Quarterly Newsletter

Happy Thanksgiving!

88,740 Donors, Parents,

& Donor-Conceived People with

24,886 of them Matched!

September 4th was our 23rd Anniversary!


AI wrote us a nifty poem:

In the realm where hearts entwine their threads,

A registry blooms with stories ahead.

Twenty-three years, a journey profound,

The Donor Sibling Registry's truth unbound.


Families woven with threads unseen,

Strangers once, now united in a dream.

Twenty-three years of searching souls,

Seeking connections, filling in life's holes.


In the heart's chamber, curiosity awoke,

A registry born, its purpose bespoke.

Guiding seekers on paths unknown,

To find their roots, a sense of home.


Two decades plus three, a tapestry spun,

An anniversary celebrated under the sun.

Donors, siblings, kin unknown,

Gathered together, like seeds that were sown.


With courage, they delve into histories untold,

Twenty-three years of stories unfold.

The registry's embrace, a haven for all,

A place where connections stand tall.


Through letters and searches, bonds find their way,

A symphony of hearts, a chorus that sways.

Donors and siblings, a web interwoven,

In this registry's embrace, love is proven.


So let us celebrate the twenty-third year,

With gratitude, hope, and kinship near.

For the Donor Sibling Registry's legacy true,

Brings families together, the old and the new.



News:

NW Cryobank is closing its doors on 12/20/23.

Services currently provided by NW Cryobank will soon be available from California Cryobank.


People are people, and families are families. Just because we're genetically related doesn't ensure a healthy and positive relationship. It takes work. It takes people with the emotional bandwidth, mental capability, and stability to establish and build new relationships. It takes kindness, empathy, vulnerability, authenticity, and the ability to create healthy boundaries.


A heart-warming note from a new DSR member whose father was a sperm donor:

My father was an unknown sperm donor. We have connected with 6 of our donor-conceived siblings. My brother and I were raised by our dad and he told us once we were old enough to understand that he was a donor. Sadly, 5 out of my 6 donor-conceived half-siblings were never told they were donor-conceived. We have once or twice a year gatherings for all of us to get together. None of us "need" each other. We all have very full happy lives, but we choose each other, genuinely care about each other, and communicate weekly. It's been one of the best gifts in my life to have these new siblings as genetic family and friends. It's amazing really. All our lives are better because we have each other.


Finding out that you're donor-conceived later in life can elicit a range of emotions: I recently found out that the man who raised me is not my biological father. My parents used a sperm donor in my conception and it was hidden from me my entire life. This revelation is simultaneously traumatic, validating, and healing.


Your story is a vital thread in the beautiful tapestry of our community—share it with us for a chance to be featured in our next newsletter!

Consult/Advice/Support Video Chat

Here are some issues we can chat about:


  • I just found out that I am donor-conceived ... help!
  • Donor-conceived people who are shouldering the secret of donor conception (not letting parents know that they know) after finding out later in life.
  • Prospective parents: what you should know to make informed and educated decisions that will affect your child for decades.
  • My adult donor-conceived child just found via DNA testing that they are donor-conceived ... how do I best support them?
  • Maneuvering through disclosure, a child’s right to know, and when and how to tell.
  • How to move forward in connecting with a half-sibling’s family (or many families).
  • Connecting with a formerly anonymous donor.
  • Coping with donor family members who have different comfort levels and desires to connect.
  • Non-biological parents who feel uncomfortable with their children reaching out to biological relatives.
  • Discuss the distinctions about how you define family and how your child might do so.
  • Helping to maneuver the fine line between privacy and secrecy in the families we connect with.
  • Donor-conceived people: how to cope when you have a burning desire to know your genetic/ancestral history.
  • Donors: how to move forward with connecting when your family members may not know of your donations or may not approve of your reaching out to your genetic offspring. How to manage when there are many of them.
  • Parents/donors/offspring: coming together from different socio-economic/cultural/political/sexual orientation/religious backgrounds who need assistance in moving forward in the most healthy way possible.
More Counseling Information

S.P.E.R.M.

Ethics in the gamete donation industry:

The principles and values that guide the practice of buying and selling sperm, eggs, and embryos in order to create human life.


S.P.E.R.M. promotes honest and forward-thinking discourse relating to ethical considerations important to ensure that the process of buying and selling gametes is conducted in a responsible and morally acceptable manner, for egg and sperm donors, parents, and donor-conceived people.


See the new video short from Ryan Kramer!

Email me if you'd like to be in one of our videos! 

Visit the New S.P.E.R.M. Website!

