Writers Corner: What's In a Name?
by Cindy Nehrbass
But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. Matthew 5:22
Okay, this is a tough one. But, in lieu of recent dynamics in our communities and country, the news and social media, the topics of name-calling and slander and bullying have been on my mind. I’ve been thinking about how Jesus would speak on the subject. I am familiar with, from reading in the Bible, and articles I’ve read in Christian websites, that Jesus and his Apostles did refer to sinners and offenders and even the Pharisees by certain names: like vipers, hypocrites, and snakes. “The apostles also used name-calling in their teachings. James called his fellow believers “adulterous” (James 4:4), and Paul referred to the Galatians as “foolish” (Galatians 3:1).”* https://www.cwgministries.org.
I am not a pastor. I don’t profess to know theology the way others might. But as an always curious Christian, I still question. I wonder why, if Jesus and the apostles could call others by names, is it not okay for us to speak our minds freely even if it results in name-calling and hurt feelings. What I’ve read and understand is that it is the intention behind the name-calling that matters. Oh boy, now this is a slippery slope.
In the Bible, and in His ministry, Jesus called out the sins and behaviors of others—throwing things around in the temple because of the hypocrisy He found from the “vipers” there. In the early days of the church, the apostles tried to hold new Christians (and each other) accountable for their intentions, to encourage people to stay on the straight and narrow, honoring God and the Messiah always, warning of how their actions could be considered offensive…even to the point, as Matthew writes, to cause us to be “liable to the hell of fire.” But Jesus and the apostles were calling attention to the behaviors of others out of a spirit of righteous anger (a whole other topic) and truth, with the well-fare of others and their souls at stake. They were not spewing personal venom. Fine lines there, possibly yes, but we have full trust in Jesus and the words that were spoken, and the intent behind it—to save souls. There is a big difference between those names that were “called” and the ones I seem to be hearing and reading (even ones I’ve unfortunately spoken myself) as of late. It is a point, I believe, we must all take to heart. The difference in the “name calling” is the intent—that Jesus and the apostles were not speaking out of personal anger, malice, or trying to mock and bully.
Personally, I was bullied growing up. I know a bit about what it feels like to be the recipient of name-calling that stings. Not the kind of bullying I see in schools, now, or probably experienced by many of you along life’s journey. But in third grade, I was called “buck-teeth Cindy” by a group of boys for having large protruding front teeth. As a sixth grader, I was labeled “superscumbo” because I befriended a girl who had early adolescent body odor. In junior high, I was pushed aside and called nasty names, because I was shyly walking in the hall where a large group of older girls wanted to take up all the space. I’ve been called teacher’s pet (not in a good way), chubby, overly sensitive, lazy, weak, and on and on. Luckily, for me I had plenty of positive role models that somehow were able to lift me back up and focus on my positive traits so that I salvaged some semblance of self-esteem. But, when I’m not feeling my best, or I have self-doubts, those childhood critics and hurtful names can resurface.
As a mom of a special needs child, I have nearly thirty years of witnessing bullying, petty name-calling, snickers, and stares by people who just don’t get how to behave kindly around people they are uncomfortable with, or don’t understand their story. Of course, I know it is only a reflection on the people who bully, and not my child or her friends, and usually a bit of education can curb the inappropriate behavior. But I still feel the embers of frustration (and warrior mom mentality) well up inside me when a young boy starts teasing my daughter because she cannot control her drool while they swing side-by-side at the park. But, because I am an “adult,” I have to find appropriate words to speak to the child and tell them why she drools. I can talk to their mom and explain more about my daughter, then leave the rest of the conversation for them to have at home. I can pray, that by meeting my daughter, the child now has a new vantage point in how to treat others with greater respect. And, I can be thankful that my daughter is un-phased by the teasing, and seems to accept the boy for who he is, faults, name-calling, and all. She is the better human.
Name-calling is really the weakest way to communicate our viewpoints, no matter how “right” or “righteous” we think our words are, no matter if Jesus and the apostles managed to do it “the correct” way and in the right circumstances. So, I’ve decided to try to take on a new stance going forward. I pray that I will be successful. To not name-call, even if I think I’m doing it in the “name of righteous,” or “truth,” or needing desperately to communicate something I value. I know I have more words in my vocabulary, and more kindness in my heart, than being petty and cruel or hurtful to someone else. And, if a negative name comes to mind, to think of what really is behind that weak form of venom. Is it anger, frustration, insecurity, pride, self-righteousness, a need to feel more empowered; is it the need to be protective of those I love. Then make a choice, as my mom used to say: perhaps choose “warm fuzzies over cold pricklies.” Or, if I cannot do that, to at least decide to find some better words. How about you?
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