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MAY 2022
Martha's Vineyard Mediation Program
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MEDIATION MUSINGS
Sara Barnes, Executive Director
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"I would like an apology."
"I think I'm due some kind of an apology."
"I really would like to hear some remorse or some apology."
Conflicts are not always fully resolved by an apology. A good apology, though, can go a long way toward building trust when a personal connection has gone in the wrong direction. Mediators and conflict coaches hear about apologies quite a bit. What we find is that often the disputants talk out their conflicts together, listen, and shift their thinking through the process. The apology usually comes toward the end of the mediation. This is when each participant reaches out to the other and says some version of "I just want to make sure I say sorry for my part in this."
The CLAMSHELL Conflict Coaching process walks the participant through a conflict scenario, thinking about what could have been done differently and planning for the future. Often our conflict coaching clients work with their coaches to craft the right way to offer an apology. Working one-on-one with a coach is a strengthening process. You or someone you know might benefit from coaching, so keep it in mind. It is hard to apologize, and apologizing effectively is not as easy as it sounds.
Apologize to yourself?
I've been thinking about another kind of apology: apologizing to oneself, maybe better known as giving ourselves a break. Lately I've been noticing so many folks who are beating themselves up about mistakes and unforeseen outcomes that are eating away at their own self-concept. Are you ruminating about things in the past you can't change? You are not alone.
A basic of all conflict resolution approaches is to look forward, not backward. Another theme is to have a growth mindset. When I find myself circling around the drain and beating myself up about something I wish I had done differently, I try to remember to get myself out of the rear view mirror and plot a course forward.
It is not easy. None of this stuff is easy. If you are looking to resolve a conflict, you might ask whether the person who needs the first apology is yourself. Give yourself a sincere apology, decide to grow and learn from the experience, plan to do better and learn from your mistakes. Then, move forward.
You can apologize better. Read about it in this blog and lots here from Tammy Lenski, my conflict resolution mentor, who has done some insightful writing about this topic.
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RE-ENTRY PROGRAM
Making the Transition from Incarceration to Community Easier
Betsy Williams, Collaborative Resolution Group mediator, Greenfield, MA says of the program: “Knowing that it’s possible to have a conversation about issues important to them – not to the jail, not to legal counsel, but only to the parties involved - is crucial in setting up a successful transition from jail to community.” Thanks to state funding, the Re-entry Program offers private, non-judgmental planning conversations between people who are within 6-12 months of release. Participants can be pre or post sentencing. Those who are incarcerated mediate with individuals who are significant to them on the outside.
Mediation is offered through an expanding network of nine Sheriff's Departments, Department of Corrections facilities, and post release agencies in the community. The program, which is offered across MA, is based on a successful model in Maryland that significantly impacts recidivism rates, creating post-release stability.
Re-entry Mediation is offered for FREE to the incarcerated individuals and those they would like to make plans with. The meetings are conducted at the place of incarceration, in a confidential and private setting. Three meetings are available, if needed, for each Re-Entry case.
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Thank you, Martha's Vineyard Bank Charitable Foundation for
our Portuguese Translation, Interpretation, and Services Grant
Thank you to Martha's Vineyard Bank Charitable Foundation for a generous grant to extend our literature, website, and in-person services into Portuguese.
Obrigado a Martha's Vineyard Charitable Foundation pela generosa doação para podermos ampliar nossos serviços de tradução para o Português aos nossos clientes, website e literatura informativa.
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Introduction to Mediation Course
Our Mediation Basics Course finished recently. Congratulations to our graduates. Our Mediation Qualification section is now underway, and it is great that so many participants continued on. We are happy to know that new mediators are coming soon!
Our next Introduction to Mediation Course will begin in September 2022. There are two sections.
Section One: Mediation Basics––6 sessions September–October.
Section Two: Mediation Qualification––6 sessions November–December.
The cost for each six-session course is $150–$350 based on your ability to pay. Scholarships are available. Please email info@mvmediation.org for more information or register here.
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MV Mediation among Island Organizations
Honored for Serving the Community
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The "2022 Celebrate Service Awards" was held on April 27th at Featherstone Center for the Arts.
Our goal is to serve the community on the Island and in Bristol and Barnstable Counties.
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Financial Conflicts and Financial Conflict Coaching
Conflicts are often driven by financial matters. There are many sources for self-help. Here is one site to look at for some tools and strategies to get a better handle on your finances. Self-help financial tools.
MV Mediation offers Financial Conflict Coaches for those who could use a helping hand with setting goals and working to undo financial conflicts. If you would like to work with a coach we will be happy to match you up. We are here to help.
