If you watch one thing this month, make it this.

Mel Robbins sits down with Dr. Gabor Maté for one of the most honest conversations about trauma, stress, addiction, and the emotional patterns we carry without realizing it.

It’s eye-opening, comforting, and the kind of conversation that helps you understand yourself—and the people you love—on a deeper level.

This is a powerful, must-see video that will stay

with you long after it ends.

If Someone You Love Is Struggling Right Now

You don’t have to have the perfect script. You just have to be willing to show up.

A few simple, powerful phrases:

“I’ve noticed you seem really overwhelmed lately. I care about you. What’s going on?”

“You don’t have to pretend you’re okay for me.”

“Have you thought about talking to someone or getting support? I can help you look.”

“You are not a burden. You are important to me.”

And if you’re the one struggling:

Reaching out is not weakness. It’s courage.

DID YOU KNOW?

• Overdose rates have been found to rise by around 22% during the holiday season compared to non-holiday periods. 

• Alcohol consumption often increases significantly between Thanksgiving and New Year’s, with many people drinking more heavily on Christmas and New Year’s Eve than almost any other time. 

Even people who know they’re at risk (including monitored DUI offenders) have been shown to increase their drinking during the holidays—another sign of how powerful social pressure and emotional triggers can be. 

Awareness isn’t about shame.

It’s about spotting patterns early enough to protect ourselves and the people we love.

A reshare from November as it still applies for December:

NOT feeling "the gratitude" and warm fuzzies

of the season?

Ah, the Holidays — that magical time of year when we’re supposed to feel thankful, joyful, and full of inner peace… but instead, we’re stuck in traffic behind a minivan full of screaming kids, our turkey timer’s broken, and someone just brought up politics before the rolls hit the table.

Let’s be honest — gratitude is a beautiful concept, but it’s a lot easier to post about than to feel in real time. Especially when life hasn’t exactly been handing out blessings like Oprah giving away cars.

Maybe this year feels off. Maybe there’s an empty chair at the table. Maybe your “thankful heart” feels more like “running on fumes.” And maybe, just maybe, you’d like to skip the pumpkin pie pep talk and take a nap instead.

When Gratitude Feels Like Homework

We’ve all heard the advice: “Write down three things you’re grateful for every day.”

Okay, Brenda — but today I’m just grateful my stretchy pants still fit and that my family didn’t burn down the kitchen.

Sometimes, the pressure to be thankful makes us feel worse. Because when gratitude becomes an expectation, it starts to sound like a chore. And honestly, forcing ourselves to feel something rarely ends well.

So, What If We Just… Didn’t Force It?

Here’s a radical idea: what if gratitude didn’t have to be Pinterest-perfect?

Maybe it’s just noticing small things that didn’t go completely wrong today — like the dog didn’t eat the pie, or Uncle Joe fell asleep before his political rant gained momentum.



Maybe it’s remembering that gratitude isn’t about ignoring what’s hard — it’s about finding one tiny bright spot in the middle of the chaos. Even if that bright spot is just gravy that actually tastes like gravy.

The Bottom Line



You don’t have to feel grateful all the time. You don’t even have to pretend. Sometimes gratitude sounds less like “I’m so blessed” and more like “I survived that meal without yelling.” And that counts.

So this Thanksgiving, give yourself permission to feel whatever shows up — joy, sadness, exhaustion, or a weird mix of all three. Because being human is something to be grateful for… even when it’s messy, noisy, and covered in cranberry sauce.

When “Merry & Bright” Feels More Like

“Maxed Out & Numb”

Every commercial, movie, and social media post seems to shout the same message:

Perfect tree. Perfect family. Perfect night. Perfect you.

But behind the scenes?

• Bank accounts are stretched.
• Sleep is short.
• Old wounds and family dynamics show up at the table… uninvited.
• Grief hits harder when the person who’s missing should be here.

If you’ve ever looked around in December and thought, “Why does everyone else seem so happy?”—you’re not alone.

A few gentle reminders:

• You’re allowed to set limits: on spending, on events, on alcohol, on people.
• You’re allowed to opt out: of gatherings that feel unsafe, unhealthy, or triggering.
• You’re allowed to simplify: a smaller holiday is not a failed holiday.
• You’re allowed to feel sad and grateful at the same time: joy and pain can coexist.

