February 2024

Dear Joanna,

I know it's a stretch to paint couples' financial planning as a romantic endeavor, but I'm sure it has much to do with preserving the romance in any relationship.

Whether or not you are in the mood this Valentine's Day for flowers, chocolates, or a romantic dinner for two, I trust you will find some of the insight I gathered about money and relationships helpful -- they range from honoring our beloved without overspending to financial infidelity, which is very common among couples.

I love the modern (and fun!) take on Valentine's Day -- Galentine's Day. Coined by a fictitious character in Parks and Recreations, it's a day to celebrate the friends you love. It's celebrated on February 13 (leaving plenty of time to celebrate your mate on official Valentine's Day the following day).

Wishing you love in any form you can find it.

TALKING MONEY WITH YOUR HONEY

Money dramatically complicates an already complex business of living as a couple.

I've often heard that my conversations with couples about money feel as good or better than therapy. Hearing and confirming that disagreement over money is the chief reason couples split is powerful.

But the benefits couples can derive from meaningful conversations about money should be broader than just numbers and simple math. Here are three reasons that good financial planning can be great for couples:

1. Good financial conversations are conversations about life.

When was the last time you and your partner dedicated time to discussing the stuff in life that is most important to you, individually and collectively? It's not your typical table talk over a candlelit Valentine's Day dinner.

But good financial planning necessarily centers on life planning. Without discussing your "values, attitudes, expectations, goals, and priorities" – words taken directly from the Certified Financial Planner™ handbook – your plan is not yours but someone else's.

Therefore, if you're not having these types of conversations with your financial advisor, you're missing out.

2. A good financial advisor can act as an effective referee in challenging conversations.

Financial conversations can be emotionally loaded. But it's harder to assign blame when you're sitting there with an objective third party. I've always considered it a delicate territory that takes the skills of a coach and the empathy of an advisor invested in clients' well-being. That's why I devoted much time to research and training in financial psychology to support my clients as best I can.

3. Tackling finances together is less likely to cause division.

Couples often have a division of roles and end up with only one spouse tracking money. But that leads to the other half getting detached and disengaged. I make it a point to stress that the mere act of managing money together makes it a joint mission and brings a couple together around one of the central issues in life – money. It is essential to know that it's a matter of time before one spouse predeceases the other. Did you know that 80% of women die single? According to the Census Bureau, the average age of a widow in the United States is 59 years. Finances are clearly a women's issue.

VALENTINE'S DAY

According to the National Retail Federation, consumers plan to spend $25.8 billion on Valentine’s Day this year — an average of $185.81 per person. When buying gifts, how do we know the right balance between the desire to express love most authentically without yielding to the pressure to conform to cultural ideals? How can we avoid being depleted financially and emotionally? Assaulted by advertising and social media influencers giving us ideas of expensive gifts that are the only way to show how much we value those we love.

How can we communicate how much we value our partners without overspending? How can we spend money in a way that aligns with our values? When considering gifts, ask yourself the following:

•  Does this choice make me feel peaceful?

•  Am I acting on compulsion or out of a sense of abundance?

•  Does this reflect my values (sustainability, worker’s conditions, etc.)?

•  How else can I honor my loved one?

•  Will this gift truly enhance my loved one’s joy?

V-DAY – THE MOVEMENT TO END VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN

Another way to celebrate V-Day – Eve Ensler started the movement to end violence against women. Please visit their website and consider supporting their campaign. Watch here to learn more. V-Day is one of the top-rated charities.

FINANCIAL INFIDELITY

Whether you lie about how much you owe, how much you earn, how much you spend, or what you spend it on, your partner will likely find out sooner or later. And it won’t be pretty. Read about signs of financial fidelity, reasons for committing it, and steps to take when you discover it.

Types of financial fidelity reported:

• Keeping purchases secret: 31.4%.
• Hiding debts or accounts: 28.7%.
• Lying about income: 22.6%.
• Draining money from savings: 10.4%.
• Lending money without consent: 6.9%.