1:9 says a wife should find rest in the home of her husband, Matthew 11:28-30 explains Christ’s rest, Ruth 2:11-12 and 3:10 show Boaz giving Ruth rest, Proverbs 31:28-29 tells husbands to teach their children to praise their mothers and to add praise of their own. The Song of Solomon teaches a man to give his wife rest by praising her in mind-numbing detail many times per day.
Naomi’s command to “sit still” in Ruth 3:18 comes right after Ruth came back from the party, she’s all fired up, she’s going to get married even if she doesn’t know who. I don’t have daughters so I’m not sure what a young lady does when she thinks a man’s interested in her, but the Bible tells what Ruth did,
And she told her all that the man had done to her. Ruth 3:16
When the Bible says “all” it means “all.” I’ve been a husband since 1971; I know that when a woman tells “all,” she really tells all, women love details. Ruth told Naomi what Boaz was wearing, the tone of his voice, every word he said, and what she said, and where they were, and who was at the party, and what they all wore, and what they all said, and when she got done, Naomi could’ve been there.
Many men occasionally, well, not often, but occasionally, get a wee bit frustrated at their wives’ desire for detail. Me, too, I must confess, but over the years, I’ve become convinced that a woman’s concern for detail is of God and for very good reasons. Here’s proof that a woman’s mind is of God:
A prudent wife is from the Lord Proverbs 19:14
“Prudence” means thinking, women think ahead in detail for good reason, a woman’s mind is from the Lord, the way your wife’s mind works is of God, don’t mess with her mind, guys, the way she thinks is of God!
All this detail, Naomi’s got the picture with words and music, what does she say?
Then said she, Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day. Ruth 3:18
Ladies, that’s the best advice on getting married there is. “Sit still.” I say it again, “Sit still, do nothing, say nothing, just sit still.” That’s really all Naomi had to say. Ruth promised “wither thou goest I will go,” so Ruth had to obey Naomi as her own parent. Naomi was in charge just as your husband’s in charge after you marry, all Naomi had to say was “Sit still,” but Naomi went on. She added “my daughter,” to say, “I love you and I’m doing what’s best for you.” She explained, “For the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day.” Learn from this, men. Paul told Philemon, “I have authority, I could command you but I’d rather persuade you.” As Naomi persuaded Ruth rather than commanding, as Paul persuaded Philemon rather than commanding, the Bible teaches that we should persuade our wives, our children, and everyone else rather than commanding (2 Cor. 5:11), no matter how long it takes for them to understand.
That long? As long as it takes? Yeah, that long, and believe me, I know how long it can be. It’s not because women are difficult, the Bible says that women are made for men and that a wife wants to please her husband, but women think very differently from men. It takes time to understand what she’s saying, it takes time to explain what you want, and it takes time to persuade her that it’s best or for her to persuade you. God said that a woman’s mind is from Him. Men, be patient and longsuffering, her mind is of God.
You must persuade, Romans 14:23 says, “whatsoever is not of faith is sin.” If your wife obeys without being persuaded, she’s in sin because she’s following you, a man, rather than following what God wants. Following a man instead of God is idolatry. Commanding a wife without persuading her leads to serious sin.
You must persuade your children as they get old enough to understand persuasion. If little kids don’t want to go to bed, you can pick them up, but what happens when they get bigger? You must punish rebellion, but you’ll have to persuade older kids that they need sleep, that they need to dress warmly in winter, and, most important, that the Word of God is the key to a contented life. Knowing when to punish and when to persuade is a very difficult issue in parenting. You can’t force conviction on matters of the heart through the world’s methods of command. All you can do is serve by example, persuade, and pray for conviction.
Naomi didn’t command Ruth to believe in God, in fact, she told Ruth to go home. Naomi had convinced Ruth about God so strongly that Ruth wanted God badly enough to go back to Palestine with her. You can’t just quote the Bible because it’s foolishness to unbelievers and to the religious who just prayed the prayer.
How can Jesus be both God and man? That’s illogical, you have to persuade by testifying about what God has done for you and for other people, showing them His grace, pointing out the results of what friends do, walking by faith no matter what God brings into your life, and showing that you care for souls.
God gives us soul liberty, even the liberty to choose to go to hell. Provoking your followers to wrath as condemned in Ephesians 6:4 shows that you may have denied soul liberty. Extra prayer, humility, servant leadership, and searching the scripture are need in those cases. Try to get a competition going to see who can humble themselves the most and serve the most as opposed to struggling to be top dog.
Rest from Physical Rest
We’ve shown the emotional rest Naomi described. God also commands that women be given physical rest.
Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If a woman have conceived seed, and born a man child: then she shall be unclean seven days; according to the days of the separation for her infirmity shall she be unclean. And in the eighth day the flesh of his foreskin shall be circumcised. And she shall then continue in the blood of her purifying three and thirty days; she shall touch no hallowed thing, nor come into the sanctuary, until the days of her purifying be fulfilled. But if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her separation: and she shall continue in the blood of her purifying threescore and six days. Leviticus 12:2-5
Some complain that this is another of those ridiculous patriarchic passages that disrespect women. Why should giving birth, a natural and honorable process, make a woman unclean?
An unclean woman couldn’t wash dishes – they’d be unclean and nobody could eat off them. She couldn’t do laundry – the clothes would be unclean and nobody could wear them. She couldn’t do housework; she got time to rest and learn to know her new baby. She stayed home. This protects babies from infection.
Japanese mothers are told not to take a new baby out in public for 2 months and to discourage visitors.
“Man may work from sun to sun; women’s work is never done.” Women can be so driven to take care of their homes and to try to please their men that they don’t get enough rest. Men should watch out for that. God could have told men to make sure that their wives were able to rest, but He made it a matter of ritual impurity instead. Maybe men wouldn’t have listened otherwise? Did He have to make it a matter of law?
Without infant formula, nursing was the only way to keep a baby alive. I’ve been told that girl babies often have a harder time settling down to nursing than boy babies and that girls are smaller at birth than boys.
It’s a major milestone for a mother when her baby holds enough milk to sleep through the night. If girls have a harder time nursing and they’re smaller, it would take longer for a girl to sleep through the night.
If that’s true, God knows all about it. What did He do? A mother got more time off when she gave birth to a girl than when she gave birth to a boy, 70 days versus 40 days. The extra month made it more likely that the newborn girl would sleep through the night before the mother had to resume her normal routine.
God honors women. Anna was the first to proclaim salvation (Luke 2:36-38). A woman anointed Jesus’ body for burial (Mt. 26:12). Pilate’s wife tried to persuade him not to crucify Jesus (Mt. 27:19). Women were last at the cross (Mk. 15:47) and first at the tomb (Jn. 20:1). Women proclaimed the resurrection (Mt. 28:5-10). Women attended prayer meetings (Ac. 1:14). Lydia was the first European to hear the missionaries, the first convert, offered lodging, and may have started a house church (Ac. 16:13-14).
Galatians 3:28 says, “there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.” In modern culture, it’s hard for men and women to treat each other as people; gender attraction tends to creep into conversations. This leads to temptations and gives Satan an advantage. The Bible tells how:
Rebuke not an elder, but intreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren; The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity. I Timothy 5:1-2
There’s nothing wrong with men and women talking to each other and having fellowship so long as they do it “with all purity.” It’s a good idea because they think so differently. In talking to other men, my wife found that I wasn’t nearly as strange as she’d thought, and the same worked for me, too.
These conversations must stay logical. Letting emotion into these talks opens impure doors. We can express emotions to the church body as a whole, but emoting to an individual of the opposite sex is perilous.
RULE # 4 – DON’T PLAY HARD TO GET, BE HARD TO GET
Having looked at the necessity of persuasion and getting rest, let’s explore Naomi’s advice to women.
Then said she, Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day. Ruth 3:18
Naomi’s advice to wait doesn’t mean that women have to be passive about wanting to marry, not at all. Ruth crashed the party (Ruth 3:1-5) and asked Boaz to marry her. Ruth wasn’t being forward; having Boaz care for her was her right as his relative’s widow, but she had to choose the right time to ask.
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; … a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. Ecclesiastes 3:1
I grew up in farm country so I know why Ruth had to wait before asking Boaz to marry her. Men are much more focused than women. When a baby chokes, the mother better hear no matter what she’s doing or the baby dies. God made women easy to interrupt. Men focus more strongly and can get testy when interrupted. The harvest was important, if they didn’t get enough, some would starve to death before the next harvest.
Moreover the profit of the earth is for all: the king himself is served by the field. Ecclesiastes 5:9
If there’s no food, nobody eats, not even the king. Ruth waited until “his heart was merry,” then she “came softly.” Why was Boaz merry? He’d finished the harvest, there was enough food, he wouldn’t starve that year, and he could rest a bit. He might even be open to lesser matters like marriage.
Men haven’t changed since Boaz or since Adam. What Naomi told Ruth after the party was rule # 4, “Don’t play hard to get, be hard to get.” There’s a saying, “It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that zing!” What’s the zing that makes marriage happen? The man can’t rest. If he has rest, why marry?
Toy or Treasure
There are only two possible modes when a girl interacts with a guy: 1) she can be his toy or 2) she can be his treasure. You've seen a little boy play with a truck. He pushes it this way and that, then, when he gets tired of it, he throws it away and grabs another. It is hard on girls when boys get tired of them and throw them away.
Young ladies want attention from men. If older women haven’t fulfilled God’s command to teach them about men, they tend to end up in fornication. Even secular writers know that this can be damaging. The book “Unprotected” by Miriam Grossman explains biological reasons why this is so. To oversimplify, a woman tends to become emotionally involved when she gives herself to a man. It hurts her deeply when she finds that she meant nothing to him, and that in his mind, she was just an interchangeable toy.
Any boy can play with her; it takes a man to stay with her. Toy or treasure, play or stay are the only possibilities. If a girl doesn’t want to be treated like a toy, she must insist that he treat her as a treasure and potential wife from before the first date.
A Misconception about Conception
There’s another common error – many girls think a man will marry her if she has his baby.
And when the LORD saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren. And Leah conceived, and bare a son, and she called his name Reuben: for she said, Surely the LORD hath looked upon my affliction; now therefore my husband will love me. And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Because the LORD hath heard I was hated, he hath therefore given me this son also: and she called his name Simeon. And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Now this time will my husband be joined unto me, because I have born him three sons: therefore was his name called Levi. And she conceived again, and bare a son: and she said, Now will I praise the LORD: therefore she called his name Judah; and left bearing. Genesis 29:31-35
Poor Leah! It took three sons for her to learn that bearing Jacob’s sons wouldn’t make her love her.
But unto the sons of the concubines, which Abraham had, Abraham gave gifts, and sent them away from Isaac his son, while he yet lived, eastward, unto the east country. Genesis 25:6
Abraham was a friend of God (2 Chr. 20:7, Isa. 41:8), yet he sent away at least two women who had his babies instead of marrying them. I asked a young lady why she thought he’d marry. “He’d have to marry me to be near his baby.”
Nonsense. She said she wanted to get married, but she moved in with him without marriage. To him, what she said about wanting marriage was a lie. She said she was on the pill, but she stopped taking it and told him he’d have to marry her. Now she’s a lying manipulator. Why marry someone like that? If a man can have her without marring, what would marriage give him that he doesn’t have?
Whose are the Children?
Here’s a difference between head knowledge and heart knowledge. When we were in the kid biz, a child might violate a rule, be called on it, and say, “Yes, I know.” If the child knew the rule, why break it? Because the rule was only head knowledge, it hadn’t gotten down into his heart.
Although a man may have some vague sort of head knowledge about the birds and bees, down in his heart, where it really counts, a man doesn’t believe he has anything to do with making babies. Your baby is clearly yours – you had it last – but what has your baby to do with him?
One reason God made men so possessive was to give children fathers. If a man has a strong emotional, financial, logical, and psychological connection to a woman and she encourages and establishes his possessiveness of her as taught in the Song of Solomon before she gets pregnant, her children will be his, too.
A woman gives her children a father by belonging thoroughly to him before they’re conceived, but he has a hard time valuing her enough to value her children as God expects of him if she gives him rest out of season.
Having my wife decide to belong to me changed everything. A woman told me, “You have cat tracks on your car.” She was clearly asking a question, so I said, “They’re my wife’s cats.” Her questioning look got deeper, so I said, “Long ago, she made a conscious decision to belong to me. She’s mine, so her cats are mine.” Her face cleared, she nodded, and walked away. I had answered her question.
RULE # 5 – GET ADVICE FROM A GODLY GRANDMOTHER
Rule # 4, don’t play hard to get, be hard to get, gets to rule # 5, get advice from an older woman. Ruth had been married, she knew what men wanted, but she took Naomi’s advice. Naomi told Ruth when to plant by gleaning with Boaz; Naomi told Ruth when to pluck up that which was planted by crashing the party.
Women need advice about men; when they’re on their own, they usually mess up. Ruth could’ve asked Boaz the day she got back, Ruth’s rights didn’t change during the harvest, but Naomi had Ruth wait. Boaz was focused on the harvest; the last thing he wanted was wedding talk when he was worried about starving. Ruth waited until Boaz got to know her and until his “heart was merry;” when she asked him to marry her, he wanted to do it. Being wanted and appreciated gave Ruth rest.
Here’s another area where Ruth took advice. When Naomi told Ruth to go to Boaz’ party even though she hadn’t been invited, Naomi told Ruth to get all dressed up:
Wash thyself therefore, and anoint thee, and put thy raiment upon thee, Ruth 3:3a
Boaz had gotten to know Ruth as she worked the harvest and he’d shown that he respected Ruth the day they met. Once Boaz respected her, then it was OK for Ruth to look her best. Girls, it’s a bad idea for you to do anything special to attract a man’s attention at the beginning. Suppose it works, then what? What’ll you do when you’re too busy, or too tired, or too pregnant to do whatever it was that attracted him? Girls, unless a man comes after you on his own just the way God made you, God won’t want to give you to him.
If you worry too much about your looks, it’s easy for a man to flatter you and win your heart by saying you look good. Don’t we talk about a man “feeding her a line?” Seek to put on a meek and quiet spirit. A meek and quiet spirit is of great price in the eyes of God (I Peter 3:4), and the right man treasures it too.
Does He Praise You
Let’s look at rest a bit more in the context of getting advice. You may not always understand what a man means by what he says to you, particularly if you’re falling in love with him. You need for your husband to appreciate you and that’s where you need advice. Tell an older woman what he says and she’ll help you figure out if he truly appreciates you. Someone your age can’t help you with that.
Men, a woman can give a man physical rest under pretty much any circumstances but she can’t give her man rest unto his soul unless he first gives her rest. A wife can’t make you any happier than you make her.
A woman can’t give her husband rest unless she’s happy about belonging to him and giving him rest. She can’t be happy about belonging to him unless he values her and appreciates her, and it’s hard to value her if she gives him rest outside marriage. The Bible explains how a man should give his wife rest so that she can give him complete rest, but a woman can’t create rest or love by herself. A woman’s like a mirror, she magnifies her husband’s love and rest back to him, she’s not a light.
If her man makes her feel appreciated, if he makes her feel respected and valued, if he gives her peace and rest as Christ gives His people perfect peace and rest, she amplifies his rest and reflects enough love back to him to take care of the whole family. A wife can’t make rest from nothing; she can’t give rest if she isn’t given rest to begin with. How does a man give his wife rest? God explains:
Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. [saying] Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Proverbs 31:28-29
The Bible commands a husband to tell his wife that she’s far better than any other wife he knows. It also commands a man to sanctify his wife, that is, to set her apart from all other women:
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, Ephesians 5:25-26
Does He Sanctify You
Men should sanctify wives as Christ sanctifies the church. Sanctification means “set apart,” a husband must know his wife well enough to separate her from other women, especially when taking her. Men get so intense that a woman may think, “Anybody would do.” Some men say, “All cats are gray in the dark.” This suggests that men don’t sanctify women even though Song 6:9 teaches a man to think of his wife as “but one.” Would God command men to sanctify wives if it were natural? It isn’t, a man must purpose in his heart to do it.
A man must possess his wife in sanctification. He must let her know he desires her as a person, a mind, a set of skills, a help meet, a companion, not just a body. If a wife doesn’t feel sanctified, she feels she’s fornicating because she could be any woman. A man sanctifies his wife by praising her in detail, read Solomon’s Song. If he notices and praises small details, she feels he’s paying attention and that he values her.
In any case, Boaz couldn’t be in rest, he wanted Ruth, so he married her, took her, and she was his wife.
We have 4 of Ruth’s Rules for marriage: 1) Seek ye first the kingdom of God, it’s better to have God and no husband than a husband without God. 2) Know that you’re made for him, he’s not made for you, when he does what a man’s gotta do, you gotta clean up the mess. 3) Wait for a man who respects and honors you as Boaz respected and honored Ruth so you won’t mind cleaning up after him. 4) Don’t play hard to get, be hard to get. When he can’t be in rest, just let it happen, don’t give him rest outside marriage. 5) Get advice!
RULE # 6 – MAKE SURE HE OPENS HIS HEART TO YOU
Now we come to rule #6, make sure he opens his heart to you. Women live and die by relationships. A wife relates to other women to share knowledge how to raise children and how to keep husbands happy. A wife wants feel that the bonds are strong. It hurts her deeply if her husband won’t open his heart to her. For generations, a woman could live only by the sweat of her husband’s face. A woman whose relationship ended through death or desertion could starve. That’s why God gave special provision for widows and the fatherless.
God knows that opening his heart is as frightening for a man as opening her body can be for a woman.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:11-12
It’s safe for a man to open his heart to a virtuous woman who will do him good and not evil. Some say “no need of spoil” means that the man shouldn’t be interested in other women; Song 6:9 agrees. Every man knows that a woman can give him the joys of Heaven right here on earth, but few realize that she can make him no happier than he makes her (Ecc. 9:9). Few men know how badly women need open hearts.
It's simple to make a man happy - my wife explains it in under a minute. I didn’t say “easy.” It’s simple to walk from Maine to California - put one foot in front of the other, repeat until you get there - but it’s not easy.
There's no simple formula for a man to keep a woman happy because women aren’t nearly as alike as men are. If he opens his heart to her as sincerely, as deeply, as widely, as patiently, as attentively, as often, and as gladly as he expects her to open her body to him, they will come to belong to each other. Once they belong to each other, they can give each other a taste of the joys of Heaven, right here on earth.
When Boaz opened his heart to Ruth and praised her Godliness, Ruth knew he respected and valued her. He told the young men not to mess with her, he protected her, he gave her water and lunch, he provided for her; she rested near him and worked with his people through the harvest. When she asked for his coat:
And he said, Blessed be thou of the LORD, my daughter: for thou hast shewed more kindness in the latter end than at the beginning, inasmuch as thou followedst not young men, whether poor or rich. And now, my daughter, fear not; I will do to thee all that thou requirest: for all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman. Ruth 3:10
Boaz liked Ruth asking him to marry her. He wanted her for her virtue, her character; everybody knew she was a virtuous woman. Don’t you think other women were interested in him? Boaz knew Ruth “followedst not young men” she wasn’t dating around. Boaz knew Ruth sought God. God made women for men. Boaz knew that a woman who works hard, acts modestly, and seeks God makes a good wife, so he married her.
Magazines and TV suggest that the only thing that matters about women is their looks. Ladies, would you rather your husband praise your looks or that he value the way you seek the will of God? Boaz praised her character, he knew she sought God and valued her for it. In truth, women, you don’t want a man who doesn’t care whether you’re seeking God no matter how beautiful he thinks you are. If he only loves your looks, what will he do as you get older or pregnant and your looks fade?
A man won’t open his heart and won’t belong to you unless he respects you. “But,” you ask, “how will a man know to respect and honor me?” There are two ways, the right way and the wrong way. The wrong way is to date and hope he’ll respect you, maybe he’ll marry you. That doesn’t work. Look around and see if your friends’ relationships are working. They generally aren’t. How do you do it differently?
Here’s how my wife did it. We met at church, I told her I’d be away for a month but that I’d date her when I got back, and I asked her out the next time I saw her. She said, “Before you spend any money on me, you should know that I’m looking for a husband. I’m not looking for fun; I want to get married. I’m not saying you have to agree to marry me before we go out at all, but I want you to agree that the purpose of being together is to decide whether we should marry. God made me to be a treasure for some man. If you aren’t that man, fine, we can part friends. I’m not a toy, I don’t want a man to play with me, I want a man to stay with me.”
I valued that and so has every man I’ve told. Men know they don’t understand women, men know that an unhappy woman is a hardship, a man worries about keeping you happy. If you state what you want clearly and simply and explain your needs before you date, a man can know whether he can give you rest or not.
Think about it from my point of view. Her telling me she expected to be a treasure for her husband was a great recommendation. What man wouldn’t want a woman who planned to be God’s treasure for him?
She wanted me to agree on why we were together. She put marriage on the table and insisted that I treat her as a treasure. I soon decided that she’d told the truth about being a treasure and took her to wife.
