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The
GuardYourEyes Program in a Nut-Shell
GuardYour Eyes
uses a unique approach to help people, by recognizing that there
are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and
"Shmiras Habris". We have tried to put together here - in a
nut-shell, the suggestions that we feel are best for the various
different levels of this struggle.
Two
Important Notes:
1) The term
"acting out" is used below to mean either viewing inappropriate
material and/or masturbation. It also includes promiscuous
behaviors (clubs, massage parlors or worse) but these
behaviors should generally be treated as more severe levels of
addiction.
2) Each new,
more advanced level of the struggle/addiction (below) automatically
includes the suggestions given for the previous
levels. We only bring the NEW suggestions for each level, but
highly encourage that the suggestions of the previous levels be
tried as well.
The
Eight Levels:
Can you
find yourself below?
Level
1. I struggle with
shmiras ainayim, desires and fantasies (like most normal
males).
Suggestions:
-
Filters:
Get a good
filter for all your internet enabled devices. We can help you find
what's best for you on our website, or on our filter hotline
(coming soon). Be in touch with our filter Gabai at filter.gye@gmail.com. We highly advise having
your wife, a friend or the filter Gabai hold the password/s for
you.
-
Daily
Chizuk: Sign up to the daily
'Shmiras Ainayim' Chizuk e-mails, which offer daily tips and chizuk
on dealing with today's environment, guarding our eyes, dealing
with bad thoughts, struggling with the Yetzer Hara, etc.
-
Read
Up: The GYE website has
hundreds of inspiring articles which can provide you with tips and
chizuk on dealing with today's environment, guarding our eyes,
dealing with bad thoughts, etc.
-
Be
aware: The GYE website
provides articles, shiurim and video clips (coming soon) from
mechanchim, Rabbanim and experts, to help you be informed and
up-to-date on the spiritual dangers of today's
technology.
-
Join the
Community: Join our
"Prevention" forum (coming soon) to exchange ideas with other
balabatim, parents and Mechanchim looking for the best solutions on
how to deal with the nisyonos of our generation, both for ourselves
and for our children.
Level
2. I have stumbled
and 'acted-out' (see definition in note 1 above) on rare occasions,
but I believe I can abstain 'indefinitely' if I put in some effort
and remain determined.
Suggestions:
-
Reporting
Software: Install Reporting
Software (on top of your filter) to have lists of all questionable
websites sent to a friend or Rav that you respect and would be
ashamed to disappoint. We suggest either www.webchaver.com or
eBlaster from Spectorsoft. Give the password/s to the filter
Gabai.
-
Attitude
and Perspective: Read the 30
principles in Part 1 of the GYE Handbook to understand the nature of this
struggle, and to learn how to use it as a spring-board for personal
growth and divine service.
-
Shmiras
Ainayim Fences: Build up stronger
fences for your eyes such as: avoiding mixed areas where possible,
avoiding sites like Facebook, YouTube, triggering movies,
magazines, etc. (Read tool #2 of the GYE handbook).
Level
3. I can abstain
from 'acting-out' for long periods of time (more than 90 days), but
somehow I keep falling into it again.
Suggestions:
-
Acceptance:
Addiction
means something we want to stop but can't. Accept that you may have
an "Addiction". Although there are many levels of addiction, the
rules of the game change once we recognize this important truth
about ourselves.
-
Stronger
Daily Chizuk: Sign up for the
'Breaking Free' daily chizuk E-mails and get tips, advice and
personal stories from the GYE community every day, on how to break
free of these addictive behaviors.
-
Strong
Fences: Make strong fences
for yourself, such as writing a list of things to do before
acting-out, making kabalos, etc. (Read tool #3 of the GYE
Handbook).
-
The TaPHSiC
Method: Study and apply the
TaPHSiC
Method described on our website. This is one of the best
methods for frum people suffering from low-level addictions. It
teaches us how to balance our "Yiras Shamayim" (which doesn't
generally work very well in addictions) with "Physical discomfort",
which is something that works a lot better. By wisely combining the
two, we can produce a fool-proof fence to protect ourselves from
the addictive behaviors.
-
Stronger
Shmiras Ainayim fences: Get serious about
this. Recognize how easily triggered we are. We need to start
avoiding all non-Jewish movies, newspapers, magazines, and even
non-Jewish news websites, entertainment, etc.
-
Read
up: Read through the
hundreds of articles on our website, such as the Tips, Q&A and
Stories to learn more about beating these addictive
behaviors.
-
Kosher
Isle: When feeling bored
or weak, use our "Kosher Isle" to find Kosher activity
suggestions, Kosher news sites, entertainment, shiurim and much
more!
Level
4. I've tried to
stop many times, but I can't generally abstain from 'acting-out'
for significant periods of time (90 days or
more).
