MEDIATION MUSINGS-Managers Sara Barnes 

If you want to see some real managers at work, go visit a third-grade classroom. There you will see model management practices as the eight-year-olds, guided by their teachers, benefit from some excellent managing and in turn learn to manage themselves. Last Friday I was in one such classroom visiting my colleagues Jenna and Kim at the Tisbury School, where they presented the Peace Curriculum workshop.

Managing and management get a bad rap sometimes. After all, no one likes being managed, beloved sports managers a notable exception. At least not the kind of managing we think of as synonymous with being manipulated. I am not a fan of being manipulated either; I think managers should try hard to interact with others as full human beings and to not treat them as pieces on a checkerboard.

Last year a during our Conflict in the Workplace course, a cohort participant said after the second session, “No one taught me how to manage other people. Until this class I didn’t realize how little I knew and how much I needed to learn about conflict and people and what it means to be a manager.”

It’s Not So Simple

Any human skill, from the outside, when done well, can look simple; but being a good manager is quite complex. A recent Harvard business article, The Five Minds of a Manager, suggests five big ways of thinking for managers:

• Managing self: the reflective mindset
• Managing organizations: the analytic mindset
• Managing context: the worldly mindset
• Managing relationships: the collaborative mindset
• Managing change: the action mindset

When we describe what mediators do––and most people are totally confused about what the job entails––we describe neutrality and the ability to help others to negotiate for their interests. Mediators are managers too, in the best sense of that role. We manage the process, the scheduling, the balance of time between participants talking. We keep track of figures and facts, pay attention to what is being said and what is not being said, write and print the documents, pour the water for refreshment, walk clients to their car. Mediators are managers.

The important part to remember is that, just like in our cohort course where we share our challenges, we are all better off when we don’t try to do it all alone. Look for the helpers, who can strengthen you as a manager—likely there’s someone who might have the strengths you lack. And if your day today went smoothly, you can thank a manager for some of that.

Here’s a longer version with pictures, a Venn diagram and a look at the five minds of the manager through the mediation lens.

MV Mediation Community Members in the News

Congratulations to our previous board member, now a member of our Community Advisory Board, Toni Kauffman, on a well-deserved laudatory write up in the local paper.

Kudos to our Building Bridges coalition member and Mediator-in-training Marcia Borges for her hard work on behalf of the Portuguese-speaking students and teachers at the Edgartown School. We are proud to have you on our team.

One of our board members, and President of the Board of Directors of the Aquinnah Cultural Center, artist and amazing human being Berta Welch, was the subject of a great cartoon panel by the well-known artist Paul Karasik.

Sad tidings on the loss of mediator-in-training Bob Moore. Bob was a bright light for our organization, bringing his educator’s wisdom and commitment to reentry mediation in his role at the local jail. Fly high, Bob! We are all better for having known you!

BOARD OF DIRECTORS CORNER

The Board of Directors is thrilled with all the positive feedback we continue to receive following our 40th Anniversary celebration and successful renaming and rebranding initiatives. Here’s the 40th Anniversary Report. The November Board meeting was devoted to discussion of our 2025 Nominating Committee and to looking at Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, Belonging and Justice as watchwords for our organization’s growth and expansion. The December meeting is devoted to financial matters, and in January we will be reviewing the Youth Program, the new Conciliation Program and our program expansion into Bristol County. If you want to attend a Board meeting, contact info@mvmediation. We meet the third Tuesday of every month at 4.

Dutch Mediators Visit MV

International Perspectives over Breakfast

Dutch mediators took a Mediation Vacation to Martha’s Vineyard and shared their work and ideas with our staff, board and mediators. Across the globe, our work in conflict resolution looks similar––we broadened our horizons talking to the Dutch practitioner. We look forward to visiting the Netherlands someday. MV Mediation welcomes any international visitors to visit our Island home.

Empowering Voices:

Executive Director at National ACR Forum

In November, Sara Barnes made a presentation at the National Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR) Conference in Nebraska, about our seven-year journey toward becoming a DEI-committed organization. Dilemmas, choices, breakthroughs and common challenges were discussed with national and international community mediators. Participants offered each other collaborative support and guidance.

UPCOMING EVENTS

• January 9: The Self Determination Principle: Mediation and the Moral Realm
• January 15: National Civil Discourse and Engagement Webinar
• January 16: Mediators and Burnout noon workshop
• January 20: MLK Day––a day of service. Volunteer and serve your community.
• January 20: Honor MLK with focus on DEI, Volunteerism and Service
• January 30 at noon: Massachusetts Legislative Briefing–– Community Mediation Network

MEDIATORS’ CHECK-IN

Weekly drop-in for those in the conflict resolution field including local, national and international mediators, facilitators and coaches. New topics weekly. Donation appreciated. Wednesdays at 4pm––all are welcome to join.

Zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86378014243

• December 18: Mediator Tips--Oprah’s important life approach
• December 25: No Mediators’ Check-In (Christmas and Hanukkah)
• January 1: No Mediators’ Check-In (New Year’s Day)
• January 8: Guest facilitator Kiki Homer--Workplace Conflict Cases
• January 15: Guest facilitator Paula Reidbord--Neighbor to Neighbor Housing Cases
• January 22: Guest facilitator Ella Martin––Conciliation
• January 29 – February 19: Building Confidence Series––advanced certificate

*New* Reflective Practice for Experienced Mediators

With Michael Lang, when available, and facilitator Sara Barnes, participants will bring mediation dilemmas to the group to gain insight and practice considerations. Text. Apply to participate here—for experienced mediators.     

SPECIALIZED TEAM MEETINGS

Debrief anonymized cases and discuss tips about the various mediation specializations. Donation appreciation. Wednesdays 9 – 10:30 –– All welcome. Zoom https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86378014243

Housing Mediators: January 22, 2025

Family/Divorce Mediators: January 2, 2025

Conflict Coaches: February 5, 2025

WHY I MEDIATE

"I mediate because mediation is rich with opportunity. It gives the parties an opportunity to engage in creative problem solving in which parties can achieve a win-win. It creates the opportunity for enhanced communication, with a neutral helping parties share information in a way that provides for better understanding of the issues. And mediation creates an opportunity for customized agreements, faster resolutions, and avoidance of the stress and high cost of litigation, all while in a safe and private environment." 

––Bri Aia, Mediator

What We’re Reading

john a. powell’s The Power of Bridging: How to Build a World Where We All Belong

Bob Bordone’s  Conflict Resilience: Negotiating Disagreement Without Giving Up .

Michael Lang’s The Guide to Reflective Practice in Conflict Resolution

THIS MONTH’S LINKS FOR YOUR

READING PLEASURE

• Join our 40th Anniversary Celebration and enjoy our "40 Days of Resolution at Home" tips. Head to our Blog or connect with us on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.
• Research shows that people want to feel understood. Is this the most crucial ingredient in resolving conflict?

Would you please make a small donation before the end of the year?

As most of you know, we are celebrating our 40th anniversary of offering mediation services to community members and local businesses. For four decades we have been helping people to become better communicators in every aspect of their lives, promoting a healthier and more peaceful place to live and work. From community mediations, to our Youth Program’s Third Grade Peace Curriculum reaching across our Island schools, to our educational courses, your donations will create a ripple effect, making the world a more peaceful place, one mediation at a time!

Our Gift to You in Return: As thanks for your support, this holiday season we are producing a "40 Days of Resolution at Home" email series that provides lessons, thoughts and insights about conflict resolution. We just sent out Day 20, and if you’re not on our distribution list but would like to receive these emails, please email development@mvmediation.org. Any donation will receive a 40 Tips for Resolution at Home PDF just in time for Valentine’s Day!

DEIJ+B: DIVERSITY, EQUITY, INCLUSION, JUSTICE + BELONGING

Expand your knowledge about International Day of Persons with Disabilities:

• United Nations Article
• How to Celebrate
• For Resources and More Resources
• Disability Justice

Building a DEI-Friendly Holiday Season

DEI + B principles in the winter holidays is about more than just acknowledging cultural and religious celebrations. It’s about creating intentional, respectful spaces to express traditions and identities authentically without fear of exclusion. The key is active participation fostering an environment where everyone feels represented, valued and included. Let’s work together to create a more inclusive and understanding holiday season for all.

HIGHLIGHTING OUR PARTNER ORGANIZATIONS

MV Mediation received $5,000 from the Martha’s Vineyard Community Foundation for Family and Divorce Mediation services for an additional five underserved Island families. Conflict manage-ment for families is an important contribution we make. Thanks, MVCF, for helping us to serve those families who could use our services.

If you know a family that is in need of support, such as for family communication, post-divorce parenting, separation, parenting planning, or divorce or couples mediation, have them call––we can help!

MV Mediation received $5,000 from the Mass Cultural Council for The Peace Project, spending ten weeks with all three third grade classrooms at the Oak Bluffs Elementary School to teach students about conflict and resolution skills. We collaborate with educators to implement our conflict resolution strategies in the classroom, and students acquire valuable communication tools to navigate interpersonal challenges effectively. The goal is to create a more peaceful Island culture.

