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Beloved,
Every Sunday, as our worship draws to a close, we speak words I hope are becoming part of the heartbeat of St. Luke's.
Together we proclaim:
- "We are all loved by God, who created us."
- "We are all worthy in the eyes of God."
- "Your voice matters. Your dreams matter. Your life is sacred."
- "As beloved of God, we all belong to this community and to this circle of kinship and compassion."
Those are not simply comforting words to end a service. They are a proclamation of the Gospel. They remind us who God says we are before the world tells us who we are, before our successes or failures define us, before our fears or accomplishments become our identity.
Yet there is something even more important that happens at the end of our litany.
We do not simply receive God's blessing.
We commit ourselves to becoming God's blessing.
Together we say:
"We have been blessed, and we commit ourselves to being the blessing for everyone we meet."
That is far more than a beautiful dismissal. It is our mission. It is another way of expressing the promises we make every time we renew our Baptismal Covenant.
In the Baptismal Covenant we promise, with God's help, to continue in the apostles' teaching and fellowship, to proclaim the Good News of Christ, to seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving our neighbors as ourselves, and to strive for justice and peace among all people while respecting the dignity of every human being.
Those promises are inspiring.
They are also demanding.
It is relatively easy to respect another person's dignity when we agree with them.
It becomes holy work when we don't.
Every congregation experiences misunderstandings. Every church has moments of disappointment, conflict, differing opinions, and hurt feelings. Conflict itself is not the problem. It is simply part of living in authentic community.
I believe the deeper question is this:
Who are we becoming in the midst of our disagreements?
"The Four Horsemen"
Psychologist and relationship researcher John Gottman spent decades studying what causes relationships to flourish and what causes them to deteriorate. Although his work focused on marriages, the patterns he identified can be found wherever people seek to live in close community, including the Church. He called these destructive patterns the "Four Horsemen":
- Criticism
- Contempt
- Defensiveness
- and Stonewalling.
Seen through the lens of our Baptismal Covenant, each of these habits tempts us to forget who God says our neighbor is.
Criticism forgets that every person is worthy.
There is an important difference between expressing concern and attacking someone's character. Healthy congregations ask difficult questions and wrestle honestly with difficult decisions. Criticism, however, moves beyond the issue and begins judging the person.
"The Vestry never listens."
"The choir only cares about itself."
"They always..."
"We never..."
Soon we stop seeing one another as beloved children of God and begin reducing one another to stereotypes and assumptions.
Our Baptism calls us to something better.
If every person is worthy in God's eyes, then every conversation should begin with respect, even when we disagree.
Contempt forgets that every person is loved.
John Gottman considers contempt the most destructive of the four horsemen because it communicates superiority.
It appears as sarcasm, dismissive comments, gossip, eye-rolling, ridicule, or quietly assuming the worst about another person's motives.
Nothing could be further from the heart of the Gospel.
The person who frustrates me most is still someone Christ loves.
The person whose opinions differ from mine still bears the image of God.
When we forget that truth, we are no longer simply disagreeing. We are failing to seek and serve Christ in all persons.
Defensiveness forgets that every life matters.
When someone raises a concern, our first instinct is often to explain ourselves.
"That's not what I meant."
"You misunderstood."
"But what about..."
Defensiveness protects our ego more than it protects our relationships.
Humility asks a different question:
"What might the Holy Spirit be trying to teach me through this conversation?"
Deep listening is one of the most profound ways we communicate that another person's life, experience, and perspective matter.
Stonewalling forgets that we belong to one another.
Sometimes conflict becomes exhausting.
Instead of talking, we withdraw.
Instead of engaging, we become silent.
Instead of working through the discomfort, we quietly disappear.
Withdrawal may reduce tension for a while, but it rarely brings healing.
Living Into Being the Body of Christ
The Church is not a collection of isolated individuals. Through Baptism we have become members of one Body.
Belonging means we stay at the table, even when the conversation becomes difficult. It means we keep praying together, listening together, serving together, and trusting that God is still at work among us.
Perhaps that is why our litany concludes where it does. We are invited to make St. Luke's a community where love is not merely spoken but lived.
Imagine what would happen if every committee meeting, every Vestry discussion, every choir rehearsal, every ministry gathering, every coffee-hour conversation, and every difficult disagreement began with one simple question:
How can I help this person know that they are loved by God, worthy in God's eyes, that their life matters, and that they belong?
- How differently might we listen?
- How differently might we speak?
- How differently might we disagree?
- How differently might we forgive?
- How differently might we welcome the stranger?
- How differently might we care for one another?
This is not about avoiding conflict.
It is about choosing love.
It is about becoming the people our Baptism calls us to be.
Week after week we gather around Christ's table.
- We confess our failures.
- We receive God's mercy.
- We are nourished by Christ's presence.
- And then we are sent into the world.
Not simply to tell people that they are loved.
Not simply to tell people that they are worthy.
Not simply to tell people that their lives matter.
Not simply to tell people that they belong.
We are sent to live in such a way that people experience those truths through us.
That is what it means to be the Church.
That is what I believe it means to be a community built on love.
And that is what we proclaim every Sunday as we leave this place:
We have been blessed, and we commit ourselves to being the blessing for everyone we meet.
May it be so, with God's help.
Faithfully,
John +
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