Suggestions:
-
Meaningful
Activities: Try to find
alternate fulfillment in your life, such as chesed projects, jobs,
hobbies and activities that can help you feel inner satisfaction,
keep you connected to the real world and out of isolation. (See
tool #6 in the GYE Handbook).
-
Cutting
Down: "The more you feed
it the more you need it". Start cutting down over time by making
red lines for yourself. Slowly wean yourself of these behaviors by
pushing the battle lines back further and further. (See tool #7 in
the GYE Handbook).
-
The 90-Day
Journey: Take the "90
Day" leap of faith and stay clean for a full 90 days to break
the addictive pattern in the mind. Use our 90-Day chart system to
appreciate your progress and get encouraging e-mails as you advance
to new levels. (See tool #8 in the GYE Handbook).
Level
5. I've tried
everything in levels 1-4 and I still can't stay
stopped.
Suggestions:
Anonymous
'Virtual' Support - Reach out to OTHERS:
-
Forums:
Join the forum
to get support from the rest of the GYE community. Tell your story,
post a log of your journey, reach out for help when feeling weak -
and strengthen each other. The forum is a life-line of chizuk and
support for hundreds of people in exactly your
situation.
-
Chat-Rooms:
Chat with
others in the GYE chat-rooms (coming soon).
-
Social
Network: Cultivate a group of
"Friends" to stay in touch with through GYE's cutting edge
"social-network" system (coming soon).
-
A
Partner: Get a partner
through GYE's partner/sponsor system. Be in touch by e-mail/chat
daily. Learn honesty, integrity and get accountability. Strengthen
each other.
Level
6. I've tried
everything in levels 1-5 and I still can't stay
stopped.
Suggestions:
Anonymous
'Phone' Support - Reach out to people you can hear and talk
with:
-
The GYE
Hotline: Call our hotlines / experts for advice. (Coming soon:
the new 'one-number' GYE international hotline - 24/7!)
-
The
12-Steps: Study / Work the
12-Steps. Learn the secrets behind this world-renowned program that
has helped millions of people around the world break free of all
types of addictive behaviors. (See tool #14 in the GYE
Handbook).
-
12-Step
Phone Conferences: Join GYE's multiple
12-Step phone conferences throughout the week. Work the powerful
12-Step program along with another group of people in your
situation, with guidance from an experienced moderator. GYE has
phone conferences almost every day of the week - morning, noon and
night!
-
A
Sponsor: Get a sponsor
through GYE's partner/sponsor system. A sponsor is someone clean
for over 90 days, who can guide you and share what works for
him.
-
Phone
Partner: Get a partner to be
in touch with by phone as often as possible (through GYE's
partner/sponsor system).
-
Build a
Personal Phone Group: Have a group of
friends to call when feeling weak. PM friends on the forum and ask
them for their telephone numbers, or join Duvid Chaim's phone group to get access to his
phone-roster (currently with over 50 people).
-
The GYE
Phone community: Join the 'GYE Phone
community' (coming soon) and get access to hundreds of numbers of
people like you who want a community to reach out to.
Level
7. I've tried
everything in levels 1-6 and I still can't stay
stopped.
Suggestions:
'Live'
Support - Reach out to others face-to-face:
-
Therapy: See GYE's
therapist referral pages to find a therapist / psychologist who is
trained in addictions. Open up fully to another human being, face
to face. Discover the root causes. Learn cognitive methods to beat
addictive thinking and behaviors.
-
Live
12-Step SA Groups / GYE Groups: Get the power of
live-group support. Find an SA group in your area, or apply to join
a live GYE group in your community (coming soon). Let go of the
shame and open up to others. Find that you're not alone, at all.
Use the power of the group to help you fight this disease, which is
often much stronger than we are. Work the steps with the
group.
-
A
Sponsor: Work the 12-Steps
with an experienced sponsor. Let go of the need to be "in charge"
and listen to another human being. Let your sponsor guide you, and
be ready to listen to whatever he tells you. Change from being a
'self-centered' person to a 'G-d centered' person.
Level
8. I've tried
everything in levels 1-7 and I still can't stay stopped. It seems
that inner change is not possible with me!
Suggestions:
-
Psychiatrist/Medication: A psychiatrist
may be able to prescribe medications to help take the "edge" off
the underlying symptoms that may be causing the addiction, such as
OCD, depression, low self-esteem and other common mental conditions
that can be facilitating the addictive behaviors. (See tool #16 of
the GYE Handbook).
-
Rehab: GYE has a list of
rehab options with both inpatient and outpatient care for addictive
behaviors. A complete change of environment, professional help and
a regimen of intense workshops and therapy may be what it takes to
finally break free (See tool #17 of the GYE Handbook).
- Last
Resort: For those who are in
danger of harming others, there are chemical castration methods
that are safe, have few side-effects and are not permanent. (See
tool #18 of the GYE Handbook).