During my trip, my aunt asked if I knew any women, I said I’d just met one, but I wasn’t thinking marriage. When she mentioned marriage, I realized that marrying her might be a good idea, but without her bringing it up, I don’t know if I’d have thought of it.
Who mentioned marriage first, Boaz or Ruth? Men don’t always think of marriage, ladies, I didn’t, Boaz didn’t. My wife didn’t ask for marriage, she asked me to consider marriage; it’s in your interest to put marriage on the table before the first date. So what if he walks away? If he’s opposed to marriage, if your being God’s treasure doesn’t move him, you don’t want to fall in love with him. Guard your heart:
Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23
Ask God About Him
You must know whether a man respects you before marrying. Boaz showed Ruth respect by opening his heart and taking care of her, but how do you know? There are two steps in finding out, ask God, then ask the man.
Ye have not, because ye ask not. James 4:2b
Women ask for very little and that’s often what they get; my wife asked for respect and became my treasure. It’s hard to be a Biblical wife without your husband’s cooperation. God promises wisdom if you ask Him (II Chronicles 1:11, James 1:5). Pray fervently that God will show your friend’s heart before you fall in love. Pray that God will reveal any reason you and he shouldn’t marry, and obey what God shows you.
If you let God choose your husband, He’ll give you to a man who delights in you. It hurts a woman to marry a man who isn’t pleased with her. She’ll try something, he’ll like it, she’ll do something similar, and he won’t like it. She’ll second-guess, “Last week, he liked this, he didn’t like that…” If you find yourself constantly changing and hoping to please him, he probably isn’t the right man - the right man appreciates you as God made you. You’ll have to change your ways as you and your husband grow into your new life together, but it’s not a good idea to marry a man if you find yourself changing your basic nature to try to please him.
Ask the Man to Show Himself
After you ask God whether this guy will give you rest, it’s time to ask the man. You should have asked for respect from the beginning. If things look good, you’d better find out whether he respects your mind and your thought process before you’re too much in love to back out without being hurt.
God made you to be your husband’s help meet and you can’t help him unless he explains what he wants. I Cor. 11:9 says that you were made for a man and Gen. 3:16 says that your desire is toward your husband. How did God do this? How did God overcome your desire for independence and make you want to please a man? God gave you and almost all women an intense desire for a man’s praise. Why else have a man at all?
You want to please your husband (I Corinthians 7:34), but you can’t please him without knowing him. The Bible commands honoring your husband; it forbids fornication, theft, and adultery. In areas such as the car you drive or the school you attend, however, God gives us liberty to use our intelligence and free will.
As you and your husband make decisions, you’ll feel left out unless he asks your views and draws on your knowledge. Any man who ignores his wife’s gifts and knowledge when making decisions is a fool (Mt. 27:17-20). God gave you a different way of thinking so that you could help him more effectively. Your womanly point of view helps make it less likely that you’ll overlook possibilities. What doesn’t occur to him may suggest itself to you, and vice versa, but you can’t help him if he won’t listen to you.
Ask his views on drinking coffee, dancing, movies, rock music, Bible versions, spanking children, TV, or women wearing trousers to see whether he discusses issues with you or just tells you. A woman has a hard time telling flattery from praise, it’s hard to tell whether he wants to toy with you or to have you be his treasure and take you to wife. If you tell an older woman what he says, she can tell a man who treasures you from a man who’s toying with you. A friend your age can’t do it; Naomi was a generation older than Ruth.
Ask him what Jacob should have done when he awoke and “Behold, it was Leah,” (Gen. 29:25). Most men say Jacob was right to demand Rachel because she was beautiful, but God looks on the heart instead of appearance. God let Laban trick Jacob into taking Leah to wife. All things work together for good to them who are called according to His purpose (Rom. 8:28). Should Jacob have let God order his steps (Ps. 37:23)?
God doesn’t force people to follow His will, Jacob got what Jacob wanted (Ps. 106:15), but he had four jealous women fighting for his attention. All but two of his children knew their father didn’t love their mother, how did that turn out? Contentment comes from yielding to the Master. Godliness with contentment is great gain (1 Tim. 6:6), and Jacob found little contentment. Should he have been content with Leah?
Discuss Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5:1-11. Ananias wanted to keep back money, they discussed it, she agreed, they were struck dead. Some say they were co-conspirators, but the use of singular and plural in the passage shows that it was his idea and his wife agreed; that’s what submission is. A husband should get his wife’s agreement when making decisions. Sapphira was submitting to her husband’s idea when she was struck dead, does this teach that there are limits to your submission? Romans 14:23 says, “whatsoever is not of faith is sin,” commanding you to do things you don’t agree with forces you to sin because you can’t have faith in what you do. You need to know whether he believes there are limits to your submission. Should you marry a man who believes that God wants you to obey him without question no matter what?
Ask him why God put this verse in the Bible:
When he was set down on the judgment seat, his wife sent unto him, saying, Have thou nothing to do with that just man: for I have suffered many things this day in a dream because of him. Matthew 27:19
Most men ridicule the idea of paying attention to a wife’s dreams, but Pilate should have listened. Does God ever try to tell a husband something by telling his wife (Judges 13:2-13)?
Ask who misquoted God. Comparing Genesis 2:17 with Genesis 3:3 shows that Eve misquoted God to the serpent. Eve didn’t get it from God, Adam could have added to what God said. Heb. 12:20 shows that Moses added to what God said in Exodus 19:10-15. The Bible doesn’t say whether Eve or Adam added to God’s words. 1 Tim. 2:14 tells us that “Adam was not deceived.” Adam heard what the serpent said to Eve. Genesis 3:6 shows that Adam was there “with her,” why didn’t he protect her by correcting her or stopping her?
You must find out his beliefs of what women are. Men have two basic views of women, “last in creation, first in the fall” or “last at the cross, first at the tomb.” You’ll recognize the attitudes. The first blames women for the fall, everything goes wrong is a woman’s fault. The Bible says Adam blamed Eve:
And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. Genesis 3:12
A man who believes this thinks he’d be OK if his wife didn’t lure him to sin. The nicer she tries to be, the subtler he thinks Satan is and the harder he resists her. A woman who marries such a man dies inside.
A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. Proverbs 17:22
She yearns to please her husband and can’t, her bones dry and you see death in her eyes. But it’s a lie!
This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him; male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created. Genesis 5:1-2
For Adam was first formed, then Eve… I Timothy 2:13
Eve wasn’t last in creation; they were created on the same day as one creature which was in the image of God. They stayed one creature while Adam named the animals. God then separated Eve out of Adam’s body into her own form. A wife completes her husband’s image of God when they become one flesh.
Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned: … For as by one man's disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous. Romans 5:12, 19
Eve didn’t cause the fall, “one man” did. The fall came after they were separated into a man and a woman; Adam caused the fall. The 1st view of women is false. The 2nd view is Biblical, women were last at the cross and first at the tomb. Which way do you want your husband to think about you?
The Bible teaches that a wife is a gift from God (Pro. 18:22, Mt. 7:11, James 1:17). Can he say from his heart, “For God so loved man that He gave him woman, for God so loved me that He gave me you?”
You need to understand his thought process. Does he listen to your views, combining your knowledge, experience, and beliefs with his, or does he shut off discussion, saying, “That’s the way it is”?
If he’ll discuss the Bible with you, not lecture you, but discuss it back and forth, if he’s willing to honor what you’ve found in the Bible, to gently point out areas where you and he disagree, to work hard to bring harmony, to respect your views when making decisions, and to honor your walk with God, you’ll be able to accept his leadership. You’ll have trouble resting in him if he won’t explain himself or if you can’t respect him.
CONCLUSION
Here are Ruth’s Rules for marriage: 1) Seek ye first the kingdom of God, it’s better to have God and no husband than to have a husband without God. 2) Realize that you’re made for him and he’s not made for you. You’re the tail on his kite, so you’d better be sure his kite has a string. If he has a string, the two of you can soar together, but if he has no string, you’ll bump along the ground and get all muddy. 3) Wait for a man who respects and honors you so you find rest in cleaning up after him and in belonging to him. 4) Be hard to get, don’t give a man rest outside marriage. 5) Get advice from an older woman no matter how old you are. 6) Make sure he listens to you by opening his heart to you and that he accepts your need to talk all your days.
Pr. 31:1 shows that King Lemuel’s mother taught him how to nourish and cherish his future wife. Working mothers don’t have the time or the emotional energy to do that, so you’ll have to explain your needs.
Since you probably won’t meet a man who knows your reputation, you’ll have to declare that you’re a treasure up front and prove it by acting like a treasure. Treasures dress modestly instead of dressing in marketing mode and they don’t “date around” or flirt.
Test him to make sure he respects your thoughts enough to give you rest, we’ve seen ways to find out whether he respects what the Holy Spirit teaches you. Marriage prospers when a man treats his wife as God’s precious gift to him and she acts like God’s precious gift to him, but it’s hard for a woman to be a treasure for a man who won’t give her rest.
This can also help fix broken marriages. Very few women have been taught to declare that they’re treasures. A woman should declare herself before marriage, but it’s never too late to declare that God meant you to be your husband’s treasure and start acting like it (1 Pe. 3:1-2), nor is it too late for a man to start treasuring his wife and appreciating her as taught in the Song of Solomon and Proverbs 31:28-30. Remember, nowhere in the Bible does a man criticize his wife, not even once.
Can he say from the bottom of his heart, “For God so loved man that He gave him woman; for God so loved me that He gave me you?” If a man lives by that from the time they meet until the day he dies, his wife will have rest in belonging to him, and she can give him rest in the same way Rebekah comforted Isaac (Gen. 24:67). A wife can't make her husband any happier than he makes her. How happy does he want to be?
Chapter 19 - Verses and Passages Relating to Marriage
Gen. 1:3 And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. 6-7, 9, 11, 14-15, 24, 29-30 – if God says something is so, it is so.
Genesis 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Genesis 2:23-24 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. This is a very possessive remark – did Adam ask her what she wanted to be called? Or did he just name her?
Genesis 3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
Genesis 4:7 If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him. Matthew Henry and John Wesley applied this to Abel’s desire to follow his older brother.
Genesis 5:1-2 This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him; Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.
Genesis 5:3 And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, and after his image; and called his name Seth:
Genesis 15:7-9 And he said unto him, I am the LORD that brought thee out of Ur of the Chaldees, to give thee this land to inherit it. And he said, LORD God, whereby shall I know that I shall inherit it? And he said unto him, Take me an heifer of three years old, and a she goat of three years old, and a ram of three years old, and a turtledove, and a young pigeon.
Genesis 16:6 But Abram said unto Sarai, Behold, thy maid is in thine hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face. The angel restored peace in 16:9.
Gen. 29:30-35, Gen. 30:14-16, Gen. 37:25-35, I Sam. 1:1-7, Ecc. 7:27-28 conflicts and frustration caused by polygamy
Genesis 24:65 For she had said unto the servant, What man is this that walketh in the field to meet us? And the servant had said, It is my master: therefore she took a vail, and covered herself.
Genesis 24:67 And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.
Genesis 25:1 Then again Abraham took a wife, and her name was Keturah. Concubine in I Chron. 1:32-33
Genesis 26:35 Which were a grief of mind unto Isaac and Rebekah. Gen. 28:6-9 tells what Esau did.
Gen. 29:21 And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her. – why men marry
Gen. 34 – Dinah and Shechem v 3, he loved her after raping her, but it did not work out well, 50% chance, is that good enough?
Exodus 19:10-15 And the LORD said unto Moses, Go unto the people, and sanctify them to day and to morrow, and let them wash their clothes, And be ready against the third day. … And Moses went down from the mount unto the people, and sanctified the people; and they washed their clothes. And he said unto the people, Be ready against the third day: come not at your wives. Moses added to what God said. See also Hebrews 12:20
Exodus 21:10 If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.
Deuteronomy 4:33 Did ever people hear the voice of God speaking out of the midst of the fire, as thou hast heard, and live?
Deuteronomy 5:25-27 Now therefore why should we die? for this great fire will consume us: if we hear the voice of the LORD our God any more, then we shall die. For who is there of all flesh, that hath heard the voice of the living God speaking out of the midst of the fire, as we have, and lived? Go thou near, and hear all that the LORD our God shall say: and speak thou unto us all that the LORD our God shall speak unto thee; and we will hear it, and do it. See also Deu 4:33
Deuteronomy 21:14 And it shall be, if thou have no delight in her, then thou shalt let her go whither she will; but thou shalt not sell her at all for money, thou shalt not make merchandise of her, because thou hast humbled her. See also 21:10-13
Deuteronomy 22:20-21 But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father’s house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.
Deuteronomy 23:21 When thou shalt vow a vow unto the LORD thy God, thou shalt not slack to pay it: for the LORD thy God will surely require it of thee; and it would be sin in thee.
Deu. 24:1-2 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favor in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man’s wife. Jesus changed this, Mt. 5:32, 19:9
Judges 16:15-16 And she said unto him, How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart is not with me? thou hast mocked me these three times, and hast not told me wherein thy great strength lieth. And it came to pass, when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, so that his soul was vexed unto death;
Ruth 1:9a The LORD grant you that ye may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband.
Ruth 3:18 Then said she, Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day.
Ru. 4:13 So Boaz took Ruth, and she was his wife: and when he went in unto her, the LORD gave her conception, and she bare a son.
I Samuel 1:6 And her adversary also provoked her sore, for to make her fret, because the LORD had shut up her womb.
I Samuel 2:17 Wherefore the sin of the young men was very great before the LORD: for men abhorred the offering of the LORD.
I Samuel 25:42 And Abigail hasted, and arose and rode upon an ass, with five damsels of hers that went after her; and she went after the messengers of David, and became his wife.
II Samuel 6:16, 20-23 Michal despised David see also I Chronicles 15:29
II Samuel 13 Amnon and Tamar, hated her after raping her in v 15
II Samuel 23:15-17 David and the well at Bethlehem.
Est. 2:17 And the king loved Esther above all the women, and she obtained grace and favor in his sight more than all the virgins; so that he set the royal crown upon her head, and made her queen instead of Vashti. See 2:12-2:17 for how harems worked
Esther 4:10-11 Again Esther spake unto Hatach, and gave him commandment unto Mordecai. All the king's servants, and the people of the king's provinces, do know, that whosoever, whether man or women, shall come unto the king into the inner court, who is not called, there is one law of his to put him to death, except such to whom the king shall hold out the golden sceptre, that he may live: but I have not been called to come in unto the king these thirty days.
Job 2:9-10 Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die. But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh. What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this did not Job sin with his lips.
Job 12:7-8 But ask now the beasts, and they shall teach thee; and the fowls of the air, and they shall tell thee: Or speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee: and the fishes of the sea shall declare unto thee.
Psalm 19:5 Which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, and rejoiceth as a strong man to run a race.
Psalm 68:6 God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land.
Psalm 103:10-12 He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. 11For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him. 12As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.
Psalm 106:15 And he gave them their request; but sent leanness into their soul.
Psalm 119:136 Rivers of waters run down mine eyes, because they keep not thy law.
Proverbs 4:23 Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. – emotional fornication.
Proverbs 5:18-19 Let thy fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe: let her breasts satisfy thee at all times, and be thou ravished always with her love.
Proverbs 5:20 And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?
Proverbs 11:21 Though hand join in hand, the wicked shall not be unpunished: but the seed of the righteous shall be delivered.
Proverbs 12:4 A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.
Proverbs 12:18 There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.
Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the LORD.
Proverbs 19:14b a prudent wife is from the LORD.
Pr. 21:9 It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. 19:13, 21:19, 25:24, 27:15
Proverbs 23:7 For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee.
Proverbs 30:18-19 There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea, four which I know not: The way of an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent upon a rock; the way of a ship in the midst of the sea; and the way of a man with a maid.
Proverbs 31:11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
Proverbs 31:28-29 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. – The Song starts with the woman praising the man, but he praises her in great detail.
Ecclesiastes 1:14 I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.
Ecclesiastes 5:5 Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay. Ecc 7:27-28 issues of polygamy
Ecclesiastes 7:27-28 Behold, this have I found, saith the preacher, counting one by one, to find out the account: which yet my soul seeketh, but I find not: one man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found. I Ki. 11:3 7/3
Ecclesiastes 9:9 Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labor which thou takest under the sun.
Song of Solomon 1:2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine. – she praises him first
Song of Solomon 2:16 My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.
Song of Solomon 4:7 Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee.
Song of Solomon 6:3 I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies.
Song 6:9a My dove, my undefiled is but one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her.
Song of Solomon 7:10 I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.
Song 8:2-3 I would lead thee, and bring thee into my mother’s house, who would instruct me: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate. His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.
Isaiah 4:1 And in that day seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, We will eat our own bread, and wear our own apparel: only let us be called by thy name, to take away our reproach.
Isaiah 43:25 I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.
Ezekiel 3:20 Again, When a righteous man doth turn from his righteousness, and commit iniquity, and I lay a stumbling-block before him, he shall die: because thou hast not given him warning, he shall die in his sin, and his righteousness which he hath done shall not be remembered; but his blood will I require at thine hand. 3:18 for a wicked man, 33:6-8 watchmen must warn the wicked
Ezekiel 16:44 Behold, every one that useth proverbs shall use this proverb against thee, saying, As is the mother, so is her daughter.
Ezekiel 22:11 And one hath committed abomination with his neighbour's wife; and another hath lewdly defiled his daughter in law; and another in thee hath humbled his sister, his father's daughter.
Malachi 2:14-15 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. 15And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
Matthew 1:5 And Salmon begat Booz of Rachab; and Booz begat Obed of Ruth; and Obed begat Jesse
Matthew 1:18-19 put her away privily, not divorce, they weren’t married yet.
Matthew 5:6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
Matthew 5:16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
Matthew 7:11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?
Matthew 10:34-37 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man's foes shall be they of his own household. He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
Matthew 12:36 But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.
Matthew 19:4-6 Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Matthew 23:2 Saying The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses' seat:
Matthew 25:40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.
Mark 9:35 If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all and servant of all.
Mark 10:8-9 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. 9What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Mark 10:11-12 And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.
Mark 10:42-44 But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them. But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: and whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.
Luke 2:22 her purification (KJV) or their purification in the corrupted Greek manuscripts, see Leviticus 12:2-3 for the law
Luke 6:45 A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.
Luke 7:6-8 – the centurion commanding his servant as Jesus commanded the disease.
Luke 16:16-18 The law and the prophets were until John: since that time the kingdom of God is preached, and every man presseth into it. And it is easier for heaven and earth to pass, than one tittle of the law to fail. Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.
Luke 18:17 Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child shall in no wise enter therein.
John 12:10 But the chief priests consulted that they might put Lazarus also to death;
John 13:13-17 Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you. Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him. If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them.
John 15:15 Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.
John 20:21-22 Then said Jesus to them again, Peace be unto you: as my Father hath sent me, even so send I you. 22And when he had said this, he breathed on them, and saith unto them, Receive ye the Holy Ghost:
Acts 4:13 Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were unlearned and ignorant men, they marvelled; and they took knowledge of them, that they had been with Jesus.
Acts 17:6 And when they found them not, they drew Jason and certain brethren unto the rulers of the city, crying, These that have turned the world upside down are come hither also;
Acts 17:30-31 And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent: because he hath appointed a day, in the which he will judge the world in righteousness by that man whom he hath ordained; whereof he hath given assurance unto all men, in that he hath raised him from the dead.
Romans 1:29-32 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.
Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
Romans 5:12 Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:
Romans 6:11 Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Romans 7:4-6 Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God. For when we were in the flesh, the motions of sins, which were by the law, did work in our members to bring forth fruit unto death. But now we are delivered from the law, that being dead wherein we were held; that we should serve in newness of spirit, and not in the oldness of the letter.
Ro. 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
Romans 8:15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. See also II Timothy 1:7, spirit of power
Romans 10:8-13 But what saith it? The word is nigh thee, even in thy mouth, and in thy heart: that is, the word of faith, which we preach; that if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed. For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him. For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Romans 12:1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.
Romans 12:10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;
Romans 14:5 Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind.
Romans 14:13 Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's way.
Romans 14:22-23 Hast thou faith? have it to thyself before God. Happy is he that condemneth not himself in that thing which he alloweth. And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin.
Romans 15:4 For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope.
Romans 15:13 Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.
I Corinthians 6:9-11 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.
I Corinthians 6:19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
I Corinthians 7:1-2 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
I Corinthians 7:3-5 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
I Corinthians 7:7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
I Corinthians 7:9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
I Corinthians 7:10-11 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: but and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
I Corinthians 7:15-16 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
I Corinthians 7:27-28 Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.
I Corinthians 7:33-34 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
I Corinthians 8:9 But take heed lest by any means this liberty of your's become a stumblingblock to them that are weak.
I Corinthians 9:27 But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.
I Corinthians 10:31 Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.
I Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
I Corinthians 11:7b the woman is the glory of the man.
I Corinthians 11:8-9 For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.
