Single at 62 and
Ready to Mingle...
In Search of Even
On The Road Again with
Oct. 12, 2018
Advice Columnist and Author of
"Love After 50: Love Questions from
DearCathy.com After Hours"
At 62 no one can tell me what to do and when to do it. I earned that right as an individual with a life full of experiences that not only helped me grow, but helped many others around me grow.
My life has been an opened book from the very beginning.
As an Empowerment and Motivational Speaker at
, I write to heal myself and others -- while I #E
I could have named this article
"It's Okay To Be Single,"
"The Long Hot Summer," or
"Escape from Alcatraz"
, however, I chose to name it
People are always asking me why don't I just stay put somewhere -- get off the road and stop traveling. I look at these individuals who make these outrageous statements and realize that they are not doing too much of anything themselves.
What I did not tell you guys in my
birthday enewsletter on October 6, 2018, is that I had actually left Texas for good after 4 years and was traveling around for my birthday.
It's exciting to sneak into a city and no one there knows you. That way you can get a bird's eye view on what's really happening on the ground and build business and personal relationships from the ground up.
I think because I have found myself single again, I will go back to an old ritual I used to have when I was much younger and single.
Back then I would take an entire 30 days to celebrate my birthday so this will be something different and exciting -- once again. #Memories,
After raising two daughters
successfully as a single mom for many years and even writing a book about how I did it successfully,
In 2005, after retiring from the federal government, I launched my
, so for the past 13 years, I have always had something to accompany me through this thing called
However, single people need to understand that there is nothing wrong with
being single. You are still a worthy individual so go out there and
"shout out to the world" - "shout it from the rooftop"
that you are
"single and you are happy"
. And you might have
Mr. Right (#MrRight...wink, wink...)
looking right back at you when you do it...
This year as I took a
from my business, my
, where I have
26 non-fiction books,
and provided my customers and clients with some
awesome seminars, workshops
, I realized my partner was no longer supporting my goals and dreams.
Sometimes we get so busy with our careers and everyday life, we don't really notice the little (or big) things happening all around us so it's important to stay focused.
Alpha Male, you have to step back and let them lead and I had done just that for over 3 years.
But as I looked back over my life, I realized I
wasn't getting what I needed and that my
creative juices were being stunted by him.
This man and the city that I was living in was taking my
mojo (the energy I needed to be true to myself).
You see I was still setting goals for my health, business, and life and as a homebody, and at 71 years of age, he just wanted to sit back and be retired at his home in Texas so our energy no longer mashed.
At 61, I was still energetic, vibrant, outgoing (an Extrovert) and still ready to take the world by storm.
The problem might also have been that he
was 10 years older than me so he had had some of the experiences that I was still seeking to have and I wasn't willing to
give an inch
not when I know life is so
and I don't want to miss a minute of it.
The good thing is to get out of a relationship while you are still friends and can look back at all the good times you had and
and know you will see each other again in the afterlife, but probably not this life.
You owe it to
to live your best
life ever - to
live your life to the fullest
and once someone starts to take away your
positive, creative energy
, it's time to look for the door and move on.
I thank God that I had spent the past 3 years with this man. You see I had known him for 30
years and we both had carried on a
30 year love affair
and would often meet and spend time together.
we both always wondered what it would be like to just be together -
so in 2014, while my goal was to travel to a new city every 6 months and present my platform, which was
, he contacted me and I got off the road and moved to Austin, Texas.
Texas was very familiar to me. I ended my first marriage in Houston, TX after only six years, that produced two
. After my divorce, I had
went to work on the El Paso, TX border as a Customs Inspector, (
) for 18 months so Texas wasn't new to me at all.
However, I did not know a lot about Austin, TX. Everyone kept saying it was a college town for young white folks and had a big music industry there and I found that to be true.
Eventually also I found that Austin had a very healthy community, unlike Atlanta, where I had lived for 20 years, and was even the home of the co-founder of Whole Foods so there were Whole Foods stores all over.
I also enjoyed the fact that they had these awesome meetup.com meetings, where you could meet all types of people and build great holistic and natural communities and other relationships. I had never seen another city that used this platform like they did in Austin, Texas. #GreatJobAustin.
Austin even had a large metaphysical and spiritual community (such as Austin Spiritual Awakening Meetup - Miss you guys Tianna -Love you always - Keep up the good work!!!), which I always wanted to be a part of, so like other cities, it had some great things about it.
However, the city came with many other flaws that sucked the life right out of me.
I felt isolated in this city and felt I had sacrificed a part of me to come to this city to be in a relationship.
Moving to Austin and especially the area our house was located, which was a "food desert", in which we lived 12 miles from the nearest grocery store, was like moving to an island.
