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Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties. Erich Fromm
It’s 6 a.m. You’ve made your first cup of coffee before the rest of your family wakes up. The warbling of birds reminds you to celebrate a new day. You sit back, breathe deeply, but decide to check emails.
Before you know it, you’ve read about volatile financial markets, fears of a recession, civil rights evaporating overnight. Your mind begins to race. As the news cycle slowly, inexorably consumes you when you gulp, rather than sip your coffee, your anxiety increases. By the time your family joins you at the breakfast table, your sense of uncertainty is rising as fast as the morning sun.
“There is no doubt this is a time of great uncertainty,” said Britt Young, founder of Xplor Counseling of Hawaii. “It’s perfectly fine and healthy to admit that to yourself and to reach out to friends and family and to avail yourself of mental health services if you can.”
If you can’t, Britt recommends staying aware that we often must accept that many aspects of our life are inherently uncertain.
“We don’t have control over chaos in the world,” said Britt. “But we do have control over how we cope with it and react to it. I compare it to harnessing the wind. I can’t control it as an individual, but I can allow the wind at my back to lift me past a difficult situation.”
Britt noted that some people seek certainty by hyperfixating on details that may impede normal functioning, some of which can be relatively harmless, such as becoming irritated when toothpaste comes out of the tube the wrong way, to addictive and pernicious, like micromanaging family members.
“When that happens, try to stay present, close your eyes, and take deep breaths,” added Britt. “Seek help. Remember self-care. Take a refreshing shower or walk. Give yourself permission to let go and reflect on what the need for certainty is costing you: connection with others and finding joy in your life.”
Letting go of certainty can be invigorating, said Kelly Hayes-Raitt, an award-winning writer and journalist, international housesitter and fulltime traveler.
“I embrace it sometimes! Too much certainty can be dull and makes it difficult to color outside the lines. I’ve learned that not relying on certainty has given me the freedom to sit back and enjoy the ride, one of the reasons why I love traveling to places I’ve never been before.”
Kelly noted that when she has felt she is in limbo and fearful of what might happen next, she remembers that she is in control of herself.
“I listen to my emotions and recognize that what I can control is how I choose to respond to them. That helps me be more caring to myself and to others.”
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