Hidden Brain is one of our favorite podcasts here at MV Mediation. They are providing insight into financial management issues. Treat yourself to this and the upcoming episodes. Hidden Brain
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Workplace Conflict Management.
So many workplaces could benefit from improvement in conflict management. MV Mediation has mediators and facilitators who are able to provide support for conflicts within the workplace. We provide mediation for conflicts that are unresolved, as well as conflict coaching for individuals.
Our Confidential Cohort of Managers and Supervisors begin working together in April. Our next round will be held at the end of October. If you would like to sign up to be part of our next course, sign up here. Fall 2022 Workplace Cohort
One component of what we call a Conflict Positive Workplace is understanding how conflicts start. Strong conflict managers understand that their colleagues neuro-processing is foundational. Here is a terrific article describing the thoughtful understanding of the brain and ways to make small shifts to achieve big results. Workplace and the brain.
Please spread the word if you know of anyone who might be interested.
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Conflict Coaching Can Help You or Someone You Know
No charge for this service for the remainder of 2022 for individual cases
It is not therapy. It is not advice or consultation. So what is Conflict Coaching?
Conflict Coaching is a one-on-one process, with the client and coach working collaboratively to deconstruct a specific conflict. The process usually takes place over two one-hour sessions. Those who go through coaching have reported making significant breakthroughs and have learned to use new conflict resolution tools. Our coaches can take on more cases than we have. Would you please tell those you know about this service? We are here to help: info@mvmediation.org 508 693-2999
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Stay Calm
One of our mediators sent this article along to help us all to learn how to stay calm when we are in an argument. Thanks Louis for a great read! Stay Calm During a Confrontation Stay Calm
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MV Mediation Youth Program
We are finishing up with the 4th grades at the Edgartown School. Next comes the 3rd grade. We are working on making a role play video with the Charter School group. Our plan next school year is to expand our reach. Do you know of a school where our work is needed? We'd like to get started early in the school year.
Our Youth Coordinator position is open until filled. Read the posting here. Could you spread the word? We have plenty of work in schools and youth organizations. This is a growth-oriented position and is a chance to help build our organization and put our vision into reality: An island of capable, competent conflict resolvers.
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Upcoming for Mediators, Coaches, and Facilitators
Mediators' Check-in
Check in every Wednesday 4–5 p.m. to discuss aspects of conflict resolution in our community.
- May 18 - History of MV Mediation and our network with the Massachusetts Office of Public Collaboration
- May 25 - Asking Better Questions in mediation and coaching
- June 1 - Gender Bias: updating our language and understanding
- June 8 - Ethical Challenges: The daily practice of considering our ethical decisions
National Gathering of Community Mediators
We would like all mediators to attend the national gathering of mediators Monday, May 23rd at 7 pm via Zoom. Sponsored by the National Association for Community Mediation NAFCM. Here is the flyer; don't forget to RSVP––we want a good showing from MV Mediation. May Momentum NAFCM
Role plays––every Thursday 6:30-8, through June 16
We need role players who don't turn into pumpkins at 6 pm! Come on! It is fun and uplifting helping the mediators in training. The class begins at 5:30 and you can join the class then or come at 6:30 when we begin role playing. There are five sessions left––we need any or all of you if you can make it.
Family Mediators and Those with Teaching/Child Development Experience
We have been asked to attend advance training for experienced mediators in Harassment Prevention Mediation techniques. If you would like to add to your skill set, reach out to Sara to discuss. The training is on June 24, will be on Zoom, and will be presented by our partners at MWI. Mediation Works Inc is a Boston based mediation and training organization, they provide professional development for our family and divorce mediators.
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Mediation in District Courts
We are in County District Courts––on Zoom––most weeks, at the following times:
Fall River: Mondays 2 p.m.
Attleboro: Tuesdays 2 p.m.
New Bedford: Wednesdays 2 p.m. (infrequent sessions)
Taunton: Thursdays 9 a.m.
Edgartown: Thursdays or Fridays 11a.m.
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Board of Directors' Corner
In May, the Board of Directors invited Pricila Vilaça to talk about the Brazilian immigrant experience on the Island. We held a discussion based on the article published by Luiza Mouzinho on May 4th the Martha's Vineyard Times: "Brazilian Voices: A Letter to My Fellow Brazilians."
We want to bring awareness to the community at large about the discrimination and hardship faced by immigrants. Our goal is to become more integrated and accepting of different values and traditions, learn to accept and embrace diversity, and become a more inclusive society.
The Board then discussed the possibility of offering free Conflict Coaching to the Brazilian community, the annual budget, the positive feedback received from participants in several mediations, our Smart Goals and next year's planning, and the succession plan for the Executive Director who plans to retire in June 2024.