Gentrification has done a job on black folks everywhere, especially in Austin.
Because of gentrification in the area, unless you went to local black churches, you rarely saw other folks that looked like you - black folks.
And that was very problematic for me because
unlike a lot of black folks today, I do enjoy being around other black folks, especially those that were progressive and trying to change the world -- like me.
Living in a "Lilly White" city was a total culture shock for me, especially after living in Atlanta for 20 years, one of the blackest cities in the U.S.. -- so in order to find myself again -- I had to leave.
Black and white folks, especially mixed couples, did not speak to you like the people up north and when I went to the gym 6 days a week, they would look at me strange because of my
Sistars were traveling all the way to Dallas (3 hours) and Houston (2 hours) just to take care of their natural hair so again the area was very problematic for me so I chose to change my life by leaving -- permanently.
The other big, big, big major issue was the weather. Austin, TX, unlike Atlanta, that had 4 nice seasons, had only two seasons, HOT and HOTTER
, so the weather to me was very, very, very, very problematic.
My first year in Austin, I suffered a lot from the heat, especially after moving in with my mate to a house that did not even have ceiling fans.
It was like being in the movie,
when the sun was shining so bright, you thought you would evaporate.
At one time when I first arrived in Austin, I even found myself wearing 3 pairs of shades at one time. I kid you not!
After being uncomfortable for months and complaining about the heat when I first arrived, which caused
in our relationship, after 18 months, I left Austin and moved to Dallas, which I was really excited about because I had always wanted to live in Dallas -- plus it was much cooler there.
I was in Dallas (Irving, TX) for 8 months, but I did not like the dynamics of Dallas. What was really disappointing was black folks (I think white folks too) in Dallas and Forth Worth, couldn't stand each other. It had went back to some type of rivalry that happened years ago that I found to be absolutely ridiculous.
A young black man in Dallas, a photographer, made a statement to me at my first community event, he said "Ms. Harris I don't care what type of platform you have, the black people in Dallas IS NOT going to come out of their homes." I found this to be true.
So I realized early on after moving to Dallas, and speaking on GMOs for close to 9 years at this point, that the affects of GMOs, which turns off the brain and cause people to linger in a type of "zombie" or "cocoon-like state," (ISOLATED) was now in full-effect.
The cat was definitely out of the bag.
But when I spoke of this to "non-believers", the people that were eating processed foods (which are GMOs), most black folks continued to look at me as if I had an issue -- instead of them. #DontShootTheMessenger.
So after making up with my mate I ended up back in Austin with him, and I was shocked about all the changes he had made in his home to accommodate me, so if a person really want you in their lives, believe me they will make changes for you -- so the actions they take will be key to how they feel about you.
Despite the fact that I grew foods successfully in my backyard over the past year, from May-September, 5 months, I had to dress like a beekeeper to water 3 raised beds twice a day.
I wore a hat, shades, and long sleeves, but it did not matter, the sun still came through what I was wearing and left white blotches on my skin...so this would cause issues for any woman.
At one point this summer we had so much green foods, especially Swiss Chard, growing -- I thought I would have to sell it to a farmer's market or have an online farmer's market pick directly from the garden because I was the only person around me eating "organic".
My mate and our friends viewed the "ORGANIC" foods as if the foods were poisonous. #SmallMindedFolks.
I brought up the fact to my mate again about why we should do a drip or some type of irrigation system, especially since the garden was a major success.
I had told my mate at the beginning of the
spring growing season, that a drip system would not just allow me to spend more time indoors away from the scorching heat, but it would also cut down on the water bill. But because it wasn't his idea, he just chose to scream at me when he got the high water bill.
The bottomline is he did not support me growing the foods in our backyard my last year in Texas, despite it being one of the most defining and successful
I had to fight him all the way to get that project off the ground and make it a success -- which it was. Just because he did not eat "ORGANIC FOODS," he could care less about me growing this food and showing my children, other family members and my audience, it can be done. #GreatJobCathy,
#MyGardeningProjectWasVictorious, #ItWillTakeWomenToSaveTheWorld, #TheEssentialWomensMovement.
I initially had gotten off the road and sat my dreams aside for my mate to see if we could
build a life together, but I don't have any regrets about that.
I always thought highly of this man, but my biggest hinderance from the very beginning was the fact that he did not eat like me.
Somehow, I knew deep down the line or somewhere in the back of my mind, this would become problematic -- and finally it did. When you live with a person with different eating habits as you, especially when you get with these individuals in their golden years, after they become SET IN THEIR WAYS, you have to make a decision whether to live in these types of environments.
