May 15th of 2015, God sent a pale faced, red-haired, 17-year-old boy to Hope for Wholeness. Like most young guys that come into my office, he did not want to make eye contact. Cody had a nice smile. He did not want to talk about anything of any significance. He talked a little of his family, but he really didn't want to go deep. That is not unusual for teenage guys who are trying to find their place in life, who struggle to understand who they are and where they are going. I think Cody just wanted a place to belong, and I believe he found it with the HFW family.
Cody had a LOT of energy! It was obvious that he dealt with ADHD, with the emphasis on hyperactive. That, though, was what made you love him. It was love him or strangle him, and often you wanted to do both. Cody didn't really get when you were frustrated with him. He just loved people and loved being loved. Cody was unlike any other that I had ever met, and I do not expect to ever meet another like him.
What pains me is to speak in the past tense. Two days before Christmas, now age 20 years old, they found Cody's body alone in his apartment. The police said there were no signs of foul play. However, we do not know what happened or why. This news left all of us who loved Cody in a state of painful shock. Cody was such a force of life, and it was shocking that this force was so suddenly jerked out of our lives! Our child whom we loved was gone.
Early in November, after hurting my back while cleaning the parking lot at work, Cody gave me a call. "I want to help you put your Christmas out. I know you hurt your back, so I want to help." Cody LOVED Christmas and everything about it. I was honestly a little suspect, since I had only seen the silly side of Cody, but he kept asking. I did have a hurt back, and I could certainly use the help. I drove to pick him up and told him that I first needed help in my yard to rake all my leaves before doing Christmas. "Okay." I wondered how it would go. I was amazed! He worked tirelessly and never complained once. At lunch, we stopped and went to McDonald's, my treat. I enjoyed the time with him. He smiled the whole time and never stopped working until we were done. The next day, I picked him up, and we did Wakefield Buick's Christmas.
Each year, my step-brother has me decorate their two Christmas trees. The salesman took down the trees last year, throwing everything into a box, including wadding the lights all together. It was a mess! I asked Cody to help me separate everything into piles and separate the lights. Again, he did not complain once and kept a smile on his face. He had the idea to decorate the stairway, so we did. He was a HUGE help! The next day at my house, I was totally exhausted! This time, Cody worked with my son to get everything out of my attic while I lay down in the recliner and fell asleep. When I woke, the tree was up. He pulled out our Christmas village, asking if he could put it out. I agreed and said, "I don't want to see any wires." He sat there patiently and tirelessly working. Not one wire was seen. I told him what I needed him to do--and he did it, carefully and joyful. What a blessing!
The day of our ministry Christmas party, I called Cody to see if he wanted to come. He had sold his car last year, so I knew he would need a ride. Seth picked him up on the way to the airport, where Tamika Sanders and Falandis Harris were arriving from Dallas to attend the party. At the airport, Seth called to tell me that Cody was out of the car, going from car to car to meet everyone. He was such a nut! At the party, he was the entertainment! He went from person to person with his big smile, and walked around taking videos of everyone with my iPad. I took him home after the party when I dropped off the Dallas ladies at their hotel. It was a wild ride! Cody was hyped up on sugar and having a good ol' time. That was the last time I saw Cody.
I never dreamed that this was the last time I would experience Cody on earth. I had been so concerned for Cody. He had recently moved out and was living on his own. He moved out from his father's home at 17, and had since been living with several different people--one a former teacher for a year-and-a-half. She had become like a mother to Cody. Cody's mom had committed suicide when he was just eight years old. This was a source of pain in his life that he did not like to talk about. The first of December, Cody rented an apartment across town. I was concerned about how he was going to pay his rent. He could not hold a job. His energy level was more than any employer had been able to tolerate, and our attempts to get him on disability had failed so far. I had asked him about his money and January's rent. He kept telling me not to worry, but I did. After working with me in the yard as hard as he did, I told him I thought he could find a job with someone who would be willing to work with him individually. As I took the trees down this year and put away Christmas, I thought, "How I so wished I had Cody join me to do a Christmas business." He had mentioned it and I had thought about it. So many, "I wish's"--too many to count and not helpful to focus on. We all have them after losing someone.
The whole time we were together--in the car, in the yard, and with decorating for Christmas--
I took a number of pictures and made several videos
. Unlike most, Cody had always been open about himself and his involvement with the ministry. He and many young people at HFW's 2015 conference took pictures and put them all over Facebook. So, I always knew that Cody was not embarrassed about his relationship with me and the ministry.
I learned after Cody's passing that he had been picked on while growing up, like many who end up not fitting in. Cody had his own lane in life. Sitting at the memorial service, I looked at the stained glass and remarked in my talk, "Cody was certainly colorful and anything but boring." In the pastor's eulogy, he shared that when Cody was in school, he would put on the "Dr. Seuss" hat and go to the classrooms of the younger children to read to them. What colorful kindness that taught us all!
I was honored to speak before the pastor at the memorial service. The church was packed. My family had to sit in the balcony after finally finding a parking space down the street. The church was full of people who had been touched by Cody. I had never known how loved Cody was. I wonder if he ever knew how loved he was? I told them that it was not wrong or selfish for us to wish he were here with us, but that Cody would not want to return, that he was with Jesus. I told them that we should use this as an opportunity to realize how fortunate we are for those we have in our lives and to cherish them, as if it were our last day with them. We do not know yet the cause of death or why.
It is so incredibly tragic when we lose a young person or anyone unexpectedly. I believe that most of us take each other for granted. Most of us think about ourselves, what is getting on our nerves about someone, what we've got to get done, our cell phones, TV, what's going on in the world, our bills--whatever. We are not thinking that this could be the last moment that we ever get to see or speak to them again. Each day, with each relationship, each friend, family member, even a stranger, we have an opportunity to touch with the love of Jesus.
Too often, we take that opportunity to get what we need done, or to share our judgements about that person. What a wasted opportunity!
How would our attitudes be different, our actions be different, our words, our tone be different, if we believed that this was our one chance to tell this person that we love them, that God loves them? "Would we give a smile instead of a glare? Would we give a hug instead of a handshake? Would our hugs be long and strong to emphasize our love, instead of quick and slight?" Mine have--
because of Cody's death, my attitude, words, tone, and actions have changed. I believe that people who have been hugged by me have noticed a difference. Because of this young man's life, I am not going to miss the opportunity to change. He loved well when he was here. And while I am here, I too will love well.
Too often we are waiting for someone whose actions we approve before we are willing to show them true kindness and love. Where is that in God's Word? His goodness toward us has NOTHING to do with our "good behavior!" Thank the Lord for that!! Our goodness to others should have NOTHING to do with their good behavior. We should never wait until our friend, family member, child, or stranger is "good" (in our broken perception) before we show them goodness, acts of kindness, and unfettered love.
We have this chance-this moment, this day to love those whom God has put in our path. Let's take each opportunity and love well. Let's stop waiting, judging, and not acting. We might not think we are that kind of person, and maybe we're not. But if we move forward in faith and in action, I guarantee that our actions of unselfish love and kindness will spring forth a love that we have never before seen or felt. Let us honor Cody, and most importantly, our Lord, by loving those that He puts in our paths today.
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."--Dr. Maya Angelou
"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ... Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ... It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ... And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13: 1,4,7,13
For more pictures and videos of Cody and McKrae, go to McKrae's and/or Cody's Facebook.
(Article shared with family permission.)