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Parent Mediation:
Divorce, Family & Conflict Resolution
Are you having trouble at home? We can provide mediation or conflict coaching through Zoom, phone, or video conference. We have mediators with child development experience and can consider parent–teen mediation sessions based upon your circumstances. If you need help talking with your spouse or partner, we are part of the Parent Mediation Program providing parents––married, unmarried, divorced, or separated––with up to four hours of free mediation. MVMP Family and Divorce mediators can provide you with mediation sessions to discuss parenting issues, custody schedules, financial decisions, and communication, or to renegotiate existing plans. We also work with reconciling couples and those who have conflicts they need help to resolve. Please contact the office to schedule an intake call. We are here to help.
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Mediação: Resolução de Conflitos em Divórcio e Brigas de Família
Você está com problemas em casa? Nós podemos te ajudar oferecendo nossos serviços de mediação e treinamento para ajudar a lidar e resolver seus conflitos em familia. Oferecemos nossos serviços por Zoom ou telefone.
Conflitos entre pais e filhos. problemas conjugais ou com seu parceiro, ou relacionamento entre familiares. Mediadores com experiência em Divórcio e questōes familiares podem ajudar com custódia e visitação de menores, pensão alimentícia, divisão de bens e inclusive reconciliação.
Mediação não é terapia, mas sim uma forma de trazer as partes em conflito para uma conversa em um ambiente neutro, onde todos poderão falar e também ouvir o que a outra parte tem a dizer.
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Mental Health Crisis
Across our Island, as in many other places, life's crises have had serious effects on individuals, couples, and families. Mental health needs are on the increase. MV Mediation does not provide mental health services, but we are able to provide referrals. Please reach out; we are good at listening and may be able to help you to take the first steps forward.
If you or someone you know is in a mental health crisis, please call 911, Emergency Services on Martha's Vineyard at 508-693-0032, or National Suicide Prevention at 800-273-8255.
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Facilitation Services
MV Mediation provides facilitation services for groups, boards of directors, organizations, companies, and families. Neutral and confidential facilitation allows those who are attending the meeting to fully participate. If you need facilitation services, please reach out to discuss your needs.
"We are in a much better place since we had a facilitator help us to pull things together. Thanks to the mediation program for all your help." ––A recent facilitation client
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Conflict with Tenant or Landlord?
We offer FREE MEDIATION for housing cases in Dukes, Barnstable, and Bristol Counties.
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Conflitos entre o proprietário e inquilinos?
Mediação GRÁTIS para qualquer tipo de conflito relativo a sua moradia nos Condados de Dukes, Barnstable e Bristol.
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Affordable Housing
Dukes County Housing Authority announces 20 rental units which will be made available through a lottery. Kuhn's Way is in the process of being built. Spread the word about this important opportunity.
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Agricultural Mediation
Martha's Vineyard Mediation is part of a national network of USDA-supported farm, agriculture, and aquaculture mediation programs. If you know of any farms, farm stands, CSAs, or agricultural/ aquacultural businesses that have conflicts with debt, neighbors, succession planning, workplace conflict, management, or other matters, MV Mediation can help. Most services are free or low cost through USDA funding.
Here is a brochure; please pass it on to those who may need these services. As a farm-supportive community, we want to be a help to the Island's farms and farming families.
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MV Mediation Needs Your Financial Contribution
Thanks to all our donors. We will make use of your contributions wisely. If you can help, we really appreciate your generosity.
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Code of Ethics
MV Mediation service providers––mediators, coaches, facilitators and teachers––agree to adhere to the MV Code of Ethics. We hold ourselves to these ethical considerations so that we can provide quality services that are professional and principled. You can read the Code of Ethics here.
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We are Active on Social Media
This is a helpful way to support MV Mediation. Thanks!
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Our Mission
To serve our community by providing education, outreach,
mediation, conflict coaching, facilitation,
and related services to help prevent and resolve conflicts.
Our Vision
To create an island of competent, capable, and
effective conflict resolvers.
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Why I Mediate:
It is a way of life for me. This is my work, my vocation, and also my identity. After so many decades teaching in public school, it is a new chapter for me to be able to work with individuals and small groups to resolve conflict. I feel that I am accomplishing something every day and I'm spreading a message I believe in.
––Sara Barnes, Executive Director
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Thank you to our donors and sponsors for their continued support! |
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Thanks to our Professional Partners who help us with our training and professional development for our mediators, coaches, and facilitators. |
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At MVMP our slogan is We Can Work It Out. Would you like to borrow this slogan?
Feel free. You Can Work It Out! We are here if you need our help.
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508 693-2999
508 693-2199
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