Their unhealthy eating habits might eventually rub off on you so I did not want this type of temptation around me or in my space. I needed a healing space and atmosphere as I went into the THIRD ACT of my life.
It's hard enough to stay healthy today in my 60s and you don't want anyone's unhealthy lifestyle to rub off on you.
I never wanted to go into my
being in a household with someone who did not
embrace a holistic
and natural lifestyle, especially after I ended up housebound and bedridden 11 years earlier. You can read the blog post entitled "The Awakening."
So in the end, it was just that that caused the constant bickering in our relationship.
Daily I saw the energy drain right out of him
as he ate
toxic, processed foods
-- foods that he had no idea he was allergic to that was not only draining him of energy, but keeping him on all the medications he was taking.
I watched him get the shakes from
low blood sugar and watched him carry his
blood pressure kit with him everywhere he went because of his diet.
A 71 year old man can't eat
fast foods and buy, cook and
eat processed foods if they hope to maintain their health. It was heartbreaking that he could never understand this or didn't want to understand.
Many people get a joy out of eating foods and no matter what, they will not give up these
toxic foods. Eventually this becomes the
ONLY ENJOYMENT for them as they age.
It wasn't just the foods, but the
like air freshers, dishwasher liquid, washing powders, body lotions, cleaning products, etc. that not only could zap your energy, but also cause cancer and many other diseases.
We initially had discussed how toxic these
were and because of my
with my health, where I almost died, it could hinder us from living our
as we went into our
The fact that we had
, one for me and one for him, did sustain our relationship for a while, but eventually it boiled down to having these
in our household, which created an atmosphere of
HEALTHY vs. UNHEALTHY
Me vs. Him.
Anytime you feel like you have to put on Mike Tyson' gloves just to discuss important issues with your mate, in the end it's just not worth it and it's time to move on.
and it comes from the heart.
loud or harsh,
but if you are consuming a toxic diet of fast or processed foods that have been altered that you buy in a can, jar, box or some other container (which are
Genetically Modified Organisms (GMOs))
or living in a
inside your home with POOR AIR QUALITY,
that's in charge of
eventually give out and cause
and other emotions to ruin your relationship.
Foods plays a
BIG ROLE in how you feel. Food affects your
mood, behavior, happiness and
entire quality of life, but most people don't believe that or just don't get it, especially if they have never embraced a
one of the
in the body, is in charge of breaking down
anything you eat, any products you put on your body and cleaning up the smells you come in contact with, especially in your home.
But because of GMOs today, most people's livers are
only operating at 30% and if you continue to consume these
toxic GMO processed foods (especially fast foods), you can even develop
cirrhosis of the liver -- the same as
ALCOHOLICS and this is why so many people today are having issues with their livers and other organs -- simply because of their diets.
And most folks today die from
ORGAN FAILURE. Heart attacks, when your heart gives out, liver and kidney disease, are all
organ failure diseases.
Diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer and heart disease -- major diseases that kill most black folks, are all
FOOD-RELATED DISEASES, which simply means if you change your diet, you won't come down with these diseases.
At the end of the day, it's not
"rocket science", but why can't black folks just get it? Or is it because they don't want to give up
"good tasting foods" -- or should I say
"good tasting garbage" that's not even real foods?
pertaining to the liver is -- over
75% of teenagers today
Fatty Liver Disease
, which is
LIVER DAMAGE. Fatty Liver Disease
is the same disease that most
ALCOHOLIC males were diagnosed with many years ago.
Teenagers today are being diagnosed with
Fatty Liver Disease because many are eating GMOs, especially
high fructose corn syrup,
which is in everything today -- all cakes, pastries, candy and other sweets.
High fructose corn syrup came on the market because sugar became too expensive to process, so it took the place of many products containing sugar today.
It's going to be hard, but not impossible to change the way you eat especially if you are in your 40s, 50s, 60s, and 70s.
And remember however, at the end of the day, you are only responsible for yourself, but don't give up hope that you and your
spouse, mate, partner,
can't change for the better.
But what I really found
heart-breaking was our friends, the main couple that we hung out with, and their level of thinking, whom I saw their health deteriorate right before my eyes because of their
LACK OF KNOWLEDGE about GMOs and processed foods.
The female in the couple, constantly bragged about being a
and tried to make fun of me because I prepared my foods
-- and haven't turned on a stove in 10 years since regaining
She was one of those folks that came from traditional black families that
"cooked foods to death" and because of that her and her husband's health were suffering.
She often talked about how she
passes out or
faints in her plate at restaurants (probably from low blood sugar or hypoglycemia) and she, who was preparing all these bad foods, was allowing her husband to go blind from cataracts.
