Couples' Newsletter | February 2020- Valentine's Edition
LoveNote2
The Newmans remind couples why they should celebrate black love; share Valentine's Day gift ideas; spotlight romantic restaurants in the Research Triangle Park area for a enchanting night out; spotlight great love songs to set the mood for a memorable Valentine's Day celebration; and, share date ideas for a loving Valentine's Day weekend.
BLACK LOVE
February is LOVE (Valentine’s Day) month ! We are looking forward to celebrating LOVE and celebrating Black History , this month. And, if these two things aren’t enough to celebrate… this handsome guy of mine was born on the first day of February . We'll definitely be celebrating him! When a friend asked about her Valentine’s Day Edition of the LoveNote2, I had to quickly think about what I wanted to share and I came up with something that ties in love and black history…. BLACK LOVE . I know many people feel that love is love is love, but I disagree and want to take this opportunity to celebrate BLACK LOVE . We want to celebrate BLACK LOVE because the experience of slavery, enforced poverty, legal segregation, discrimination, and racism has left an indelible mark on the black family, yet, many Black couples are not only surviving, but are thriving.

During slavery , our ancestors struggled against the efforts of slave owners to deprive them of opportunities to marry and raise families and establish communities. Often, when couples were separated, they would risk their lives running away to find their beloved. The system of slavery did not permit the Black male to take the role of “lead” in his household; he could not control whether someone came to get his wife to sleep with her at night; he did not have any say about her being sold ….he could not provide for her or protect her in any way and this has led to a unique trajectory in BLACK LOVE relationships.

BLACK LOVE relationships often provided slaves the emotional support needed to withstand the abuses and cruelty of slavery. And, when slavery was over, Black couples sought opportunities to make their marriages legal. In the early 1900’s ( 1925 ), 6 out of 7 households included both husband and wife; and, until the 1960’s, seventy-five percent (75%) of black families included both husband and wife. Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it (Song of Solomon 8:7) ….

My mother shared a memory with me about how in the early 1950’s my grandfather asked my grandmother if she would like to go out to eat instead of cooking and she respond, “no thank you, I’m not going to the back of anyone’s restaurant to eat or to buy any food….we’ll just eat here at home”. My grandmother didn’t get to experience special date nights like most of us enjoy.

K. Sue Jewell’s Survival of the Black Family: The Institutional Impact of U.S. Social Policy (1988) explains marital conflict caused by the welfare policies and programs in the 1950’s and 1960’s , especially the Aid to Families with Dependent Children program, for which male absence was a criteria for eligibility. Males were not allowed in the homes, which significantly impacted BLACK LOVE . But truth be told, there was stress and strain, but we still enjoyed and experienced BLACK LOVE . Where there is a will, there’s a way.

The Black couples in the 1950’s and 1960’s, not directly impacted by the social policies referenced above, still faced the challenges presented by economic inequity. Due to the paltry wages the Black males earned, Black women were forced to enter the workforce and contribute to the household. Women having such a strong economic role in the family had and continues to have certain consequences for the marital relationships. Years ago, Sherman and I developed (but haven’t presented) a workshop entitled, You’re the Head, But She’s On Top , because we feel that wives making more money than husbands and making greater strides in their careers has a significant impact on marital relationships and needs to be discussed. But, despite these challenges, BLACK LOVE has remained strong.

Black marriages faced challenges when Black women worked as domestics, which resulted in the women being responsible for taking care of two homes…washing laundry, ironing, cooking, feeding and bathing babies at two homes. Many women, today, remain burdened by the multiple roles of mother, wife, worker; and, this has reportedly led to a high rate of marital dissolution. This is the gender role issue …. The husband has been digging a ditch all day, but gets to come home and put his feet up and relax for the rest of the evening, but the wife comes home and cooks, cleans, etc. Despite the whose role is it anyway issue and other problematic facets of marriage, Blacks have continued to marry in record numbers and the desire to marry and remain married has not diminished. BLACK LOVE is still a relevant aspiration.

Because of institutional racism many Black males are incarcerated, unemployed, on narcotics or opioids, or have experienced an early death. Hence, there may be more than 3 million Black women without the opportunity to find available or desirable mates. So, those of us who have found our Boaz, definitely have great reason to celebrate BLACK LOVE.

