Leaf Blowers by Gail Jeidy, NE Portland
When the leaf blowers start
Put on your sound-canceling headphones
Try to block out the whine
Reread the paragraph you just read but didn’t process
Note how the droning seeps through your skin
Refill your cup of coffee
Peek out your window
Write a couple lines
Ponder how thin windowpanes are in Alameda houses
Locate the decibel reader on your phone
Head out to the porch
Note the reading of 76
Shake your head accordingly
Grrrrrrr
Give a death glare to workers who can’t see you
Go back inside
Adjust your headphones
Ignore the reverberation
Allow the flooding of negative sound memories
Condemn annoying cartoon voices
Censure honking drivers
Pox blaring bass
Denounce how aspirin makes your ears ring
Take three cleansing breaths
Clear your head
Read another line
Scribble a phrase
Doodle sharp, angular lines
Refresh your cup of coffee
Drain the last of the one percent
Ask your husband to add milk to his shopping list
Move to the living room
Plump the pillows
Ponder the particulates in the dust you’re breathing
Hear the thrum penetrate your headset
Pick at fuzz on the couch
Jump up and peer outside
Guess how much longer they’ll be blowing
Ask the ‘why’ of a sanitized, leafless property?
Visualize calming imagery
Watch the small brown fox jump over the lazy dog
Pinpoint what makes squirrels scatter
Think about underpinnings of echoes
Ponder displaced leaves and decaying debris
Pity the number of nematodes denied dinner
Grieve the songbirds who’ve lost their nesting materials
Hop up and put your nose to the cool of the window
Pity those with attention deficits
Pity youngsters driven to distraction
Pity us oldsters who never knew why we were distracted
Pity the vast numbers who have attention challenges in one form
or another
Pity Walt Disney who some say had ADHD
Wonder whether he was surrounded by leaf blowers
Acknowledge the blessing and curse of the creative mind
Curse intrusions
Curse interruptions
Curse noise pollution
Curse air pollution
Calculate how many hours the workers have been blowing
Contemplate if they are getting paid more than minimum wage
Go back to the kitchen
Come back to the couch because you forgot why
Count the days since your cat died
Listen to your husband come home
Meet him in the kitchen
Tell him you need help brainstorming
Admire how dashing he looks
Move on to another topic while putting away groceries
Look up as he asks what you needed to brainstorm
Realize you can’t remember
Think about the tasteful sex scene in last night’s movie
Think about the couple you saw at the bus stop all over each
other
Chuckle and visualize them as characters
Whisper ‘get a room’ silently
Look outside at the dance of men with leaf blowers
Adjust headphones to block out the moan
Close your eyes
Scream inside your head:
‘Get a rake!’
Author’s Note: Leaf blowers may provide the occasional worthy creative
prompt, but three-hour marathon sessions are unbearable. I am thankful
for the planned cancellation of gas-powered leaf blowers at Multnomah
County facilities (Resolution 2021-094). I am hopeful neighbors will
follow suit on their personal properties, and advocate for cleaner and quieter
equipment on all school grounds. I believe rakes are a good alternative.
I encourage readers to check out Quiet Clean PDX for advocacy updates.
