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Mediation Musings: The Wave

Sara Barnes

The one-lane wooded road was bumpy and rutted. Fifteen miles an hour was about top speed. Around the corner came a car; it swiftly pulled over in anticipation of our passing each other. As I drove past, I saw a movement in my peripheral vision. I turned to see that they were waving at me. I limply lifted my hand, confused.

The next time I was on the road, when I saw a car coming toward me, I followed the model. I pulled over, let the other person pass and waved as they went by. They quickly waved back. I thought, “We’re definitely not in Brooklyn anymore.” Although the ritual was an unfamiliar set of moves, it seemed friendly and kind to wave at each other. Pulling over to let someone go was easy, though sometimes there was nowhere to do this and I had to count on the other person to do it first.

Once in a while I interact with a driver clearly unfamiliar with the road or the custom. They might follow along and wave back to me, and I see the confusion about the wave. Rarely, someone just looks straight forward, ignoring the extra effort I am making, driving off quickly, and I am left unacknowledged. This causes me to be grouchy, and I find myself yelling, “You’re supposed to wave!”

Wave Components

Let’s look at the components of the wave and deconstruct how I think it helps to create less conflict: 1) Be aware; 2) Help others; 3) Acknowledge others; 4) Say “Thanks.”

1. Be aware of your surroundings

Driving down a one-lane road requires more awareness compared to the customary two-lane paved roads. On the off chance my mind is elsewhere or I’m going too fast, I’m apt to miss the oncoming car. We all have times when our mind is in a fog, or when we are only thinking about ourselves. Conflicts can arise in these moments, when we are missing the cues and not anticipating the road ahead and the possibility that we will need to adjust to others who are going in the opposite direction.

2. Help others automatically

The idea is this: If everyone pulled to the side and automatically created space for the person who is passing, it would spread goodwill. Humans mirror each other, and you can be pretty sure that your gesture will be repeated by the receiver just a little way up the road, out of your sight. You don’t need to know anything about the person passing, just to extend a belief in the humanity and the worth of everyone on the road of life.

3. Acknowledge others

Everyone is buoyed by being known and appreciated, it’s a win-win. When you smile at others, the effect comes back to you, the wave ripples out and encompasses you, too. We are all better prepared for the challenges each day brings when we have been seen and known and belong.

4. Thank people when they help you

“Of course I thank people when they help me,” you might be saying. And I agree that for most people, when an obvious pulling-over-to-let-us-pass move has happened, we would remember to wave our thanks. My additional thought is, when someone does these things, they are helping to proactively resolve conflicts or at least spread mutuality among others, stopping conflict before it starts. Thanks for that.

Simple gestures to prevent conflict

As mediators, we are used to conflicts that are already born and causing havoc. What if we put some more effort into avoiding and preventing conflict by spreading a little acknowledgement? What if we focused on helping other people to reduce their stress levels and helped them to remember about the good in other people? My example of this is the wave and other gestures of goodwill. I am granting you an unlimited bushel basket of these gestures; use them generously and with optimism. I’ll wave back.

Please read the longer version mentioning various ways to acknowledge others as we all work to prevent conflict and make the world a more peaceful place.

BOARD OF DIRECTORS CORNER

In August, our Board took a well-deserved pause from regular meetings to recharge and reflect on the year so far. This time away gave us space to step back, appreciate the progress we’ve made and look ahead.

We’re excited to come back together on September 15 at 5:30 pm for our next meeting, where we will review the budget for Fiscal Year 2026 and discuss new programming. As we head into fall, we look forward to continuing this journey with you—our community—at the heart of everything we do.

As the season shifts, why not turn over a new leaf and build skills that last well beyond autumn? Our courses are participatory and interactive. Time flies when you are learning!

Click here for a detailed list of additional trainings and

professional development opportunities.

Visit MV Mediation Workshops & Events to view our full calendar

Mediator workshop by CDSC: How Stress Hijacks Mediation––and What You Can Do About It September 18 at noon

RSVP cdscinfo@communitydispute.org

Financial Conflict Resolution is a need for many. We want to highlight the free monthly financial planning workshops Wednesdays at 6pm in person on MV through Stillpoint.

MEDIATORS’ CHECK-IN

A weekly drop-in for those in the conflict resolution field including local, national and international mediators, facilitators and coaches. New topics weekly. Donations appreciated. Wednesdays at 4pm––all are welcome to join.



• September 3 – Group Dynamics: Bullying, dehumanizing/ marginalizing
• September 10 – Group Dynamics: Monopolizing conversation/ silent person
• September 17 – Group Dynamics: Analyzing connections & alliances––sociogram
• September 24 – Group Dynamics: Building a collaborative team
• October 1 – Mediation Basics Tips: Asking hard questions
• October 8 – Mediation Basics Tips: Keeping track of quotes
• October 15 – Mediation Basics Tips: Naming assumptions
• October 22 – Mediation Basics Tips: Capturing agreements

Email education@mvmediation.org for the Zoom link.

