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FROM THE DESK OF RANDALL A. KROCKA
SMOHIT Administrator
Under the best of conditions, the holidays are often the most stressful time of the year. This year is bound to be even more challenging because of the natural and manmade disasters that have taken place over the previous four months. Please take a few moments to read the stress prevention tips below from Daria Todor, ACSW, LCSW-C, MAC, who has been counseling members at no charge. Should you feel the need to speak with a trained professional, our hotline number is always open at
877-884-6227. All calls are strictly confidential
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- SPEND TIME PLANNING
This may be the year of what some refer to as "the new normal." If you lost everything in a flood or fire, this is forced on you by that disaster. You cannot bring back what nature destroyed. Same holds for those who lost loved ones, or in the case of those sustaining injuries in one of these events, the new normal may mean spending time adjusting to the loss of your loved one, or in a hospital or rehab facility regaining strength. Take the time to really think about what will be different this year, which things you want to just chuck altogether and which new traditions you will start. Our power to overcome overwhelming feelings comes from choice-making and planning. Plan well and your choices will be easier.
- SET PRIORTIES
In the past you might have been the one who hosted holiday gatherings, did loads of shopping, shipped presents cross country or overseas, volunteered at church singing in the choir, decorating not just one but multiple trees making sure that everything is "just so" so that you and yours take with them cherished memories of each holiday. This year it may not be possible at all. Guilt may set in at the thought of not being able to do what you want to do, or think you must do. Your priority this year may be healing, not holiday celebrations. It is okay to change focus. Change is a part of being healthy.
- ALLOW CHANGE TO OCCUR
That means you have to accept that things are going to be different. Communicate this to those who may be impacted by the changes so that they buy into the process. Tension of change and sameness will occur but if you stand firm and sell others on the idea that it is a good thing for all, they will rise to the occasion and pitch in. "NO" is not a four letter word. Use it liberally.
- ALLOW OTHERS TO PITCH IN
This is directed to those who are the doers in a family or work group. If you are feeling overwhelmed, you may need help due to your circumstances. It is human nature, however, to let others continue doing the same thing each year at holidays because it becomes part of the tradition (like Mom and Dad hosting dinner at their home). That means you need to ask for help or offer an alternative suggestion for this year. People are normally more than willing to step up when it is requested. Usually it is our sense of guilt and embarrassment that we can no longer do something that gets in the way and prevents a change from occurring in a family or workplace. If you feel you cannot organize the holiday office party this year, let others know so they can step up and take over. There is no sin in that at all.
- A WORD ABOUT FINANCES
People who study holiday stress indicate that overspending or not having enough money is the largest stressor to contend with, next to coping with family dynamics and conflict. This year will be no different, I am sure. Those who lost homes and cars, or income from the loss of a loved one or their own injuries will feel this most strongly. Many never got fully back on their feet after the financial meltdown of nearly a decade ago. And some still feel a tremendous amount of pressure to spend more and more to celebrate. The thing about money is this: it is a means to an end. And if the end is to truly celebrate, define what you are truly celebrating (see #1) and ask if you really must spend all the money that you have in the past. I'll be listing some resources that can help you with that in another post.
- ARE YOU STRESSED, DEPRESSED, S.A.D or BLUE?
Even if life has dealt us a great hand-having a wonderful childhood, a good job, friends, mate, education-a small percentage of people will not always cope so well at any given time. In fact, the vast majority of people report that over the course of their respective lifetimes they have experienced high levels of stress to the point of depression and anxiety. They fall at that far end of the stress spectrum, through no fault of their own. Feeling blue is a low grade level of this disorder, something that occurs usually after a setback but sometimes without a known cause. The worst case can be something that warrants treatment by a professional. It is marked by significant changes in mood, energy level, appetite, interest and ability to concentrate and problem solve up to and including, for a growing number, thoughts of harm to self or others--including death by their own hand. It is a disorder that has its own causes and is not always triggered by a loss. Genetics play a role. Some medical conditions cause symptoms. So do some medications and drugs, including alcohol. Grief, which feels a lot like depression, is its own condition but it can turn into depression in some individuals. There also are some of you that suffer from SAD-Seasonal Affective Disorder-a form of depression that changes with the Earth's seasons. Most with the disorder show dramatic shifts in mood and behavior in the Fall and Winter but a smaller group shows it in the Spring and Summer. People with bipolar disorder can show changes seasonally too but that disorder again has its own causes. And finally, conditions such as anxiety disorders, PTSD, psychoses and even some medical illness can flare up under holiday stress. The important thing is to know yourself and take care.
Please reach out if you have any questions or concerns about coping with the holidays, or anything that is upsetting you. I am here at the helpline 24/7. My number is
877-884-6227. Again, I'll be posting some resources for help with holiday coping. Please take care! Daria Todor, ACSW, LCSW-C MAC
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