News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™      


Joy, Love, and Peace for 2019

Attitiude Reconstruction                                     

May 2019                                                   Negativity 

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"Oh let's revise some of the dumb stuff you said today. -- This could take a while."

"I've learned to express my anger through my writing instead."

Greetings dear ones,    

There seems to be a lot of negativity going around. Is it written in the stars? Is it due to the political climate? Is it due to the weather? No matter the reason, it's time to do our part and live on the sunny side. But first...
  A Few Articles and Stuff of Interest   
 The toxic levels of lead are 65 times usual around the Notre Dame Cathedral.  
One decision that will make your start up more successful. 
Americans are one of the most stressed out people in the world.
40 animal sculptures of 40 live animal images. 
Videos Guaranteed to Bring a Smile!     
For us oldies who remember when the Beatles arrived on the scene in America, here's a group from Korea -- BTS -- that is taking the music world by storm.
Here's one of my most favorite video clips. It's Debbie Downer at Disneyland, with the SNL cast cracking up.   
Television news anchors reporting about two clowns in a car crash.  
"The Angry Family" according to one of the cute twins on Everyone Loves Raymond. 
  Most all cartoons "borrowed" from the Cartoonbank.    

Negativity and Anger
Unexpressed anger is behind our negativity. It's easy to give into the impulse to look at what is lacking. Then we justifying our hurtful words and destructive actions with our unspoken thoughts. Examples of these thoughts include: "You're wrong, I'm right." Or "This will never work out." Or "I blew it again." As a consequence, we become the stick in the mud and view ourselves, other people, and situations in less than favorable ways. We always have something negative to say, regardless of the topic. Long gone are our feelings of love, compassion, and optimism.
When we don't express our anger constructively, we go negative with our judgments and feel mad because the world isn't living up to our expectations. Over the years this becomes the lens through which we view the world. Instead of dealing with our emotions like a child who spontaneously throws a tantrum and then moves back to being present, we go mental, get righteous, and think that other people or things "should" be the way we think they should be. We become stuck in our myopic way of negatively interpreting events.
Maybe we resort to being sarcastic, critical, or demeaning, especially if that is what was modeled by our caretakers. Our unrealistic expectations about people and things keep us feeling angry, disappointed, and pessimistic. When others aren't being the way we think they should be, our negative way of speaking and acting fuels more anger in ourselves and those around us. This approach creates feelings of separation and magnifies differences, thereby diminishing the amount of love we feel. So rather than continuing to act based on our unexpressed anger and being a "Debbie Downer," there is something simple we can do.

Anger is an Emotion, a Physiology in the Body 
Anger in itself is not a bad thing. It is the natural emotional and physical response when we perceive injustices and violations, just as it's natural to cry when we experience hurts and losses. But instead of dealing with the anger, we tend to go negative. 
Anger is energy in our bodies; just as wind is energy.  Symptoms include the body temperature rising, muscle tension, teeth grinding, fist clenching, flushing, prickly sensations, and sweating.  
It's time to set aside your pride and do something different. I know it's hard but each time you check the impulse  to lash out negatively physically, mentally, verbally, or emotionally, and make a choice to take a higher road, you will notice the difference.

Express Your Anger Energy Physically and Constructively   
Take note when you're feeling that energy in your body - hot and aggressive - and deal with the anger constructively. Follow the lead of a toddler and have that tantrum rather than pulling away, blasting it on others, or destroying things of value, such as others' tender hearts.   
I suggest that in order to deal with our emotional anger energy in a healthy way, do the following:
1. Find a safe place where you can release your pent up anger physically and naturally in a non-damaging way. This could be your garage, bathroom, bedroom, or car (not when you're driving, of course).  
2. Express the anger energy hard, fast, and with abandon. You can punch a heavy bag or mattress, use a flexible plastic hose on some old telephone books, or grip the steering wheel and shake it. An easy way to do this is to lie on your back on a bed and flail your arms, legs, and head while yelling and growling. Or you can pound clay or kneed dough. Throw rocks. Yank out weeds with abandon. Stomp around. Push against a wall or doorjamb. Shout into a pillow.   
3. Persist and move the energy out of your body. Do it until you're exhausted. Catch your breath and do it again. Repeat until you can't anymore!

4. Make sounds and noises because emotions are beyond the realm of words. No blaming or swearing. If you use words, yell something like, "I feel so angry. I feel so mad. I feel so pissed!" Saying negative things directed at others while expressing anger physically, just stokes the fire and reinforces thinking that the outside world is the problem.

          You'll only feel embarrassed until the satisfaction and benefits become obvious. Here's a link that shows Christy
constructively moving the anger energy out of her body. She felt great when she was finished!

Rewire Your Negative Thinking

After you have physically released your anger (or if you want to skip the above step), you need to accept the reality -- what is, is. This is the key to getting rid of negativity. The best way to do this is to tell yourself, over and over, that: "People and things are the way they are, not the way I want them to be," "This is the way it is," or "That's the way they are."
When these phrases (Truths) are repeated constantly and with focus and enthusiasm, your anger becomes amused acceptance.  The truth of these words eventually sinks in and becomes reality. It's your ticket out of your old anger pattern. Keep at it until you truly accept the person or situation, just the way you accept the color of their eyes or that the world is round. 
Acceptance does not mean passivity. First you must truly accept what is. Let go of your fantasy of how it should be, even though in your perfect world it would be different. 
Another way to attack your negative thinking is to interrupt all those negative thoughts and words, and vigilantly replace them with something positive. This means looking for the good, no matter the situation. There is always some silver lining even in the most dire of circumstances. This strategy takes persistence but it can become a fun game, as you slap an appreciation or "gratitude" on virtually every moment. At some point you will win the battle with the negativity and looking at the sunny side will prevail.
Look Within to Determine what Action to Take and Take It  
After you have released your anger and accepted the reality of the situation or person, it's time to pause and look within your heart to decide what you need to say and/or do. Ask yourself, "What would be the highest / most loving thing to do?" "What will bring me more joy, love, and peace?" Listen to your heart and find what really resonates for you. 
If you know you need to speak up about something in order to feel like you can let an upset go and return to positivity, be sure you talk about what's true for you. This means your communication is not laced with finger-pointing, blaming or doom and gloom. Stick with addressing one specific situation at a time, saying what you need, want, or believe in a kind way. As well, you need to listen to understand other people's views and work together to find solutions that honor everyone concerned.
I suggest you write what you want to say out and rehearse it. Do it in front of a mirror or with a friend. This is a huge behavior change and it's bound to feel awkward at first so I can't stress enough the importance of preparation and practice so that your words and actions are clear, loving, and bring the most favorable outcome.  
The Rewards
          Our thoughts and emotions are powerful and can be used to uplift us or bring us down. If we dwell on the negative it's as if we are walking around with a loaded gun that we can use to inflict harm, over and over. If we act from a place of true acceptance and positivity, we are able to generate kindness and love. Genuinely give to others, both in words and deeds. It feels good, and has a positive effect on others and the world.
        I'm sending you best wishes for a good coming month!  
Thanks for reading this newsletter. If you have any feedback, suggestions about a newsletter theme, or general comments, I enjoy hearing from you, so feel free to write me at: [email protected]
                           With love,