I Corinthians 15:6 After that, he was seen of above five hundred brethren at once; of whom the greater part remain unto this present, but some are fallen asleep.
I Corinthians 15:58 Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.
II Corinthians 5:10-11a For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad. Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men;
II Corinthians 5:14-15 For the love of Christ constraineth us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead: 15And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again.
Galatians 2:21 I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain.
Galatians 3:10 For as many as are of the works of the law are under the curse: for it is written, Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things which are written in the book of the law to do them.
Galatians 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.
Galatians 4:1-2 Now I say, That the heir, as long as he is a child, differeth nothing from a servant, though he be lord of all; But is under tutors and governors until the time appointed of the father.
Galatians 4:16 Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?
Galatians 5:2-4 Behold, I Paul say unto you, that if ye be circumcised, Christ shall profit you nothing. For I testify again to every man that is circumcised, that he is a debtor to do the whole law. Christ is become of no effect unto you, whosoever of you are justified by the law; ye are fallen from grace.
Galatians 5:13-15 For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.
Ephesians 2:10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.
Ephesians 4:12-16 For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: 13Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ: 14That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; 15But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: 16From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.
Ephesians 4:31-32 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
Ephesians 5:1 Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children;
Ephesians 5:11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.
Ephesians 5:21-33 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Philippians 2:1-8 If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies, 2Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. 3Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. 4Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. 5Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: 6Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: 7But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: 8And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.
Phil. 2:6 Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: not robbery to be equal to husband Gen 5:1-2
Philippians 4:19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
Colossians 3:16-19 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 17And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him. 18Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. 19Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
I Thessalonians 4:4 That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honor;
II Thessalonians 2:2 That ye be not soon shaken in mind, or be troubled, neither by spirit, nor by word, nor by letter as from us, as that the day of Christ is at hand.
II Thessalonians 3:6 Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye withdraw yourselves from every brother that walketh disorderly, and not after the tradition which he received of us.
II Thessalonians 3:10 For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.
I Timothy 5:2 The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity.
I Timothy 5:14 I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
I Timothy 5:22 Lay hands suddenly on no man, neither be partaker of other men's sins: keep thyself pure.
II Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. II Timothy 1:7
II Timothy 2:24-26 And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, in meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; and that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.
Titus 2:3-5 The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Titus 2:14 Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.
Philemon 8-9 Wherefore, though I might be much bold in Christ to enjoin thee that which is convenient, yet for love’s sake I rather beseech thee, ...
Heb. 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
Hebrews 9:13-14 For if the blood of bulls and of goats, and the ashes of an heifer sprinkling the unclean, sanctifieth to the purifying of the flesh: 14How much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without spot to God, purge your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?
Hebrews 10:17 And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.
Hebrews 10:19-22 Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the blood of Jesus, By a new and living way, which he hath consecrated for us, through the veil, that is to say, his flesh; And having an high priest over the house of God; Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water.
Hebrews 10:24 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:
Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
Hebrews 13:16 But to do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.
James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.
James 1:22 But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.
James 2:10 For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.
James 4:17 Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.
James 5:16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
I Peter 1:16 Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.
I Peter 2:23 Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:
I Peter 3:1-7 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 6even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
I Peter 3:15 But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:
1 Peter 4:10 As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.
I Peter 5:5 Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.
II Peter 1:10-11 Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall: For so an entrance shall be ministered unto you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
I John 4:1 Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.
I John 5:3 For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.
II John 1:6 And this is love, that we walk after his commandments. This is the commandment, that, as ye have heard from the beginning, ye should walk in it.
[1] The business of a farmer, comprehending agriculture or tillage of the ground, the raising, managing and fattening of cattle and other domestic animals, the management of the dairy and whatever the land produces.
[2] The business of a farmer, comprehending agriculture or tillage of the ground, the raising, managing and fattening of cattle and other domestic animals, the management of the dairy and whatever the land produces.
[3] participle passive of get. Procreated; generated.
[11] “Can Scientific Relationship Advice Save Your Marriage?” New York Times, Feb. 9, 2015, http://op-talk.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/02/09/can-scientific-relationship-advice-save-your-marriage/?_r=0
[12] Time Magazine, March 13, 2017, p 23
[13] This research is explained in “You Just Don’t Understand” by Deborah Tannen who found that men want to solve problems whereas women seek affirmation that they’ve been understood. She also wrote “That’s Not What I Meant”
[14] Jesus taught forgiveness. Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. Matthew 18:21-22. I’ve been married longer than 470 months. Assuming that my wife had to forgive me only once per month, she’s forgiven me more than 470 times. Does that mean she doesn’t have to forgive me any more? No, Jesus taught unlimited forgiveness.
[15] https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/new-science-motherhood-180977456/
[16] https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-politicization-of-motherhood-1509144044
[20] This research is explained in “You Just Don’t Understand” by Deborah Tannen, she also wrote “That’s Not What I Meant”
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The goal of the book is to show how to apply God’s lessons to families, so the book ends with a series of devotional lessons Drawing Closer to God and Drawing Closer to Each Other which husbands and wives should study together. This will draw them closer to God as they draw closer to each other.
The Old Testament tells how men and women managed their families and how priests, kings, and other leaders handled their affairs. This book focuses on what God wants us to know about the choices people made and how their decisions worked out for them, their children, and their followers.
For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope. Romans 15:4
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Christians divorce at the same rate as the lost even though Mal. 2:14-16 says that God hates divorce. We show Christ by the way we live; divorce wrecks our testimony and dishonors Christ. Lost people see that we can’t handle this life any better than they can; why should they care what we say about the life to come?
Let no man deceive you by any means: for that day shall not come, except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition;
II Thessalonians 2:3
American society is falling further and further away from the Word of God. As marriages fell apart and casual sex became normal, churches seemed to be 20 to 25 years behind society in abandoning Holy Matrimony. In reality, the Church led the way in tearing down both sexual morality and our legal system.
For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. 3So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man. Romans 7:2-3
The word “divorce” means ending a marriage bond by some person of authority. When Jesus said “let not man put asunder (Mt. 19:6, Mk. 10:9),” He meant that no man has the authority to end Holy Matrimony. Once married in the eyes of God, a person cannot have sex with a third party without being in adultery.
But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. I Corinthians 7:11
Although a woman may have to initiate a divorce according to the laws of man before asking a judge for a restraining order to keep an abusive husband from harming her, God says that she can’t marry anyone else.
The church’s deliberate destruction of Bible-based marriage is described on pp 251-263 of The Confucian Cycle - China’s Sage and America’s Decline, William A. Taylor and Ken Taylor. To summarize, the Presbyterian Church started re-examining divorce in the 1930’s. The church decided to permit divorce for the “moral equivalent of adultery” and changed the Westminster Confession to permit remarriage “when sufficient penitence for sin and failure is evident, and a firm purpose of and endeavor after Christian marriage is manifested.” In other words, you can remarry if you’re sorry and promise to try harder next time.
In the 1950’s, Presbyterians Eric Mount Jr. and Johanna W. H. Bos wrote, “The primary purpose of marriage was no longer the benefit of society but the benefit of the people entering the marriage covenant.”[19]
Marriage changed from duty to delight. Holy Matrimony is based on duty. Divorce is impossible – duty lasts until death. If marriage is for delight, you can get an easy divorce any time you aren’t delighted.
For the mystery of iniquity doth already work: only he who now letteth will let, until he be taken out of the way. II Thessalonians 2:7
The word “let” meant “prevent” when the Bible was translated. John Adams observed, “Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious People. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.” The Holy Spirit in Christians prevents some evil. Abandoning Holy Matrimony has loosed great evil in our land.
The state of California passed the first no-fault divorce law in 1970, twenty years behind the church. No-fault divorce makes it easier to get out of marriage than to get out of paying for a refrigerator. Our “hookup culture” came from teaching young men and women that marriage needn’t come before delight.
Temporary hookups hurt women. The book "Unprotected" by Psychiatrist Miriam Grossman explains biological reasons why sex outside marriage is so damaging. Having treated more than 2,000 women for depression and other psychological problems at a prestigious American university, she found that a woman can become very depressed when she realizes her boyfriend had no interest in her beyond sex.
Many women are sensible enough not to assume the burdens of pregnancy or the duties of motherhood unless a man assumes the long-term duties of fatherhood. The pill shows that many women want a man in their lives badly enough to live with a man without marriage, but they find it hard to find a committed husband if they decide they want a child. Birth rates among educated, productive women are falling while welfare family sizes are increasing – the more babies a welfare recipient has, the bigger her payment.
The future belongs to those who show up for it. Only those who are born are allowed to participate. We know for observing the welfare system for the last 50 years that that will be the less educated. This has NOTHING TO DO WITH RACE!
“Downfall of a Decent Clan”[20] shows how families fall apart when welfare pays a woman's costs:
“Karen Matthews is a striking figurehead for this generation. She has never been in regular work yet receives £400 a week benefits, having had seven children by five different men.” [emphasis added]
These men take no responsibility; her children are largely raising themselves. Here’s another example:
“Tennessee Deadbeat Dads”[21] tells of three men who fathered 81 children by 46 different welfare mothers and provide no fatherly influence or child support at all.
In addition to taking duty out of marriage, churches lobbied for the creation of the welfare system. The Bible commands that every person should help the poor. People are tempted to mooch, so it says:
For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. II Thessalonians 3:10
Fatherlessness exploded when the church changed the principles of marriage and favored turning poverty programs over to the government. This has gone on long enough that we now know that fatherlessness is an excellent predictor of poverty and a life of crime, and the church led the way back in 1950!
Marriage rests on God having created male and female. He expects men and women to enter into permanent faithful relationships to create safe spaces where they can raise their children. God also expected churches and governments to uphold sound families.
Given the church’s lead in destroying marriage, is there any wonder that Satan has been able to confuse the definitions, first of marriage to include sodomites, and then the definitions of men and women? This will not end well, and the deliberate destruction of Holy Matrimony started in the church.
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The Bible gives the church responsibility for defining the practice of justice throughout society:
For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God? I Peter 4:17
The Greek word translated “judgment” applies to finding out whether wrong has been done, who did it, and finding the appropriate response. This should include repentance and might include punishment.
The Bible warns of spiritual wickedness in high places (Eph. 6:12). We have prayed for more than 50 years that God would reveal the wickedness. We’ve been shocked and amazed at how few people care about all the wickedness that’s leaking out in spite of coordinated media attempts at censorship.
American due process– innocent until proven guilty, equality before the law, rules of evidence, guilt beyond reasonable doubt, a citizen grand jury to decide if a crime has been committed, a citizen jury to determine guilt or innocence – comes from the Biblical formula for handling offenses justly:
Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. 16But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. 17And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. Matthew 18:15-17
The decision is not made by church leaders. Authority to judge guilt or innocence is given to the entire church after every word about what was done and why it was done is heard from both sides. As Nicodemus put it, “Doth our law judge any man, before it hear him, and know what he doeth (John 7:50-51)?
Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters? 3Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life? I Corinthians 6:2-3
The Bible places a very high value on truth:
Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another. Ephesians 4:25
But if I tarry long, that thou mayest know how thou oughtest to behave thyself in the house of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and ground of the truth. I Timothy 3:15
The church body is the pillar and ground of the truth, not the leadership. Satan’s servants lie freely:
Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it. John 8:44
And they bend their tongues like their bow for lies: but they are not valiant for the truth upon the earth; for they proceed from evil to evil, and they know not me, saith the LORD. 4Take ye heed every one of his neighbour, and trust ye not in any brother: for every brother will utterly supplant, and every neighbour will walk with slanders. 5And they will deceive every one his neighbour, and will not speak the truth: they have taught their tongue to speak lies, and weary themselves to commit iniquity. Jeremiah 9:3-5
Abandoning truth was one reason God dragged Israel into captivity. Diligent search for truth is necessary for doing justice given that false witnesses and political influence on courts are to be expected:
And the judges shall make diligent inquisition: and, behold, if the witness be a false witness, and hath testified falsely against his brother; 19Then shall ye do unto him, as he had thought to have done unto his brother: so shalt thou put the evil away from among you. Deuteronomy 19:18-19
Ye shall do no unrighteousness in judgment: thou shalt not respect the person of the poor, nor honor the person of the mighty: but in righteousness shalt thou judge thy neighbour. Leviticus 19:15
The Bible states that false witnesses must be punished and that everyone should be treated equally. Over the last decade or so, there have been no consequences for government employees who lied for political purposes. The way our “justice” system treats liberals differently from conservatives – innocent until proven Democrat - shows that political power governs our judicial system instead of the rule of law.
We first realized that our society had abandoned due process in 1989 when our friends were falsely accused of child abuse. Child Protection Service workers lied in court and the judge merely “corrected the record” when they were caught because the law gave them complete immunity from any liability.
Hearsay evidence was permitted and our friends were not permitted to cross-examine their accusers. The trials were held in secret and our friends were forbidden to tell anyone what was going on. History tells us that secrecy and immunity are the traditional tools of tyranny.
This travesty of justice came from the “Mondale Act” of 1974. 40 years later, Faith and reason wrote
“it is almost impossible to fully insulate one’s family from the threat of a system that on very little pretense can simply reach into the home and take away one’s offspring. The massive incidence of false abuse/neglect allegations shows that current law and public policy on child abuse and neglect and the routine actions of the CPS are a major threat to the American family today.”[22]
There is more detail about CPS in The Confucian Cycle - China’s Sage and America’s Decline cited above.
Knowing that a fish rots from the head and having seen injustice in lower courts, we weren’t surprised to see federal injustice. The Obama administration’s “Dear colleague” letter declared that accusations of sexual misbehavior by any man were true by definition without due process. This was a logical extension of the Mondale Act’s declaration that accusations against parents were true by definition without due process.
“A Legal System Corrupted”[23] documents many recent injustices by the American government:
· The FBI’s hidden and far-too-tardy acknowledgment that the Bernie Sanders supporter who tried to murder the Republican House leadership in 2017 was a domestic terrorist.
· The continued mistreatment (overcharging and continued solitary confinement) of several of the January 6 Capitol demonstrators compounded by the officials’ lies about it and the Department of Justice’s refusal to make available to the public the government videos of that event.
· A claim by a defendant in the George Floyd case that a key witness in the Chauvin trial had been improperly coerced to change his testimony and the prosecution (the Minnesota attorney general’s office) did nothing to inform the defense of the interactions the defendant asserts were coercive.
About 25 years ago, we were thrown out of a church without following the Matthew 18:15-17 process. We were told we’d be thrown out at the next service and that we wouldn’t be allowed to speak. How can “every word be established (Mt. 18:16)” if we can’t speak? How can we “hear the church (Mt. 18:17)” if the pastor announces the verdict beforehand? The abusive pattern of ignoring the Biblical formula for truth by hearing both sides and through “diligent inquisition” in favor of pastors ruling by decree had become common enough to support a “spiritual abuse” publishing niche.
We’re slow learners. We didn’t connect the decline of justice in the church with unjust court proceedings against parents or the weaponizing of government agencies which began with President Kennedy and have intensified ever since. Societal injustice followed judicial malpractice within churches just as moral decay followed the church’s redefinition of marriage.
The Bible teaches that blame falls on every individual Christian to a greater or lesser degree. First, the Bible teaches that church members rise or fall together:
That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another. 26And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it. I Corinthians 12:25-26
Remember them that are in bonds, as bound with them; and them which suffer adversity, as being yourselves also in the body. Hebrews 13:3
Second, Daniel and Nehemiah both acknowledged the destruction that abandoning God’s laws had brought on God’s people, accepted their own responsibility for those sins, and confessed their part in them.
And I prayed unto the LORD my God, and made my confession, and said, O Lord, the great and dreadful God, keeping the covenant and mercy to them that love him, and to them that keep his commandments; 5We have sinned, and have committed iniquity, and have done wickedly, and have rebelled, even by departing from thy precepts and from thy judgments: Daniel 9:4-5
Let thine ear now be attentive, and thine eyes open, that thou mayest hear the prayer of thy servant, which I pray before thee now, day and night, for the children of Israel thy servants, and confess the sins of the children of Israel, which we have sinned against thee: both I and my father's house have sinned. 7We have dealt very corruptly against thee, and have not kept the commandments, nor the statutes, nor the judgments, which thou commandedst thy servant Moses. Nehemiah 1:6-7
God hasn’t changed (Mal. 3:6). God expects His people to understand our collective responsibility to influence society. God wants us to be a light to the nations (Deu. 4:6, Mt. 28:19, Phi. 2:15). When we let our light go out, evil magnifies itself. If you think it unrealistic to place responsibility for our ongoing societal collapse on the church’s failures, remember that the Bible teaches:
For the mystery of iniquity doth already work: only he who now letteth will let, until he be taken out of the way. II Thessalonians 2:7
At the time the King James Version was written, the word “let” meant “prevent,” which is why some legal documents use the phrase “without let or hindrance” meaning that one party isn’t supposed to prevent or get in the way of the other party from doing something mentioned in the contract.
The Holy Spirit which indwells Christians “letteth,” that is prevents, some evil in our society. Our presence has a positive impact on society but we must set the right example! We’re supposed to be a light to the nations (Deu. 4:6, Phi. 2:15). When we let our light go out, evil magnifies itself.
Judgment begins in the church and flows out to the rest of society by example. That is how we got the American legal system which had so many protections for people who’re falsely accused.
Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf. 17 For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God? I Peter 4:16-17
“Spiritual abuse” based on false accusations is becoming more and more common. Our political system shows the same perversion of justice based on the same power and loss of protection for citizens who fall out of favor with the hierarchy that churches have taught. Why are we surprised that so many young people leave the church? Jesus warned us that churches are worthless without salt (Mt. 5:13, Lk. 14:34).
Leading the way as our justice system discards protections of unpopular individuals will let Satan’s forces attack churches – pastors are being arrested in Canada; martyrdom is coming unless we repent.
And shall not God avenge his own elect, which cry day and night unto him, though he bear long with them? 8I tell you that he will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless when the Son of man cometh, shall he find faith on the earth? Luke 18:7-8
For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad. 11Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; II Corinthians 5:10-11a
Even with Heaven or Hell in the balance for our child’s soul, we persuade, we can’t command. Young people can’t live on our convictions; they need their own. We have from birth until they leave home to persuade them and convince them that our ways are best, or they’ll do something else when they leave.
Some churches preach the “buddy god” who loves everybody so much he’d never send anyone to Hell. A love-only message is useless because it doesn’t tell people that God hates sin (Ps. 7:11b). How can people recognize personal failure before a Holy God, admit that they can’t save themselves, repent, and seek forgiveness without knowing how God hates all sins, even theirs (Is. 64:6, Ro. 3:10)?
Others preach the “bully god” by hammering away on God’s holiness without emphasizing His love. The bully god wrote a bunch of rules in the Bible which the leadership interprets and extends. The bully god watches your every thought, word, and deed to whack you with the pastor’s help when you get out of line.
Holiness without love is repugnant because it’s too harsh. Sinners don’t want to hear about holiness alone because they don’t want to feel hopelessly bad about themselves. Love gives hope and helps sinners accept God’s holiness. Sinners can’t understand why Jesus had to die on the cross unless they’re taught to cling to His love as they learn to follow His path of holiness (Lev. 11:44-45, 1 Pe. 1:16).
Without knowing God’s love, people can’t feel confident of His care for us (1 Pe. 5:7) or of His promise never to leave us (He. 13:5). Jesus love for us keeps us following Him because we want Him to be pleased with us (2 Cor. 5:14). We follow His holiness out of love for Him. You can’t have one without the other.
The Bible sets a high standard for the balanced persuasion without which Christians cannot grow:
But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: Ephesians 4:15
Some churches hammer away at truth, particularly the parts about obeying those that have the rule over you (He. 13:7, 13:17, 13:24). Other churches preach only love. Weaving God’s truth and God’s love together is extremely difficult. Fathers are commanded to bring up children in both love and holiness:
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4
Finding the right balance between God’s nurture and God’s admonition is the most difficult part of being a parent, pastor, or leader. Persuading children while clearing away misunderstandings about word meanings and of past events instead of commanding or punishing takes a lot of time and patience.
As we’ve stopped showing young believers God’s concern for justice by treating them unjustly, we’ve failed to persuade them. Do we take the time to persuade, explain, encourage, discuss the Bible, and spend the hours needed to thoroughly understand their side? If not, they walk away, carrying the message of our abandonment of God’s standard of justice out into society at large. We see the results everywhere.
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"I THINK I POSTED THIS BEFORE: I can't remember where or can I find it right now! This is a guideline I would like to use in all of our communications moving forward. P.S. I have never seen anyone else make this offer!" Roger Fulk 10/20/22
What God Said About Marriage Introduction by Bill & Roberta Taylor
"Except when reading the Bible, remember that authors make mistakes. We've done our prayerful best to express what God wants for marriage and have quoted scripture to show God's Word as clearly as we can, but you must base your life on God's Word, using our words only to help you understand what God said.