LGBTQ+ Outreach


We had a booth at the 2023 Boulder County Pride event in Colorado and have registered for the June 30, 2024 event!

Counseling Donor Family Members

Published by Ethics Press, this guide will be of interest to therapists, counselors, psychologists, sociologists, physicians, and other mental health professionals who may encounter this topic in their specific settings with patients who have a variety of presenting problems, as well as professionals in the reproductive medicine industry.


And yes, this guide is also helpful for donors, parents, and donor-conceived people. I wish someone would have given me this type of guide years ago so that I could have more context for the different ways that donors, parents, and donor-conceived people respond to so many different situations. Understanding the layers of emotional depth and the specific challenges that all stakeholders might face is very helpful when maneuvering through your own personal journey.

Purchase Hardcover or Paperback Books HereUse DSR40 at checkout for your 40% DSR Discount (on the hardcover only)

The Ambiguity of "Open" Gamete Donation

There is overwhelming evidence, and therefore good reason to question, doubt, and challenge the way that sperm banks present, promise, and follow through with their "open donor" policies. 

Read More

Wendy's Psychology Today Monthly Blog

2023 Published Articles:


1/6/23

Why are Sperm and Eggs Still Sold Anonymously?

Personal Perspective: The consequences of donor anonymity.


1/27/23

Cornerstones of the Donor Family: Kindness and Empathy:

From choosing a donor to expanding one's family to include donor relatives. 


3/2/23

Tips for Donor-Conceived Adults Who Just Found Out the Truth:

The road might be bumpy for a while, with a multitude of difficult emotions.


4/3/23

Donor-Conceived People Who Have Always Known the Truth:

Being donor-conceived can have inherent challenges, even if told early on.


4/24/23

Egg and Sperm Donors: It's Complicated:

Some common thoughts and feelings surrounding selling one's gametes.


5/8/2023

Donor-Conceived People: Curiously not Curious:

Some insist that they are not at all curious about their donor origins.


6/12/2023

Parents of Donor-Conceived People: Researching the thoughts and feelings of biological and non-biological parents.


7/10/2023

Reaching Out to Sperm and Egg Donors: Weighing the risks and rewards when deciding whether to attempt contact.


NEW SINCE SUMMER NEWSLETTER:



8/7/2023

Donor-Conceived Children Meeting Their Half-Siblings

Widening one's family circle with enriching, lifelong relationships.


9/5/2023

Gamete Sellers: It's More Than Just a Financial Transaction

Common themes, topics, and issues that arise with former egg and sperm donors.


10/2/2023

Sperm Banks, Egg Facilities, and the Backfire Effect

Why have gamete sellers been resistant to evolving ideas about donor families?



11/1/2023

Contacting a Gamete Donor for the First Time: The Letter.

You might not get a second chance to make a first impression.

2023 Speaking Engagements

Upcoming:

December 5th: RESOLVE Egg Donation Support Group

December: Online workshop for the Spanish community in Barcelona, Spain, "Receiving Donated Eggs or Sperm: What Am I Facing?" 


Prior:

October: Family Twist Podcast

September: Adoption Network Cleveland

August: Fertility Unfiltered: Non-bio parents and attachment

July: Chezuba Podcast Interview

June: Sperm Donation World

Podcast Interview

June: The European Fertility Society:

Counseling Donor Families 1-hour webinar for professionals

May: Growing Generations: In-house training

April: Motherhood Reimagined

February: The Center for Family Building Podcast: The Donor Sibling Connector

February: Conceptions Reproductive Associates: On-site meeting

January: British Fertility Society Annual Meeting: Counseling Donor Family Members

All Speaking Engagements

2022 Published Articles:


3/6/22

Supporting Donor Family Members:

Adequate counseling and education are vital.


3/25/22

A Brief History of Donor Conception:

Looking at eight centuries of manipulating sperm.


4/19/22

Words Have Power in Sperm and Egg Donor Families:

The language of reproductive medicine can be tricky.


5/5/22

Happy Mother's Day to Solo Moms (of Donor Kids):

Personal Perspective: A special shout-out to single mother (only) parents.


5/27/22

Donor Conception: Questions for Prospective Parents:

Issues and themes to ponder when considering using donor gametes.


6/23/22

Truth and Honesty in Families of Donor-Conceived Children:

Early disclosure is crucial for building a happy and healthy family.


7/21/22

A Dearth of Adequate Gamete Donor and Recipient Counseling:

Education and counseling before selling or buying sperm and eggs is crucial.


