'Tis
the Season for Gossip
By
Sara Rowe
Unfortunately, we girls have a
reputation as gossips. When we get together and talk, usually it is
about more then just our own lives. We talk about what is going on
in our friends' lives, how our sister's relationship is on the
rocks, and the office romance that we suspect is going on. And
during the Christmas season there is even more fodder, whether it
is the reindeer sweater that a coworker wore to the office party or
an awful gift a friend gave you. Usually we don't stop to think
whether what we are saying is unkind, hurtful, or simply should be
kept to ourselves. We tend instead to feel the temptation to share
the juiciest tidbits that we have recently
learned.
When it comes down to it, it doesn't really matter whether what we
are saying is true or not. When we talk about another person who is
not present and therefore is unable to defend themselves or tell
their side of the story, it is gossip. Even if your intentions
aren't to hurt the person you are gossiping about, this is usually
what results. Gossiping spreads rumors because once one person
talks about another, it will spread to other people and can even
morph into something totally false. Then the person you were
originally gossiping about will find their secrets public
knowledge, that they are being judged and talked about behind their
backs, and that perhaps people are spreading rumors about them that
aren't even true.
How
to Stop Gossiping
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Think about your motivations for gossiping before you open your
mouth to say anything. Are you angry at the person and want to hurt
them? Does it make you feel better about yourself to report others
slip-ups? Get to the root of what you are feeling instead of using
gossip as a release.
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Heard the saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't
say anything at all"? Use it to stop yourself from gossiping
before you start.
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When gossip starts among your friends, try to redirect the
conversation to a more positive topic. Go ahead and tell your
friends that you aren't judging them for gossiping but you are
trying to stop participating in it yourself.
+
When gossip does come up, be bold enough to challenge it. You may
even want to bring the subject of the gossip into the conversation
so they are able to give their side of the story.
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If hurtful gossiping persists in your circle of friends, you may
need to remove yourself in a polite way from these conversations.
Perhaps it is time to examine the friendships you have and seek out
more positive, kinder people as friends.
+
Use every opportunity you have to build the people around you up,
instead of tearing them down. Instead of gossiping behind a
person's back, encourage and compliment them to their
face.