We ask you to labor with us so that we can labor together with God (I Corinthians 3:9). We've been passing this book around for comment since 1982. The book improves as people criticize it, the more critical you are, the better it gets. As you read, please ask yourself these questions:
1) Is it clear? There's no point in publishing explanations that are hard to understand.
2) Is it true? We've done our prayerful best to base this book on the Word of God; there are more than 1,000 scripture references. Try as we may, however, it's almost certain that we've misused a verse here and there. Please play our words against what God has taught you and let us know how we measure up.
3) Is it complete? Marriage is simple at the core but difficult in the details. We've included examples and explanations inspired by conversations with many married and unmarried people; please let us know if we've omitted anything of importance.
The book is what it is because of all the help others have freely given. We’d appreciate any help you can give. MARK IT UP; we can't learn or improve without your feedback. The book lives on a hard drive. The computer prints copies as orders come in. If we upload a change, the next order gets the new version.
God gave us three sons so we don't really understand the viewpoint of parents of daughters. We particularly need help from parents of marriageable young ladies. So please, write us at 41 Ridge Rd, New Hampton NH 03256, email comments to wataylor@as-st.com, or call us at (603) 744 5160.
We’d be happy to donate copies to churches."
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The goal of the book is to show how to apply God’s lessons to families, so the book ends with a series of devotional lessons Drawing Closer to God and Drawing Closer to Each Other which husbands and wives should study together. This will draw them closer to God as they draw closer to each other.
The Old Testament tells how men and women managed their families and how priests, kings, and other leaders handled their affairs. This book focuses on what God wants us to know about the choices people made and how their decisions worked out for them, their children, and their followers.
For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope. Romans 15:4
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Don't Step in the Holes: What God Gave “For Our Learning” Paperback – September 13, 2022
The Old Testament tells how men and women managed their families and how priests, kings, and other leaders handled their affairs. This book focuses on what God wants us to know about the choices people made and how their decisions worked out for them, their children, and their followers.
For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope. Romans 15:4
God’s Words are quick and powerful (Heb. 4:12), not the words of men. We’re told to hide God’s Word in our hearts (Ps. 119:11) to avoid sin and so that we can learn from others’ experiences:
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction. Proverbs 1:7
Some people can learn by reading about what happened to other people, some by talking to others about their experiences, and some simply must grab the electric fence for themselves. Strive to learn the Fear of the Lord and the mind of God from the Word of God instead of having to repeat every mistake for yourself.
Learn from reading what God wrote instead of grabbing the electric fence! You will be judged on how well you received the Word of God so it’s important to learn as much as you can from it:
I am come a light into the world, that whosoever believeth on me should not abide in darkness. 47And if any man hear my words, and believe not, I judge him not: for I came not to judge the world, but to save the world. 48He that rejecteth me, and receiveth not my words, hath one that judgeth him: the word that I have spoken, the same shall judge him in the last day. John 12:46-48
Bible quotes are from the KJV. Why We Use the King James Bible is explained on page 52 of this book.
Most Old Testament surveys explain how God is working out His plan of redemption. This book emphasizes how God wants to help us avoid holes and pitfalls along the path of our Christian walk. Page 75 explains how God’s ways of managing human history which are illustrated in the Old Testament show us how God’s Plan of Redemption affects many parts of human history which He didn’t write about.
The goal of the book is to show how to apply God’s lessons to families, so the book ends with a series of devotional lessons Drawing Closer to God and Drawing Closer to Each Other which husbands and wives should study together. This will draw them closer to God as they draw closer to each other.
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CHANGING MARRIAGES ONE AT A TIME...
This is a list of messages in the blog. Clicking on a title takes you to a description which has a link to the article or you can use control-f
to search within this list.
Feel free to use any of this material in any way that supports His cause!
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CHANGING MARRIAGES ONE AT A TIME...
This is a list of messages in the blog. Clicking on a title takes you to a description
which has a link to the article or you can use control-f to search within this list.
Feel free to use any of this material in any way that supports His cause!
MARRIAGE UNDER THREAT
THIS SITE CONTAINS PAPERS ABOUT HOW MARRIAGE SHOULD WORK. MARRIAGE IS SIMPLE, BUT NOT EASY. IT'S SIMPLE TO WALK ACROSS A ROOM - JUST PUT ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER. IT'S JUST AS SIMPLE TO WALK FROM MAINE TO CALIFORNIA - KEEP PUTTING ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER - BUT LESS EASY. MARRIAGE IS A LIFETIME JOURNEY, NOT A SHORT STROLL.
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 30, 2021
This is a list of messages in the blog. Clicking on a title takes you to a description that has a link to the article or you can use control-f to search within this list.
Feel free to use any of this material in any way that supports His cause!
.doc files for these messages are in a public Google Drive folder:
That folder also holds audio files of some of the messages. If you have an English-teaching ministry, students can listen to the talks while reading them.
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"By the time my wife and I were married in 1971, most of our friends were already divorced. We soon realized that God had given us something precious in our marriage.
We spent the next 50 years trying to explain what God had in mind so others could enjoy the blessing God intended for every marriage. That's what these books are about.
While growing up in Japan, I watched the Japanese use Confucian virtue to build from the wreckage of WW II to an economic colossus. My parents had no car. I was hit by cars 3 times my freshman year because cars move faster than bicycles.
The automobile judges between the quick and the dead. I wasn't quick; I nearly got dead.
My brothers had a 220-day school year and got a telephone-book of homework every summer "vacation." If you asked any grade-schooler the BIG problem facing Japan, you'd hear, "Exports!"
They got soft when the crisis abated. My son taught English in Japan just as government employees abandoned their service ethic and Japan slid into the "lost decades."
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God ordained both salvation and marriage. If you try to get to Heaven your own way, you go to Hell when you die. If you try to do marriage your own way, you can make life Hell on earth.
God loves both men and women equally (Galatians 3:28). We were created carefully so that God’s Plan of Salvation can give us the Fruits of the Spirit in this life and prepare us to spend eternity with Him in the next life. God’s Plan of Marriage helps couples give the entire family a taste of the joys of Heaven, right here on earth.
If lost people see a family sharing the Fruit of the Spirit - love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: (Galatians 5:22-23), they'll want God's grace for themselves. We can explain God’s Simple Plan to get God’s grace and forgiveness, but they must want it and ask God for it. You can’t want it for them any more than they want it for themselves.
You both must strive to share the Fruit of the Spirit in your marriage. Your spouse is the only person on earth whom you must serve without limit and must never criticize.
You must love God with perfect hearts. The command “love the Lord thy God” appears 14 times (Deu. 6:5, 11:1, 11:13, 11:22, 13:3, 19:9,30:6, 30:16, 30:20, Joshua 22:5, 23:11, Mt. 22:37, Mk. 12:30, Lk. 10:27)! 1 Kings 11:4 and 15:3 speak of David having a perfect heart with the Lord his God. David sinned, but he loved God and never turned from worshiping God toward worshiping anything else. His faithfulness and repentance made his heart perfect with God.
God expects you to keep your hearts perfect with Him and with each other. You must not let your hearts stray toward anyone else or anything else (Job 31:1, Pr. 25:38, Song of Solomon).
As David was perfectly confident in God and rested in what God gave him, you must rest contentedly in each other and in what God gives you (Ruth 1:9, Mt. 11:28, Phi. 4:11, 1 Tim. 6:6, Heb. 13:5).
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If enough people accept Christ, THEY can turn our nation around. Bill Taylor
We have to spread the word. God chose to give His people responsible for telling lost people how to be saved:
Go ye therefore, and teach all n\ations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: 20Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen. Matthew 28:19-20
And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature. 16He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned. Mark 16:15-16
This message gives some common objections lost people use to try to justify not hearing God’s message from you when you try to plant and water so He can give the increase. These hints may help you get further when you find someone whom God has drawn
If enough people accept Christ, THEY can turn our nation around.
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THIS SITE CONTAINS PAPERS ABOUT HOW MARRIAGE SHOULD WORK. MARRIAGE IS SIMPLE, BUT NOT EASY. IT'S SIMPLE TO WALK ACROSS A ROOM - JUST PUT ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER. IT'S JUST AS SIMPLE TO WALK FROM MAINE TO CALIFORNIA - KEEP PUTTING ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER - BUT LESS EASY. MARRIAGE IS A LIFETIME JOURNEY, NOT A SHORT STROLL.
"As I understand church history, revival happens when God's people remember something they have forgotten. As I see it, our society has forgotten the necessity and the conduct of marriage.
Couples aren't marrying anymore, children aren't raised as
God desires, and society suffers.
Pass the word!" Bill Taylor
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CLICK THE FOLLOWING THREE LINKS TO READ THE ENTIRE ARTICLES! |
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Although some people need to be persuaded of the love of God because they already know that they’ve violated His holiness and find it hard to repent without feeling loved, others need to be persuaded that God’s holiness means that God must send them to Hell if they don’t repent:
Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life. 22And of some have compassion, making a difference: 23And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh. Jude 1:21-23
Jesus spoke about Hell more often than He spoke about heaven. We must be ready to show others God’s love by the way we treat our families and other church members, and they need to see our love for them. Having done that, however, we must be ready to show the holiness of God and explain His utter hatred of any and all sin, that's what “hating even the garment spotted by the flesh” means. No matter how good a person may try to be, the Bible teaches that compared to God, the best we can be is no good at all.
But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags: Isaiah 64:6a
People have a hard time accepting the fact that they can’t be good enough to satisfy God, so God gave us examples. Fathers love their children, of course, but it isn’t the same as mother’s love. God uses mothers together with fathers to show His Holiness. My mom knew that charity, which is undeserved love in action,
“Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth.” I Corinthians 13:6-8a
Her love never failed - she always loved me no matter what I did and rejoiced when I did well, but she did not tolerate misbehavior or disobedience. She loved me while hating my sins.
That’s hard to do – most people find it hard to condemn sin without also condemning the soul who committed the sin. When we tell lost people about their sin, we must be careful to convince them that God loves them in spite of their sin. Mom showed me God’s desire that His people strive toward His holiness (Lev. 19:2, He. 12:14, 1 Pe. 1:15-16) by correcting me when I did wrong and explaining how I could do better while showing me God’s love every single day! Seeing her love made it easy to believe in God’s love.
My dad was much more focused on ensuring my obedience than my mother was. God warns fathers to be careful not to overdo emphasis on God’s holiness:
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. Colossians 3:21
Some churches preach the “buddy god” who loves everybody so much that he’d never send anyone to hell - repentance and turning from sin aren’t needed. A love-only message is meaningless because it doesn’t define sin or tell people that God hates sin (Ps. 7:11b) as my parents taught me. How can people seek forgiveness without being made aware of how much God hates their sins (Ro. 3:10)?
Others preach the “bully god” by hammering away on God’s holiness without emphasizing His love. The bully god wrote a bunch of rules in the Bible which the leadership interprets and extends. The bully god watches your every thought, word, and deed so he can whack you with the pastor’s help when you get out of line. No forgiveness for you, miserable miscreant!
Holiness without love is repugnant because it’s too harsh. Sinners don’t want to hear about holiness alone because they don’t want to feel hopelessly bad about themselves. Showing God’s love gives hope and helps sinners accept God’s holiness. Sinners can’t understand why Jesus had to die on the cross unless they’re taught to cling to His love.
Without knowing God’s love, people can’t feel confident of His care for us (1 Pe. 5:7) or of His promise never to leave us (He. 13:5). Jesus love for us keeps us following Him because we want Him to be pleased with us (2 Cor. 5:14). We follow His holiness because we love Him. You can’t have one without the other.
God insists that we love one another fervently (1 Pe. 1:22) to remind each other of His love for us – that’s how lost people know that we belong to Him (Jn. 13:35)! When we give the Gospel, nobody cares how much we know about God unless they know how much we care about them.
Getting the right balance between God’s love and God’s holiness for each child is the hardest part of being a parent or a pastor. One reason God requires pastors to have children (Titus 1:6) is to help them learn the balance. They can’t help young Christians develop without learning how young children develop.
LOVE, HOLINESS, AND MARRIAGE
Love and holiness are the keys to marriage because salvation and marriage both require that we die to our former lives. We must die to our sinful lives to be born again into union with Christ (Ro. 7:4-6). In order for two people to become one as Jesus expects (Mt. 19:4-6, Mk. 10:6-9), they must both die to their self-centered individual lives in favor of giving everything (Ro. 12:1) to the one-flesh family unit that God expects His people to form and build.
Who ordained salvation? God. Who ordained marriage? God. Jesus loved us enough to create us even though He knew He would have to die to give us a way to be cleaned from our sins so we could fellowship with God in Heaven instead of burning forever in the lake of fire. How did His love for us play into the way He ordained marriage? The Bible teaches that Christianity is a thinking faith which is based on reason:
Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: Isaiah 1:18
Let’s be logical for a moment. Men, Jesus valued us and loved us enough to create us even though He knew He would have to die to save us from our sins. When you build something, don’t you feel affection for it? Let’s draw on the emotional nature God puts in all of us along with logic. Mothers, you know how you feel about your children. Would a truly Christian mother do anything to harm her children on purpose?
Would a God that loved us enough to die for us create men and women in such a way that there was no way we could enter into joyous marriages? Did God design the powerful drives He put into men and women to draw us into marriages which will bless us if we follow His plan? Or did a God who loved us enough to die to save us from our sins on purpose design us so that men and women can’t find joy in entering into long-term commitments to create safe spaces where their children can grow? Certainly not:
If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? Matthew 7:11
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22
God gives good things to those that ask Him. Salvation, marriages, and wives are good things. We must ask for salvation based on the salvation instructions He put in His Word and we must ask Him how to have good marriages by reading the marriage instructions He put in His Word.
God Himself uses a mother’s love to show both His holiness and His unending love:
Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Isaiah 49:15
My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children. Hosea 4:6
God will never forget us or stop loving us, but we must study and follow His laws or He’ll reject us. If we try to go to Heaven our own way, we go to Hell when we die. If we try to do marriage our own way, we can make life Hell on earth. We must follow God’s one program for both salvation and for marriage!
There’s a story of a young man who disgraced his family and left town. He came to himself (Lk. 15:17) but wasn’t sure if he’d be accepted back into the fold. He wrote his mother saying he’d take a train through town. If she wanted to see him, “Tie a yellow ribbon on the old oak tree.”
As the train came near, the conductor saw him weep and heard the story. “I can’t look,” the young man said. As the train rounded the bend, the conductor told him, “Open your eyes! There’s a ribbon on every branch (Lk. 15:18-27)!” His mother loved him and wanted to see him in spite of all the wrong he’d done.
Pr. 31:1 shows that King Lemuel’s mother taught him how to care for his future wife. A mother can teach her sons how to honor wives and teach her daughters to demand respect from men (Tit. 2:3-5), but she can’t teach her children at all unless their father teaches them to honor and respect her by showing his respect for her daily and commanding their children to “call her blessed”:
Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Proverbs 31:28-29
Mrs. Lemuel expected her son to teach his children that they had the very best mother in the entire world! Children are born selfish; they won’t honor their mother unless they see their father constantly honor her as taught in the Song of Solomon and learn that he demands that they follow his example of honoring her.
Over and over, the Bible compares the relationship between husband and wife to the relationship between God and His people; God our Father welcomes us back when we return to Him. Mothers cannot fully reflect God’s love because they’re sinful human beings, but a godly mother’s love shows us the high level of love God expects husbands to give freely to wives and children.
Being honored, valued, and appreciated by husband and children nourishes wives. Seeing their father do it teaches sons how to honor their future wives and other women. Their father’s love for their mother shows his family a picture of how Christ loved the church, which is a very high standard indeed:
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; Ephesians 5:25
Although a man should be ready to die to protect his wife from any danger, God generally expects a man to give his life day by day to nourish and cherish her. I earn so much per hour. When we spend that much on our home, children, or church, I have freely given one hour of my life to walking the path of service to my wife (Mk. 9:35, 10:44) that He wants me to walk (Ro. 12:1).
Watching their father honor them and their mother teaches daughters that God requires that all men treat “The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity (1 Timothy 5:2).” Girls must be taught to insist that men deal with them in purity as God commands or they’re apt to fall into sexual sin.
Everyone bases what they do on what they believe about God. Atheists try to convince themselves that God doesn’t exist so they can do whatever they want without worrying about what God thinks about it (Ps. 14:1, 53:1). Christians who believe that God is good read the Bible looking for keys to happiness.
Theology, the study of God, can be complicated. Here’s a 10-word theology for marriage and for practical living:
This was my prayer at the wedding of two young people whom my wife and I knew well. It may give you some ideas.
Our father, as we gather here in Your presence to witness as this man and this woman are joined in Holy Matrimony, we thank You for Your undeserved and unmerited gift of salvation through which we glorify You and enjoy You forever in the life to come. We also thank You for Your undeserved and unmerited gift of marriage through which we glorify You and enjoy each other in this life.
We have heard their testimony. Both this man and this woman have died to their former sinful lives and been born again into a new life in Christ. They belong to You, Father, so they should be OK with Your desire to give them to belong to each other.
Father, as this couple leaves our assembly as man and wife, we pray that You will work on their hearts so that they will gladly die to their former individual selves and be no more twain, but one flesh as our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ commanded.
Draw them, Father, so that they daily serve You by serving each other and daily glorify You by glorifying and appreciating each other. May they draw closer to each other as they draw closer to You. May they lean on each other and depend on each other as they lean more and more on You.
We know, Father, that it is Your will that, as they grow as stewards of Your manifold grace, as they minister Your love, grace, and forgiveness one to another, that their light will shine before men. As those who do not know You see their selfless love and forgiveness, they will seek a portion of Your grace for themselves. We plead this in the name of Your only son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
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I was born in a house where my mother taught me the best-known Bible verse in the world:
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16
Lost people sometimes tell me God couldn’t possibly love them because of all their sins. They know the difference between right and wrong, they “shew the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience also bearing witness (Ro. 2:15).” The Bible teaches that such people need to be persuaded that God loves them enough to forgive them because they already know that their sins have violated His holiness:
Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life. 22And of some have compassion, making a difference: 23And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh. Jude 1:21-23
Once they understand God’s love enough to truly love Him, they’ll follow His commands because they want to please Him. As the Apostle Paul put it, “For the love of Christ constraineth us: (2 Cor. 5:14).”
Some people are saved by being told about Hell, others by being shown that God loves them. We’ll discuss God’s love first because “keeping ourselves in the love of God” is the foundation of marriage. If wife and husband both bathe themselves in God’s love, it’s easier for them to love each other and everyone else in the church. That’s how we show the world that we belong to Jesus:
By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. John 13:35
To be fair to people who doubt God’s love, it is hard to understand how a Holy, perfect God can love wretched sinners like you and me (Ps. 8:4, Heb. 2:6). God knew that, so He not only told us in His Word that He loves us, He gave us mothers to show every one of us how His unconditional love works.
I understood sin because my mother objected and punished me when I disobeyed. I learned forgiveness because my mother loved me enough to forgive me. I understood confession and repentance (2 Jn. 1:9) because life went better when I admitted my wrongs and tried not to do it again.
Mom and Dad taught me what I needed to know to accept Christ as my Savior when I was in 2nd grade. I loved Jesus because He loved me enough (Ro. 5:8) to accept the punishment for my sins – taking the punishment for my brothers’ sins was hard for me to think about.
I didn’t realize that Jesus loved me far more than “just” being willing to take on the evil of all my sins and lose His close fellowship with His Father (Ps. 22:1, Mt. 27:46, Mk. 15:34). I thought that when Adam soiled himself through sin and a perfect God could no longer associate with polluted Adam, Jesus agreed that He would become sin for us so that we could be washed clean enough to be with God in Heaven. That’s because I was a child when I accepted Christ. As the Apostle Paul put it:
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. I Corinthians 13:11
I was 14 when I saw the difference between how true Christians behave and how everybody else behaves. Once I understood the difference between the saved and the unsaved, I had to choose a side as Joshua and Elijah chose (Jos 24:15, 1 Ki. 18:21). I remember standing in the school hallway and deciding that I really did love Jesus, so I couldn’t be friends with some of the people in the school. At some point, every Christian must decide whether to follow the crowd or to stand for Christ (Eze. 22:30).
Years later, I understood that Jesus knew Adam would sin before He said “let there be light” to start creating the world. Rev. 13:8 speaks of “the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.” Jesus knew He would have to die before He created Adam, yet He loved all of us enough to create us anyway!
It’s hard to understand loving us enough to die for us long before we were even born so God shows us by having mothers be willing to risk death to give their children life. Before modern medicine, a woman had roughly 98.5% chance of surviving a pregnancy. That sounds like death in childbirth was unlikely, but without birth control, women had so many pregnancies that 1 woman in 8 died in childbirth.
Every girl knew someone who had died in childbirth. Every girl knew that she would walk the valley of the shadow of death for each child (Ge. 35:18, 1 Sam. 4:20), yet women wanted to marry and bear children (Ge.30:1, Lk. 1:25) anyway. Women want children badly enough to risk death; Jesus wanted so badly to create us that He chose certain death!