In the 1990’s, Black males earned less than 50% of what White males earned, annually. Hopefully, these numbers have improved over the years, but a man cannot feel competent or capable of taking care of a woman when he is underemployed or unemployed. Black middle-class, college educated women earn 90% of a similar male’s income, therefore, they do not need to marry for financial support; they usually marry for emotional support and providing emotional support is usually not the Black male’s forte'. And, sometimes the Black female doesn’t really know what she means when she says she just needs ‘emotional support’. I’m pretty sure it means, I may not need your money, but I need your time, attention, love, romance, spiritual guidance, etc. But, I’m also pretty sure this looks and feels like disappointment, on both sides, some of the time. But we’re never going to throw in the towel! BLACK LOVE!

Lastly, there are the myths and stereotypes that we hear and adopt and bring into our relationships. One myth is that Black men are irresponsible, lazy, cheaters. Another myth is that Black women are strong, independent, aggressive, and hostile. Both myths wreak havoc on our relationships. These ideas have been perpetuated by society and we collude in them; hence, Basketball Wives …. Hollywood Exes …… Waiting to Exhale. The myths show up in our relationships as distrust, disappointment, nagging, competing for control, arguments, separate accounts/separate money, male bashing, confusion about whether to open her door or let Mrs. Independent open her own door, spending more time with friends than with each other so we don’t have to work on issues, because sometimes we really don’t know how to work on them… yet, we’re still here! BLACK LOVE!

In 2020, Black couples are facing marital tensions due to competing careers, gender roles, balance of power issues, remarriage, problems with stepchildren, trying to figure out how to focus more on intimacy and less on superficialities, finding time for each other, raising perfect children, finding time to check off all the things on our bucket lists, trying to figure out whose bucket list item we get to check off first and is this fair, and trying to find the energy to keep fighting for BLACK LOVE!

But....

We have come this far by faith; leaning on the Lord; trusting in his Holy Word. He’s never failed us yet! Singing “Oh, oh, oh, oh…oh, oh, oh”, can’t turn around; we’ve come this far, by faith!

With Love,

Paula and Sherman Newman


(Reference: McAdoo, H.P. (1997). Black Families, 3 rd Edition. Sage Publications, Inc.) 


 
Valentine's Day Gift Ideas

Gift Ideas for Her:

  • Jewelry: necklace, earrings, bracelet
  • Weighted blanket
  • Flowers
  • Chocolate
  • Pajamas/Gown/Lingerie
  • Purse
  • Gift card: favorite clothing store, hair salon, nail salon, favorite restaurant
  • Perfume
  • Echo Dot

Gift Ideas for Him:

  • Apple AirPods with charging case
  • Amazon Echo Show 8
  • Boxer Briefs
  • Duffle bag
  • Tie, Pocket squares, and cufflinks
  • Sneakers
  • Wallet
  • Chocolate
  • Baseball Cap (favorite team)
  • Fitbit Versa 2
  • Cologne
  • Briefcase
  • Garment Bag




Romantic Restaurants
...in Durham, NC

  • Juju
  • Counting House
  • Rue Cler
  • Fairview Dining Room at the Washington Duke Hotel
  • Bleu Olive
  • Gocciolina
  • Parizade
  • Piedmont Restaurant
  • Maggiano’s
  • The Melting Pot


...in Raleigh

  • Fleming’s Prime Steakhouse
  • Sullivan’s Steakhouse
  • Azitra Restaurant
  • Margaux’s Restaurant
  • BRIO Tuscan Grille
  • Firebirds Wood Fired Grill
  • Ruth’s Chris Steak House
  • The Peddlers Steak House
  • Solas
  • Mandolin
  • Vivace
  • Seasons 52
  • The Melting Pot
  • Taverna Agora Greek Kitchen & Bar
  • J. Alexander’s Restaurant
  • Second Empire Restaurant and Tavern
  • Gravy
  • The Angus Barn
  • Winston’s Grille
  • The Capital Grille

...in Chapel Hill

  • Stoney River Steakhouse and Grill
  • Tandem
  • Provence
  • Crossroads Chapel Hill
  • Talullas
Love Songs Spotlight
Light some candles and sit back and listen to these love songs to spark the romance for this special 'love holiday':

