Issue No. 165

December 2024

Some blame climate change for their ailments but I blame the Canadian Football League's decision to move the Grey Cup earlier in November. Until this year, my cells were synced to: Labour Day games, Labour Day rematch games, a slam of board meetings, Thanksgiving, snow, Halloween, snow, Remembrance Day, snow, Grey Cup, Put up tree, snow, a rush of board meetings, Christmas. This year, Grey Cup was less than a week after Remembrance Day which left me with two weeks of November in which I didn't know what to do with myself. I figured it out, but body and soul have not caught up.

In November I tried to sell two vehicles and purchase one. I was successful in 2 of 3, trading in my Equinox and getting a Subaru. The way car dealerships do business just doesn't align with how I approach the world, so I had to be clear about how I needed the deal to go down. You see, I'm more of a win-win-win person, and the old (current) business model for car sales is full of secrets and set up for winners and losers. I found a better way. I still need to sell the Cadillac Convertible I bought from my brother's estate. I had my "one summer of fun" and now I'm done. Note: It's difficult to sell a two seater convertible in Edmonton in winter!

I had a fun day with friends at Farm Fair, which I haven't been to since elementary school field trips. I played at the petting zoo, watched chicks hatch, saw cool bunnies, cheered the dachshund races, and shopped the market. I also stepped in cow dung, so I'd call it a complete experience. The Remembrance Day ceremony at the Edmonton International Airport was moving and well attended, and the West Haven School Choir and Youth Pipe Band (and for that matter, YEG) should be very proud of themselves.

Early November saw the CFL semi-finals and finals, and of course, the Grey Cup on November 17. It is what I work for (people think I'm joking). Seeing all the friends and my football heroes, and doing all the CFL "stuff" is just what my heart needed. Vancouver did a good job hosting, and the CFL Alumni Legends Luncheon remains my favourite part. Congratulations to the Toronto Argonauts on the win.

I joined a writing circle, and am working on a new play and perhaps a couple of other small writing projects (essays, fiction). I am also trying to rework these ezines into blog format, and am finding that a challenge. I shall persevere.

I had one road trip in the old Equinox and am reminded how much I'm going to miss my cd player! I played a friend's mixed cd of unusual groups covering popular songs. I especially loved "Theme From The Monkees" by the Benzedrine Monks of Santo Domonica (link) and Don't Fear the Reaper by Prozak for Lovers (link). Check them out and change your mood instantly.

Around 15 years ago my mom moved into a seniors facility and became fast friends with Ethel Thorne. As quick witted as my mom, they were excellent sparring partners. (e.g., Ethel T to mom: "Why are you wearing a green blouse to dinner? Now we'll never find your salad when you spill it on yourself."). After mom died 10 years ago, Ethel T and I continued the friendship, lunching when we could, long phone conversations, cheering each other during the pandemic via cards, letters, and clippings. We talked a lot about her end-of-life wishes and no matter the topic, she was positive, elegant, adaptable, and funny. In the pandemic when she couldn't go get her hair done, she asked me to take her wig shopping. She tried on several, once declaring, "Oh my god, I look like Rod Stewart!" (She did). After choosing one, we went for a fancy lunch to cap off a great day out. She never wore the wig again, but for a day she felt wonderful and it was worth it to her. Ethel passed a couple of weeks ago at the age of 103. Near the end, she said she was a circus sideshow, with everyone wanting to ask about her longevity. "I don't recommend it," became her response. She inspired me and I will miss her like crazy.

It shouldn't take a death to remind you to reach out to your friends, but sometimes it does. I caught up with a few more over coffee or zoom. That said, it's important to recognize when you're better off on your own. As we head into a very busy holiday season, I was provided with an excellent reminder of how I don't have to do everything or see everyone. Good luck in the busy month of December.

/lmwe

GRIEF DURING THE HOLIDAYS

Grief is a dodgy thing...you don't know when a wave of it will hit you, but the holidays are a pretty sure bet for most of us. In the latest Cooperative Memorial Society newsletter, grief counsellor Mike Behrman offered some tips, which I've summarized and annotated.

1. Acknowledge your emotions. (Even the icky-feeling ones).
2. Set boundaries/manage expectations. (Decline what's overwhelming; start new traditions; communicate to clear up misunderstandings).
3. Honour your loved one's memory. (Anything -- an ornament, a candle, a donation to a charity).
4. Find support. (Navigating provincial health services is brutal, so try a local hospice, even if your loved one wasn't in hospice. Or check out grief.ca).
5. Lean on your community. (Isolation might be good for you, but it might not. Try a grief group or holiday event. For me, it's attending the L'Arche Christmas Pageant).
6. Practice self-care. (Take time for rest, nourishment, self-compassion. Some exercise would help. Go moment by moment).
7. Plan so you can reduce anxiety. (Decide how to handle gatherings -- I use a sticker book. Have an exit strategy. Adjust as needed).

Good luck.

PS: This column usually discusses board topics. Here's the thing: I am also grieving boards these days. Big time. Boards are in transition, finding new ways with new types of people, with completely different points of view and often there is a ton of pain that goes along with the shifts. Were the old board models perfect? Not by a long shot. Do we know what will emerge? No and that lack of clarity is anxiety-provoking. Board behaviour has been poor for what, three years now? Aggression, lack of engagement, micromanagement, distrust is what I still see. So I have to remind myself that people fear and resist change, and this makes them act "less than their best selves." It's okay to be a little afraid of the coming changes, and it's okay to grieve even the imperfect things in our past. It's just okay. Revert to tips 1-7 above (yes, even 3). Breathe.

Some Quotes I Like

# Some Things I Like (by-the-numbers) #

Linda Wood Edwards

P.O. Box 11021, Station Main

Edmonton, Alberta T5J 3K3

Linda@lue42.com

780-918-4200