Dear Parents and Caregivers,

I have enjoyed seeing so many of you at drop off and pickup, Overview Nights, and, most recently, the ongoing Ages and Stages series. Every day I am grateful to be a member of this community. 

Recent headlines have inspired me to reach out to all of you today. From college campuses to online spaces, there is news that is impacting all of us, and it may be impacting some of our children, as well.

I've been so fortunate to get to know your children over the past year and a half. They are positive, thoughtful, and emotionally intelligent, and I know those are all qualities nurtured by the adults who love, guide, and care for them. You did that.

I also know that parenting young people is not easy, especially in the stressful cultural moment we find ourselves. We want to protect our children from some of the harder realities of the world, but we also want to prepare them to navigate those realities with good judgment, empathy, confidence, and courage.

From time to time, events in the news remind me how important it is for young people to have trusted adults who are willing to talk with them about difficult subjects. Today, I am especially thinking of conversations that can involve everything from social media and group chats to peer pressure, consent, relationships, cruelty, and the choices young people make when they see something that doesn’t feel right. There are lessons in here for all kinds of difficult conversations.

With that in mind, I am sharing a few thoughts about how we can approach these conversations with the young people in our lives. These are simply starting points, not an exhaustive guide. And, of course, if something your child shares leads you to believe that they or another young person might be unsafe, has been harmed, or needs additional support, please reach out to an appropriate professional or trusted school adult for guidance immediately. 

Start with Open Curiosity, Not a Lecture

Do not assume you know what your child has seen or heard on social media, from peers, or from a magazine at the dentist’s office. Broach the subject. Allow them time and space to talk about difficult news or situations:

"Have you heard about this? What have you heard? Where did you hear it? How do you feel about it? What questions do you have?"

Answer questions honestly, in a developmentally appropriate way. Children need and appreciate information from adults they can trust.

Talk About Group Chat Dynamics
Use situations you hear about as an entry point to discuss your child's own digital lives without accusing or assuming:

"Group chats can get out of hand quickly when people feel hidden behind screens. Have you ever been in a chat where things felt mean, inappropriate, or uncomfortable? What have you done in those situations? May I offer a suggestion? I’d like to share a group chat situation that happened to me."

Tell them about an experience you’ve had, what you did (or did not do) to improve the situation, and what you learned. Children love to hear that we are human and make mistakes.

Establish an Exit Strategy Script

Children often go along with harmful group dynamics out of fear of social rejection. Help them practice how they can disengage: texting “This is not ok” or "I’m leaving this chat,” muting or leaving a conversation, or using a family code word they can text when they want to be picked up from an uncomfortable social situation. 

Reframe Peer Pressure & "Upstander" Courage

Counter the fear of standing out by explicitly validating that it takes strength and courage to leave a group, to shut down hurtful comments, or to tell an adult, and these actions are not a betrayal of one’s peers.

Discuss Consent & Respect as Daily Habits

Keep definitions grounded in everyday experiences: respecting someone's space when they say stop, not sharing photos without permission, and realizing that silence or hesitation never equals consent. These everyday habits help young people understand that healthy relationships depend on mutual respect and clear communication.

Keep the "Safe Harbor" Promise

Reassure your child that if they ever witness something concerning online, get added to an inappropriate chat, find themselves in an uncomfortable situation, or make a mistake digitally, they can come to you for help without fear of immediate panic or having their phone permanently confiscated. We want kids to know that they have choices, and we are here to help. Knowing that the first response will be help rather than panic or punishment makes it much more likely that they will actually turn to an adult when something goes wrong.

Keep the Lines of Communication Open

Conversations about difficult subjects are rarely a “one and done” experience. Use everyday moments, news stories, and situations in their lives as opportunities to stay engaged with what they are seeing, hearing, and experiencing. Young people need trusted adults for factual information, to help them process difficult situations, and to help them decide who they want to be in those situations. 

I hope there's something useful for each of you in these bullet points. I want to remind you, also, that you are sending your child to a school that actively teaches lessons about fairness, justice, group dynamics, and personal responsibility. These concepts are embedded in the curriculum beginning with our youngest grades, and by the time Gordon students reach Middle School, they are engaging with them thoughtfully and directly. In advisory, in health class, and in humanities class, in the hallways and on the playing fields, they are practicing and demonstrating an emerging sense of right and wrong and how their choices and behaviors impact others.

Thank you for sharing your children with us, and please reach out if you have thoughts or questions.

Kristi