  1. Love by Musiq
  2. You and I by Stevie Wonder
  3. So High by John Legend
  4. Ribbon in the Sky by Stevie Wonder
  5. Always Love You by Whitney Houston
  6. All My Life by K-Ci & Jo-Jo
  7. Reasons by Earth, Wind, and Fire
  8. So Into You by Tamia
  9. The First Time Every I Saw Your Face by Roberta Flack
  10. If This World Were Mine by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell
  11. Always and Forever by Heatwave
  12. Love by Keisha Cole
  13. No Ordinary Love by Sade
  14. For You by Kenny Lattimore
  15. Here and Now by Luther Vandross
  16. Sweet Love by Anita Baker
  17.  Living For The Love Of You by The Isley Brothers
  18. Best Part by Daniel Caesar featuring H.E.R.
  19. Why I Love You by Major
  20. Steady Love by India Arie
  21. That’s What Love Can Do by Robin Thicke
  22. Spend My Life With You by Eric Benet
  23. Fortunate by Maxwell
  24. Can’t Take My Eyes Off You by Lauryn Hill
  25.  Love of My Life by Brian McKnight
Valentine's Day Date Ideas

From Eventbrite:

  • Saturday, 2/8- Fall in Love with The Cottages at Brier Creek by Toll Brothers. Valentine’s Day themed Open House/Touring Beautiful Model Homes from 5:00-7:00 p.m., 10330 Sablewood Drive, # 103, Raleigh, NC 27617. FREE but must register
  • Sunday, 2/9- Love is in the Air Valentine’s Day Pop Up with lots of vendors to shop with from 12:00- 4:00 p.m. at Knights of Columbus, 4301 Columbus Club Drive, Raleigh, NC 27604
  • Wednesday, 2/12- Valentine’s Day Cooking Class: Intimate Evening at Zweli’s with Chef Zwe, at 6:00 p.m. at Zweli’s, 4600 Durham-Chapel Hill Road, Suite 26, Durham, NC 27707, $100.00
  • Friday, 2/14- Valentine’s Jazz Classic featuring Marcus Anderson and Geno Marriott, 7:00- 10:00 p.m. at Rhythms Live Music Hall, 2020 Chapel Hill Road, Suite #33, Durham, NC 27707, $30.00 per person
  •  Friday, 2/14- Valentine’s Day: A Night with Moet & Chandon Champagne at Unscripted Hotel, Durham, NC, 7:00 p.m., $50.00
  • Friday, 2/14- Harlem Nights, Roaring Twenties: A Masquerade Event by the Capital City Chapter of Jack and Jill of America, Inc., 7:30 p.m.- 12:00 a.m., at The StateView Hotel, Autograph Collection, 2451 Alumni Drive, Raleigh, NC 27606, $= Donation
  • Friday, 2/14- Paint and Sip Valentine’s Day by Chandler Spann, 7:30- 10:30 p.m., 305 S. Dillard Street, Durham, NC 27701, $65.00/couple
  • Friday, 2/14- Love’s Serenade Valentine’s Day Private Concert by Nicole Gye’ Nyame, 6:30- 11:00 p.m., at Embassy Suites, 8001 Arco Corporate Drive, Raleigh, NC 27617. Cocktail reception, 3-course dining, champagne toast and dessert buffet. Music by Jazz Xpressions featuring Lydia Salett Dudley, $225.00
  • Friday, 2/14- Valentine’s Day at the Chocolate Lounge, 6:00- 11:00 p.m., 1129 Weaver Dairy Road, Unit AF, Chapel Hill, NC 27514, $10.00 per person
  • Friday, 2/14- 6th Valentine’s Day Senior Luncheon sponsored by Ideal Choice Senior Care. Music by Yolanda Rabun, 11:30 a.m.- 1:30 p.m., Brier Creek Country Club, 9400 Club Hill Drive, Raleigh, NC 27617, $30.00 per person
  • Friday, 2/14- Fire and Desire Party at the Pen, at the Hawg Pen, 900 Hodges Street, Raleigh, NC, 8:00 p.m.- 2:00 a.m., an all red affair, $10 per person
  • Friday, 2/14- Crew Love by Supreme Schemes. A Live R&B Music Event with 3AMSound, The Bleus, and Sunqueen Kelcey, 8:00- 11:30 p.m. at Imurj, 300 S. McDowell Street, Raleigh, NC 27601, $10.00 -$30.00 per person
  • Friday, 2/14- Feast of Love by The All- American Catering Company and Chef Terrance Conway. Includes a 4-course meal, live music, wine, photography and giveaways at Westroom Raleigh, 6405 Westgate Road, Suite 121, Raleigh, NC 27617, $155.00-$170.00
  • Friday, 2/14- Tuscan Nights Cooking Class by the Traveling Café and Chapel Hill Cooking Classes, 6:30- 8:30 p.m., at The Kitchen Specialist, 3407 University Drive, Durham, NC 27707, $70.00
  •  Friday, 2/14- Reggae Love: Valentine’s Day Edition with Jamaican star, Turbulence, 10:30 p.m.- 3:00 a.m. at Farotage Nation Lounge, 3601 Capital Blvd., Suite 103-105, Raleigh, NC 27604, $10.00 per person
  • Friday, 2/14- Lover’s Lament 2: A Valentine’s Day Murder Mystery, 7:00- 11:00 p.m. at the Aloft Raleigh, 2100 Hillsborough Street, Raleigh, NC 27607, $55-$220
  • Saturday, 2/15- Valentine’s Day Masquerade Carnival, 10:00 p.m.- 2:00 a.m., at The Red Monkey, 4325 Glenwood Avenue, Raleigh, NC 27612 (Crabtree Valley Mall), $30.00 per person
  • Saturday, 2/15- Raleigh Night of Elegance. Live Jazz by Collin Williams and Spoken Word by Sean Ingram, 8:00 p.m., at Garden on Millbrook Catering, 2400 E. Millbrook Road, Raleigh, NC 27604, $15-$300
  • Saturday, 2/15- Mindfulness Partnership Workshop by Sahana Braswell and Shauna Fitzgerald, 3:00- 5:00 p.m., 1003 High House Road, Suite 106, Cary, NC 27513, $80.00/couple
  • Saturday, 2/15- A Valentine’s Night of Jazz by Word of Truth and Hope Corporation. Jazz by Saxophonist Brad Smith and Guitarist Lamont Blackmon, 7:00- 9:00 p.m., at the Junior League of Raleigh, 711 Hillsborough Street, Raleigh, NC 27603, $10.00 per person
  • Saturday, 2/15- Date Night! Valentine’s Couples Event at Knack- Making a wood door hanger, 7:00- 10:00 p.m. at Knack DIY Craft Studio, 1131 Falls River #103, Raleigh, NC 27614, $50.00