You can join the Building Bridges Coalition, a group of organizations and individuals dedicated to making connections between various groups on Martha’s Vineyard. Our coalition sponsored the first Brazil Fest last June. We recently met with with Mr. Chaves from the Brazilian consulate in Boston, to plan a consular visit to the Vineyard in the spring. The next Brazil Fest is on June 1, 2025, at the Agricultural Hall. Come to the next coalition planning meeting January 28 at 5 pm on Zoom. Become part of the solution––help build bridges between communities toward understanding and respect. Email education@mvmediation.org for more information.

CONFLICT COACHING SERVICES

It can help you. Not therapy. Not advice. So, what is Conflict Coaching?

Ready to conquer your personal challenges and emerge stronger? Our one-on-one Conflict Coaching is for you. Our experienced coaches will empower you with the skills to navigate conflicts, find resolution and pave the way for personal growth.

FAMILY MEDIATION PROGRAM Divorce, Family & Conflict Resolution

We offer help talking with your spouse or partner about divorce, parenting issues, custody schedules, financial decisions and communication itself, and can help you to renegotiate existing plans. We also work with reconciling couples and those who have conflicts they need help to resolve.

MEDIAÇÃO EM CASOS DE FAMÍLIA E DIVÓRCIO

Divórcio, Disputas em Familia e Resolução de Conflitos

Conflitos entre marido e mulher, pais e filhos, problemas conjugais, com parceiros ou entre familiares, divórcio, custódia física e legal, planejamento para os cuidados do menor, visitação de menores, revisão do suporte financeiro e plano de visitação, divisão de bens e possível reconciliação.

info@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2999

HOUSING MEDIATION PROGRAM

Tenant or Landlord Conflict?

We offer FREE MEDIATION for housing cases in Dukes and Bristol Counties and information about RAFT––rental financial assistance for back rent or moving out. Take a look at this article from the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reporting about erroneous information about tenants being used and affecting homelessness and evictions.

MEDIAÇÃO EM CASOS DE MORADIA

Conflitos entre o proprietário e inquilinos?

Mediação GRÁTIS para qualquer tipo de conflito relativo a sua moradia nos Condados de Dukes e Bristol, e informações sobre o RAFT- programa de assistência financeira.

admin@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2199

RE-ENTRY PROGRAM

Easier Transition from Incarceration to Community

Re-entry Mediation is FREE to incarcerated individuals, pre-release, and recently released individuals, post-release. For more information, check out our flyers for pre-released and post-released individuals.

IN-COURT AND COURT-REFERRED MEDIATION SERVICES

MV Mediation provides free mediation services for eviction cases in Bristol and Dukes Counties. We are present at District Courts in Attleboro, Fall River, Taunton and Edgartown for summary process cases. MVMC offers free services for civil cases and small claims in advance of the court date. We are also qualified to provide in-court and court-referred services for Dukes County District, Superior, Probate and Family Courts. We provide mediation for pre-criminal and 286 E harassment cases. Our Juvenile court mediators help with cases referred from the Juvenile Court. MV Mediation waives fees for cases referred by court or with an active docket number. 

WORKPLACE CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

MV Mediation provides support to resolve conflicts in the workplace. We provide workshops and develop conflict resolution projects with workplaces, nonprofit organizations and municipal and trades workplaces. Our confidential Workplace Management Cohort for supervisors and managers is a popular offering.

FACILITATION SERVICES

MV Mediation provides facilitation services for groups, boards of directors, organizations, companies and families. Neutral and confidential facilitation allows those who are attending the meeting to fully participate. If you need facilitation services, please reach out to discuss your needs. Read this article that describes how a facilitator can help you or your organization.

“We are in a much better place since we had a facilitator help us to pull things together. Thanks to the mediation program for all your help.” ––A recent facilitation client

SOCIAL MEDIA

Following us on social media is a great way to support MV Mediation! Connect with us on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn. Don’t miss out on helpful tips about managing conflicts in your daily life. You will also get the latest information about community events, workshops and courses.

Connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn

THANK YOU, DONORS!

Thank you for being part of our important conflict resolution work for 40 years. Your generosity helps us to further our impact and support community needs. It’s never too late to donate! We’ve started a $40-a-month campaign to celebrate our 40th year. Your donation helps a lot––set up a monthly plan, and we will spend every penny wisely!

OUR MISSION

To serve our community by providing education, outreach,

mediation, conflict coaching, facilitation

and related services to help prevent and resolve conflicts.

Our Vision

To create an Island of competent, capable and

effective conflict resolvers.

Thank you for our donors and sponsors for your continued support!

Thanks to Partners who help us with our professional development and service provision by mediators, coaches and facilitators.

MV Mediation Center

mvmediation.org

508-693-2999 Community & Court

508-693-2199 Housing

508-338-2099 Consumer Advocacy

We are rebranding. New colors, new design and a new name.