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A lot of us grew up learning to be “nonconfrontational” - not to rock the boat by bringing something up, and that conflicts are something to avoid, and that that is the best way to keep the peace. So how could this make us miss out on rich and connecting experiences as adults doing those exact things?
What would the world be like if we never disagreed?
What would we gain from that?
And what might we be losing?
Harmony in relationships is not about whether we have conflict. It is about how we have those conflicts. Some people might find themselves in relationships where they don’t have conflicts out loud, but they grow resentful after enough has built up inside. When we handle conflict constructively, with respect, curiosity, and compassion, we not only feel more satisfied in what’s happening in the relationship, we also become more confident and secure. A relationship that can navigate differences productively is one we know can hold our various human experiences and that we will still come out feeling okay, cared for, and loved.
Research shows that couples who speak up to each other about upsets early and often are more likely to have smaller conflicts, more successfully.
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