Hi! Happy October—and just about November already!
This past month, this past week (!)—has included a number of instances in choosing to surrender, to let go—of people, circumstances, fear. Becoming aware of my resistance and thinking I’m in control reminded me that if I want to be at peace, in harmony, and in joy, I must let go. With this latest round of lessons, my not being in control was so clearly evident.
Joyce—moi—had this past Monday morning’s plan all figured out: Get to the lab for some blood tests just when they opened @ 8:00 a.m.; be the first or second person in the queue like in the past; be back home by 8:30 a.m. the very latest; enjoy my morning sabbath (especially after fasting since the evening before); and, get to my job by 9:30 a.m. (it’s remote, so not much of a commute these days). I’d lose only 1.5 hours’ pay, and I was okay with that.
But, noooo, that’s not what Spirit had in mind! I was about the fifth person in the queue and had to wait 45 minutes for my turn, when I “should have” been home by then! I had not prepared for such a wait by bringing some required reading in order to make good "use of my time," which added to my growing resentment.
I had to keep telling myself that: this situation was out of my hands (control) even though I’d already been delayed a week plus in going for the lab tests (another story about things and people not in my control); I wasn’t the only person in need of lab work; and, we were all entitled to have our turn. Thankfully, I was cordial and patient with the phlebotomist, remembering there was no one to blame for things not going according to my plan. I realized I may as well enjoy the time, the person in front of me (she had horse photos displayed and loved horses), and the present moment—the only one there is. And, when I got home, I also surrendered the notion and the pressure that I had to rush off to work, something I’d imposed on myself. I decided that, more than ever, I needed my morning sabbath time, and the heck with losing another hour’s pay. It was such a healthy, loving decision on my part, and helpful. I was glad to simply be.
I also had to let go of someone that I’d recently met who I’d thought was going to be a formidable presence in my life in some way, shape, or form. He had misunderstood a reply of mine to one of his texts, got highly offended, and stated that it sounded like I didn’t believe him. Despite my texting back that I think he had misunderstood me or that perhaps I’d not been clear enough in my communication, I never heard from him again—this just after some serious discussion about being in one another’s lives! I felt my side of the street was clean and that it was up to him to reply; apparently, he didn’t see it the same way. I’d assumed with his 32+ years of seeming serious recovery, and us sharing a common language, the lines of communication would be open. Ah, good ‘ol expectations… I had to "release him" from my phone (deleted all our texts) and more importantly, from my heart and mind, and bless him on his journey. I will be forever grateful to him for the inspiration and insights about my own path and dreams I gleaned from our conversations and interactions during our brief time together.
I cannot control people or situations. Spirit is in charge, and has a plan.
One last example of letting go that I'll share with you revolved around the submission of my 2022 mid-term elections ballot. After I deposited it in the USPS box, I started second guessing if it would have been safer to have deposited it in a ballot box. I had to let go that I’d already mailed my ballot and there was nothing more for me to do, just trust. And, then I was most unsettled when I learned of the intimidation incidents here in AZ at designated ballot boxes. I had to let go yet again. What will happen, will happen. Trust is a great way to de-stress. I did take control a bit again: AZ is one of the states where you can check online to see if your ballot has been received and accepted. I couldn’t help myself and confirmed all was well, although I was quite aware that if something did appear amiss, it would probably be such a hassle to investigate. More letting go.
I’m grateful for Spirit placing me in these situations and with these people, and I'm grateful they weren’t wasted on me because I was awake and willing to see them in a different way. "Do you prefer to be right or happy?" comes to mind, from A Course in Miracles (T-29.VII.1.9). Lessons abound in my everyday life that I can choose to see and make a shift. If I want to be at peace, happy, joyous, and free, I need to regularly surrender to Spirit.
There is what is mine to do, there is what is yours to do, and then there is what is Spirit’s to do—with me staying out of the way.
It is my goal to let go more and more, and more quickly. It is healthier (for everyone in my life!), it is freeing, it allows for more joy within me.
In Daniel Nahmod's song "Water" he sings about "Head uphill no more." It's about letting go, stopping the resistance. Nature is a wonderful example, be it an eagle heading straight into the wind without fighting or a river heading out to sea. Letting go enables me to flow like water, to have my life like water.
I wanna be like water
Coming down a mountain
Into shadowy canyons
Flowing from pool to stream
Wanna be like water
Head uphill no more
I am bound for the sea.