Maybe success this season isn’t pulling off the perfect holiday.

Maybe it’s getting through it safely, honestly, and with your mental health intact.

Teens, Finals, and Holiday Whiplash

For teens, December can be a rollercoaster:

Finals, projects, and grades all hit at once.

Routines change overnight when school lets out.

Social media explodes with “perfect holidays” and parties they weren’t invited to.

Family tension, grief, or addiction that’s easy to avoid at school suddenly surrounds them at home.

It’s a lot.

Ways to support a teen in your life:

Check in without interrogating.

“Hey, this time of year can feel weird. How are you doing with everything?”

Normalize mixed feelings.

It’s okay if they’re not “in the holiday spirit.” That doesn’t make them ungrateful.

Watch for coping changes.

Sudden isolation, irritability, risk-taking, new friend groups, or talk about “needing to escape” can all be red flags.

Talk openly about substances.

Not just “don’t do it”—but why their brain, mood, and future matter too much to numb out.

Sometimes the most powerful thing we can say to a teen is,

“I’m here. I’m not judging. And we can figure this out together.”

Another reshare in case you didn't see the November newsletter:

Small talk with relatives that your teenager ONLY sees on the holidays isn't the ONLY stress they have during the holidays.

Why Teens Feel the Pressure

• Routine changes: School breaks mean time away from structure, teachers, and friends — the very things that often help teens feel grounded.
• Social comparison: Teens see perfectly staged holiday posts and begin to feel like their own lives don’t measure up.
• Family stress: Gatherings can bring up tension, grief, or uncomfortable emotions that are difficult to navigate.
• The “shoulds”: Teens often feel they should be happy, grateful, or festive — and when they’re not, guilt and confusion can follow.

The truth is, these emotions are normal. As the video points out, the key is not to avoid or deny stress but to learn how to manage it — with compassion and balance.

Why Does Drug And Alcohol Use

Spike During the Holidays?

The holiday season is often portrayed as joyful, comforting, and full of connection — yet for many, it’s the most emotionally complex time of the year. Behind the lights, parties, and family gatherings, stress levels soar. Studies show that drug and alcohol use rises sharply between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day, with overdose deaths increasing by 20–25% compared to the rest of the year. It’s not simply about celebration — it’s about coping.

For some, the season highlights what’s missing: loved ones who have passed, strained relationships, or financial pressure that makes it hard to “keep up.” Loneliness and grief are amplified when the world seems to be celebrating. Add in constant social gatherings, unlimited access to alcohol, and the pressure to appear happy — and it becomes easy to reach for substances to numb, escape, or manage overwhelming emotions.

Even those in recovery face unique challenges. Old environments, familiar triggers, and “just one drink” mindsets can unravel progress made during the year. Routines change, accountability fades, and stress runs high — creating the perfect storm for relapse.

And yet, awareness is powerful. Recognizing this seasonal pattern allows us to step in earlier, check on those we care about, and build intentional support systems. The holidays can still hold joy and connection — but they must also hold honesty. When we understand the “why” behind increased use, we can better protect ourselves and others from becoming another heartbreaking holiday statistic.

“There’s no healthy amount of alcohol. Every sip decreases blood flow to your brain — and your brain controls everything you do.”

— Dr. Daniel Amen, Diary of a CEO Interview

The cold hard truth.....there is NO part of alcohol that is good for us. NONE.

Are you thinking....but, it's just one drink....

Or...I just drink on the weekends....

The moment alcohol touches your lips, your body begins reacting — and none of it is benign. Within six minutes, alcohol reaches your brain. Because it easily crosses the blood-brain barrier, it starts altering brain chemistry almost instantly.

• Your brain releases a rush of dopamine.

• This creates a temporary feeling of relaxation or euphoria — but it’s artificial. Your brain quickly reduces its own natural dopamine production in response. Over time, this means you need more alcohol to feel the same “lift,” and your baseline mood drops when you’re sober.

• Blood flow to the brain decreases.

• Dr. Amen’s SPECT scans show that even small amounts of alcohol cause measurable reductions in cerebral blood flow — especially to the prefrontal cortex, the region responsible for judgment, impulse control, and decision-making. Reduced blood flow here can lead to risk-taking, poor emotional regulation, and decreased focus.

• Neurotoxicity begins almost immediately.

