For one of her big birthdays, I gave Selma a Gucci over-the-shoulder bag.
Why?
Because when we’d be out and about, she’d sometimes point out other women’s handbags. Mostly the designer kind.
Buying good gifts for women requires observing and listening. And remembering!
Most women I know love to talk. Chat. Chew the fat. Flap the gums. I could be wrong about this, but women seem to enjoy communicating on a verbal level. It’s wonderful to see that connection.
Sure, it may be tough for me to figure out when they’ve come to a comma. And sometimes when lady people chat it’s challenging for me to sift through all the verbiage and pick out the nuggets.
And remember them for the quiz afterwards!
But I’m trying.
When I heard Selma going on about Prada purses and Pucci pocketbooks, I didn’t tune out. I took notice. I lent her my ear!
When her B-Day rolled around, I knew what to get. I shook out the Slim Piggy Bank and bought her a Gucci bag.
Yes, it was pricey, but because it was a very special birthday I decided to splurge. I was hoping it would lift Selma Krapoff's spirits.
After I paid for it, I asked the clerk if she could recommend a good psychiatrist...
Because I needed to get my head examined for spending all that dough!
I was apprehensive when I gave it to Selma. I thought maybe the Hippie Chick wouldn’t embrace the Material Girl.
But she loved it! She carried it around like a gold medal she’d just won at the Olympics. And it went well with her tie-dyed muumuu and Birkenstocks.
It wasn’t something she’d get for herself. But she slung that bag over her shoulder so many times I thought she was gonna wear down her clavicle.
Another time, I was looking for a good gift to give to Barbara Dwyer, our Head of Security here at SSTP.
Barb loves to cook. So I gave her the new Slim Man Cooks cookbook.
I wasn’t sure how she’d react.
I once gave a woman a Slim Man cookbook and she got offended. Imagine that! She looked at me and said, “What? You think I can’t cook? You think you’re better than me? Mr. Big Shot with the big fancy cookbook?”
I was lucky she didn’t toss it at my head. Because it’s a hardcover and weighs about 10 pounds!
If she had clobbered me on the cranium with it, I would have had to go through concussion protocol like they do in the NFL.
She somehow thought I was insulting her.
So if your dearest darling has a history of TGIF--Tossing Gifts In Face--beware of bestowing presents that might offend.
But Barb Dwyer?
She wasn’t offended. She loves the new cookbook. Reads it while she’s sitting outside her Airstream, protecting the premises with her Louisville Slugger by her side.
And the cookbook's great for propping her trailer window open when the smoke alarms go off while she's cooking!
As I continued thinking about the art of giving, I started reminiscing about a gal I used to know who was always cold.
In the summer, it could be 90 degrees out and she’d have on a down coat. UGGs. A furry Russian hat with earflaps. And no, she wasn’t 95 years old...
She was 92!
Whenever she gave a gift, no matter what time of year, it was usually gloves, sweaters, coats, scarves... ski masks.
A ski mask might come in handy if you're robbing a bank. Or plucking a Meyer lemon from your neighbor's tree in the middle of the night.
But not real comfy if your birthday’s in July.
When you’re giving a gift, make sure it’s something the recipient would want. Not something you might want.
She once gave my dog Batu a jacket for his birthday on Cinco de Mayo. I was gonna explain to her that he already had a fur coat. And wasn’t out herding cattle in the winter. Or pulling a sled on the Iditarod.
But I just let it go. And thanked her.
Because no matter what, it’s really and truly the thought that counts. If someone thinks enough of you to give you a gift, always be grateful and gracious.
No matter what.
“Vincent! You shouldn’t have!”
Keep smiling, Slim People. And keep in touch!
I'll keep an ear out for you.
Who loves ya?
Uncle Slimmy
Here's a recipe and video for baked asparagus wrapped in prosciutto. She's a-so nice!
