News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™      

 

Joy, Love, and Peace for 2019

Attitiude Reconstruction  

                                          

Montana de Oro with Morro Rock in the background
           
January 2019                                                    Take it easy... on yourself
IN THIS ISSUE

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Jude  

Jude Bijou 
Jude Bijou MA MFT is a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, and workshop leader. Her multi award- winning book is a practical and spiritual handbook to help you create the life you desire.  

Kind words about the Newsletter. It warms my heart.  
  
Thank for another wonderful newsletter.  I so enjoy the wisdom, humor and information.
 
Thank you Jude for this generous email. All of it has been helpful. 
Happy New year, dear!
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"I have unfortunately linked my self-worth to something I'm not very good at."

















"So when he say, "What a good boy I am. Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."











 

     

















""Why should I settle for good self-esteem when, with the right medication, I could have great self-esteem?"










 

"I'm not eating. I'm self-medicating."








 




 







 





















 
Greetings dear ones,   
 
        January is always the time when the most folks take the Attitude Reconstruction survey that I offer for free on the website. I think it's part of the "I'm tired of feeling so crummy. I need some something to help me change."
 
       I was surprised and then not, when I realized that of the twenty topics I've written about for the "Emotional Hygiene" area of my website, "self-critical" has had three times the number of hits than the next most read article. This either means that the issue is rampant or that folks who are brutal in their judgments of themselves are more likely to seek help on the Internet. It's not surprising because that's what it usually boils down to with clients who see me. The two biggest things that are keeping us from feeling joy are unexpressed sadness and not honoring ourselves at all times. 
   
 
"I asked You, in the nicest possible way, to make me a better person but apparently You couldn't be bothered."  
 
        When we are critical of ourselves, we take one problem and turn it into two -- adding the often brutal self-loathing onto the mistake itself -- a social blunder, poor financial decision, or thoughtless comment.   
        But before I address this topic, here are some interesting articles and videos.   
 
A Few Articles and Stuff of Interest   
   
According to a new study as reported in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, chocolate seems to be the new best thing for your cough. Better than cough syrup!
 
The graph shows where people are moving by race and ethnicity. Very worthy of study. It makes perfect sense! It's not to the Midwest or Northeast! 
  Here are the five most addictive substances
 
Of interest to Baby-Boomers, Forbes came out with their opinion about the best places to retire in each state.  

Videos Guaranteed to Bring a Smile!    
 
A Christmas eve tale from Ohio. Lovely in any season.
 
A cat giving High 5s to athletes.
 
Here's the Tesla model 3 being assembled in fast time.
 
James Corden, Emily Blunt, and Lin Manuel Miranda Perform 22 Musicals in 12 minutes.  
   
 
  Most all cartoons "borrowed" from the Cartoonbank.   
About Being Self-Critical
 
      Being self-critical is epidemic in our society and mostly all around the world. It's almost a pastime to beat ourselves up over real and imagined imperfections. We became unwitting devotees watching our parents and teachers direct their anger towards us with their negative judgments and demeaning labels instead of dealing with their own emotions in appropriate ways. Being receptive little beings, we pledged allegiance to those unkind messages and learned to call ourselves stupid, unlovable, or unworthy. Today we know the words by heart and speak them inside without even thinking.
      We rarely feel satisfied with ourselves, trying to measure up against an invisible standard or believing if we had or did something else - got married, earned more money, looked more beautiful, had more time - we'd finally be happy and feel worthy.
      As we know, none of these strategies work. Our mistake: we are identified with our actions and qualities rather than our essence. To stop being self-critical and show yourself more love, you must learn that you are whole, complete, and worthy, no matter what. You must realize your self-esteem exists from the first day of your life until the day you die and doesn't change.
      According to Attitude Reconstruction the solution to our bad thinking - such as never feeling "enough" - is to express the underlying sadness, ongoing anger, and incapacitating fear physically and naturally, and rewire our crummy thinking.
 

How to Successfully Eliminate Being Self-Critical

       To change deeply rooted destructive thoughts, you first must determine what your old messages are. Write them down or say them aloud. Then select a couple of these contradictory Truths or make up your own that conveys these sentiments. Write them down.
  • I'm doing the best I can.
  • I love myself unconditionally.
  • I'm not perfect, but I'm good enough.
  • There is nothing wrong with me.
  • I am whole and complete.
  
      Relentlessly repeat your new thoughts, especially whenever you're judging yourself and especially when you're crying and feeling down. Interrupt the "yes, buts" and other discounting thoughts that surface. Continue to repeat your new truths over and over. 100,000 reps should do it! Imagine how many times you have told yourself the opposite. It's a battle worth fighting. 
 
      Another way to raise your self-esteem is to shower yourself with kindness in the form of self-appreciations. Name a specific positive trait, talent, or quality and look at yourself from this new perspective. Try writing one, two or three self-appreciations each day, and at the end of a week, read the list out loud with enthusiasm, conviction, and a smile. You are steadily building your self-esteem.
 
      See how wonderful you feel when you focus on your good and fill the black hole of unworthiness yourself. Emphasizing your positive qualities and contradicting that internal critic will give you an unshakable positive view of yourself no matter what.
 
"Your inability to turn off your critical voice, combined with your fear of disappointing your overbearing, demanding father, is causing you to lose faith in your fastball."

More details on how to overcome being self-critical, self-deprecating, self-loathing, and demanding perfection

          There is just so much information I'd like to share about a "self-critical" attitude, but it would make this newsletter ridiculously long if I included it all. The following tidbits are from my book, Attitude Reconstruction. It's in Part 3, where I summarize how to work with 33 of our most common "bad" attitudes. click here. 
 
         A self-critical attitude is a triple shot because it is associated with the emotions of sadness, anger, and fear.

SADNESS -- Your focus is on yourself in a less than honoring way.

ANGER -- You are not accepting yourself unconditionally, have such high expectations, and are judging yourself negatively.

FEAR -- You're distorting reality and have lost perspective.
If you like what you read, consider ordering a book! It's available on Amazon or on my website. If you order it on my website, you will be the first to receive the slightly updated and very spiffy autographed new edition.




Battling the Chatter
Dan came in for a tune-up. It had been just over a year since I last saw him. After hearing all his glowing news, I asked, "What brings you here today?" He looked down and said, "I feel really bad about myself. I constantly compare myself to everyone. I've worked on this before, but that little voice has crept back into my head."
"Let's put your old thoughts out on the table," I said. "I'll write them down."
After a moment of silence, Dan laughed and said, "I'm lazy. I'm weak. I lack discipline and don't follow through with commitments, like dealing with my anger semi-regularly or thinking about what I appreciate about what I did during the day before bed. Come to think of it, there's not much that's good about me."
"Who do you sound like?" I asked.
"I'm being as critical of myself as my stepmother was of me," Dan said. "I hated how she continually put me down. I'd never talk to a child like that so it's probably not such a good idea to talk like that to myself. Ah! Now I'm remembering my old truth: I love myself unconditionally." Dan was smiling. "Wow, I feel better already."
              Dan had dusted off a truth that most of us could use, especially when our self-deprecating commentary begins to play: "I love myself unconditionally."
        I'm sending you best wishes for plenty of love to usher in the New Year!  
 
Thanks for reading this newsletter. If you have any feedback, suggestions about a newsletter theme, or general comments, I enjoy hearing from you, so feel free to write me at: jude@AttitudeReconstruction.com
  
                           With love,
                                                                    Jude