8/25/22

Are You Thinking About Donating Your Sperm or Eggs?

A few practical, ethical, emotional, and medical issues to consider.


9/26/22

Nature and Nurture in Donor Families:

Biological and non-biological parents matter.


10/26/22

Tips for Parents of Adult Donor-Conceived People:

Are you about to disclose, or do you have a child who just found out the truth?


11/28/22

DNA: Donors Not Anonymous:

Sperm and egg donor anonymity has not been possible since 2005.


12/13/22

Secrecy v. Privacy in Donor Families: Walking the fine line between privacy and secrecy is inherent in donor families.



If you look deeply into the palm of your

hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people. — Thich Nhat Hanh


Corlandos Scott's video about the DSR

More Books!

Your Family: A Donor Kid's Story

Your Family: A Donor Kid’s Story is a sweet and light-hearted picture book that answers the question "where did I come from?” and then gently introduces the concepts of half-siblings and donors in an open and honest way. The book starts with the parent’s desire to have a baby, the use of a donor, and then broaches the topic of half-siblings and biological parents/donors. A perfect book for donor-conceived children and their parents in all family types to learn about how they were conceived and for understanding that being curious about their unknown genetic origins and relatives is natural.


Just as there are many family types, there are also many ways to define a child’s family and their donor relatives. Reading this book with your young donor-conceived child can initiate or supplement important and ongoing dialog about these genetic connections. These early conversations are integral for creating a happy and healthy donor child and family.


"A lovely book for children who were conceived with donor sperm or egg. Parents in all kinds of families will find it very helpful in explaining their child’s conception story in a gentle simple and positive way."

—Jane Mattes, L.C.S.W., psychotherapist and Founder/Director of Single Mothers by Choice


"Having worked with Wendy Kramer for many years I know her organization, the Donor Sibling Registry,is valuable to the LGBTQ parenting community. We’ve published family stories that talk about how DSR has brought joy to not just the half siblings discovering each other but to their gay parents as well. Kramer’s children’s book Your Family: A Donor Kid’s Story is an important contribution to the LGBTQ community and a great addition to the homes of all parents with donor-conceived children."

—Angeline Acain, publisher and editor, Gay Parent Magazine

Read More

Finding Our Families: A First of-Its-Kind Book for Donor-Conceived People and their Families

Millions of people have been born with the help of donor sperm or eggs, including Wendy Kramer’s son. Realizing the unique concerns of being or parenting a donor-conceived child, Kramer launched what would become the world’s largest database for connecting donor-conceived people, the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR).


Finding Our Families provides additional support for this growing community. With compassion and insight, the authors draw on extensive research to address situations families face throughout a donor-conceived child’s development, including the search for a biological parent or half-sibling and how to forge a healthy self-image.


"The book successfully honors its promise to deliver the tools necessary to help donor-conceived children discover and explore their genetic legacies.” —October 2013 Publishers Weekly review


Children's Book in Spanish!


Donor Family Matters: The story of Wendy Kramer and her donor-conceived child, Ryan, who eventually found his biological father and 19 half-siblings. Wendy and Ryan created the Donor Sibling Registry, the world’s largest platform for mutual-consent contact of sperm, egg, and embryo donors, donor-conceived children and adults, and their parents.


Educate the child. Raise him or her without biases of any kind. Teach him or her to trust in others but to rely on self. Instill in him or her a sense of humor and the ability to enjoy life.”


Penned on a sperm bank intake form, these words of advice from Donor 1058 to the future recipients of his donations became a parental motto for one particular recipient, Wendy Kramer, who would go on to found the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR). With almost 87,000 members in 105 countries, the DSR is the world’s largest platform for sperm, egg, and embryo donors, donor-conceived children and adults, and their parents to connect and share information through mutual-consent contact. In her role with the DSR, Wendy has become a leading advocate for donor families and for reformation of the modern profit-driven donor conception industry.


This is the story of Wendy’s journey as the mother of a donor-conceived profoundly gifted child, Ryan, whose relentless curiosity — under the tenacious guidance and support of his mother — eventually led to his reunion against all odds not only with his biological father, Donor 1058, but also with 19 of his donor-conceived half-siblings scattered across the continent. Their experience — like the experience of so many of the Donor Sibling Registry’s members — illustrates how this brave new world of donor conception is stretching our understanding of the evolving nature and possibilities of “family.” This memoir, written with warmth and humor by Wendy herself, reminds us with story after story that there are few things more fundamental than the human need to know where we come from, nor more beautiful than the triumph of truth over shame.



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