 
 
Additional Things to Do for Valentine's Day

  • Treat your spouse to breakfast in bed
  • Go for a long drive
  • Cook a romantic dinner together
  • Enjoy a romantic movie night marathon
  • Give each other a massage
  • Exchange gifts
  • Play hooky
  • Get a couples’ massage at the spa
  • Write love letters to each other
  • Send your partner on a treasure hunt
  • Take a bath/shower together
  • Get away for a romantic weekend at the beach or in the mountains
  • Plan a fun day at the shooting range
  • Go sing together at a karaoke bar
  • Go on a tour at a local winery
  • Make a fun music video of the two of you
  • Go play paintball or laser tag
  • Go see the movie, The Photograph, starting in theaters on Friday, February 14, 2020


Also...
From Triangle on the Cheap:

  • Thursday, 2/13- Lovers’ Night Hike at Durant Nature Preserve, 7:30- 9:00 p.m., at Durant Nature Preserve in Raleigh, NC, $5.00
  •  Friday, 2/14- Romantic Valentine’s Day Dinner at select Waffle House locations (reservations required)
  • Friday, 2/14- Free concert by the US Air Force Concert Band, 7:00 p.m., Durham School of the Arts, Durham, NC, FREE
  • Friday, 2/14- Cary Town Band: Roses are Red, 7:30 p.m., Cary Arts Center, Cary, NC, FREE
  •  Friday, 2/14- Boston Market- bouquet of Baby Back Ribs, $29.99
  •  Friday, 2/14- Cinnabon- heart-shaped CinnaPacks with 9 Minibon cinnamon rolls starting at $14.99
  • Friday, 2/14- Krispy Kreme Conversation Heart Doughnuts




Sherman and Paula Newman| 919-730-1107 | lovenote2@hotmail.com | NIFS website, www.newmanskillbuilding.com