Jesus knew He would weep when people He loved wouldn’t accept His offer of salvation (Is. 53:3, Mt. 23:37, Lk. 13:34) and that He would have to die to save us from our sins, yet He created the world which led to my birth anyway. I was born before antibiotics could fight childbed infections. My mother gladly risked her life to give me life and did it again and again for my brothers. That’s the woman’s part of Ge. 5:1-2 “in the likeness of God made he him,” and “he [that is, God] called their name Adam” to include Eve.
I thanked my mother for teaching me about God’s love for me and for showing me her love (Is. 49:15) so that I could believe in God’s love. I thanked her for feeding me and changing my diapers to keep me alive, but she died before I matured enough to realize that I should also thank her for risking her life to give me life. Let your mother know you appreciate her wanting you in spite of the peril and pain she’d bear giving birth to you (Pr. 31:28-29). Then thank Jesus for creating you in spite of knowing that He would have to die to take the punishment for your sins (Jn. 15:3).
Death in childbirth is less common than it was, but happens. Your mother risked her life to give you life, shed her blood in painful labor to birth you, then labored to keep you alive; Jesus died to give you more abundant life (Jn. 10:10) followed by life eternal (Mt 25:46, Jn. 4:36, 12:25, 17:3). Thank them both.
What did you do to earn Jesus’ giving His life and His blood (He. 9:12, 9:22) to pay the penalty for your sins and my sins? Nothing. There is nothing we can do to earn salvation (Is. 64:6, Ro. 3:10), it is an undeserved gift of God (Eph. 2:8-9) He died to give us because He loves us (Ez. 33:11, Ro. 5:8).
If someone gave you a birthday gift, would you hand over money to pay for it? That would refuse the gift. Trying to get to heaven by being good, being religious, going to church, tithing, doing good deeds, is not only impossible (Ro. 3:11), trying to earn your way into heaven blocks you from accepting Jesus’ free offer of salvation from your sins (Gal. 5:4). You’re trying to pay for a feely-offered gift whose price is far more than anyone could ever pay.
What did you do to earn your mother’s risking her life to give you life and then pouring her life into keeping you alive and teaching you how to behave as an adult? Nothing. She risked her life before she knew anything about you. She gave her life freely based on the emotional drives God put into her and looked forward eagerly to your birth as she felt God forming you within her womb (Is. 49:5).
We know that some mothers harm their children. Is that what God wanted? Of course not, this is because of the sin which came into the world when Adam refused to confess his sin and would not ask God to forgive him. God asked Adam, “Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat (Ge. 3:11)?” We Christians know that God has promised to forgive our sins if we confess:
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
God doesn’t change (Mal. 3:6). God would have forgiven Adam if he’d confessed. Instead of admitting his sin, Adam blamed Eve for giving him the fruit and blamed God for giving him Eve!
And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. Genesis 3:12
People forget that God told Adam to keep the garden (Gen. 2:15), which meant to protect it. Gen. 3:6 says “she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.” Note two important words “with her!” People also forget that Adam was there with her the entire time! Why did he let the serpent deceive his wife? Why didn’t he protect his wife whom God had trusted to his care?
Be realistic, men, blaming your wives when things go wrong won’t help you any more than it helped Adam, you are the leader, so it’s on you. God designed women’s minds and hearts carefully so that for the most part, a mother’s love for her children illustrates His love for us, His children. Adam’s sin brought so much sin into the world that a few mothers fail to love their children as God planned.
We’ve seen mothers reject their children when men reject the mothers after getting them pregnant outside marriage. Women blame the father even though they wanted children badly enough to stop taking birth control pills without telling anyone. Rejected mothers often reject a child who looks or acts enough like the father to remind her that the child’s father sinned against her by taking her outside marriage even though she had wanted his baby.
Even if the father stays with the woman, he may resent the child because in his mind, the mother got herself pregnant by stopping her pills without his agreement. The mother got a baby, but at what cost?
And he gave them their request; but sent leanness into their soul. Psalm 106:15
In several cases we know, the father accepted later children when he had agreed to be a father. His resentment of his oldest and his acceptance of his younger children are evident to anyone who knows the family even years later. What could we say when relatives asked why the kids were treated differently?
God loves fathers, mothers, and children in such cases, but the parents’ violation of His holiness by breaking His rules about sex brings leanness into their souls. These situations are caused by the birth control pill. Before the pill, a man knew that if he came together with a woman, he’d be a father within a year. Couples can now “play house” and pretend that God doesn’t care that they’re breaking His laws.
If a woman’s on the pill, a man feels she expects to have sex, so why not with him? If she isn’t on the pill, she can say “No! Not unless we’re married, and I won’t marry you unless you grow up and get a job.” That’s taught in Ge. 24:67. If a man’s offer to a woman doesn’t include food, clothing, and shelter, it’s not Biblical. If he can’t pay for her, all he can do is play with her and discard her. God hates that!
A man may have some vague head knowledge about pregnancy, but deep down in his heart, where it really counts, a man doesn't believe he has anything to do with making babies. A baby clearly belongs to the mother - she had it last - but what has her baby to do with him? Remember the old saying - "The time my father got me, his mind was not on me." What was he thinking when you happened? Was he thinking at all?
God made men possessive to help give children fathers. If a man has a strong emotional, financial, logical, and psychological connection to a woman, she chooses to belong to him, and encourages and establishes his possessiveness of her as taught in the Song of Solomon before she persuades him to agree with her becoming pregnant, her children will also belong to him. If she won’t belong to him, the kids are hers, and she can look after them herself.
From the beginning, God's love and God's salvation are undeserved gifts of God. Most mothers show how His love works. We should love Him because He first loved us (Ro. 5:8). His love should drive us to serve Him as He requires of us (2 Cor. 5:14). God never bullies us into obedience; He always lets us choose (Joshua 24:25) whether to obey His commands or not. He yearns for obedience (De. 5:29, 30:10), but He never forces us. The choice is ours.
Have you thanked your mother today for risking her life to give you life and then pouring her life into you? And thanked Jesus for dying to save you?
The Apostle Paul pointed out that we do the work of spreading the Gospel because our love for Christ “constraineth us,” that is, makes us do it. We serve Him because our love for Him makes us want to please Him.
For the love of Christ constraineth us; II Corinthians 5:14a
In the same way, our love for our spouses should constrain us to do whatever we can to please him or her. If lost people see married Christians working to please each other out of love, they’ll often ask how we can handle the problems the other person causes. That gives us a chance to talk about God’s love and God’s forgiveness. God forgives us, so God expects us to forgive other people in the same way He forgave us.
This article shows how God demonstrates His holiness so that we can all see it:
Bill & Roberta Taylor:
This was my prayer at the wedding of two young people whom my wife and I knew well. It may give you some ideas.
Our father, as we gather here in Your presence to witness as this man and this woman are joined in Holy Matrimony, we thank You for Your undeserved and unmerited gift of salvation through which we glorify You and enjoy You forever in the life to come. We also thank You for Your undeserved and unmerited gift of marriage through which we glorify You and enjoy each other in this life.
We have heard their testimony. Both this man and this woman have died to their former sinful lives and been born again into a new life in Christ. They belong to You, Father, so they should be OK with Your desire to give them to belong to each other.
Father, as this couple leaves our assembly as man and wife, we pray that You will work on their hearts so that they will gladly die to their former individual selves and be no more twain, but one flesh as our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ commanded.
Draw them, Father, so that they daily serve You by serving each other and daily glorify You by glorifying and appreciating each other. May they draw closer to each other as they draw closer to You. May they lean on each other and depend on each other as they lean more and more on You.
We know, Father, that it is Your will that, as they grow as stewards of Your manifold grace, as they minister Your love, grace, and forgiveness one to another, that their light will shine before men. As those who do not know You see their selfless love and forgiveness, they will seek a portion of Your grace for themselves. We plead this in the name of Your only son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
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God never intended for us to be alone. During creation, the only thing that was not good was the man being alone (Gen. 2:18). Having created women as one of His marvelous gifts to the children of men (Ps. 107:8-31), God puts people in families and He expects people in families to take care of each other and work together (ps 133:1) using each members gifts to bless and support the family and the church of the Living God:
God setteth the solitary in families: Psalm 68:6a
By the time we were married in 1971, most of our friends were already divorced. We realized that our marriage was a precious gift from God, but when her sister got a divorce and my brother got a divorce, we had nothing to say. We were convinced that our joyful marriage was a gift that God intended for all couples to enjoy, so we’ve spent decades writing down the secrets of a joyful, fulfilling marriage.
Consider God's Simple Plan of Salvation. Although a lost person may be attracted to Christian virtues, salvation starts with humility. You have to humble yourself by admitting that no matter what you do, you can't be good enough to get into heaven (Ro. 3:10-12). You have to admit that you need God's help, you have to ask for it, and you have to accept it. Your life changes completely when you do that (2 Cor. 5:17).
Consider God's Simple Plan of Marriage. Marriage God’s way starts with a man humbling himself enough to admit that he is incomplete by himself, that he doesn’t want to be alone, and that he must let God place him in a family (Ps. 68:6). He must humble himself to accept his wife's help as God intended (Gen. 2:18). He must suffer the humiliation of bringing forth children in his own image (Gen. 5:3). Children are perfect mirrors. They reflect all our faults and all our sins back in our faces. As we try to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4), we must repent from any leftover sins that they show us.
Although a woman may enjoy attention from a man, marriage God’s way starts with her humbling herself to let God give her to her husband as God's gift to him (Pr. 18:22). She must give up her independence, submit to her husband, and follow where he leads. The Bible says four times that a man humbles a woman (De. 21:14, 22:29, Eze. 22:10-11), and she must accept that.
God knew we would have trouble with His Simple Plan of Salvation. He knew we couldn’t handle two plans, so He made one plan for both salvation and for marriage. Jesus told Nicodemus, “Ye must be born again.” The Bible often compares Salvation, that is, our relationship to God, to marriage.
Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God. Romans 7:4
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Ephesians 5:31-33
Many people don’t want to die to their former lives, they want to cling to their old ways and have Christ too. That doesn’t work. Similarly, many married people stay independent instead of weaving themselves into a unified family. That doesn’t work either. Paul expected Christians to understand marriage so he said marriage was like salvation (Eph. 5:25). How did Jesus explain marriage?
And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Matthew 19:4-6
The only way two people can be “no more twain, [that is, two,] but one flesh” is for both of them to die to their former independent selves and give up their individual wants in favor of the family God creates for them when they marry. Your life changes when you do that. It’s not as complete a change as when you accept salvation (2 Cor. 5:17), but it’s a huge change. God now expects you to live to give to your family and to Him.
Nobody deserves salvation; nobody deserves marriage. A man is not worthy of his wife's submission or her reverence (Eph. 5:33). Those are undeserved gifts from God and from her as she serves God by serving him. A woman is not worthy of her husband's dedicating his life to taking care of her or leading her by serving her (Eph. 5:25-30), those are undeserved gifts from God and from him as he serves God by serving her.
Learning begins after we accept salvation. We work out our Salvation in fear and trembling (Phi. 2:12) for the rest of our lives. Learning how to be one begins with marriage and takes the rest of our lives. We must be humble enough to learn about God while working out Salvation, we must be humble enough to learn about each other while working out marriage.
Faulty theology causes marriage problems because beliefs about God drive pretty much everything we do. Just 10 words can give us enough knowledge of God for a happy marriage if we believe them and act on them.
The First Three Words
The first three words – “God is great” are obvious. Atheists who say the world came about by random chance from nothing speak of the marvels of creation. If God existed, they say, He would be great. The Bible begins, “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth.” We see God in His works:
The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork. Psalm 19:1
God knew that unbelief would come and that people of “science falsely so called (1 Tim. 6:20)” would tell Christians that the Bible is full of unscientific fairy tales.
But evil men and seducers shall wax worse and worse, deceiving, and being deceived. 2 Timothy 3:13
To encourage us, God arranged many scientific discoveries to agree with what He wrote in the Bible. You don’t need to understand much of the science, I don’t, but you should be able to tell others that the Bible account of creation and Moses’ laws have information nobody knew until recently. That shows that the Bible came from God.
Sir Isaac Newton, who wrote down God’s laws of motion and invented calculus, said, “When I see a watch, I think of a watchmaker.” If you found a wristwatch on the ground, you wouldn’t think the watch had formed by little bits of metal, gears, springs, and whatnot coming randomly together to form the watch. You would think a watchmaker made it and someone lost it in the field. Sir Isaac knew that random creation of anything as complicated, precise, and as orderly as our solar system was ridiculous, but he thought his “watchmaker God” wound up the universe and left it alone.
Sailors could predict high and low tides; astronomers could predict eclipses and keep the calendar lined up with the seasons by following the lights God gave “for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years (Gen. 1:14).” He believed that every planet was completely predictable - once you knew how God started the solar system, you could predict where planets would go for all time to come.
Sir Isaac was wrong. Physicists later learned that if there were only three planets in the entire universe, just three, and you knew where they were and how fast they were moving, you cannot predict where they will go. We cannot solve this “three body problem.” Sir Isaac didn’t know that the universe is not predictable from his laws of gravity.
Colossians 1:17 says, “And he is before all things, and by him all things consist.” “Consist” describes an action that was completed in the past but emphasizes the ongoing results in the present. The universe wouldn’t work without Jesus’ power (Heb. 1:3). Jesus’ power created the universe, and His action continues to the present, He keeps it going “by the word of his power (He. 1:3).” God is great indeed.
It seems that the universe operates automatically. Rivers run down to the sea, water evaporates and comes back as rain (Ecc. 1:7). Stars and planets stay in their orbits. Sir Isaac’s idea of a watchmaker God who wound it up and let it go seem reasonable, but the Bible teaches that God keeps the universe going; He didn’t set it up and let it go, He stayed involved. That helps us understand prayer. If God wound the universe and stepped back, there would be no reason to pray, but that’s not what He did, He stayed involved.
I don’t understand the proof that nobody can solve the three-body problem, but physicists who do understand are convinced that we can’t use the laws of gravity to predict the motions of just three planets. Our solar system operates smoothly because God keeps it in order, not just gravity.
We don’t understand gravity. On November 9, 2016, Science Alert wrote[1]:
“Our current ideas about space, time, and gravity urgently need to be re-thought. We have long known that Einstein's theory of gravity can not work with quantum mechanics”, the author the new paper, Erik Verlinde from the University of Amsterdam, told Dutch news site NOS.
We have both gravity and quantum mechanics but we can’t fit them together. Don’t worry about the term “quantum mechanics,” very few physicists understand it, but we can see what it does just as we know what gravity does even if we don’t understand it.
We can’t predict the motion of planets and we can’t predict hydrogen atoms. Hydrogen has the simplest atoms of all. One hydrogen atom has one proton with a positive charge and one electron with a negative charge. You know about electrons. When you plug a cord into the wall, electrons flow out of the socket into your appliance. The power company works hard to keep electrons flowing so they can bill you for electricity. The electron part of hydrogen atoms powers your appliances; the proton part of hydrogen atoms powers the sun.
On Sept. 15, 2017, Forbes Magazine published “Proof of 'God Playing Dice With The Universe' Found In The Sun's Interior.”[2] Under high pressure at the center of the sun, electrons are stripped off hydrogen atoms. There’s a soup of protons and electrons in the center of the sun. Our sun’s energy comes from billions and billions of protons smashing together at high pressure and temperature to fuse into helium and release energy.
A hydrogen atom has 1 proton and 1 electron, a helium atom is 2 protons stuck together and 2 electrons. When two hydrogen atoms fuse into 1 helium atom, a tiny bit of energy is released. That powers the sun.
Yet despite these incredible energies, [Forbes says] the protons in the Sun's core would never be able to begin this chain reaction if the Universe were completely deterministic. It requires the wave nature of quantum mechanics to make it possible, proving that Einstein's famous statement, that "God does not play dice with the Universe," was false.
Einstein, like Newton, believed the universe could be predicted from Newton’s laws. He didn’t believe that God put chance into how the universe works. Our sun is powered by the energy released when two hydrogen atoms, the simplest atoms in the universe, stick together, make a helium atom, and release energy.
Protons repel each other; they don’t want to stick together. You’ve played with magnets. Magnets have a north pole and a south pole. If you try to push two north poles together, the magnets repel each other and push back; if you put a north pole and a south pole together, the magnets attract each other and stick.
Protons have positive charge. They repel each other powerfully; they do not want to come together. Pushing them together hard enough to make them stick takes huge pressures and temperatures. That is why fusion power research has failed despite billions of dollars spent – we can’t get temperature or pressure high enough to generate energy as the sun does. Forbes wrote:
So we do our calculations, we calculate how the protons in the Sun’s core have their energy distributed, and we come up with a number for these proton-proton collisions with sufficient energy to undergo nuclear fusion.
That number is exactly zero. The electric repulsion between the two positively charged particles is too great for even a single pair of protons to overcome it and fuse together with the energies in the Sun’s core.
Our sun isn’t big enough for the pressure at the center to overcome protons pushing each other apart. How, then, can the sun give off light? It’s because protons aren’t particles. This gets to “quantum mechanics” that makes my head hurt. I don’t understand the details, it’s the conclusions that matter. Forbes explains:
Each proton is a quantum particle, containing a probability function that describes its location, enabling the two wave functions of interacting particles to overlap ever so slightly, even when the repulsive electric force would otherwise keep them entirely apart.
You and I have exact locations and the GPS in your smart phone will tell you exactly where you are. A proton doesn’t have an exact location. Its location is a fuzzy ball of probability and the proton could be anywhere in the ball. It’s most likely near the center, but it could be anywhere. That’s the part of quantum mechanics that Einstein didn’t want to understand.
If protons were small particles as Einstein believed, they would repel each other too strongly to stick together in our sun because it isn’t big enough to generate enough pressure or a high enough temperature. Protons aren’t particles, they’re fuzzy probability balls which can overlap enough that sometimes, protons in our sun fuse into helium atoms. “Probability fuzzball” doesn’t sound scientific, so physicists say that protons are wave functions, not particles.
It’s the power of quantum mechanics that allows the Sun to shine. [Forbes says] In a fundamental way, if God didn’t play dice with the Universe, the nuclear flame that powers the stars would never light, and the life-giving fusion that occurs in our Sun's core would never come to be.
If hydrogen atoms in our sun were particles, they couldn’t come close enough together to fuse into helium and our solar system would be a cold, dark place where we couldn’t live. Instead of particles, however, God made protons and electrons as wave functions whose future we can’t predict.
When two wave functions overlap, the protons can fuse and create energy even if the particles repel each other. The sun is a probability system; we can’t calculate it. Probability systems aren’t stable because they don’t operate in a predictable way. They may not be likely to explode or to shut down, but over time, that’s what a probabilistic system will do. God has to stay involved to keep the sun’s output in a range to keep us alive.
God lets the sun’s output vary. Sometimes He has out sun put out more heat, this makes our climate get warmer, sometimes it puts out less heat and our climate gets colder, but God keeps it in a range so that we can live on the earth He made, just as God limits the sea:
Fear ye not me? saith the LORD: will ye not tremble at my presence, which have placed the sand for the bound of the sea by a perpetual decree, that it cannot pass it: and though the waves thereof toss themselves, yet can they not prevail; though they roar, yet can they not pass over it? Jeremiah 5:22
The more scientists study the heavens, the more they learn about the glory of God even if they won’t admit it. Our theories about gravity don’t work with quantum mechanics, but the sun couldn’t light without quantum mechanics. Scientists are trying hard to explain gravity, but so far, they can’t.
My point is, the universe could not work as it does if it were predictable. It’s not a deterministic system that God could wind up and ignore. Probabilistic systems aren’t stable, so God has to stay in control to keep the universe running smoothly and keep the planets in their orbits. Colossians 1:17 says, “And he is before all things, and by him all things consist.” Science proves that even if the scientists won’t admit it.
Christians can affirm six-day creation as taught in the Book of Genesis. On July 8, 2014, Carnegie Science reported[3] that there is a lot more light in the universe than the light generated by the stars.
“Either our accounting of the light from galaxies and quasars is very far off, or there’s some other major source of ionizing photons that we’ve never recognized,” Kollmeier said. “We are calling this missing light the photon underproduction crisis. But it’s the astronomers who are in crisis—somehow or other, the universe is getting along just fine.”
A “photon” is one little piece of light, by “underproduction,” he means that stars don’t make enough light to match the light we can see. He has one thing right – “the universe is getting along just fine,” it’s the scientists who are messed up. Rejoice! We know there has to be more light than the stars make because God made light before He made stars. On June 30, 2017, Forbes Magazine wrote “Science Uncovers The Origin Of The First Light In The Universe[4].”
After centuries of investigating the origins of the Universe, science has finally uncovered what physically happened to "let there be light" in space. …
So where did this light — the first light in the Universe — first come from? It didn’t come from stars, because it predates the stars. [emphasis added]
Forbes tells us that light came before the stars! They explain that light “quanta,” one little piece of light just as a proton is one little piece of matter, interacted with each other and produced bits of matter. This is like particles colliding in an atom smasher – collisions can create any particle at all if they have enough energy.