• Alcohol triggers inflammation and oxidative stress in brain cells. Even moderate use increases shrinkage in the hippocampus (the memory and learning center). This is why “brain fog” and short-term memory problems are common after drinking.

• Your body sees alcohol as poison — not food.

• The liver prioritizes metabolizing alcohol above everything else, temporarily halting fat burning and nutrient absorption. This is why even social drinking can interfere with weight management and hormone balance.

• Sleep is disrupted — even if you “pass out.”

• Alcohol suppresses REM sleep, the most restorative stage. You may fall asleep faster but wake up groggy, anxious, and unrefreshed. Over time, this leads to hormonal imbalance, increased stress hormones (cortisol), and emotional volatility.

• The next-day impact lingers longer than you think.

• Functional brain imaging shows that blood-flow reductions can last for days after just one night of drinking. Mood changes, slower processing speed, and poor concentration aren’t just hangover symptoms — they’re neurological side effects.

Feeling like everyone else’s holiday is “perfect” online?

It might just be the highlight reel. Social media often shows the happiest moments of festive gatherings — the laughs, the decorations, the matching sweaters — but not the behind-the-scenes: the stress, the quiet moments, the cancellations, the hard memories.

When we compare our real life to someone else’s edited feed, it’s easy to feel left out, less than, or disconnected. According to e-Counseling, what we’re seeing is not the whole story — and the brain fills in the gaps with “they must have it all together” even when they don’t. 

What you can do:

• Limit your scrolling or schedule a “social media break” during the holiday week.

• Remind yourself that you only see one part of someone’s story — the highlight.

• Focus on meaningful moments in your own life: even small ones count.

• Connect offline: call a friend, write a note, take a quiet walk — something real.

Because real life doesn’t have to be perfect to be valuable.

DID YOU KNOW?

• More than 22% increase in overdose rates during the holiday season compared to the rest of the year. 

• About 94% of respondents in recovery for substance use said they felt overwhelming or moderate stress during the holidays. 

• While most people assume suicide rates go up during the holidays, research shows December often has fewer suicides than other months.

• Among people with a diagnosed mental illness, 64% say their symptoms worsen during the holiday season. 

• A survey found that 89% of U.S. adults experience stress during the holiday season, and 41% say their stress increases compared with other times of the year. 

Pain Into Purpose: Our Story...

EVENTS IN IOWA

Events in December:

Make It OK to Talk About Mental Health and Illnesses

• When: December 11, 2025, 8:00 am-9:00 am
• Where: Online (virtual)
• Focus: A free one-hour presentation for the public and those interested in raising awareness about mental health, illness and stigma.

Teach to Heal – Mental Health in Our Schools (Clear Lake)

• When: December 15-16, 2025
• Where: Clear Lake, Iowa
• Focus: Training / workshop series for school counselors and teams on mental health systems, developing action plans in schools.

Boundaries, Cultural Pressures, and Thriving Strategies Workshop

• When: December 13, 2025, 10:00 am-12:00 pm
• Where: Davenport, Iowa
• Focus: A mental health workshop focused on boundaries, cultural pressures and thriving strategies.

Upcoming Events in January:

Motivational Interviewing & SBIRT Training – Level 1

• When: January 7, 2026, 11:00 am-2:00 pm CT
• Where: Online (virtual)
• Focus: An interactive skills-based workshop teaching the relational skills of motivational interviewing and SBIRT (screening, brief intervention, referral to treatment), aimed at helping service providers.

Teach to Heal: Systemic Approach to Support Mental Health in Our Schools

• When: January 15-16 & January 30, 2026
• Where: Cedar Rapids Area, Iowa IOWA ASCD
• Focus: A 3-day series for school teams to build systemic supports for mental health in education—ideal for educators and school professionals.

NAMI Iowa Family Support Group

• When: January 24, 2026, 10:30 am-12:00 pm CST
• Where: Des Moines Public Library — 1000 Grand Avenue, Des Moines, IA 50309 NAMI Iowa
• Focus: A free peer-led support group for adult loved ones of someone with a mental health condition—safe place for connection and support.

If your organization has an upcoming event and would like us to add it to our newsletter, please contact us.

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Email: DericAndKathyKidd@BecomeTheirVoice.org

Website: BecomeTheirVoice.org