Confidentiality is of the utmost importance when it comes to what we do in Restorative Justice, so I’m sure you understand why I’m not using the real names of individuals in this story.
Lydia was referred to our office by her school’s resource office because she’d gotten into a fight with another girl at her school. At the intake for sentencing circle, Lydia readily admitted that she’d fought the other student and didn’t hesitate to explain why. It revolved around social media (social media frequently plays a part when kids fight at school). The narrative went something like this: He said that she said that he said, and it all got said on “Insta Live.” The next thing you know, kids are throwing punches and administrators are throwing kids . . . out of school, that is, for ten-day suspensions.
Both Lydia and her mother explained how Lydia had tried to avoid the altercation. Lydia said that she’d told her teacher that she and the girl were having problems, and that threats had been made. According to Lydia, nothing was done. Lydia said that she then told her mom that trouble was brewing, and according to her mom, Mom went to the school to see if she could address the issue before the issue became a full fledge problem. According to Mom, again, nothing was done. Then that which seemed inevitable to Lydia at the time happened. She and the girl, who had at one time been her friend, fought. When Lydia came to our office for intake and even at her actual sentencing circle, she openly and honestly admitted that, if put in the same situation, she would do the same thing—she’d fight. That was at the beginning of the process.
After listening to Lydia tell her story and asking questions to determine how best to hold Lydia accountable for her actions, the community participants handed Lydia a structured sentence that consisted of her performing twenty hours of community service and participating in six sentencing circles. This is where the change began to occur. Lydia and her mother didn’t merely attend the sentencing circles, they engaged.
As Lydia switched roles in the sentencing circles from that of the responsible party who was there to be held accountable to that of community participant who was now participating in order to hold other youth accountable for their actions, her thinking noticeably began to shift. As she listened to other juveniles explain how they’d gotten into trouble hanging out with the wrong crowd or by reacting rather than responding, her paradigm shift was reflected in the questions she began to ask during the sentencing circles:
- Did you consider how your actions would impact your family?
- Was it worth it?
- If faced with this kind of situation again, what would you do differently?
Listening to other youth tell their stories and seeing the consequences they and their families had to deal with helped Lydia to understand the different choices that she herself could have made. By the time Lydia had completed the mandates of her structured sentences, she wasn’t just a kid who’d gotten into trouble and been referred to our office. Lydia and her mother had become a part of the CSS Restorative Justice family. Am I suggesting that every kid who participates in our programs has a happy ending? No, but this one certainly did.