When little bits of light bumped into each other, little bits of matter were produced. Genesis starts with “Let there be light” on day 1; the stars weren’t created until day 4 (Genesis 1:1-15). Who told Moses to write that light came days before the stars? Who could imagine that?
The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork. Psalm 19:1
The more scientists study the universe, the less they understand how it works. Sir Isaac Newton thought his laws of gravity could predict how planets would move. As instruments got better, we saw that the planet Mercury moved in ways his laws did not predict. Einstein’s theory of relativity explained those differences, but Einstein’s theories of gravity won’t work with the quantum uncertainties which let the stars shine.
In high school, I was told that religious people believe in the “God of the gaps.” We said God caused whatever science couldn’t explain. They said that as we understood how things worked, the “God of the gaps” would get smaller and smaller until He disappeared. Remember the “God is dead” movement in the 1970s?
That isn’t true; gaps are getting bigger. We don’t need to understand the details, what’s important is that everything scientists learn about light and gravity confirms the creation account in the Book of Genesis, light first, then stars, just as God told Moses. They know gravity doesn’t predict the motion of the planets or stars. We know that God keeps the stars and planets in place, but they haven’t a clue.
MEDICINE AND PUBLIC HEALTH
Besides telling a bit about creation, God’s rules for public health also confirm the divine nature of the Bible.
And said, If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God, and wilt do that which is right in his sight, and wilt give ear to his commandments, and keep all his statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the LORD that healeth thee. Exodus 15:26
For the Pharisees, and all the Jews, except they wash their hands oft, eat not, holding the tradition of the elders. Mark 7:3
Is washing hands before eating mere religious ritual? My mother thought there was a practical purpose. The Bible says, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Why do I wash my hands before eating? Because my mother trained me to do it. It wasn’t just a command to her, she knew the germ theory of disease. God always expected obedience even if His people didn’t know why they should wash their hands. Consider this:
This is the law, when a man dieth in a tent: all that come into the tent, and all that is in the tent, shall be unclean seven days. Numbers 19:14
And the clean person shall sprinkle upon the unclean on the third day, and on the seventh day: and on the seventh day he shall purify himself, and wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and shall be clean at even. Numbers 19:19
Being unclean as Numbers 19 describes meant you couldn’t touch other people and you couldn’t cook food for others. After a week, you purified yourself, washed your clothes, and took a bath to be clean. We now understand the health benefits to following these laws, but Jews obeyed by faith; nobody knew why thousands of years before we discovered germs.
In 1847, doctors’ wards at Vienna General Hospital had three times the death rate from childbed fever than midwives’ wards. Dr. Semmelweis suspected this was because doctors cut open dead bodies for autopsies and midwives didn’t. He proved that washing hands between patients reduced fever to less than 1%.
Semmelweis couldn’t explain. Doctors were angry at the idea that they carried death on their hands and didn’t want to wash. His results weren’t understood until Louis Pasteur proved the germ theory of disease years after Semmelweis died but God’s laws of washing worked. To this day, most infections in hospitals are caused when doctors and nurses don’t wash hands between patients! They see it as a rule, not as a command of God! It’s in their heads, not in their hearts!
God knows the difference between head knowledge and heart knowledge. A mother must be very careful to pay very close attention to her newborn to keep it alive. The hormones of pregnancy work on a mother’s brain to make her ears more attentive to a baby’s cry and on her emotions to get her really involved in the child[5]. God puts care for newborns into mothers’ hearts through hormones.
God also commands that new mothers be given physical rest.
Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If a woman have conceived seed, and born a man child: then she shall be unclean seven days; according to the days of the separation for her infirmity shall she be unclean. And in the eighth day the flesh of his foreskin shall be circumcised. And she shall then continue in the blood of her purifying three and thirty days; she shall touch no hallowed thing, nor come into the sanctuary, until the days of her purifying be fulfilled. But if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her separation: and she shall continue in the blood of her purifying threescore and six days. Leviticus 12:2-5
Why should giving birth, a natural and honorable process, make a woman unclean? Why?
An unclean woman couldn’t wash dishes – they’d be unclean and nobody could eat off them. She couldn’t do laundry – clothes would be unclean and nobody could wear them. She couldn’t do housework; she got time to rest and to get to know her new baby. She stayed home instead of coming into the sanctuary. Staying home protects new babies and mothers from infections.
Nursing was the only way to keep a baby alive. I’ve been told that girl babies often have a harder time nursing than boy babies and that girls are a bit smaller at birth than boys.
It’s a big deal for a mother when her baby holds enough milk to sleep through the night. If girls have a harder time nursing and they’re smaller, it would take longer for a baby girl to sleep through the night.
If this is true, God knows all about it. What did He do? A mother got 70 days off when she gave birth to a girl and 40 days when she gave birth to a boy. That extra month made it more likely that the newborn girl would sleep through the night before the mother had to resume her normal routine.
Most American babies are born in hospitals which are expensive! Mothers are sent home after a day or two, and everybody expects her to get back to the housework. My mother got a week of help from her mother and a week from my father’s mother. That was 14 days of help, not 40 days of no housework at all.
The Jews also fasted – the Pharisee described in Luke 18:11-14 bragged that he fasted “twice in the week.” Christians have always believed that fasting gives medical benefits and some studies are beginning to show that fasting can help with certain medical conditions.
What about the feast of leaven? God said that yeast represented sin, so:
Seven days shall there be no leaven found in your houses: for whosoever eateth that which is leavened, even that soul shall be cut off from the congregation of Israel, whether he be a stranger, or born in the land. Exodus 12:19
To get rid of all the yeast in your house, you have to clean to white-glove inspection levels as the army does. This means you pass a white glove over everything. You fail if there’s any dirt or dust on the glove.
What happens when an entire village gets rid of all the yeast in every house for a week? That cleans out all other food – seeds, crumbs – and critters starve. Cleaning came at the time of Passover, the time of year when rats and mice breed. Villages have a lot fewer insects, rats, or mice if there’s nothing for them to eat.
Christians had the Old Testament during the Middle Ages; Jews could have talked about the “none of these diseases” benefits of obeying God’s laws. The Jews didn’t give God the glory for their better health; they did not spread the word that God’s laws meant “none of these diseases.”
In the 1340s, the Black Death spread by fleas carried by rats. Jewish customs of washing and cleaning leaven out of their houses meant that the plague affected them less in the sight of the nations just as God had promised. Gentiles thought Jews must have caused the plague because they were immune! There was persecution because Jews didn’t give God the glory!
What about circumcision the 8th day? A newborn’s blood has clotting factor which comes from the mother. Her clotting factor decays and is replaced by the baby’s, but it takes about six days for the baby’s bone marrow to build clotting factor to the normal level. The cut heals best after the baby’s clotting factor comes. The 8th day gives time for boys who’re a bit slow to get ready to clot after the operation. We now know that circumcision reduces certain kinds of infection. This confirms what the Bible teaches about public health. Studying the works of God confirms the Word of God.
Who inspired the Bible writers with this knowledge? Did they do a double-blind study of circumcising thousands of boys on different days, measure outcomes, and use statistics to determine the best day to do it? Of did they just do what God told them to do? God is not only great; He wrote some of His greatness in the Bible for our learning and for our benefit.
THE “THEORY” OF EVOLUTION
Don’t worry about the “theory of evolution.” The more scientists study genetics, the less they know about how different species “evolved.” Non-Christians have written books showing huge problems with evolutionary theory. Evolutionists stopped debating creationists years ago because the creationists had better arguments. Everything they learn about how critters are born, live, reproduce, and die shrieks of intelligent design, which is another way of saying “God.”
The works of God confirm the Word of God. God is great, and we need not yield one jot or one tittle of His Word in the face of science falsely so called! God is great, we can proclaim it! We’d better proclaim it:
Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation; of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he cometh in the glory of his Father with the holy angels. Mark 8:38 see also Luke 9:26
I don’t want Jesus ashamed of me when He comes back. I try to spread His Word, and I stand behind it all.
The Second Three Words
The next three words are trickier – “God is great, God is good.” Christians who have no trouble with the idea that God is great don’t seem to act as though they think that God is good. People who believe in the goodness of God read the Bible carefully, seeking keys to happiness. The Bible contains many commands to do this or not to do that. Why? Did God write His laws to keep us from having fun? Or are His laws for our benefit? Does God love us? Many writers have found God’s love for us hard to believe:
What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him? Psalm 8:4
That question is repeated in Hebrews 2:6 – God’s love for vile sinners really is hard to believe. God did four things to convince us that He cares for us. First, He gave us laws telling us how societies should operate. Except for the supremacy of God, the 10 commandments are found in all religions and in many bodies of law. Don’t steal, don’t mess with someone else’s woman, don’t tell lies, don’t kill each other – these are the foundations of civilization. We can’t run a stable family, tribe, or nation without these laws.
Mahatma Gandhi tried to unite Hindus, Buddhists, Muslims, Christians; the rich stew of India. Many of his ideas came from the Bible. He wrote, “I like your Christ; I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ” and “If Christians would really live according to the teachings of Christ, as found in the Bible, all of India would be Christian today.” He died without Christ and went to Hell. Gandhi knew Christ’s teachings, but could not accept the human frailty that is so evident among Christians. He had the Bible which teaches, “they are without excuse.” God drew Gandhi but he let Christians reject and repel him. God’s teachings show that He loves us and wants our lives to go well.
Second, God made mothers. You’ve seen mothers care for their children even when their children disobey. A mother’s love shows us the love of God if we look. Third, God sent a Savior. John 3:16 says that God so loved the world … God created salvation because He loves us. Fourth, God created marriage. Question: God loved us enough to send His Son to die in our place.
But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
Would our God who loved us enough to create salvation which required the death of His Son and turning His back on His Son (Mt. 27:46, Mk. 15:34) to bless us create marriage to curse us? Or did God intend marriage for our good? If a marriage is not good, who’s at fault? God or the couple?
God listed a few of His laws in His Word, but He wrote most of His laws in His works.
Suppose I jump off a building. I’ll fall. Suppose I break my leg. Can I complain, “How could a loving God let me get hurt?” Would you sympathize, or would you call me a fool for trying to break God's law of gravity?
The Bible says “by Him all things consist,” and “all things” includes gravity. You wouldn't sympathize if I got hurt trying to break God's law of gravity, but lots of people break God's laws of marriage which He wrote in the Bible and wonder why they get hurt.
Do we understand God's law of gravity? No, gravity baffles physicists. They have no idea how it works, but we had better follow the law of gravity. Do we understand God's laws of marriage? No, but we can follow them through faith. We don’t understand His laws of Salvation either, but we’d better follow the laws of marriage and of salvation if we want an abundant life.
God created salvation; we must be saved His way or we go to Hell when we die. God created marriage. We have to do marriage His way or we can make life Hell on earth. I know many marriages which don’t show the torments of Hell, but they aren’t getting nearly as much blessing as God intended when He created marriage.
People must relate to God to get His full blessing. After they left Egypt, the Israelites wouldn’t talk to God; they wanted Moses to talk to God and tell them what God said. God was disappointed. He told Moses:
O that there were such an heart in them, that they would fear me, and keep all my commandments always, that it might be well with them, and with their children for ever! Deuteronomy 5:29
God didn’t write commandments to keep us from happiness. He wants us to obey because keeping His commands blesses us. Jesus said, “I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly (John 10:10b).”
There’s a catch to receiving the abundant life Jesus offers – we have to follow His rules. We know the story of the man who built his house upon the rock, there’s a song about his reward for obedience, but how many of us work to do what the Bible teaches?
The keys to abundant life in marriage and to abundant life in general are found in the Bible, but how do we read the Bible? People tend to make it more complicated than it is. Does the Bible lie? Jesus prayed, “Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth (John 17:17).” No, the Bible doesn’t lie. God gave us the Bible “for our learning (Romans 15:4).” If God lied to us in the Bible He wouldn’t be good and when we found out, we’d stop trying to learn from the Bible.
We know that God cares deeply about Children. Does the Bible lie to children?
There are many things in the Bible children can’t understand, and many I can’t understand, but God is not the author of confusion (I Cor. 14:33). God didn’t write passages with a simple, false meaning that must be explained through appeals to grammar, history, or writings that aren’t in the Bible. Anything in the Bible a child can understand is true in the way a child would read it. If this were not so, children would be confused, which God doesn’t do.
Consider the story of the man who built his house on the sand. We teach kids a song about it. We tell them that obeying God’s Word is a wise thing to do and that someone who doesn’t obey is a fool. Let’s look at passages which kids understand:
Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Ephesians 6:1
Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Colossians 3:20
Can children understand those verses? Yes, but “obey” is often a bad word. How old do children have to be to understand that it is as hard for their parents to obey God as it is for them to obey their parents? God expects us to teach His Words to our children:
And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. Deuteronomy 6:7
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4
Where does a father find the “nurture and admonition of the Lord?” In the Bible. Your most effective way of teaching the Bible is to let your children see you obey it, even when it’s hard. What you do in following the Bible speaks so loudly that your children can’t hear what you say about the Bible. Your words and your actions must say the same thing. What has this to do with marriage?
Children can understand most marriage verses; your kids see whether you’re obeying them or not. There are also marriage-related verses which children know without having to read the Bible:
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22
Where does a child go whenever anything goes wrong in the child’s universe? Right to Mommy. A child knows that his father’s wife is a good thing indeed. Adults should learn from this.
I’ve met men who complain about their wives instead of appreciating them. Philippians 2:14 says, “Do all things without murmurings and disputings.” Murmuring about a wife makes her unhappy; Proverbs says five times that an unhappy wife makes her family unhappy. God doesn’t like murmuring either (1 Cor. 10:10).
Parents who don’t follow these oh-so-obvious commands teach their children that the Bible is only a stick for parents to beat kids; it says nothing about adult behavior. Is it any surprise that so many walk away from the Word of God when they grow up? They’ve been taught that adults don’t follow the Bible, so why bother?
Believing that God is good has been the foundation of our marriage. From her youth up, my wife wanted to be a wife and mother. She knew she would have to find a husband who would pay her expenses. As she read the Bible, she realized that God expected her to obey her husband and to follow him.
Instead of complaining about how irrelevant the Bible was to modern customs, she knew that obeying God would bless her somehow because God was good. She realized that she would have to find a man whom she could obey. While she was in college, she met a man she expected to marry. When she asked God, however, God told her not to marry him. She pulled away from him because she was convinced that God had her best interests at heart.
When I told her I was going to date her, she said okay, but she set out terms and conditions. “God made me to be a treasure for my husband,” she said, and insisted that I agree that the purpose of dating was to decide whether she and I would marry. From my point of view, this was good - she took God seriously! I knew that if she was serious about following God, if she accepted everything the Bible tells wives to do, marrying her would be a good idea if I did my best to do what God tells husbands to do.
Indeed, it has been. We had no idea where marriage would take us, but we knew that God would get us there if we followed His rules. We trusted Him to order our lives together because we knew that God is good and had seen that He had ordered our lives while we were single.
The next three words are “God is good.” Do you believe that enough to obey the Bible because obeying God will be good for you? How can you trust God with your salvation if you don’t trust Him to order your life?
Last Four Words
Years ago, I asked a Junior Church class, “Is your home better when your mother’s happy or when she’s unhappy?” They looked at me like I had a hole in my head. They all knew that mother’s mood affected the whole house. Why would I ask such a silly question?
Then I asked, “Would it make your mother happy if you thanked her for cooking or doing dishes or laundry or anything she does?” They said “sure,” they knew that thanking mom made her happy. I said, “You can make the mood in your home better by praising your mother. You’re alive because she changed your diapers. You’d have died if she hadn’t. Have any of you thanked your mothers for changing your diapers? Would that be a good idea?” I mentioned the advantages of an “Attitude of Gratitude” often over the next few weeks.
When I checked with their mothers, not one of those kids had thanked their mothers for anything. They knew in their heads that thanking mom would make life better, but they didn’t do it because it hadn’t gotten into their hearts. “Praise ye the Lord” appears 24 times in the book of Psalms. They know the story of the foolish man who built his house upon the sand. Can kids understand, “If ye love me, keep my commandments (John 14:15)?” Why don’t kids praise the Lord? Same reason we don’t.
God knows that husbands are cement-headed when it comes to wives. Kids know that when mamma ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy, but God had to warn husbands 5 times in one book that an unhappy woman is a hardship. Kids should be taught to appreciate their mothers:
Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Proverbs 31:28-29
Her husband praises her, and the Song of Solomon teaches that he praises her in detail many times per day. Kids are born selfish; they don’t appreciate anyone or anything unless they’re taught. A father has to teach his children by command and by example that they have the most wonderful mother in the world; she “excelleth them all.” He has to teach them to appreciate what God has given them instead of worrying about what God has not given. He has to teach them to appreciate their mother instead of complaining.
He needs to teach them to appreciate the rain that waters the earth and gives us drink. They need to appreciate the glories of God’s creation, the birds and the beasts, in all His marvelous wonder. Kids who spend too much time talking to other kids via smart phones grow up to be self-centered and unappreciative. They need to be taught to appreciate what they have so they won’t whine about what they don’t have. They need to be taught the value of hard work to get what they want instead of complaining.
Moses warned God’s people that they would be carried into captivity unless they served God and loved God with grateful hearts and appreciated everything He had given them:
Because thou servedst not the LORD thy God with joyfulness, and with gladness of heart, for the abundance of all things; 48Therefore shalt thou serve thine enemies which the LORD shall send against thee, in hunger, and in thirst, and in nakedness, and in want of all things: and he shall put a yoke of iron upon thy neck, until he have destroyed thee. Deuteronomy 28:47-48
They didn’t love God, they didn’t appreciate the blessings He had given them, so He took everything away, “they were in want of all things.” If we aren’t grateful for what God gives, He may take it away, but we tend to take His gifts for granted. “We never miss the water ‘til the well runs dry.”
This brings us to the last 4 words. God is great; God is good, let us thank Him. The Bible speaks of the wonderful works of God 9 times. “Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!” appears 4 times in Psalm 107. God wants us to keep His commandments for our good. The Psalmist wants us to praise God for our benefit! Kids know in their heads that praising mothers will make their homes happier; fathers need to help them hide that principle in their hearts so they’ll do it. The Song of Solomon teaches married people to praise each other and how to praise each other.
Even lost people can learn God’s laws about the blessings of praise in a marriage by looking at His works:
“Expressing appreciation to your partner, noticing the things you love about them and telling them that you love those things about them,” said Ms. Joel, “just has wondrous effects. They feel appreciated, and then in turn they feel better, and just expressing the gratitude makes you feel better, and then they want to reciprocate the gratitude, so then they appreciate you more which makes you feel better.”[6]
Ms. Joel understands that “just expressing the gratitude makes you feel better.” Of course it does! If you think of all the wonderful things God has given you, you’ll be grateful for what God has given you and not worry about what God hasn’t given you. We praise God for salvation, but how many of us praise God for marriage? How many of us praise God for giving us spouses? Thanking my wife for letting God give her to me and for all the work she does makes her happier! Ya think?
Kids don't need the warnings in the Bible about an unhappy woman making people unhappy; they know without being told. Here’s another Biblical concept children know without seeing it written down:
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22
Kids figure this out early. When kids find that the universe is even slightly out of line, what do they do? They scream for mommy or, if they can walk, they run and find mommy. They know that mommy is a good thing and that she can right most of the wrongs they encounter.
Kids know that it’s important to them that their father sees their mother as a good thing. My youngest son was about six months old when he started clapping whenever I kissed or hugged his mother. I don’t know how he knew that my loving her was important to him, but he knew.
This is all the theology you need for a Godly marriage in 10 words: God is great, God is good, let us thank Him. God’s people didn’t appreciate the “land flowing with milk and honey,” He exiled them to Babylon and they lost the blessing of His gift. If a husband doesn’t appreciate his wife, she’ll be unhappy. If a wife isn’t grateful for her husband, he’ll be unhappy. Having an unhappy spouse makes everyone unhappy. If both are unhappy, the family is miserable. Have an attitude of gratitude if you want God’s blessing!
So husbands, can you tell your wife, “For God so loved man that He gave him woman; for God so loved me that He gave me you?” As the kids knew that appreciating their mothers would make life better, just about every man knows that saying that and meaning it would make life better, but that’s only head knowledge.
Men, it’s in your heads, but will you put it in your hearts? Look at your wife and repeat after me, “For God so loved man that He gave him woman; for God so loved me that He gave me you?”
Will you build your marriage on the rock of working to appreciate and give, or will you build on the sand of trying to get? You know the story, which will you choose? God is great, God is good, let us thank Him.
[6] “Can Scientific Relationship Advice Save Your Marriage?” New York Times, Feb. 9, 2015,
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God ordained both salvation and marriage. If you try to get to Heaven your own way, you go to Hell when you die. If you try to do marriage your own way, you can make life Hell on earth.
