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Are You Turning Toward or Away from Your Spouse?
Several respected marriage experts talk about Emotional Bank Accounts, or Emotional Love Banks. It simply means that positive interactions act as deposits and negative interactions act as withdrawals in your emotional love bank.
John Gottman, one of the top ten most influential therapists of the past quarter century, encourages couples to turn toward each other. If one fails to turn towards a partner, it is going to be a withdrawal in his/her emotional love account.
Mark Travers, a psychologist who writes about relationships, recently gave these great examples:
"Perhaps you have had a difficult week at work, and you say something like 'Jeez, what a week I've had. I'm so glad the weekend is here.' "
"The ball is now in your loved one's court: they can either "turn towards" you or "turn away."
"If they 'turn towards' you, they might say something like, 'Really? Why don't I make a cup of tea, and you can tell me about it?' A response like this in which they acknowledge your stress, and reply with genuine curiosity, care and affection, serves as a deposit into your emotional love bank.
"Conversely, if they respond by 'turning away' from you, their response would be less comforting. Or if they respond with something like, 'Yeah, same', or 'that's too bad,' it more than likely will not rank well. Worse yet, if a partner doesn't respond at all, it can feel as though your emotional bid was completely ignored. Those would all register as a withdrawal in your emotional bank account. According to Gottman, 'The more withdrawals that happen without replenishment, the more fragile the relationship becomes.' "
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