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How can we make even a small dent in adolescent girls and young women’s self-image and esteem?
I am reading, researching, and writing more on this now, as it is a complex task (that clinicians and researchers are intent on understanding); however, a few steps seem like a very promising start.
First, as adults, we as women, men, both parents and teachers, mentors, and Uncles and Aunties can deeply seek out how the young women in our lives are feeling right now. We can validate their sadness and pain and help them see that others hear them and want to be there. We can be honest that our culture is changing, and that change can be scary and make us all feel wobbly, and that is OK. If we are old enough to remember past times when it looked like hopelessness was the norm, shifts occurred, and decent humans ensured that people were fed and cared for and that the right ideals and principles prevailed, we need to share these examples. We need them to hear from US that they are not the problem. Even if they have significant personal obstacles that need to be addressed, they are not the source of all the pain they feel. We can assure them that we are here to help them start to see themselves the way that we do, as competent and intelligent and able to have agency, even as culture insists on a vice grip of oppression on their healthcare and other rights.
We can help men see that they are also hurt by many cultural messages and may, in turn, be part of holding their female loved ones down. I believe most men are not aware at all of the pain that young women feel and would never want to contribute to that pain. Culture can hurt us all.
A concrete action that Mothers, Aunties, and assorted female carers can suggest is even a short-term, mutual “detox” from social media with the young women in their lives. At Insight Counseling, we have suggested three to four-day “detoxes” for teens with friends and their Moms and caregivers. Universally, young women see the change in how they feel after just a short time of freedom from constant comparisons with false ideals and, often, false friends.
We can model "downtime" time spent in free play activities free of technology by participating in them. Ideas? Hiking, exploring new areas, museums, music types, volunteering, participating in arts and cultural events, and anything young women express interest in! The hard part is generally enforcing regular "screen-free" time for our children in our homes and lives.
Anna recently accepted a four-day phone and social media detox and shared this: " I realized so much of my stress was not there when I was not checking 'likes' and waiting for friends to answer, and comparing herself. "When I got back on (social media), I could feel my anxiety rise right away." She's still figuring out the role of social media and others' expectations of her; however, sharing with her Mom that some daily limit on her screen use is helpful and asks her Mom to enforce this: "Even if I act like a brat when you do it."
I will keep sharing new ideas about what we can all do to help our girls, and I would love to hear your ideas!
Fondly,
Liz
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