My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It's a nice reminder of what I did all year.
To kick start my New Year: I took an IQ test, and the results were negative.
My resolution was to read more, so I put the subtitles on my TV.
I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
My wife still hasn't told me what my New Year's resolutions are.
It's officially New Year's Eve, you only have a couple of hours to do all the things you will resolve not to do in the new year.
May all your troubles last as long as your New Years resolutions?
What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year's Eve? He got 12 months!