News from Jude Bijou and Attitude Reconstruction™      


Joy, Love, and Peace in 2017

Attitiude Reconstruction  


January 2017                              Future, Past, and Fear


Jude Bijou 
Jude Bijou MA MFT is a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, and workshop leader. Her multi award- winning book is a practical and spiritual handbook to help you create the life you desire.  
Kind words about Attitude Reconstruction:

Oh Jude this is another wonderful newsletter!! I imagine your parents looking down and reading over your shoulder. Your creative juices are amazing and I adore the cartoons and videos!
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"I come from the future."

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Keys to a Good Life, a book that includes a collection of articles, including one by yours truly on how to deal with anxiety!

It is now available for purchase through Amazon, Barnes and Noble, etc. and is the perfect way to find wisdom to unlock your power within.


"According to an article in the upcoming issue of The New England Journal of Medicine, all your fears are well founded."

"Every day I live in fear that our jobs will be replaced by pillows."

"You're going to meet a tall, dark, and handsome stranger, who's been burned twice and is looking for guarantees."

Hello friends,
The above photo is just a reminder that it is indeed winter in some parts of the world. Here in Santa Barbara we're having rain, which is very welcome.

Are you ready for another year? Two things to help us through what comes are focusing on gratitudes (what we are grateful for) and identifying with our essence rather than getting swept up in the swirl of the world.

Before we explore the topic of fear,
first, some interesting articles and fun videos.


The first is an article about John Glenn and his real life heroism in helping his wife overcome her disability. We need more role models like him!

Another interesting article outlines five questions that are sure to stimulate positive conversation around the dinner table.  
Third is something just sent to me that comes via Johannesburg South Africa. It's chalkboard wisdom, put out by a gas station!

Fourth, to uplift you further is an illustrated list of ten happy facts.  


Three Videos Guaranteed to Get You Smiling!
The first video is of a man making chocolate magic!

The second is  31 GIFS that show how things work, such as the solar system, a 3D pen, a trumpet, and a washing machine.

And third is Carpool Karaoke with James Corden and Bruno Mars. I just can't help but smile while watching them have so much fun chemistry and revealing conversation. 

Six Tips to Pacify Fear and Create Peace

According to the results of over 1500 people who have taken the Attitude Reconstruction Survey on my website, the most dominant destructive attitude of the twelve possible core attitudes is that our attention is in the past or future. This attitude is related to the emotion of fear. 73.5% of the people surveyed said that "half the time", "often," or "most of the time" their mind is in the past or future rather than the present. Yikes! That means that almost three quarters of the folks we interact with are somewhere else and definitely not experiencing peace.

Since "peace" is the opposite of "fear" it makes sense that if you deal with the fear, peace will be nearby.   
People whose most dominant emotion is fear are easy to recognize. In general, we are the "speedy ones," focused on time and money. We feel that there's never enough. We tend to be worriers - scattered, confused, overwhelmed, dramatic, panicky, or controlling. If you ask us, we will tell you that peace is something that's elusive.  
Here are five ways to easily decrease fear and increase peace, according to Attitude Reconstruction.  
1. Shiver the fear out of your body rather than tightening up.

Emotions are just pure physical sensation in your body. So allow yourself to physiologically express the fear you feel rather than tightening up. When I feel nervous, jumpy, agitated, or my mind is racing a million miles an hour, I let my body do what's natural. I vigorously shiver, shudder, and shake all over, like a dog at the veterinarian. Though it can seem weird, silly, or contrived at first to jiggle, shiver, tremble, and let my knees knock, I almost immediately feel more relaxed, centered, and able to focus.

When you can't sleep at night, need to return a scary telephone call, or make a presentation, just duck into the bathroom, shiver for just a minute or two, and remind yourself: "It's okay to feel scared. I just need to shiver." Or you can repeat, "Everything will be all right. Everything is all right." The result is almost miraculous. This one simple activity restores calm and will bring you back to the present. Give it a try!

Here is a video that demonstrates shivering. 

Suggestions Two Through Six to Deal with Fear

2. Interrupt thoughts about the future and past.
To keep things manageable and in perspective, keep bringing yourself back to the present. That's all that exists. When you wander off into the "what ifs" and ruminate about what transpired in the past, you miss out on the unique moment. I highly recommend that, over and over, you remind yourself to focus on the now. Many times a day, repeat whichever of these phrases will be most supportive: "One thing at a time. Everything is unfolding in its own time. I'll handle the future in the future. Be here now."
3. Keep reassuring yourself.
When a child is anxious, the caretaker offers comfort and reassurances. It's an excellent strategy and one we can give to ourselves when we are worrying or overwhelmed. Again, tell yourself in a soothing voice, out loud or silently, "Everything is all right" when you are freaked about what's transpiring now, and "Everything will be all right" when your attention is in the future. You can also tell yourself such things as "I can handle this."

4.  Stay specific, avoid over-generalizations.
Economics, architecture, music, cooking, medicine, the law, physics, and engineering are all based on specifics, yet we were not taught to look, think, and talk in terms of specifics. We resort to global generalities, such as "always" and "never" and use sweeping labels, like "good," "bad," "stupid," and "full of baloney." Be specific about the concerns at hand, rather than generalizing about your whole life, your relationship history, your character, the world, and so on. Bringing other unresolved issues into the specific topic you're grappling with is like putting gasoline on the barbecue. It makes reaching a satisfactory resolution nearly impossible. When we choose to see and communicate in broad strokes we create confusion because others don't know exactly what we are thinking or talking about. Repeat, repeat, repeat, "Stay specific."

"I just hope people in the future are, like,'What the hell are these things?'"

5. Break big projects into a series of simple little pieces, and attend to one thing at a time. The key to managing fear and life's tasks is to take the time daily to get organized. For each task you need to accomplish, start by articulating your goal. With that in mind, break the goal into a series of little doable steps. Make each step small enough so you know you can do it. If you keep an ongoing list of exactly what needs to be done by when, you can evaluate what's most important and essential for today. Put your to-do list in an obvious place, such as by the computer so you can see it. Then just do what's next, and offer yourself copious praise for each small victory.
6. In terms of lifestyle choices, strive to establish a regular, more relaxing routine. Get more sleep. Don't miss meals. Cut down on the coffee and energy drinks. Stay out of cold, damp, and drafty places. Reduce the amount of stimulation you expose yourself to. You'll feel better if you spend time engaging in less frightening or anxiety-producing activities, situations, movies, or games, and more time doing relaxing things, such as gentle walks, watching sunsets, and listening to calming music.
By following just a few of these simple suggestions - take little baby steps and shiver whenever agitation comes knocking. I'm certain you'll soon find that you enjoy whatever your day brings, and you're able participate with more humor, ease, and equanimity.

Hey Jude,

Before I give a presentation, I get so nervous that my hands get numb and I feel like I'm going to throw up. Do you have any suggestions?

Absolutely. Shiver! Whether it's driving in snow at night, competing in a playoff sports event, taking a test, or giving an important lecture just take yourself someplace private for a minute and shiver like a dog at the vet. Up your spine, out your arms and legs, through your shoulders, just shiver, quiver, tremble and shudder and you'll release that pent up energy and be able to feel more peace. Then you can do your thing!
        I'm sending you best wishes for a smooth coming year.

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                           With love,