"I come from a long history of physical, mental, emotional and sexual abuse. My mother was an addict and prostitute, but has been now clean 12 Years. My father has been sober 6 years. I started using marijuana around 11 years old. I was willing to do anything that would change the way that I felt. I had major abandonment issues due to my mother coming and going. Bad trust issues because my cousin who is female had sexually abused me from an early age. It seems like no matter where I went I was abused. But always told never to tell anyone what was going on at home. I've pretty much been on my own since I was 14, I had to use cocaine for the first time around 13. That was my main Escape for a little over 10 years.
I was made to go to church as a kid and even though I didn't know what hate was, I hated God. I went to my first rehab at 15 and also had my first child at the same age. Fast forward, I have been in and out of jails and rehabs my whole life, I'm 34 years of age now. I had two daughters pass away, my mother also killed herself due to a overdose done purposely. I've been in an out of a lot of toxic relationships, but mostly because I was the toxic one. But me being me I blamed any and everyone else for my problems and past. But the reality is it wasn't just the drugs, it was me, I was the problem! I have been physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually abusive to the people in my life, because I felt like I was a nobody and would never amount to anything. I've never been a father to any of my kids except my youngest son.
When my kids passed away, I started injecting heroine an meth. I have overdosed 25 times since I've been using, to support my habit. I've unfortunately robbed, stole and cheated just to get one more. I hated life and just wanted to die. But God had a bigger purpose for my life. I've always had this void I've tried to fill with drugs an other things but nothing seemed to work.
When I came to Safe Harbor of Bucksnort I was not a believer but I remained willing and open minded, and wanted a change. I wanted anything except to go back to who and what I was, so I began watching our Director, Chris Somerville and our Pastor, Jay Messer, the way they moved, the way they carried themselves and listened to the words they spoke. True leaders, and true men of God.
Since being at Safe Harbor I've started leading 12 step study classes, I'm back in my family's life and became a beacon of hope for those around me that think they will never be nothing more then an addict. I couldn't have done any of this without the help of Safe Harbor and turning my life over to the care of God. Thank you Safe Harbor for giving me something money can't buy, faith, hope an love. I've truly became the man I thought I would never be. If I can do it , anyone can! God bless! "