After leading our first chapel services of the school year on Wednesday morning, I was sitting in Amber’s office. We were planning an upcoming service when our Head of School Kathy Mahar texted me to ask if we should make a joint statement about Minneapolis. I looked up and asked, “What happened in Minneapolis?” Amber and Katrina started searching the news: 2 dead and 17 injured at shooting during school chapel.  

To be honest, the news did not sink in. Kathy sent an email to school families, letting them know some of the steps we have taken to keep our children safe at St. Martin’s school. It was not the kind of email you want to receive as a parent on the first day of school, and it was exactly the email needed as a parent who has just read the news and feared for their own child’s safety. 

Even when a vestry member asked me Wednesday night how I was doing, letting me know she had been thinking and praying for us all day, the weight of the event did not sink in. 

It was not until early Thursday morning, journaling before the house woke up, that I started to feel what had happened. Wednesday's journal entry named some of the worries various members of the Holder family were feeling about the first day of school—including my own anxiety about getting chapel right. So, Thursday morning I started my entry with the words: “Well, we all survived the first day of school...” and then I stopped, realizing other parents could not say the same. That’s when it hit me. 

That’s when I allowed myself to imagine the loss of an eight-year-old son (Fletcher), or a ten-year-old daughter (Harper). My own children are eight and ten years of age. I imagined being a parent, rushing to the school, not knowing if my child was safe. I imagined all the scared children and teachers, fleeing for their lives, while also waiting for their classmate or sibling to catch up, searching for the faces of the people they love most. And I imagined, as I do nearly every week, how I would respond during worship to care for the congregation I love if there were a threat in our sanctuary. 

Perhaps it is because I think of this last thing so regularly—what would I do from the altar— that it took so long for the weight of Wednesday’s chapel shooting to sink in. How sad it is that imagining the worst has become almost routine. 

The Rt. Rev. Craig Loya, Bishop of the Episcopal Church of Minnesota issued a response that I found compelling. I will share an excerpt here: 

In moments like this, we all feel helpless, angry, and afraid. But as followers of a savior who was executed by a broken and corrupt political establishment, we know a few things for certain. First, the resurrection of Jesus that we proclaim week in and week out in our congregations establishes forever that God’s love is the most powerful force for change and healing in the universe, and that love will one day break down and recreate even the most corrupt and broken systems we inhabit... Second, we know that the whole purpose of our lives is to stand in the midst of a deeply distorted world and bear witness to Jesus’ better way of love... We ultimately cannot force the fullness of God’s reign into being, but we must always point to what that reign looks like in every situation we encounter. And finally, we remember that Jesus always goes where the pain is... Jesus always shows up with the balm of love where there is deepest pain, and that’s where we show up as his hands and heart. 

Friends, God’s love is the most powerful force for good and wholeness and change and redemption. And we have it! We live in that love, and we share that love. How will you and I show up with that most powerful love to be the hands and heart of Jesus today? We won’t all do it the same way... some will make phone calls, some will write letters, some will convene faith leaders and law enforcement, some will protest, some will care for people struggling with mental illness, some will hold their children or grandchildren tight, some will hold those who can no longer hold the child they love. The task is daunting. But love never runs out. “So let us not grow wearing in doing what is right, for we will reap at harvest time, if we do not give up.” May Paul’s words to the Galatians be emblazoned on our hearts as we do the work God has given us to do. 

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