God loves men and women equally (Gal. 3:28). He created us carefully so that God’s Plan of Salvation can give us the fruits of the spirit in this life and prepare us to spend eternity with Him in Heaven in the next life. God’s Plan of Marriage helps married couples give the entire family a taste of the joys of Heaven, right here on earth.
By the time my wife and I were married in 1971, most of our friends were already divorced. We soon realized that God had given us something precious in our marriage but we could not explain it. We spent the next 40 years trying to explain what God had in mind so others could enjoy the blessing a loving God had always intended for marriage.
The Book of James promises wisdom from God if we ask in faith, but it doesn't say how long it will take nor how the information will arrive. We're searched the scriptures, prayed, and passed material to literally thousands of people collecting feedback. This is the result.
After reading our chapter on how to be a husband, a Grandmother asked me, "Do I have to read what you said about being a wife?" She had married grandchildren, so I told her, "No, you know what men want."
"Let me put it this way," she said. "If my husband treated me as you say, I would not only be willing to give him what he wants, I would not only be glad to give him what he wants, I would be proud and pleased to give him what he wants."
We shared drafts of the chapters on being husbands and wives with an engaged couple. When they compared notes, she said, "This is right about what women want, but what it says about men is ridiculous." He was surprised and said, "No, they're right about men, but women can't possibly be the way they say!"
Suffice it to say that God made them male and female, with radically different wants and needs, words and deeds. You can't build a sound bridge without detailed knowledge of cement and steel; you can't build a sound marriage without understanding what each party wants most.
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Introduction
Except when reading the Bible, remember that authors make mistakes. We've done our prayerful best to express what God wants for marriage and have quoted scripture to show God's Word as clearly as we can, but you must base your life on God's Word, using our words only to help you understand what God said.
We ask you to labor with us so that we can labor together with God (I Corinthians 3:9). We've been passing this book around for comment since 1982. The book improves as people criticize it, the more critical you are, the better it gets. As you read, please ask yourself these questions:
1) Is it clear? There's no point in publishing explanations that are hard to understand.
2) Is it true? We've done our prayerful best to base this book on the Word of God; there are more than 1,000 scripture references. Try as we may, however, it's almost certain that we've misused a verse here and there. Please play our words against what God has taught you and let us know how we measure up.
3) Is it complete? Marriage is simple at the core but difficult in the details. We've included examples and explanations inspired by conversations with many married and unmarried people; please let us know if we've omitted anything of importance.
The book is what it is because of all the help others have freely given. We’d appreciate any help you can give. MARK IT UP; we can't learn or improve without your feedback. The book lives on a hard drive. The computer prints copies as orders come in. If we upload a change, the next order gets the new version.
God gave us three sons so we don't really understand the viewpoint of parents of daughters. We particularly need help from parents of marriageable young ladies. So please, write us at 41 Ridge Rd, New Hampton NH 03256, email comments to wataylor@as-st.com, or call us at (603) 744 5160.
We can return your marked-up copy or we can give you a new copy with the changes. It’s listed on our author page,
https://www.amazon.com/Bill-and-Roberta-Taylor/e/B09DTMSHT8/ .
We set the price as low as Amazon would permit – 99 cents on Kindle.
We’d be happy to donate copies to churches.
The material in the book is from https://successful-marriage.blogspot.com.
Feel free to use this material in any way that serves His cause. 0305
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FAMILY - MARRIAGE UNDER THREAT - Marriage God’s Way -
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CLICK ON THE LINKS BELOW FOR DOZENS
OF ARTICLES AND RESEARCH!
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TODAYS FEATURED ARTICLE(S) 7/13/2022 |
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April 28, 2022
David Cloud, Way of Life Literature, P.O. Box 610368, Port Huron, MI 48061
One of the pioneers of child evangelism meetings was Edward Payson Hammond, who was known as “The Children’s Evangelist.”
An ordained Presbyterian, in the 1860s and 1870s he conducted large meetings in Rochester, Chicago, Boston, Detroit, Philadelphia, St. Louis, Baltimore, San Francisco, and elsewhere. In Oakland, California, a special tent was constructed that held 4,500 people.
He had those who came forward to his anxious benches to sign a “Covenant Card” that stated, “I, the undersigned, hope I have found Jesus to be my precious Saviour; and I promise with His help, to live as his loving child and faithful servant all my life.” The convert’s name was recorded in a book, and the statistics were published. Hammond claimed 2,000 converts in San Francisco and 1,000 in Washington, D.C.
Over half of his professions were from children.
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by Bill Taylor
This site contains papers about how marriage should work. Marriage is simple, but not easy. It's simple to walk across a room - just put one foot in front of the other. It's just as simple to walk from Maine to California - KEEP putting one foot in front of the other - but less easy. Marriage is a lifetime journey, not a short stroll.
What Drives Men to Marry?
Many women say they want to marry, but the way they behave makes it doubtful that any man will want to marry them. The New York Times published “Sex on Campus – She Can Play That Game, Too,” which argues that women are as eager to participate in casual “hookups” as men are.
At 11 on a weeknight earlier this year, her work finished, a slim, pretty junior at the University of Pennsylvania did what she often does when she has a little free time. She texted her regular hookup — the guy she is sleeping with but not dating. What was he up to? He texted back: Come over. So she did. They watched a little TV, had sex and went to sleep.
The Times called the woman “A” because she didn’t want her name used. A doesn’t particularly like this man, but he’s a handy sexual partner. She isn’t looking for a deeper relationship because she doesn’t have time: Continued Click Here...Marriage Under Threat: What Drives Men to Marry?
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The Bible Explains Marriage in One Verse
God loves us and carefully designed men and women so that we can give each other great joy if we do marriage His way. Marriage is simpler than we think. This short paper analyzes the one verse which tells us a simple way to build a marriage that gives both parties a taste of the joys of heaven, right here on earth.
We don’t expect people to know how to drive cars or balance checkbooks without being taught; why would we expect them to know how to be married without being taught?
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Psalm 68:6 explains that God loved us enough to put solitary people in families. If you don’t see how something about your spouse’s basic nature blesses you and your family, that’s your problem, not God’s. It took many years for us to figure out how some of my wife’s characteristics blessed our family, but once we made the assumption that God designed our brains differently out of love for us, things got smoother. |
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Why God Made Men and Women Think So Differently
God made males and females different to help us be fruitful and multiply. Instead of trusting that a good God knew what He was doing when He created us, many men and women complain that God made their spouses wrong. Women complain that men are too possessive, too controlling, and can’t find anything in a refrigerator. Men complain that women are too emotional and talk too much.
Very few women or men can explain their thought processes. This short paper discusses the way male and female brains work to give couples a basis for talking about how they think. Understanding draws them closer.
Psalm 68:6 explains that God loved us enough to put solitary people in families. If you don’t see how something about your spouse’s basic nature blesses you and your family, that’s your problem, not God’s. It took many years for us to figure out how some of my wife’s characteristics blessed our family, but once we made the assumption that God designed our brains differently out of love for us, things got smoother.
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Why Marriages Fail
We’ve known many couples whose marriages failed. Most failures were rooted in neither party having been taught enough about what the other person expected. This paper discusses major areas of ignorance that make marriages fail and suggests ways to help young people build solid families and solid churches.
What Drove Jesus' 11 Nobodies to Turn the World Upside-Down?
Introduction
Starting with eleven fired-up nobodies (Acts 4:13), Jesus’ gospel turned the world upside down (Acts 17:6). 300 years later, a quarter to a half the population of the Roman Empire either converted to Christianity or was sympathetic in spite of great ersecution. How did this come about?
… there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:28b
Christianity respects and values women far more than other faiths – women are equal in value to men! A woman can approach God whenever she wishes. This turned society upside-down, nobody imagined ordinary people relating to God without permission, especially not women.
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ADDITIONAL LEARNING/TEACHING RESOURCES
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FAMILY 1001 06272022 Why Marriages Fail - The Bible Explains Marriage in One Verse - CHANGING MARRIAGES ONE AT A TIME... MARRIAGE UNDER THREAT -
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FAMILY - MARRIAGE UNDER THREAT - Marriage God’s Way -
Read Study Learn Teach Mentor Train for Christ
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CHANGING MARRIAGES ONE AT A TIME...
This is a list of messages in the blog. Clicking on a title takes you to a description
which has a link to the article or you can use control-f to search within this list.
Feel free to use any of this material in any way that supports His cause!
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God loves us and designed men and women so that we can give each other great joy if we do marriage His way. This short paper analyzes the one verse which tells us a simple way to build a marriage that gives both parties a taste of the joys of heaven, right here on earth. SUCCESSFUL- MARRIAGE.BLOGSPOT.COM
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SOME RECENT VERY GOOD ADVICE: |
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God loves us and designed men and women so that we can give each other great joy if we do marriage His way. This short paper analyzes the one verse which tells us a simple way to build a marriage that gives both parties a taste of the joys of heaven, right here on earth. SUCCESSFUL- MARRIAGE.BLOGSPOT.COM
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Do not marry at all.
But if you must avoid the Beauty Men, Flirts, and the Bounders, Tailor’s Dummies, and the Football Enthusiasts.
Look for a Strong, Tame Man, a Fire-lighter, Coal-getting, Window Cleaner, and Yard Swiller.
Don’t except too much, most men are lazy, selfish, thoughtless, lying, drunken, clumsy, heavy-footer, rough, unmanly brutes, and need taming.
All Bachelors are, and many are worse still.
If you want him to be happy, Feed the Brute.
The same remark applies to Dogs
You will be wiser not to chance it, it isn’t worth the risk.
A SUFFRAGETTE WIFE
Feminism was rotten from the beginning. It was a movement started on the hatred of men and superiority of women. Their goal is to destroy the institution of marriage and families. It is in rebellion to God’s will for women. It’s from Satan, the father of lies. Women, have nothing to do with it. It’s destructive in every way. Christianity is what gives women worth and value, not something that destroys what God has created women for.
The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. John 10:10
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(1) “Most Christians do not read the Bible. Many Christians who read the Bible ignore what the Bible says. Some Christians who ignore the Bible don't see that as a problem.” "Baptist Bread" July 17th, 2017 devotional by author Dr. Guy Goodell, Pastor, Bible Baptist Church, Hudson Falls, NY. with permission from Tim Green The Baptist Bread
“(2) Ignorance of Baptist heritage, which is so infectious in our pulpits and pews today, is dangerous and must be overcome with a renewed teaching of our Baptist heritage and heroes of past generations.”
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Before 1960, women couldn’t abort their babies lawfully, therefore, unborn babies were protected in their mothers’ wombs. The majority of women didn’t attend college before the sixties. Most of them were married at a young age, began having children since birth control wasn’t widely used nor available, and were full-time homemakers.
Marriage was sacred back then. Most people married, and they married for life. Divorce was rare. Children were raised in two parent homes. The husbands worked hard to provide for their families. The husband and wife depended upon each other. The wife needed the husband’s protection and provision. The husband needed the wife home to care for the children and home. Families stayed together.
Children went to schools where Marxist/Feminism wasn’t taught. They were taught reading, writing, and arithmetic. They were taught the blessings of being raised in America, even though it wasn’t perfect. They were taught to value the Constitution, and God was spoken of freely in the schools. Prayer was in the schools.
Women weren’t in the police or military force back then in any fighting capacity. These were men’s role. Men’s and women’s roles were clearly defined back then. There was no gender confusion.
There wasn’t debt like there is today. People lived within their means. They didn’t spend money they didn’t have. Women didn’t owe two-thirds of the trillions of dollars of student loan debt. People lived more simply. The government wasn’t as large and intrusive. People knew they had to work hard to make a living. They didn’t want handouts and get “free” stuff from the government. They were more social and relationships mattered to them more than a cell phone.
No, we shouldn’t long for the good-ole-days, even though it’s easy to do, but we should go back to the old paths that God has ordained for us. God put us on this earth at this time for a purpose. As we live our lives according to God’s plan, we are salt and light in a wicked world. As you love and submit to your husband, other women will take notice. As you raise your children in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord, they will go out to walk in truth and be lights.
Thus saith the Lord, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls. But they said, We will not walk therein.
Jeremiah 6:16
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"Three Big Needs
To read study learn everything else …."
Roger Fulk May 2, 2019,
(1) Need to read and study and believe and apply the King James Bible.
(2) Need to study true Baptist Church History.
(3) Need to learn the proper methods of Biblical Interpretation.
If we learn the truth, the lies will stick out like a sore thumb!
IF WE STUDY AND LEARN THE TRUTH … THEN THE LIES WILL STICK OUT LIKE A ‘SORE THUMB” … IF YOU ARE A BORN-AGAIN BELIEVER IN CHRIST INDWELLED BY THE HOLY SPIRIT AND HAVE DISCERNMENT! …
I Corinthians 2:14
CLICKABLE LINKS NOT FOUND IN THE
BOOK ARE ADDED
FOR YOUR FURTHER STUDY OF EACH OF THE SUBJECTS BELOW:
Accessed from www.AWarningMinistry.com
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Solutions:
We teach the entire counsel of God, based on the Authorized King James Bible, PROPER Biblical Interpretation, including prophecy and True Baptist Church History, Distinctives and Doctrine.
The Ten C’s ….. there may be more ….. Now there are Ten!
(1) ... Greatest Commandments
Matthew 22:36-40
(2) ... Great Commission Matthew 28:16-20
(3) ... Earnestly Contend for the faith Jude 3-4, 20-25
(4) ... All the Counsel of God Acts 20:26-27
(5) ... One Christ Ephesians 4:4-6
(6) ... Another Christ 2 Corinthians 11:4
(7) ... With Compassion, Christians are to have compassion (1 Pe. 3:8; 1 Jn. 3:17; Jude 22). [See Charity, Labor, Love, Mercy.]
(8) ... Pray without ceasing I Thessalonians 5:17
(9) ... Creation Genesis 1:1-2, John 1:1-5 The seven c’s of creation!
(10) ...His Commandments in Old & New Testaments Revelation 22:14C
How to stop all this confusion out there?
- Get saved so you “can” understand!
- Start reading the KJB and pray every day!
- Learn the proper methods of literal interpretation!
- Learn “true” Baptist Church History!
- Learn and practice the entire counsel of God!
- Attend a good Bible Believing Independent Church regularly!
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WOMEN TAKE OVER WHEN MEN DON’T STEP UP?
There’s a theory many women believe that if men don’t lead, women will step up to fill the void that the men have left. They always use the example of Deborah in the Bible. Are men the ones responsible for women in leadership positions?
Was Adam responsible for Eve being deceived and eating the forbidden fruit? NO! She did it in her own rebellion against God. When women step out of their God ordained roles and into men’s roles, they are in rebellion to God’s will for them.
Then the argument will come up about all of the women in leadership positions or who had *careers* in the Bible. @old_fashioned_feminity had some great things to say about this on Instagram.
This is who feminists think were feminists in the Bible: Deborah, Ruth, Esther, The Proverbs 31 Woman, The Samaritan Woman, Lydia, and Priscilla. But who were the actual feminists in the Bible? Eve, Potiphar’s Wife, Delilah, Jezebel, The Proverbs 5 Woman, The Proverbs 7 Woman, and the Isaiah 3 Women.
Then she wrote this about them: “Deborah knew Barak was supposed to lead and begged him to lead. Eve wanted to be equal with God and acted out from under her husband’s authority.
“Ruth sought to be married ASAP while working to provide for her mother-in-law ONLY until then. Potiphar’s wife tried to seduce Joseph and then screamed rape when Joseph refused her.
“Esther submitted herself to her husband’s decision. Delilah used her beauty as a weapon against Samson for money.
“The Proverbs 31 woman looked well to the ways of her household. Jezebel took the leadership position while deriding and abusing her husband who wouldn’t step up.
“The Samaritan woman was requested to bring her husband with her to Jesus. The Proverbs 5 woman seduced men with her fair looks and speech.
“Lydia believed and was baptized. The Proverbs 7 woman gave all her affection to adultery instead of to her husband.
“Priscilla was always seen alongside her husband. The Isaiah 3 women were haughty, gaudy, loud leaders in rebellion against God.
“You see, there is a big difference between godly women and feminist women. Feminism is Satanic.”
Then, we hear about Christian women running for positions of leadership because they “prayed about it” and “felt God lead them to run.” Lindsay Harold replied to this reasoning: “Why do people pray about things scripture clearly speaks on and then use some nebulous idea of ‘peace’ to rationalize their disobedience? God has already told us in His word what the proper place for wives and mothers is. They are to be keepers at home, not leaders or warriors or workers for others. People would rather follow their own ideas and feelings than simply apply scripture and live by it.”
Many Christian women cheered for the nomination of Amy Coney Barrett. I didn’t. How can I encourage women to be keepers at home and then cheer for those who are not? I can’t. NO one can take the place of a mother in their children’s lives. Their children need and want them at home. There are plenty of good men for all of the leadership positions that are available.
Is it all men’s fault, as women claim, since men didn’t step up to the leadership positions? No, if women can tear their homes down with their own hands, they can tear nations down by stepping outside of their God ordained positions and taking away men’s. There’s many good reasons that God wants the older women teaching the young women biblical womanhood, but most older women have failed and younger women are in rebellion against God’s will for them. Go back to the Old Paths that God has ordained for you and cheer on the women who are going back too; for the faithful, godly wives and mothers who are home raising godly offspring. His ways will always be perfect for us.
Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls. But they said, We will not walk therein.
Jeremiah 6:16
***The Old Paths written about in this verse are the paths that are clearly written in God’s Word. His ordained roles are clearly spelled out in the Bible. In there, you will find the old, perfect paths for you. They are nowhere to be found in this world or even in the past, except for in those who love God and are obedient to His will.
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WHEN HUSBANDS AND
WIVES' ROLES ARE REVERSED
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Pearl,
First of all, praise God for Created to Be His Help Meet! A woman at my church recommended this book to me. I started reading it and it has changed my life and my marriage! I told a few other women about it and they are reading as well, and their marriages are much better. Thank You. Thank God.
Recently, I have gone back to work full-time and my husband is at home with the kids and homeschooling them. My question is how can I still be a help meet in this situation? My husband is having health issues and thought it best for us to switch. He loves to cook and has been cooking. What are your thoughts on this situation?
Thank you,
A Reader
Michael Pearl Answers:
Dear Reader, understand that I use your question as a springboard to address this issue in a broader way. Some of the things I say may not fit your situation at all. I am not attributing attitudes or actions to either you or your husband. Use my comments to gather principles that might apply to your situation.
It is never ideal for the woman to be the breadwinner and the man to be the home-keeper for the simple reason that the role reversal (a role dictated by our created natures) places each in a position contrary to their nature. A single woman may fit into the workplace as well as a man. A single man with children may function as the housekeeper, cook, homeschool teacher, etc., and do a fair job of it—all consistent with human nature. But the marriage relationship is unique. The man by nature is the savior, provider, and protector who braves the cruel world and carries the responsibility to protect and nourish his wife and family. It is in a man’s genes to take the command-and-control position. To become a dependent rather than the provider wreaks havoc on a man’s self-esteem. In our modern world, the one whose name is on the paycheck is the head of all finances, the one to be thanked and appreciated. That person is the fountain of the family, possessing the right of veto over all spending, and controlling the direction of the family where it involves finances.
The one who comes home tired from a day’s work is entitled to the recliner until dinner is served. It is the one who says, “Why aren’t my socks in the drawer?” and “This house is a mess; what have you been doing all day?” The breadwinner decides what kind of bread to eat and whether or not spending is foolish or necessary.
A bread-winning woman is not vulnerable and finds it difficult to come home and be a submissive, servant wife. To be forced to do so breeds resentment and a feeling of being used. I need not go on; you know these things and more to be true to nature and experience.
But sometimes life throws unnatural curves and turns our world upside-down. We have to make do like a one-legged man. We get around and get along in the best way we can. When a man is disabled and cannot enter the labor force, the wife may be thrown into an unnatural role of breadwinner. Sometimes the children are forced to work to provide for the family. It is not natural but it is necessary. A dependent man will have to accept a different worldview and a different role. He will have to accept not being fulfilled in the normal manner. And the bread-winning wife will need to learn humility and to try to maintain a feminine demeanor at home, giving deference to the man, allowing him to be a handicapped king in his limited domain. The dependent man will also need to learn humility and to accept his dependency with thanksgiving and grace. Like any unnatural handicap, it will not be easy, but it is entirely manageable, and each can find fulfilment in their role reversals.
However, when a couple reverses roles because the wife is able to make more money, or when the man is lazy and incompetent, or when she just likes to work and he just likes to hang out at home, you can be certain that neither is going to find fulfilment in their relationship, and their marriage is likely to end in the woman divorcing the man.
When both the man and woman are reconciled to the reality that the man is handicapped out of the work force through no choice of his own, and not having to do with incompetence, it takes the edge off of blame and the discomfort of role reversal; but when they both know it is a choice, expect the man to shrink in his self-respect and the woman to grow masculine in her demeanor—leaving the marriage to suffer.
