Reflection:

This past year, more than ever, we’ve found ourselves sitting here, faces buried in the freshly sanitized palms of our hands repeating “Why?” over and over until the word almost doesn't sound real anymore. As Christians, we are taught that His love for us will always be there, no matter how much we waiver. However, it doesn’t always feel that simple, and when horrible things keep piling up, we can’t help but question that love and start to pull away. The neat thing is, God isn’t offended when this happens. Isaiah 30:18 states, “Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!”

Anyone who knows me can tell you that I’m too stubborn for my own good and will hold onto frustration from betrayal much longer than I should. When I was 6, my mom accidentally bought orange juice with pulp in it, and I proceeded to not touch orange juice again until I was 18. On a more serious note, at the beginning of 2020, I moved to a new state for my first job post-graduation. I spent two and a half months living on my own, working in an office, and trying to make new friends, only then to be sent home to work remotely as the pandemic gained severity. I didn’t know anyone, but I couldn’t go out to make friends; I wasn’t familiar with the area, but I couldn’t explore it if I tried. For many months, I was angry, and my faith in just about everything was gone. As always, the frustration came easily, and I was not in the business of offering forgiveness anytime soon.

One day in September, an acquaintance from the office asked if I wanted to get coffee at an outdoor farmers market. I hesitated but agreed. After that coffee date, I started to feel less angry and was able to see God’s love throughout my daily life again. It had never gone away, I just stopped seeing it for a while. God knew that, even though I was confident He was working against me, that wasn’t true, and it never will be. It’s natural to waiver, and the idea that God has unconditional love and compassion for us is sometimes insane to comprehend, but it’s true, and it’s beautiful. He knows our hearts and our faith in Him, even when we don’t.