Do you have a topic or series suggestion for Mediator Check-in?

Send us your ideas here: https://forms.gle/J7mFfw99awtKKsS

As September arrives, it’s a great time to pause, reflect and think about how we connect with one another. From celebrating workers on Labor Day to honoring peace on International Day of Peace and recognizing the role of guide dogs in our communities, each observance reminds us of the importance of listening, understanding and supporting each other.

Labor Day (September 1)

As we honor the contributions of workers across the country, Labor Day reminds us that fair treatment, respect and collaboration in the workplace are vital. Mediation helps communities and workplaces navigate conflicts and build stronger teams.

International Day of Peace (September 21)

Peace begins with understanding and dialogue. On this day, we reflect on how we can strengthen harmony right here on Martha’s Vineyard with small acts—whether through neighborly conversations, community gatherings, or simply pausing to listen with care.

National Guide Dog Month

Guide dogs provide independence, support and safety for individuals with visual impairments and other physical and mental health challenges. This month, we celebrate accessibility, inclusion and the importance of creating environments where everyone can participate fully and equitably.

Partner Focus

FAMILY MEDIATION PROGRAM

Divorce, Family & Conflict Resolution

We offer help talking with your spouse or partner about divorce, parenting issues, custody schedules, financial decisions and communication itself, and can help you to renegotiate existing plans. We also work with reconciling couples and those who have conflicts they need help to resolve.

MEDIAÇÃO EM CASOS DE FAMÍLIA E DIVÓRCIO

Divórcio, Disputas em Familia e Resolução de Conflitos

Conflitos entre marido e mulher, pais e filhos, problemas conjugais, com parceiros ou entre familiares, divórcio, custódia física e legal, planejamento para os cuidados do menor, visitação de menores, revisão do suporte financeiro e plano de visitação, divisão de bens e possível reconciliação.

info@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2999

HOUSING MEDIATION PROGRAM

Tenant or Landlord Conflict?

We offer FREE MEDIATION for housing cases in Dukes and Bristol Counties and information about RAFT––rental financial assistance for back rent or moving out. Take a look at this article from the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reporting about erroneous information about tenants being used and affecting homelessness and evictions.

MEDIAÇÃO EM CASOS DE MORADIA

Conflitos entre o proprietário e inquilinos?

Mediação GRÁTIS para qualquer tipo de conflito relativo a sua moradia nos Condados de Dukes e Bristol, e informações sobre o RAFT- programa de assistência financeira.

admin@mvmediation.org or call 508-693-2199

RE-ENTRY PROGRAM

Easier Transition from Incarceration to Community

Re-entry Mediation is FREE to incarcerated individuals, pre-release, and recently released individuals, post-release. For more information, check out our flyers for pre-released and post-released individuals.

IN-COURT AND COURT-REFERRED MEDIATION SERVICES

MV Mediation provides free mediation services for eviction cases in Bristol and Dukes Counties. We are present at District Courts in Attleboro, Fall River, Taunton and Edgartown for summary process cases. MVMC offers free services for civil cases and small claims in advance of the court date. We are also qualified to provide in-court and court-referred services for Dukes County District, Superior, Probate and Family Courts. We provide mediation for pre-criminal and 286 E harassment cases. Our Juvenile court mediators help with cases referred from the Juvenile Court. MV Mediation waives fees for cases referred by court or with an active docket number. 

WORKPLACE CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

MV Mediation provides support to resolve conflicts in the workplace. We provide workshops and develop conflict resolution projects with workplaces, nonprofit organizations and municipal and trades workplaces. Our confidential Workplace Management Cohort for supervisors and managers is a popular offering.

FACILITATION SERVICES

MV Mediation provides facilitation services for groups, boards of directors, organizations, companies and families. Neutral and confidential facilitation allows those who are attending the meeting to fully participate. If you need facilitation services, please reach out to discuss your needs. Read this article that describes how a facilitator can help you or your organization.

“We are in a much better place since we had a facilitator help us to pull things together. Thanks to the mediation program for all your help.” ––A recent facilitation client

SOCIAL MEDIA

Following us on social media is a great way to support MV Mediation! Connect with us on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn. Don’t miss out on helpful tips about managing conflicts in your daily life. You will also get the latest information about community events, workshops and courses.

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THANK YOU, DONORS!

Thank you for being part of our important conflict resolution work for 40 years. Your generosity helps us to further our impact and support community needs.

OUR MISSION

To serve our community by providing education, outreach,

mediation, conflict coaching, facilitation

and related services to help prevent and resolve conflicts.

Our Vision

To create an Island of competent, capable and

effective conflict resolvers.

Thank you for our donors and sponsors for your continued support!

Thanks to Partners who help us with our professional development and service provision by mediators, coaches and facilitators.