God said to Adam, not Eve, “In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground” (Genesis 3:19).
Paul declared, “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel” (1 Timothy 5:8).
“That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed” (Titus 2:4–5).
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Having just entered the 72nd year of my journey through this life, I have much less concern about the effect of the opinions of others on my life. Because that is so, I approach this topic with bold carelessness.
INTRODUCTION
It is my conclusion, after nearly fifty years in pastoral ministry, in seven churches, in six states in the USA that the most common contribution to marital problems among Christians is, a failure of most wives to reverence their husbands. We are all probably familiar with the famous passage of Ephesians 5:22-33, that carefully spells out the responsibility of both husbands and wives. I will particularly focus on verse 33, because it is the sum of the whole passage. “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” It is the conclusion of my observations and investigation that most wives do NOT reverence their husbands, for one cannot be critical and reverent at the same time.
ADVISORY
Please note that I am using comparative terms such as “some”, “most”, “many”. I am not using words like “all”, “every”, or “each”. While I sincerely believe my conclusions are accurate and reflect on the great majority of Christian marriages, I certainly realize the foolishness of painting every husband or wife with the same broad paintbrush. Of course there are exceptions. Thankfully, there are men and women who recognize the truth of the Biblical description of marriage and have or are implementing these principles to the best of their ability. I am happy to have personally known some of them. Therefore, please do not assail me with how this or that exception should be considered. If I dealt with every possible exception, this article would be well beyond the reading tolerance of most readers. I may be pushing the limit as it is.
DESIGN
God designed marriage with structure that replicates His relationship with His creation. We are created in His image and likeness, Genesis 1-2. Just as the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit have unique and complimentary roles, so do husbands and wives. In His design, husbands are the head of the wife, wives are in a role of submission to his headship. These roles were not designed to function on the basis of feeling, but rather on the basis of organizational structure. Each person in their place doing their job, and fulfilling their responsibility. 1 Corinthians 11:3 “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” This passage clearly lays out the design structure for marriage, a structure that is repeated other places by precept and example throughout the Bible. The husband is the head of the wife, BUT Christ is the head of the man. This is the organizational structure, but we must always remember, both husbands and wives have a head. No one is a law unto themselves. A ceremony and a certificate do not constitute godly marriage. If they did, the marriage would last as long as the paper. Today there are far too many divorces and failed marriages because there is a focus on the ceremony and certificate, when really it should be about commitment. What makes a godly Christian marriage is a commitment to God, to fulfilling the designated designed roles and functioning in the spirit of God’s purpose. Quitting is not an option.
FUNCTION
God has designed marriage to function under authority, but not on the basis of law, force, or legalism. 1 John 4:8 tells us that God is love and in replication of our Lord’s relationship to His creation, marriage is to function in the environment of love. Love for God and love for spouses is to be the rule rather than the exception. Anytime we endeavor to make a marriage work out of fear or force or even grudgingly we have missed the functionality of God’s design. Wives: almost every time the role of each spouse is mentioned in the New Testament the role of the wife is mentioned first, just as it is in Ephesians 5. I believe this is done because of the importance of the wife’s role in marriage and family. Someone once said that the husband may be the head, but the wife is the neck that turns it. I would rather say that she is the neck that supports the head, giving it mobility to do it’s work. That is more in keeping with the function of a wife. In Genesis 2:18 “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” According to God’s Word, a wife is to be a help to her husband, one that is meet for him, that is one that is comparable to him. She is not inferior to the man or she would not be meet for him, nor would she be much of a help to him. She is also not superior to him for the same reasons. The beloved wife, bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh is meet for him, BUT her role is subject to her husband’s authority and leadership (headship), even though in her person she is his equal and his compliment. For a dear wife to subvert her husband's headship is tantamount to subverting God, for He designed the roles. Her role is one of aid, support, comfort, encouragement, companionship, and so much more great value that only a dear woman of God may supply. She is to aid him in his God given task or call, without having an alternative task of her own that may retard her aid to her husband. She is to aid him in the great work of producing children and populating the Earth. In this task, she has the most significant role and the greatest influence on the next generation.
Husbands: are called upon by God to function in His design by portraying Christ in his marriage. This is not an ego boosting position, but rather one of fear and caution, for it is the greatest responsibility that a man may endeavor to fulfill. While it may seem out of place, a husband’s first order of responsibility is not to his wife, but to his Head, Christ. Modern marriage counselors may focus on the husband/wife relationship, but they would be missing the very foundation on which marriage was established. In Genesis 2, God gave man a job, then He created his wife to help him. A wife cannot be a help if her husband does not have his job from God. So, I maintain that a husband’s first responsibility is to be about the work that God has given him to do. Along with what ever task that may be, he also has the responsibility of providing for, protecting his wife and family, and leading them in a godly lifestyle of service to the Lord. This is a large order and will require a man’s complete dedication to God and family. There is no such position as part-time husband and servant of God. A husband’s second level of commitment after God is to his wife. She is to come before children, parents, friends, employers, and personal recreational pursuits. She is to be most important to him, next to their Lord, whom they both serve. In the marital relationship the husband bears the responsibility of leadership and authority. He is the one to answer the door when trouble calls and he is the one who answers for the decisions he makes. God holds the husband responsible for his wife and family.
SPIRIT
A marriage, like a fine Swiss watch, is a wonderful thing to behold when all the parts are in place and working as designed. However, when one or both are not functioning according to God’s design the beauty is marred and peace is lost. God designed marriage to be the closest thing to Heaven on Earth, but when the function is marred by an out of kilter spirit it can be closer to Hell than Heaven. Most Christian marriages today are vacillating somewhere between the two extremes, usually bouncing around, just out of the Hell category.
Romance: has actually done more to damage Christian marriage than it has ever helped. Romance is about a man and woman’s love for each other. While love for each other is involved in Christian marriage it is not the foundation. The foundation for Christian marriage is love for God. When Christians are married and love God, they will do marriage God’s way. Unfortunately, most Christians do not know what that is. I have dealt with some of it in the design and function segments, but without the spirit of God’s design, even Christian marriages can be a hollow shell of misery and hopelessness. Romance is ooey, gooey sentimentality whereas the love that God has for the marriage relationship is based on Him and not the spouses. Love for each other results from the marriage being based on love for God, not the cause of it.
Reality: is that romance is a poor foundation for marriage. Doing the will of God is the best foundation for everything and particularly marriage. To operate within God’s design for marriage and to effectively function, it is necessary to understand the spirit which we must embrace for His purpose. The Ephesian passage listed in the introduction is most commonly used to identify marital roles. I have put the text of the passage at the end of this article. Emphasis is usually given to wives submitting to husbands and husbands loving wives as Christ loved His church and gave Himself for it. Some translations, unfortunately add the word “up” to the last phrase, saying, as Christ loved His church and gave Himself up for it. As a result many modern teachers and preachers declare that a husband is to be willing to give his life for his wife and in lieu of physically dieing, he should sacrifice anything to make her happy. I have heard many recorded speakers at Promise Keepers meetings present that precise message. Jesus did not die for churches, He died for sinners. When He gave Himself for His churches, He gave Himself to be the head of each, He took upon Himself the responsibility of a husband to a bride. Bluntly put, a dead husband is of no value to anyone. The modern concept of a husband dieing to self for his wife is the stuff of romance, not the reality of Christian marriage. Husbands, if they are to fulfill God’s design must always put God first, then function as a husband. To follow the romance format is to put the wife ahead of the will and glory of God. It effectively makes the wife an idol to be adored and worshiped.
Modern feminism has as it’s goal to radically change God’s design for marriage, to the extent that most leaders want to do away with marriage and family altogether. One of their most effect efforts is to convince men and women that women are to be exalted to such a position of power and authority that they would be adored and worshiped as the superior gender. Some radical feminist leaders have claimed that men be reduced to only 10% of the human population. Romance is very supportive of the feminist concept of female superiority. But, did you notice that such is in direct contrast to God’s design for marriage? God designed husbands to be the head and wives to be their aides. Feminism and romance has invaded Christian thought and institutions to the degree that Christian marriage is no longer taught in most churches and Christian colleges and universities. Married people are being taught that wives only need to submit to their husbands as long as they are being good husbands and doing right. Oddly, the wives are the ones who are (supposedly) entitled to decide if their husbands are worthy of their allegiance. And, if they are not, they may legitimately divorce them for a variety of reasons. Concurrently, husbands are finding it easier and easier to not love their wives because the dear ladies are crass and not lovable. Romance fails because it is based on emotion and infatuation that, at best, is unstable as water. Reality based on love for God has wives saying, I will submit to my husbands headship because that is what my Lord Jesus said to do. As well husbands will say I will love my wife because that is what my Lord Jesus said to do. In Ephesians 5 we are instructed fulfill our designed role, not based on circumstances or on the performance of the spouse, but because that is what the Lord taught us to do. We fulfill the spirit of our role regardless of whether our spouse does or not. We don’t love someone because of their qualities, but because of the spiritual quality of our own heart. We love because God has put His love in us. As our Lord loved us when we were yet sinners, so we love our spouse from our reserve not because of their qualities. Husbands love your wives, even when the may be unlovely. Do not make her perform to your specifications to deserve your love. Your love is God’s gift to her, so do it. Love her.
Wives: do not chafe at the idea of submitting to your husband. And above all to not make his performance a condition of your submission. To do so is idolatry. You will be putting yourself in the position of being his head. He will answer to Christ, not to you. Do you, dear lady, want to usurp the authority of Christ? Please, leave the romantic notion that you are to be adored. I know that it is desirable to be wanted and adored. Such is the stuff of romance and is the fanciful delight that has the world watching the royal weddings in England. But it is not of God. Submit your self unto your own husband, not to any other man, but to your husband. Do so because the Lord said so. If you do so grudgingly, you may have done your duty, but only that. You will have missed the whole spirit of God’s design. Your submission to your husband is a reflection of the role of Christ’s churches in relation to Him. You cannot stand in judgement of your husband and be in the spirit of God’s design for marriage. To do so suggests that it is legitimate for churches to stand in Judgement of Christ. Rather, enter into the spirit of serving God as your husband’s wife by treating him as churches are to treat Christ. As said in verse 33, reverence your husband. It is impossible to criticize, judge, reprimand, or resist your husband and reverence him at the same time. But what if he is wrong? Deciding that and dealing with him about it is the responsibility of his head, the one he is called to be in submission to, Christ Jesus. Do you have a legitimate problem with your husband or concern about him being or doing right? You may well have those concerns, but do not usurp the authority of Christ. One of a wife’s responsibilities and ministries is to support her husband with prayer and a godly spirit. Bathe him in prayer, incorporate the power of God in your marital concerns. A godly wife has power with God to influence her husband for God in many areas, 1 Peter 3:1.
CONCLUSION:
Most husbands love their wives to the point of adoration. They do partly because they have been trained to do so by centuries of romantic influence and partly because God has put His love in men’s hearts for the loveliest part of His creation, women. While most men may not display that love very well, it is a reality. Women thrive on being loved and even more so on words and displays of love. Love is so important to women, they think it must also be equally important to men. That would be a mistake. In the introduction, I said that most wives do not reverence their husbands and that is correct. However, wives are very involved in loving their husbands, particularly when the men are giving them words and displays of love. Wives don’t understand why that is not as important to their men as it is to them. Here’s why, men and women are different in many ways. Husbands are to replicate Christ in the family. Does Christ want us to love Him? Yes, but before we can love Him we must first reverence Him. Hebrews 11:6 says, “But without faith it is impossible to please Him…”. He wants and requires that we believe Him if we are to please Him. Husbands desire to be believed, trusted, and reverenced by their wives much more than being loved by their wives. A godly husband will bust a gut trying to live up to the reverence of his godly wife. Wives, it is wonderful that you love your husband, but if you want to enhance your marriage and increase the sense of love you receive from your husband, reverence him and gladly submit yourself to him, not because he is worthy, but because Christ is and He requires it of you. Do this and you will see your marriage blossom and your husband will become a better man because of it. Criticism and reverence are mutually exclusive, one cannot do both with the same person.
Ephesians 5:22-33Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
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ADDITIONAL LEARNING/TEACHING RESOURCES
WILL BE ADDED AS WE MOVE FORWARD
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Matthew 7:13-14 KJV By Bill Brinkworth
Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: 14 Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.” Matthew 7:13-14 KJV
There are many that claim to be Christian, but are not! They are heathen. Heathen are the unsaved, and those bound for Hell. Calling themselves Christians will not make them saved. Examine what the Bible says about heathen cloaked under the name “Christian”:
- Heathens are sometimes called Christians or God’s people.
- “… That they may possess the remnant of Edom, and of all the heathen, which are called by my name, saith the LORD that doeth this.” Amos 9:11-12
- This verse is speaking of a time not yet come, but the principle applies to these latter days. Not all that claim to be children of God are children of God
- Heathens pray.
- “… But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.” Matthew 6:6-7
- It is ironic that the outline for prayer (Matthew 6:9-13) that follows these verses is what many so-called “Christian” faiths vainly (without thought or meaning, empty of feeling) pray over and over.
- Heathens have religion also!
- “… This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me. But in vain they do worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.” Matthew 15:7-9
- There have always been those that believe themselves to be children of God, but were not. It was the religious that had killed Jesus and persecuted His followers.
- Heathens can think God is using them. (However, many times Satan, the deceiver, is blinding them, and deceiving them with false miracles from “God”.)
- “Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them. Not every one that saith unto me , Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.” Matthew 7:20-23
- Heathens can go through religious routines and rituals.
- “Then shall ye begin to say, We have eaten and drunk in thy presence, and thou hast taught in our streets. But he shall say, I tell you, I know you not whence ye are; depart from me, all ye workers of iniquity. There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth … and you thrust out.” Luke 13:26-28
- They went to the house of God, but that didn’t make them His.
Many are religious, but lost. People may think they are Christians, but may not be. There is only one way to be a child of God — God’s way.
“… Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” John 3:3.
Are you “born again”? Are you going to Heaven by God’s narrow way of trusting Christ’s payment for your sins with His blood? Or are you a heathen bound for Hell?
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“Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time. ” Colossians 4:5 KJV
God said we are to walk in wisdom concerning the lost. Did you ever stop to think about it? That man, unsaved out there, is related to us about using our time. That is what God said, “…toward them that are without, … ” in order to reach them. Did you ever stop to think that a man out there puts a higher value on Christian living than he does about Christian doctrine? He never thinks much or wonders, “What do those people do over there at that Baptist church? But he thinks an awful lot about, “I wonder how those people at that Baptist church live?” This is uncanny about how unsaved people think of saved people.
The salvation of a man’s soul depends greatly upon what he thinks of you. You mark it down, not so much what he thinks of the Bible, or what he thinks of Jesus, or what he thinks of preaching. But the salvation of many a lost person depends on what he thinks of you and I as a Christian.
Our own estimation of your spiritual self, will determine what you do in the matter of time and witnessing to somebody else. I believe with all my heart, that a lot of people never witness or use their time to get someone saved, because of a poor estimation of their own spiritual life. God says, “Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time. ”
God has made us managers of time. — T.M.
Prepared by Roger Fulk, from the “Baptist Bread” August, 25, 2021 devotional by author Dr. Tom Malone (Deceased), Pontiac, MI. With permission from Tim Green, editor Baptist Bread.
New Blog • New Series
Just Posted 8/30/21
Another Warning
Cultural Factors in the
Weakening of Churches
Wolf Watch Ministry False Teaching Exposed AKJB Based - Group! Cultural Factors in the Weakening of ChurchesSign up for our mailing list... here!
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New Blog • New Series
Just Posted 8/30/21
Another Warning
Cultural Factors in the
Weakening of Churches
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Cultural Factors in the Weakening of Churches
May 23, 2019 (first published October 19, 2017)
David Cloud, Way of Life Literature, P.O. Box 610368, Port Huron, MI 48061
New for March 2017. See end of this report for details.
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(2) Maligning Warning and Reproof
"Another reason why I am convinced that most Independent Baptist churches will be emerging within 10-20 years is the maligning of warning and reproof.
A friend in North Carolina wrote recently to give the following observation in regard to the many independent Baptist churches he has visited over the years. The all caps are in the original." David Cloud
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(1) ONE OF THE 'AGE OLD' QUESTIONS AND A 'THEORY' THAT DOES NEED TO BE COVERED ... EARLY IN THIS NEW SERIES! |
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Wolf Watch Ministry False Teaching Exposed
Based on the Authorized KJB - Group
A Warning Ministry updated April 6, 2021
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Folks, especially new members, we ask you to limit your posts to Wolf Watch Ministry: False Teachings Exposed subjects as outlined below! This is the scope of this group - Every day we get posts that are off-topic or from unreliable or unvetted sources or contain modern bible versions or other than Authorized 1611 King James Version or commentary that is not vetted! It is not that other things are necessarily bad just out of the scope of the group. Posts about things that are not within the Description, Standards, and rules of this group will not be approved and deleted at the discretion of the Admins.
Description: The purpose of this group is to be a teaching group and learn about and expose all false teachings, both, within Christianity and outside the realms of Christianity. Brothers & Sisters this is not a debate group. There are many groups where you can go to debate. Please keep posts to the subject of this group which is A Warning Ministry. If your post is not about Wolf Watch Ministry: False Teachings Exposed, which is A Warming Ministry we will remove it.
Inside the realms of Christianity, we expose the false teachings of erroneous Historical Baptist Church History, attacks on Historic Baptist Ecclesiology, Unscriptural Non-Baptist Positions Concerning the Kingdom of God, The Bride of Christ, Baptist Baptism, Baptist History, Heritage, Distinctives, Theology and Doctrine, Women Ministers, The Feminist Movement, Soft Separatism, New Evangelicalism, Theological Liberalism, Materialism, Arminianism, Calvinism, also called The Mystical Invisible Universal 'Church', Limited Atonement, Lordship Salvation, Glossolalia Regeneration, Glossolalia Sanctification, Baptismal Regeneration, Continuationism, Pentecostalism, Charismaticism, Spirit Baptism, Non-Scriptural Teachings on End Times Theology, Sinless Perfectionism, the Prosperity Gospel, Nephilium, Serpent Seed, Easy Believism, Mother Grace, Ecumenicism, Infant Baptism, the Shepherding Movement, Unitarianism, Universalism and Modern Bible Versions, Attack on the King James Bible, and other beliefs that we discover that are not Biblical including … “Cultural Factors that are Weakening Churches” and “Ignorance About Important Issues”… which is … Another reason why a large percentage of fundamental Baptist churches will be well down the emerging path in 10-20 years is that there is widespread ignorance about important issues such as contemporary music, New Evangelicalism, the Southern Baptist Convention, Reformed theology, reconstructionism, charismaticism, Neo-orthodoxy, Darwinian evolution, intelligent design, and theistic evolution, contemplative mysticism, and the emerging church.
Outside the realm of Christianity, we expose the false teachings, including Anti-Israel/Anti-Jewish beliefs, of Roman Catholicism, WICCA, Satanism, Jehovah's Witness, Mormons, New Age, Scientology, Spiritualism, Native American Spiritism, The Way International, Christian Science, Eastern Mysticism, Kundalini, Yoga, The Unification Church, Islam, Seventh Day Adventism, The Nation of Islam, the Hebrew Roots / Messianic / Sacred Name Movement and any other groups that teach doctrine contrary to Orthodox Biblical Christian doctrine.
We do not allow any members to defend any False Teacher, teaching, or cult. Anyone who does so will be removed from this group. All posts that go off-topic will be removed.
The standards we use in this group ... We teach the entire counsel of God, based on the Authorized King James Bible, Literal Baptistic Biblical Interpretation, including prophecy and Baptist History, Heritage, Distinctives, Theology, and Doctrine.
We normally do not put up videos, music, sermons, and Scripture posts unless if they are on Baptist History, Doctrine, Distinctive or other subjects for this group scope. Again not that they are bad or we are against them it's just outside the scope of the group. Thanks for your understanding.
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When you sign up for our mailing list, you will be able to ... "Stay tuned" for news and updates delivered straight to your inbox. Here you will find many different subjects with information and resources for your learning/teaching needs! WE WANT TO WELCOME YOU TODAY!
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The purpose of this Blog is to teach about Jude 3
It has been said there is a big lack of 'WARNING MINISTRIES" in churches. This is a teaching resource to help people and churches understand more about Jude 3 and other related scriptures.
Read more
awarningministry.com
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This Blog will teach about MANY SUBJECTS!
Here is an example! Another interesting question! And ... there are many more ... Just Stay 'Tuned'.
Read more
awarningministry.com
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About The Author Roger Fulk |
This is another Blog Post and I hope you enjoy this! It's about a WOLF WATCH MINISTRY FALSE TEACHING EXPOSED!. Please stay tuned. We have plenty of excellent content! |
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This subject is not of interest to everyone, however we have found there is much confusion about it! We aim to help people learn about this subject teaching and learning purposes! Keep coming back often and enjoy learning about many different subjects like this for your edification!
Thank you,
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