Let's get a few things clear on what kindness really means to the self. It's not unbounded shopping, eating, drinking and gambling because “I deserve it”: that's borderline destructive and just short term fixes for big gaping emotional needs. Being kind is giving yourself a break.
Taking a moment to ask yourself “how do I feel about this?” and giving consideration to the things that are causing exhaustion, anxiety or emotional pain. Being kind to yourself is saying “no” even if it means you put your needs over someone else's expectations, it's being gentle as you try new things – a dance class, diet, exercise regime, hobby or managing your health issues and giving yourself time to adjust, ease in and eventually succeed at it. It's being patient with yourself.
It's remembering you are not the sum of your regrets, sadnesses, disappointments and let downs but the total of your triumphs, successes, brilliance and “having a go's”. Getting to know yourself means you can gently make the right decisions that serve you and the people you love around you well, it means having energy and joy not resentment and exhaustion and making choices which support and nurture.
Checking in with where you are feeling pain in the body and deciding not to put up with or live with it also helps. Do some people make your throat tighten or stomach to lurch? Think about those who make you feel diminished and unseen, who don't show interest in you or listen, then limit time with them or move away entirely from their company.