He constantly said because cataracts ran in his family, this is why he was experiencing them. But black people need to get off that band wagon of blaming everything on
It's not genes, instead it's
YOUR DIET. You have the same disease as other family members, because you eat the
SAME DIET of processed foods with
NO NUTRITIONAL VALUE.
Like most other folks who are not in
natural communities, this couple believe strictly in the
white coats (doctors who know very little about health and nutrition).
I can't tell you how many black folks I have seen leave this world because of 3 little words coming off their lips
"MY DOCTOR SAID." If your doctor tell you to go and jump off a roof or a cliff, you would probably do it - right?
The only way folks are going to be able to save themselves today is to join
natural communities. These communities are located in every city. The first thing I do when I move to a new city is to find these communities.
Women are in charge of buying groceries and
preparing foods in most households today, so when the family comes down sick, it is the woman's fault.
Yes I said it!!!
We need to start speaking the truth before the entire black family perish due to lack of knowledge.
Many men want women to change their diets, but most women, especially these
traditional good cooks
in black households, won't take time to try to learn new
of preparing foods -- foods with the highest amount of nutrition.
Therefore, most families today are sitting down at the table for 3 meals a day and there is
at the table.
And this is why most black families today are dying off -- because of the foods they are eating.
This couple ate sweets at every meal, which caused them to have diabetes and other diseases, ate other foods that turned into sugar that caused diabetes, and never had anything green on the table, unless it was COOKED TO DEATH.
Like typical folks they would have a salad at every meal -- thinking it would take the place for their green food intake. Many folks in holistic communities know that these "store-bought" salads, especially made with iceberg lettuce are made of nothing but
and the light green color vs. dark green color, shows it has"
no nutritional value"
because "the darker the green food the better."
You have to be true to yourself. Continuously being around folks like this
bury their heads in the sand and people who don't want to know the truth about what's happening in the world today, especially with our foods, can eventually
"break your spirit"
. And I did not want to sit across the table from them for the next 10 years, watching them die right before my eyes.
They all, including my mate, viewed me as if I had some type of issue or as if I was an outsider, simply because I was trying to eat healthy, and who in their right mind want to be bombarded daily with these negative messages.
So in the end I just had had enough of being around these types of "
These types of relationships, even with your family and friends, are what you call toxic relationships. Toxic doesn't mean that you experience some type of pain or physical assault from a person, instead however, it could be a type of mental assault against your mind, body, soul, and spirit, especially when a spouse, partner, mate, or significant other expects you to live a toxic lifestyle, just because they live a toxic lifestyle. Again, life is too short! #FollowYourHeart.
If you no longer have Love, Trust, Communication and Respect in a relationship, it's definitely time to move on. If you are missing just one of these, there is no way your relationship will survive. It's like beating a dead horse.
And like Patti Stanger, author of "Become Your Own Matchmaker" always say, "whether you are 18 or 80, there is always another person waiting for you just around the corner." Don't give the best years of your life to a person that obviously don't deserve you. #MoveOn,
And just like Maya Angelou said, "when someone shows you who they are the first time -- believe them."
I do believe in this lifetime we all have more
. I was in love with my husband, my daughter's father, who passed away in 2011, after we had been estranged for years.
He was a
Momma's Boy, a Beta man, so it was like having 3 children. I politely asked him after 6 years to leave. I thought since my mate was a total opposite from my husband, an
Alpha Male, we would just click better.
However, he turned out to be a "Type A." Type A's want to be the head of the household, which they should, but many of them will turn out to be too strong of a leader and provider and become controlling -- like my mate.
I worked for over 20 years in an abusive workplace environment with many controlling men on my job at U.S. Customs, TheCathyHarrisStory.com, so I know first-hand what they are like and I wasn't about to have one in my household.
Ending a relationship is like a death, so you need to grieve it then move on. The good news is
, I feel even
at 62 than I did 4 years ago when I arrived in Texas, especially after becoming a
growing organic foods
in my garden in my backyard for an entire year at
I think in the end the
I give up my dreams to
which was my
for him again and continue to live in an environment and atmosphere that would eventually cause
my own health to deteriorate and my
spirit to break
-- and that I just wasn't willing to do.
At 62, I still have another good 20 years to travel the world and back spreading my message of hope, strength and power.
So we both realized we were traveling down different paths. Therefore, we said good-bye and good luck and thanks for the memories and moved on.
I will let you guys know where I land...or if I will get back on the road and pick up where I left off in 2014, especially once the weather warms up. #OnceAgain "One book closes and another one opens." #GoodbyeTexas,
#ThanksForThe Memories, #NewAdventures, #SavingLives, #MoreHappiness, #BrighterFutures, #TeamCathy, #CathyHarrisRaw, #StayGold.